Topic: "Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
Her name was Kitty Kreft and she was humongous. In fact, she was the biggest girl in Frodo's class. She could have removed each of Frodo's thighs and consumed them as if he were the featured item at KFC. Frodo was always on his best behavior around her, simply because she always seemed to be staring at him and, although he may have only imagined it so, she seemed to be licking her chops. It was against this backdrop that Frodo reacted with horror when he heard her say that she intended to kiss Frodo.
Frodo was saving himself for marriage. After all, he had been lead to believe that the systemic construction of the body dictated that everything entered orally, and was released through the various remaining orifices. Frodo had no intention of being forced to impregnate The Incredible Hulk by kiss, but the problem was that she was not only bigger than Frodo, but she could run like an enraged rhinocerous.
Frodo was always first off the bus, giving him a head start down the street, across Mrs. Shoultes lot, over the drainage ditch, up the driveway, and through the breezeway to the back door. Frodo's route, and his swivel-hipped impersonation of "Crazy Legs Hirsch," carried him through that Fall of his second school year and instilled an aura of confidence, which, unfortunately, morphed into overconfidence.
Perhaps it was the extra clothing for warmth, but Frodo became aware that late gray afternoon of his pursuer swiftly gaining ground. In desperation, Frodo flew across the breezeway and attempted to circle around the garage in order to confuse Brontosaurus, but a purposeful objective, Frodo was about to learn, was something hard to avoid. Suddenly, Frodo was spread-eagle on the ground, and the Predator gazed deep into his eyes, saliva dripping from her nostrils, as she prepared the coup de grace. The inevitable was at hand.
"AAARRRGGGHH," screamed Frodo as he breathlessly expended all his energy in one final attempt to throw off his attacker before his seed was accepted in the mouth of the Cyclops.
Kitty Kreft and her family moved to Berryville that Spring. She never knew that she was a Mother.
Wondering about his first kiss, Frodo has assumed that Kitty Kreft is still in a state of euphoria, if not the Pro Football Hall of Fame.