Mood:
caffeinatedTopic: "Busman's Holiday(2)"
The first day of Spring (Tra-La) does more than raise the sap in Frodo, it signals the approaching deadline for his tax return. Frodo, as a matter of pride, has always prepared his own return, and he takes special pride in the fact that he has only been audited once. Frodo would like to believe that he impressed the minions of Sauron with his honesty and, presumably, with the fact that he represents such a miniscule potential return for the effort. There is, of course, much more to the story.
Frodo has a routine for his tax return. Divulging the routine, dear reader, is not what follows. Indeed, should Frodo's routine become general knowledge the probability is expanded that it would become of interest to the heirs of Elliot Ness. Let it be said that Frodo simply plays the odds.
For example, if you, dear reader, were an IRS guy and you were assigned two tax returns and required to pick one for examination, which of the following would you choose? The first is a Hobbit who works one job, lives in an apartment, and has no income other than what he gets from his employer. The second Hobbit is in business for himself, owns two homes, keeps a room in his residence for an office, receives investment income, and makes lots of contributions.
Obviously, the second Hobbit is more likely to make an error on his return, simply because it is more complicated than that of his fellow Hobbit. Frodo figures that IRS guys love complexity, and that is why they do everything in their power to suck Hobbits into their tangled web of exemptions, deductions, schedules, and credits. Frodo, therefore, does his utmost to keep things simple and uncomplicated.
Every tax return begins with what was apparently acceptable one year ago. If things remain relatively constant, no computer is going to get over-heated and spit out a "warning" to the Orc in charge of Audits. However, if a particular deduction, for example, triples in amount from one year to the next, even Frodo might want to ask you, dear reader, why? So Frodo manages his life for the sake of consistency, and he avoids the anxiety of sitting with a person who operates a calculator with three fingers of one hand, and thumbs through the Internal Revenue Code with the other hand for eight consecutive hours each and every workday.
Frodo also believes in insurance. Frodo offers lamb's blood to the statue of the IRS Commissioner which adorns the altar in his office. Frodo also sends in his Publisher's Clearing House Contest Form in the name of Mr. Mark Everson, Commissioner of the Internal Revenue (after all, if he leaves Frodo alone he might win Ten Million Dollars). As a final appeal to mercy, Frodo sends a box of donuts to 1111 Constitution Avenue, Washington, D.C., on April 16th of each year.
Posted by loveysdaddyga
at 10:59 PM EST
