Topic: "Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Oyez, order in the Court, the Honorable Frodo Baggins presiding."
"May we have the first case please?"
"Yes, your Honor, the Court calls those involved in 'Flowers v. Department of Education'."
"Yes your Honor, I am Gloria Alldreadlocks representing Mr. Pussycat Flowers who is charging the Department of Education with failure to identify prurient behavior in purported educational materials which had an extreme negative impact on my client's development into adulthood, and resulted in the subsequent deviant behavior which threatens his livelihood to the tune of $15 Billion annually."
"Did I just hear you say something like the school books that your client used during his pre-adolescence contained pornographic materials which turned him into a sex addict?"
"Simply put, that is true your Honor."
"And what are the materials in question, if I may be so bold?"
"We are specifically addressing the reading materials now known as 'The Adventures of Dick and Jane'."
"Dick and Jane? You mean the boy and the girl who had a dog named Spot, I believe?"
"The same, your Honor."
"Mr. Holder, are you prepared to defend the Department of Education?"
"As much as I can be, your Honor?"
"Proceed Ms. Alldreadlocks."
"Thank you, your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client, Mr. Pussycat Flowers is a celebrity who has been unduly harmed by the basically obscene materials used to first teach him to read. His sexual tastes and appetite were shaped by the disgusting aspects of these schoolbooks. . ."
"Excuse me, Ms. Alldreadlocks."
"Yes, your Honor?"
"Could you, in the interests of time, clarify for me to what exactly do you refer? Could you, for example, read a few lines of that which you speak?"
"Yes, your Honor. What follows is exact language taken from various of the materials selected at random:"
"See Dick come."
"Watch Spot watch Dick and Jane come"
"Dick and Jane like to play with Spot."
"See Spot jump."
"Would you like me to continue, your Honor?"
"I think that will be enough for now, Ms. Alldreadlocks. May I ask, did Mr. Flowers receive his elementary education in Texas?"
"Are you asking whether or not the Texas State Textbook Review Board had involvement in the selection of these materials, your Honor?"
"Ms. Alldreadlocks, I truly thought I had seen everything, so I'm just trying to determine if there are even greater instances of lunacy out there then that which you purport to represent."
"Your Honor, I object. . ."
"I'm sure you do. Ms. Alldreadlocks, as I dismiss these proceedings let me suggest that you never again come (pardon the expression) before this Court with that hair-do. Short of that mophead Leslie Stahl, you have the ugliest head of hair I have ever seen."
"Mr. Flowers, get a life, and a job!"