Topic: "Christian Balls"(10)
Frodo still roots for the college sports team with the best academic record. Harvard, to Frodo, would, for example, get the nod over Alabama, as would Virginia over Baylor. This comes to mind because of the current controversy over the inflation (or lack thereof) of footballs by certain persons affiliated with the New England Patriots of the National Football League. It seems as if no one has ever planned in order to deal fairly with those accused of hanky-panky in contests of sport. Not since the days of gladitorial combat in ancient Rome has anyone decided that simply chopping off the head of a miscreant is an acceptable tonic. Perhaps in this most recent case of apparent misbehavior corporal punishment could be linked to the crime itself. Cutting off Tom Brady's balls may deter future miscreants.
Carson-Newman college is a Baptist institution beyond Knoxville in eastern Tennessee. Frodo noted in today's "Broken News" that the college has established a new sports team. "Sand volleyball" ("Beach volleyball" is the Olympic sport which arouses Frodo's interest every fourth year, and Frodo naturally assumes that the difference is in the nomenclature) will expand collegiate competition to now include the couple of thousand Baptists abutting the shores of Cherokee Lake. Not only is Frodo having difficulty imagining the competitors (Carson-Newman vs. Southern Cal?), he is wondering about the uniforms of the conservatively-clad Protestantics. Noting the quandary created by the soft balls of Tom Brady, Frodo is suggesting that certain conduct standards be maintained by the participants in the race for future championship titles.
Female participants will be blind-folded. Aspirin will be held tightly between their knees at all times. Uniform design must not include pants. Shorts or Spandex is strictly prohibited.
All competition will take place in locales with average temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit.
Game balls will be baptized.
Waiver of all rights assumed by Roe-v-Wade.
Saltpeter tablets administered orally.
Conduct code violations will be require memorization of the video presentation entitled "Complete speeches of Senator Jodi Ernst".