Topic: "Back Door Basra (2)"
"General Halftrack Sir, there's a message for you from the Pentagon."
"I'm sorry Miss Buxley, but General Halftrack is playing golf in the Camp Swampy Open this afternoon," said Lieutenant Fuzz.
"Oh shoot, and I know how excited he will be to finally get a message from the Pentagon."
"Well I can have Sergeant Snorkle drive over to the golf course so that he can deliver it to him. It might be important."
"Oh, would you Lieutenant Fuzz?"
"Beetle, you and Killer take the jeep out to the golf course and deliver this message to General Halftrack. It's from the Pentagon. I'm helping Cookie prepare desserts for the Camp Swampy Officer's Ball this evening," said Snorkle as saliva dripped down his tunic.
"Why us Sarge? You know that anything coming from the Pentagon to Camp Swampy can't be good news. The General will take it out on us," said Killer. "Besides Beetle is already asleep behind the wheel."
"Bailey, if you don't get that jeep over to the golf course in the next five minutes I'll have you on KP every weekend until Christmas."
"OK Sarge, you can count on us."
"Hey Zero, come here a minute," said Beetle.
"I don't think this is a very good idea Beetle," Killer said. "You know what Sarge said."
"I know, I know, but this is Zero for Pete's sake."
"Hey guys, where you off to in such a hurry?," inquired Zero.
"We're on our way to check on a security breach out at the Main Gate, and we have to deliver this message to General Halftrack, and he's in the complete opposite direction. Say, could you help us out and take this message to him at the golf course?"
"Sure, what are buddies for, anyway?"
Frodo knew what would happen to poor Zero on his way to the golf course. Zero tripped and fell off the footbridge and plunged headlong into the creek that gave Camp Swampy its' name. Beetle and Killer were long gone toward the Rec Hall and an afternoon of shooting pool and goofing off. General Halftrack would receive his very first message from the Pentagon and the soaking wet piece of paper would be illegible.
Frodo smiled. Some things are so simple and predictable that they are always enjoyable in Sunday's newspaper. What is scary, thought Frodo, is when real life gets simple and predictable.
"Yes Sam, here I am."
"Mr Frodo, have you heard about the latest 'stragedy' coming out of Iraq this morning?"
"No Sam, I've not been paying attention. What has happened?"
"Well, they're massing 75,000 troops, be they Iraqi police, coalition troops, or American soldiers, and using them to patrol and keep order in Baghdad."
"Okay, well that sounds like a pretty good idea, doesn't it?"
"Yes Mr. Frodo, I suppose so, but why would they announce today that that was their plan for tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow? You're kidding, right? Anybody would realize that massing your strength in one place, and telling the enemy about it beforehand, would be like a free pass to attack in Basra or some other location."
"Bush's poll numbers went up seven points Mr. Frodo."
"Some things," said Frodo, "are just too simple and predictable. And that is what frightens me most of all."