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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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Thursday, December 20, 2012
I Used To Love Her, But It's All Over Now
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Mary Lee & Genie"(8)

Sam is all atwitter about the upcoming holiday season.  After a short familial visit in Middle Earth through Christmas Day, the Hobbits turn toward the other hemisphere and beach music for New Years.  It is, evidently, part of Sam's "bucket list," and an opportunity to introduce Dandy to a world not known before.  Frodo would be happier if the southern objective were even moreso, but he yields to Sam's desire for something more "laid back and 50's ish".

Frodo amasses several reads for moments on the sand in the vicinity of an open bar.  He envisions restful moments watching the tides altering their status while he rests from the pages before him.  Likely it is that he will turn his eyes toward fins of piscine creatures escaping or pursuing each other in the winter surf.  It is that point however, which has given him some level of anxiety based on news reports off the Atlantic coast.

Two Great White Sharks, tagged at Cape Cod and named Mary Lee and Genie, are being tracked off South Carolina and Georgia.  At 16 feet in length, and weighing more than 3500 pounds, Mary Lee and the somewhat smaller Genie are looking for injured whales on which to feed.

Frodo hears a mental metallic percussion-like thumping attuned to the coastal panic of the 1970's when a movie star proclaimed that "We need a bigger boat."  It prompts Frodo to ask Sam about the wisdom of the timing of their soiree to the land of Clarence Carter and the Tams.  Sam assures Frodo that he has a better chance of being struck by lightning than of being attacked by a Great White Shark.  Frodo is not comforted.

Who is it, thinks Frodo, that goes out to sea in order to "tag" a Great White Shark?  Is it the same person who assures us that these creatures seek whales, not Hobbits?  Frodo doesn't recall Nate Silbert offering odds on the likelihood of a Great White Shark seeking political office, either.  

Perhaps the Hobbit allows his imagination to run amuck with greater ease these days.  With all the talk of "fiscal cliffs" and "automatic weapons banned" he notes that the inmates still appear to be in charge of the jail.  Maybe it is a good time to polish off a novel and a biography or two, then to place a well-tossed frisbee windward, toward the shore, ahead of a leaping Dandy.

Sharks suck.  Come and get me, if you can!   

 

   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:20 AM EST
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Tuesday, December 18, 2012
If The Sky That We Look Upon Should Tumble And Fall
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Sandy Hook" (8)

Frodo is pretty sure the month was September, although the year remains fuzzy and complicated.  He does not remember if anyone walked him to school on his first day in the first grade at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  If anyone did, it was Bilbo.

The school did not have enough desks for each student, so Frodo shared a desk with another small Hobbit.  Frodo does not remember his name.

One day, during recess, Frodo and another small Hobbit were playing as a team in hide-and-go-seek and outsmarted everyone else by entering the blackberry brambles just outside the playground.  Just then the bell rang, signaling the end of recess, and calling Frodo's team back to class, immediately.  Frodo can still see the teacher's disapproving glare when the two Hobbits finally returned to their seats, some 10 or 15 minutes late.  Frodo does not remember her name, either.

He who was once Frodo's teammate in that blackberry bramble died not too long ago.  Frodo remembered his name only after someone, a higher authority to be sure, reminded Frodo of the event, and the name long forgotten.

Frodo's family moved to the Shire in the middle of that first school year, and Frodo never returned to the Sandy Hook Elementary School, even to visit.  Perhaps that is why Frodo remembers so little about the names and the faces that first shared in the adventures of a Hobbit fresh off the farm.  Frodo never looked back, for he had new worlds to conquer, and too much promise to keep.

Frodo is reminded of the nameless ones by the events of the past few days at the Sandy Hook Elementary School.  Despite the fact that it is not the same school, just a coincidence in nomenclature, and underscored by the fact that Frodo is not even sure in what state it stands, it makes for interesting thoughts and worthwhile prayers.

The Sandy Hook Elelmentary School that Frodo knew stands on a bluff overlooking the confluence of the Shenandoah and the Potomac.  It could be in one of three states that border each other on the banks of the great rivers.  Where it is, is not important.  What it means, is something else.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:24 PM EST
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Sunday, December 16, 2012
Lord, I Believe It's Rainin' All Over The World
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Our Town" (8)

Whether the weather or the wither, whatever.

The day never dawned at all, and Frodo had an opportunity to put serious thought together.  He found himself unable to separate from the grief that dominated, so his words were simply nothing new, or particularly profound.  Perhaps it was merely the weather, but more likely it was something else.

Whatever.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:09 PM EST
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Friday, December 7, 2012
If You Could Read My Mind Love, What a Tale My Thoughts Could Tell
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Oh the possibilities"(8)

"It's DeLightful, It's DeLovely. . ." so went the commercial familiar to those whose formative years were spent staring into the black-and-white.  Color brought "DePlane, DePlane" to the observer.   Now it seems proper to add the word "DeLighted" to the mix.

Frodo finds himself enjoying a scatological application to the Orc known as DeMint, who suddenly resigned after serving but two years in his second term as a United States Senator (R-SC).  Frodo's initial thought was to merely express the hope that "DeDoor" not hit him in "DeBut" on his way to "DeTroit" or whatever location sought to which Frodo has no interest in ever visiting.  In truth Frodo would really like to see the cretin "DePorted"(know anybody who's ever seen his birth certificate, do ya?).

Frodo was not surprised to hear Stephen Colbert declare his interest replacing Jim without "DeLay", after all, he would merely be following the political footsteps of Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Franken, and possibly precede those of Ashley Judd into "De Briar Patch." 

Let us hope that whoever may be named to fill the vacancy by the Governor not be overly familiar with "De Appalachian Trail."  Maybe the first Mrs. Sandford? 

Wasn't her name "DeDe"? 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:11 PM EST
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Thursday, December 6, 2012
I'm Just a Lonely Boy, Lonely And Blue
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)

The word "lunatic" is derived from the Latin word for "moon" and the ancient belief that an individual could be "moonstruck" by lunar movements.  The relevancy of this little factoid is that the word has now been stricken from federal law, by act of Congress.  This bipartisan action results from a concerted effort to remove language from the US Code that is outmoded or demeaning.  So "lunatic" joins "retard," at least in its usage, and similar terminology.

Frodo's attention was caught by the almost universal support from the professional community for said action, and, in fact, by the vote in Congress.  By a margin of 397 votes (398 to 1), the House of Representatives passed the legislation and directed it to the President for signature.

398 to 1 you say?

The answer to your question, dear reader, is exactly what you might expect.  Representative Louis Gomert (R-TX), who represents the area around the town Frodo calls "Wacko," was the lone dissenter.  The "reasoning" for his forthright position he declared was that that there is lunacy in the Nation's Capitol.

Frodo will not dispute the Congressman's assertion.  Gomert's presence proves its own point.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:40 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Love Is Like a Butterfly
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Simba"(8)

Fiona Apple is a performer who won the admiration of a Hobbit because she canceled her business arrangements in order to become the care provider for her friend, Janet.  Janet is a 14 year-old pit bull, suffering from Addison's Disease.  Don't let the tears well up inside however, since Frodo's purpose in his words this evening are because of Fiona Apple, not in spite of her.

Frodo today met Simba, who could well pass for the wire-haired one known as Asta, to those who would remember Nick & Nora, cast upon the big screen as "The Thin Man."  Simba is, not unlike Janet, 14 years old, and her future is equally challenged.  She is however, not quite so well served since she now resides in the confines of the "kill shelter" where Frodo volunteers.  For whatever reason, those who shared life with Simba gave her up to others in order to handle the inevitable outcome.  Frodo rarely speaks ill without a simple attempt to at least understand the hapless motivations of those who act so crudely.  Today however, he watched as the little dog didn't bother to even evacuate, but to circle the cage, endlessly, looking for a familiar face to the rescue.  Sure she was that the family motor car would soon arrive, even without a bugle identifying the Seventh Cavalry.

For all the good done by one person like Fiona Apple,  Frodo recognizes how little he shares with those who would surrender a family member, and not look back.

Frodo hopes that the mindless cretins, sure he is at what they must be, share not in the Power Ball riches at hand, but that the person, or Hobbit, who does win, does so to rescue and care for a little dog, named Simba.

If you, dear reader, know of someone so inclined. . .  If not, a simple prayer will do.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:13 PM EST
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Thursday, November 15, 2012
Sky Rockets In Flight, Afternoon Delight
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to contemplate falling leaves, to rake them into adjustable launching pads, or to merely acknowledge their existence is what plagues Frodo this afternoon.  As one might expect, it is cool and dreary in the Shire, and considerable levels of clothing require association with a strong backswing in order to maintain one's presence out of doors.  Frodo is however sick of television, and of no mood to read books while Newest Friend naps impatiently in the chair next.

Leaves, it seems, first appear as a single strand of maple floating and twisting not unlike any diver at an Olympic event in warmer climes.  The pace quickens in the weeks that follow as first the dogwoods, then fruit trees denude themselves shamelessly.  Suddenly the chestnuts, long since stripped of their fruit, carpet bomb the Shire much in the manner of those who once spread another orange agent on the small blue planet.  At this point, activity becomes critical lest the Hobbit alienate every neigbor within a fortnights barefoot travel.  Even after that effort is concluded the residue appears, perhaps in return from the irritated neighbor.  We are at such a point, and Frodo knows that an uncomfortable effort out of doors will only yield another requirement a few days hence.

Sam is gone for the afternoon, and a nap would seem the wisest course of action.  Perhaps Frodo will look back several hours from now and wish that he had taken the path least travelled by.  It would certainly be different.  He decides to wake the Dandy and tie him to the source of the greatest fall, allowing him to look over the Hobbit and to protect him while he works.  It is, after all, his job, and soon to be merely a memory on some other day even less inviting.

Heigh ho.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:47 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Just Like a Paper-Back Novel
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "How Now Broun Cow"(8)

Reynolds Plantation was designed not unlike the Del Webb monstrosities of Arizona; only those with lots of money need apply.  The area in Eastern Georgia is, as one might expect, full of lakes, golf courses, and people who only vote for low taxes.  The result being that the schools are the worst imaginable, and the inmates (sorry, Freudian slip) rarely experience either matriculation or parole.  The official representative of the people, Congressman Paul Broun (R-GA) is proud of his "record" and sees little need to change things since all his "chillun" go to church on Sunday.

Speaking of church, Congressman Broun, who is a licensed physician (and if that doesn't say a mouthful about the status of healthcare in America?) was recently videotaped speaking to religious nuts in his own district stating that he had forsaken all of his medical training since Jesus and the Bible produced everything that medical science could provide.  Frodo notes that said comments were made in a church in "his" district, and that references thereto in official public records are not otherwise available.  Congressman Broun it seems is not willing to speak to the greater public in this regard.    

Congressman Broun first came to Frodo's attention when he brought his "trophies" with him to Washington, and had each head, be it that of a deer, a mountain goat, a polar bear, a grey wolf, a grizzly bear, a lion, and you certainly get the message ad infinitum, all placed on the walls of "his" office on Capitol Hill.  Death, seemingly, is something that this firebrand opponent of "Obamacare" seems to accept, at any cost to the taxpayers who ingloriously support his New Testament utterances and his rejection of science.

Hope, and change, are words that are sometimes merely words.  Frodo notes that there were 4,000 votes cast in the congressional district of Representative Broun, who ran unopposed, for Charles Darwin (of HMS Beagle), as a write-in. 

Perhaps there is hope after all, and just maybe it resides in the hearts and minds of people in Greene County, Georgia, who don't mind telling one fat, old man that he is no spokesman for his Lord and Savior, or for anyone with an IQ score above that of their birth weight.

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:17 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 7, 2012
It's So Nice To Have You Back Where You Belong
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Walkin' the Dogs"(8)

At the dawn of that first day when Frodo did not "have to" get up, he sipped a cup of coffee and considered what came next.  He decided that he would take on a number of "to do" projects around the Shire, but make no committments of time or resources, just yet.  Frodo opined that many events would be at hand, and that the capacity to deal with the unforseen would be critical.  Looking back, Frodo seems prescient.

Now there seems to be an opportunity or two into which the Hobbit can throw himself.

With the passing of Mick, the Wonder Dog, and the subsequent entry into the Shire of his able-bodied replacement, courtesy of the local animal shelter, Frodo was particularly appreciative of the young volunteer who helped him obtain his Newest Friend.  Frodo then found himself as the recipient of the question he could not answer.

Frodo applied to be an unpaid volunteer.  After a background check, he was called in to attend an orientation session, assigned a "mentor," and spent this Sunday afternoon past as a "dog walker."  In cage number order, each canine is leashed and accompanies one such as Frodo into the open lands beyond their immediate captivity.  The time period for each trek is 15 minutes or so, for some merely the opportunity to evacuate outside the sleeping area, and for others, a fleeting moment to whistle the wind and dream of chasing squirrels endlessly.

Frodo is free to come and go as he pleases, as long as it is during business hours.  Outside of business hours, the facility is closed, and no one services the inmates, if you will.  In fact, since the facility is closed on Mondays, that means no one gets walked and "holding it" takes on a whole new level of feeling.

Frodo walked several dogs, including a thoroughbred Australian Cattle-Dog who is gentle to the human hand, but ferocious when brought into the presence of another canine.  His time is short, and few would risk adopting what could be a major problem.  Time, in such an instance, can be as little as somewhat more than two weeks.  There are so many in similar circumstance.

There was a young female Labrador Retriever mix who was trembling whenever anyone neared her cage.  Under Frodo's gentle rumblings, she raised her head and the structural lines took on a statuesque point into the wind.  Noticing her matted coat, the Hobbit obtained a brush and spent several minutes gently removing tangled hair.  As he bent down toward her muzzle, she licked his face, smiling gratefully.

Frodo will go back for a few hours tomorrow.  Hoping he is, that some young Hobbit found this well-groomed and loving creature to his liking, and that she has found a good home.   

Frodo has found something at which he is very good, and his gentle ways are needed.  The Ring, he supposes, is present in many aspects of life, not just in the struggle up Mount Doom.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:12 PM EST
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Monday, November 5, 2012
My Darling, You Look Wonderful Tonight
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Politics-PulleyTicks"(8)

Tomorrow, the President of the United States will be re-elected.  In all candor the actual results may fall into line over several days, but the result will be the same.  The President will, quite rightfully, assume responsibility for the conduct of the national interest during the four years yet to come.  Time it will be for Frodo, Keeper of the Ring, to devote much of his time upon the keyboard to things closer to home, and perhaps, more relevant.

It is not that the Hobbit has grown weary of the fray, rather it is that there are reflections which tint his hair and soften his tone.   There are other battles to fight, and some still require the steady hand of one who acts when no one else seems to care.  Take note, dear reader, in days to come the Hobbit will address more than the political when he follows the sequence which begins with "qwert."

There is much in the Shire to celebrate, yet the Hobbit wonders about the insoluble plaguing us all in the twilight.  Read on, dear reader, and help your champion face different challenges, and the path of tears on rugged skin. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:31 PM EST
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