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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, December 9, 2013
Stop, Stop, Stop All The Dancing, Give Me Time to Breathe
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Ceramic s"

Changes in life are rarely printed on a menu so that one may order in sequence.  A salad, for example, will not necessarily follow the soup if there is a medical problem brought on by years of over-utilization.  So discovered the Hobbit when he kept noticing a pain in his ass, not otherwise identified as Ted Cruz.

The X-rays easily allowed the medical practitioner to identify bone spurs and the concomitant absence of lubricating gel between the hip bone "connected to the thigh bone" and so on.  Decisions were made once the surgeon stated that things would never improve.  Sam inhaled when notice was posted, and since that time has tried to do Frodo's daily tasks as well as those which fall under the responsibilities of the wisest.  Frodo feels as if he has aged forty years, despite the assurances of the Fellowship, and those previously confronted by structural deficiencies requiring repair.

The Surgeon explained to Frodo that a new and improved ceramic model would replace his left hip, and Frodo assumes that should said premise not occur, then he could use the ceramics as ornamentals on this years Christmas tree.  He might also make the materials available to NASA for use as a nose cone on some future Martian Explorer.  Hopefully, however, variables of this nature will not come under further consideration.  The problem will be in amendments to the "bucket list" of the Hobbit.

Frodo will never again shoot a jump shot from the top of the key, nor will he again dive for a line drive in center field.  The Hobbit will never again break into a final sprint to the finish.  He will never again ride horseback in South Mountain Park, even atop a blind traveler under the expert tutelage once available to him.  He will continue for years hence, but he will always have to avoid the fall. 

The Ring is a constant threat, and his undoing it will be.     


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST
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Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Ring, Ring Goes The Bell
Mood:  bright
Topic: "105 Minute Workday"(9)

Frodo is a great fan of Tom Friedman.  In addition to the depth of his understanding as it relates to world affairs, Friedman actually goes to the places he writes about.  He does more than interview world leaders when he walks the streets of the West Bank, or, in this case, visits an elementary school in China.

Friedman discovered that the school systems with the highest level of achievement also have the teachers with the greatest amount of time devoted to classroom preparation.  Recently, he reported that his viewing of several courses in "foreign" studies were conducted by teachers in 35 minute segments, thrice daily.  That's right, dear reader, you read that correctly, the teachers spend 105 minutes of each day in the classroom; the rest of the day is preparation for the following day.  The process is universal, be it math, science, languages, or whatever, 35 minutes facing one teacher, then off you go to another.

Can you imagine, dear reader, your local school board, elected by people who are most concerned about property tax rates?  Could you imagine their reaction to teachers engaged in a classroom less than two hours out of an eight-hour workday?  The Tea Party would burn blackboards and back packs rather than admit that anything less than eight hours multiplying times four would enhance the performance of their little (minded) darlings. 

Frodo will stay away from any value judgments on the Chinese educational system, or any behavioral comparisons with what is the experience in Middle Earth.  He will however, offer one piece of rhetorical fact which should cause the engaged to expand an horizon, or two.  Not long ago, at Georgia Tech, in the Freshman Introductory Course (first-year students only), in Physics, 9 of the top 10 students by GPA were Chinese.  The other was an Israeli.

Frodo wonders how many were on the football team? 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:18 PM EDT
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Monday, October 28, 2013
I Can't Dance, I Can't Dance
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)

One might surmise that Halloween was on the mind of the Hobbit, but nothing could be further from the truth.  By the same token, one might believe that another year without Bilbo saying "I know right where I was at 10:55 AM," would receive more than a wistful sigh in the wind.  Frodo has been wounded, and his futile attempts to ignore the pain reflect upon his lack of judgment.

Frodo was wounded by the Black Riders in the great book, and his eventual departure from the Shire was the result.  He suffered throughout his adventure, but refused to let it deter him from his struggle as the smallest and the weakest.  This day, masses of bone matter congeal at the left hip and knee of the Hobbit.  He is unable to face any challenger with the assurance that he could stand throughout.  It is a feeling completely foreign to him.

The advances of modern medical technology truly boggle the mind, but the sheer thought of chemical mish-mash sloshing about in his colon goes beyond the practical.  Similarly, Frodo can not imagine replacing part of his skeletal frame with something approaching the world of robotics.  His alternative it seems, is to endure.

He knows now what that rocking chair must have meant to John Kennedy.  To endure is a noble effort, but that doesn't mean much when putting on a sock becomes an Olmpic event.  Sam is nearby, willing to help when asked.  The rest of the Fellowship need not know now.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:39 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 24, 2013
Baby, something beautiful is dying
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "I can hope, can't I?"(9)

Frodo slipped a leash around her neck and pulled it snug.  He stepped back from the door and led her down the concrete walkway and out the door.  He opened the outdoor run and released the leash as she bound into the sunlight.  It was only then that Frodo noticed the ears, and her coat.  He choked and stopped breathing.

Her ears had been snipped, probably by pinking shears.  Her coat was almost turquoise, that which was left.  Whatever had taken place was intended to make her angry and to fight.  Her eyes were empty. 

While others watched, the Hobbit fetched a gentle brush and, from her shoulder, he brushed back toward her tail. Immediately she turned to face Frodo, and he suddenly realized that he had placed himself in a truly vulnerable position.  Her eyes however, told him that he had done something truly warm and special.  If a dog has ever truly broken into tears, it took place at that moment.  Frodo knows.

She wiggled under each and every stroke that rippled the muscles of that magnificent body.  She stood on her hind legs and wrapped her front legs around the waist of the Hobbit, and she whimpered.  For a few short moments they circled the run and she danced with the Hobbit.  Frodo's friends watched and no one spoke, nor did any object at the extra time spent with one who needed the grace of her new if not only friend in all the world.

Frodo led her back to her cage, and he gently removed the leash from around her neck while rubbing his hands under her chin.  Their eyes met, and she kissed his hand.  Frodo pulled her to him and kissed her on the nose, and then he was gone.

Seven days later Frodo returned, and began, in turn, to walk each and every one under his charge.  He had not been able to keep cage number 53, unnamed, off his mind.  As he turned to that walkway, he saw her bouncing expectantly for whoever would come to take her out into the sunshine and a place to evacuate without messing up her cage.  Frodo wondered if she, then he knew.

Their eyes met, and number 53 melted into the arms of her wonderful best friend with the magic brush.  She followed him outside and again they danced in each others arms.  Frodo swears that he heard Strauss playing "The Emperor's Waltz," and, soon, he noticed people watching, marveling at something so simply beautiful as a dog and a Hobbit.  Again he returned her to her cage and kissed her good-bye.

Another week had passed, and Frodo knew that pit bulls have little chance of rescue, and there are too few facilities to stop the inevitable.  Frodo turned the walkway and almost sprinted to cage 53 as he heard the joyful cry of his friend, with her coat growing back, her ears healing, and a roomful of amazed and amazing people who had been waiting to watch them dance in the sunshine.  When he led her back, he noticed that a marketing package was attached to her cage by other volunteers, trying to help in the adoption process.  They had named her "Smiley," and they remarked about how one so tortured had emerged as a butterfly from the cocoon of inhumanity.  Frodo cried again, but this time with a little genuine hope.

When next he arrived cage 53 had an unknown inhabitant.  Frodo looked quickly, then he noticed that there was no crowd about.  No one offered solace to the Hobbit, assuring him that "Smiley" had found a home.  Frodo asked no questions, he simply went on about his business, looking for someone else needing a brush, while he hummed an Austrian tune from long ago.  All the while hoping that "Smiley" was in a gentle back yard, being loved by a golden family who needed a good dog.

Today, as everyday, 9000, that's right nine thousand, dogs are euthanized in America.  Maybe, just maybe, on one day, it was only 8999.  Small victories, perhaps.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:50 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, October 24, 2013 3:55 PM EDT
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Monday, October 21, 2013
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)

"Hearye, Hearye, all those with business before this Court are called to order.  The first in order of business is the matter of the State of Florida-v-the State of Georgia.  Whos speaks on behalf of the plaintiff in this matter?"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court, I, the eminently unqualified Governor of Florida, Rick Scott, doth petition this Court on behalf of the State of which I serve as Governor." 

"Speak ye then."

"Your Honours, the State of Florida and its people suffer needlessly because of the actions of the State of Georgia to restrict the flow of fresh water.  As you know, Georgia alleges that the phenomental growth in the Atlanta area requires sufficient freshwater resources for the commercial and residential properties and activities which drive the local economy.  The State of Florida is not unsympathetic, however the diversion of natural-flow water has the impact of destroying the oyster industry in the Gulf of Mexico as well as hindering industry everywhere beneath metropolitan Atlanta."

"Governor?"

"Yes Justice Soto-Maior."

"You are referring, I assume, to the practice of the closure of spillways by the Army Corps of Engineers?"

"That is correct your Honor.  It is important to note that even though the physical diversion takes place at the hand of a federal agency, it is in support of the stated needs of Georgia.  Florida has not been awarded proper legal authority to service the needs of its populace."

"Governor?"

"Yes Justice?  I say, who spoke?"

"I did."

Aside.  "Who's the black guy?"

Aside.  "That's Justice Thomas."

Aside   "No shit.  I didn't think he could talk.  Has he ever spoken in public before?"

"Am I keeping you Governor?"

"I apologize your Honor.  What say you?"

"Governor, is it not true that this Court has held numerous times that in similar matters the rights of the individual states are consistent with the natural-flow?"

"That is absolutely correct your Honor."

"Then why, pray tell, are we here discussing the same issue again?"

"I'm afraid your Honor that I have no answer, and plead only that the issue should be so addressed to the defense."

"Mr. Frodo, I believe, are you representing the State of Georgia in this matter?"

"I am, your Honor, given the fact that Georgia has the dumbest collection of elected office-holders in all the land, I am, by definition the last man standing."

"You say you're standing?"

"Despite my limited height, I have not committed $24M to a project known as 'Go Fish' as did Former Governor Perdue.  Nor have I forsaken the guarantee of the federal government to totally fund an expansion of $300B Medicare benefits for the next three years, as has Governor (Bad) Deal.  Our Republican Congressional representatives have likewise. . ."

"That's enough Mr. Frodo, can we return to the question I raised with Governor Scott?"

"Absolutely your Honor."

"Well then, suppose you tell me why we shouldn't conclude these proceedings forthwith?"

"Because of Bob Sikes' Cut."

"What Sir, are you talking about?"

"Sir, the State of Florida, the Corps of Engineers, and the local populace jointly unrtook a project to separate the barrier Saint Georges Island into two parts.  The plan and subsequent result was to increase access into the oyster beds in the sound.  The resultant decrease in oyster harvest lies specifically therein."

"In what way may I ask?"

"Your Honor, the flow of water into the sound has traditionally been from the freshwater rivers entering Florida from Georgia.  The addition of flow from the ocean depths by what is known as Bob Sikes' Cut is saltwater, not freshwater."

"So?"

"Sir, saltwater kills oysters.  Oysters require a balance of fresh and saltwater."

"I object your Honor."

"Didn't you tell me just a moment ago that I should address my questions to the defense?"

"Your Honor, if I may sum up very briefly?"

"Proceed."

"Greed, your Honor, drove the actions of incompetent politicians in Florida.  By opening a new pathway into the sensitive oyster beds, they helped destroy a thriving industry.  Short term gains produce catastrophic results when the science is ignored, and greed takes its place in governmental debate."

"Well, shut my mouth."

"Your Honor, that will be the second best thing to come out of these proceedings."

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 PM EDT
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Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Hold On, Hold On, Baby
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Frodo's Almanac"(9)

Frodo, Dandy, and Tess were returning from their morning constitutional (which is not to be confused with anything ever uttered by Ted Cruz) when all three noted an incoming aerial body headed directly in their path.  Frodo quickly identified the drone-like object as a hawk with a passenger in tow.  Immediately behind was another hawk, of equal size, trailing two or three feet behind as they both landed on a picket fence across the street from the Shire itself.  Despite the gore to follow, it was an amazing sight, one which won the attention, if not the admiration, of each of the pedestrian.

Frodo told Sam that it has been consistent with other things observed by the keepers of the Shire.  There seem to be more birds and more squirrels gorging themselves on heavy-fat concentrated seeds and nuts than at any time in memory.  Fishing, be it at Lake Lovey or in the Care of the Belle (more on this subject later), is violently aggressive.  It seems as if all creatures are preparing for a period whence there will be an absence of forage.  It is something which may be nothing, nothing at all, or it may be a harbinger of things to come.

Frodo has spent many hours helping others to prepare for chapters to come.  He has paid little attention to the words before you, dear reader, and for that he laments the innocent injustice thus created.  It is time to notate that the environment suffers, perhaps moreso, than most even imagine.  Perhaps this revised directory will add greater purpose to Frodo's effort, and supplement the facts behind the land that washes away or strangles life of every kind.  The Ring, it seems, is never too far away from the hand of Man.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, October 9, 2013 8:54 PM EDT
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Wednesday, September 11, 2013
There's Nothing to Keep Us Apart
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Poly Sci 101"(9)

The behavioral sciences is terminology applicable to the study of human behavior utilizing the scientific method.  Causal relationships exist in electronics, for example, as well as they do in human intercourse (check spelling if uncomfortable with the above).  If one turns a light switch to the "ON" position, it follows that the inevitable result is a much brighter environment, if, that is, for example, the light bulb is operative.  By the same token, if a government stock piles weaponry, then the inevitable result will eventually be an explosion.  This short treatise helps explain why Frodo, amongst all the pundits in all the world appears to be the only one who has a clue about American Foreign Policy.

It is easily verifiable to any student of history that for the past fifty or so years, the United States of America has engaged "limited warfare" as a major, if not the major, course of action in order to confront apparent skullduggery.  Korea, Kosovo, Vietnam, Iraq, Grenada, Nicaragua, Afghanistan are familiar names where American resources, both physical and human, were expended in the betterment of "American interests abroad."  The costs have been astronomical, with little accomplishment documented for scholarly study.  Truthfully, can any of Frodo's conservative friends produce any material reason for the "rescue" of the then-medical students in Grenada who have now become eligible providers of benefit under the Affordable Care Act?  Does anyone remember why negotiations broke down?  "Were there any negotiations before hand", asks a befuddled hobbit?  Why a limited war, and not a peace conference in New Hampshire?

Because Ronald Reagan hadn't had a war to call his own.

In truth, by the end of Reagan's presidency, the preferred course of action in international disputes involving the United States was "limited war."  Look it up, if you dare.

Barack Obama clearly understands that the threat of American military action is a formidable deterrent.  Holding the threat at arm's length gives him, or any President, the capability to achieve objectives with more conventional diplomacy.  Economic sanctions are crippling Iran.  Cuba has been stricken with statewide poverty.  In fact, the capacity of the United States to achieve its will with dollars has worked almost everywhere, and sometimes in place of a costly "limited war."

For those still confused by the world outside the borders of our land, Frodo says "Wake up and smell the coffee."  The Russians need us to help patrol their borders with the Islamic world, and they only have one consistent warm-water port in that part of Middle Earth.  They cannot risk economic pressure theemselves, much less in their great trading partner, Syria.  There should be no surprise that an intelligent leader can get his way by a methodology that emphasizes negotiation, and de-emphasizes the expense of war, and another repeat of the collapse of empire.

That's what Frodo knew.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:49 PM EDT
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Friday, September 6, 2013
Let Me Take You Where The Action Is
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Trees v. Forest"(9)

There is a small lake not far from the Shire.  Old men bring tiny sailboats to the shore and launch them with the wind.  One day, Frodo noticed that one old man had almost a dozen such craft stretching from one end of the lake to the other.  So many in fact that any other old man attempting to catch the wind found himself run aground by this childlike Armada.  Frodo could not help but notice the cackling laughter of those in control, and he thought of battles once fought to ensure that all would have access to the winds.  The thought, it seems, is timely for all students of Middle Earth.

The President is a Man of Peace.  His pathway is rarely free of obstacles, and the answers he seeks fly in the face of conventional wisdom.  Instead of acting with superior force against peoples unknown, and suffering only the loss of innocents, he alternatively has sought to delay the conflict and give cooler heads an opportunity to prevail.  His detractors are aghast that any leader would warn the opposition that the threat is real, and immediate.  His thinking is motivated by the belief that the opposition will withdraw their weapons and military assets from the field as long as a perceived threat is at hand.  For if the opposition should return their horrible armaments to visibility, then the President would have gained the swift hand of the swordsman, prepared to fight and to stand for what 180 nations once said was the law of all Middle Earth.

A great leader cannot share responsibility, for he accepts it all.  He cannot intimately detail his tactical advantage over the opposition if he is to maintain the peace.  He cannot be confronted by an opponent who feels unfettered, if he is to defend the helpless.  A great leader, perhaps described by the Bard, suffers the "slings and arrows," celebrating only in the rare moment when the wind turns in his favor.  A great leader can endure.  In fact, he must. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:22 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 18, 2013
This Old Heart of Mine, Been Broke a Thousand Times
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)

Frodo long ago promised himself that he would never become an overweight, angry, old man existing only to outlive his opponents.  At times, he feels, once again, all alone.  With few exceptions, his hobbit friends are old, overweight, and angry.  It becomes increasingly difficult for Frodo to respectfully regard the opinions of others as if they were truly independent and democratic in thought.

Fifty years ago Frodo was but a few kilometers removed from the scene of one of the greatest speeches ever delivered by humankind.  He did not attend.  Frodo cannot remember if he was forbidden to attend by higher authority, or if he simply chose to avoid the traffic. 

On that day it was first peacefully acknowledged that children should someday walk hand-in-hand regardless of the colors that separated them.  It would someday be true that they would be judged by their character, and not the color of that skin.  Sad it is that the four young offspring of the dreamer failed on the character charge, and sought, primarily, to enrich themselves while exerting a minimal amount of effort in the realization of that dream.  One is an actor, one is a minister, and the other two make speeches about their father.  Not a single one has ever swung a sword, but the ability to collect a royalty seems to be an inherited fact of life.

Once each week Frodo walks the loneliest of the lonely, and he shares a few moments of human kindeness, and a hairbrush trailing softly through the coat and mane of those not rushing to return to the dry and cool of the indoors.  They do not judge Frodo by the color of his skin.  They wish only to have another week, or two, of Frodo's best effort.  Frodo's character is what is tested, and, this time, he will not let traffic get in the way.  

   

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:27 PM EDT
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Monday, August 12, 2013
Blame It On The Bossa Nova
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Old Time Baseball"(9)

Willie Tasby played centerfield for the Washington Senators, not Nationals, fifty years ago.  He wasn't great, nor was he a true bum, but on a team that truly sucked, he was Frodo's favorite player.  He was only the second Negro to play for what was then the southernmost team in all of major league baseball. 

Tasby won Frodo's heart on that summer day when the thounder clouds hung heavily over the hot city streets.  When the clashes of thunder were brightened by streaks of lightning, Frodo remembers as if it were yesterday when the radio announcer suddenly took note of the fact that Tasby was no longer in attendance.  The Senators, as noted above, were not very good from the get-go, but it was ridiculous that they initiate a game with no player in center field.  Tasby, it seemed, was wearing metal spikes on his shoes, as was the custom in those days, and he was afraid that he was too apparent a target for a lightning strike all alone in the wide open spaces between left and right fields.  Tasby sought shelter beneath the stands and refused to come out on the field amidst the inclement weather.  Like everyone else, Frodo laughed.

Frodo stopped laughing when it was disclosed that on another day, in another stadium, Willie Tasby watched as the player next to him was struck by lightning.

A half-century later, Frodo remembers his derisive laughter, and it shames him.  Mr. Tasby, if you are still out there, Frodo apologizes, and he casts his lone vote to the appropriate officials in Cooperstown for the enshrinement of one player who did not suck. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EDT
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