Why Can't We Be Friends?
Topic: "Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Hearye, Hearye, all those with business before this Court are called to order. The first in order of business is the matter of the State of Florida-v-the State of Georgia. Whos speaks on behalf of the plaintiff in this matter?"
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court, I, the eminently unqualified Governor of Florida, Rick Scott, doth petition this Court on behalf of the State of which I serve as Governor."
"Speak ye then."
"Your Honours, the State of Florida and its people suffer needlessly because of the actions of the State of Georgia to restrict the flow of fresh water. As you know, Georgia alleges that the phenomental growth in the Atlanta area requires sufficient freshwater resources for the commercial and residential properties and activities which drive the local economy. The State of Florida is not unsympathetic, however the diversion of natural-flow water has the impact of destroying the oyster industry in the Gulf of Mexico as well as hindering industry everywhere beneath metropolitan Atlanta."
"Yes Justice Soto-Maior."
"You are referring, I assume, to the practice of the closure of spillways by the Army Corps of Engineers?"
"That is correct your Honor. It is important to note that even though the physical diversion takes place at the hand of a federal agency, it is in support of the stated needs of Georgia. Florida has not been awarded proper legal authority to service the needs of its populace."
"Yes Justice? I say, who spoke?"
Aside. "Who's the black guy?"
Aside. "That's Justice Thomas."
Aside "No shit. I didn't think he could talk. Has he ever spoken in public before?"
"Am I keeping you Governor?"
"I apologize your Honor. What say you?"
"Governor, is it not true that this Court has held numerous times that in similar matters the rights of the individual states are consistent with the natural-flow?"
"That is absolutely correct your Honor."
"Then why, pray tell, are we here discussing the same issue again?"
"I'm afraid your Honor that I have no answer, and plead only that the issue should be so addressed to the defense."
"Mr. Frodo, I believe, are you representing the State of Georgia in this matter?"
"I am, your Honor, given the fact that Georgia has the dumbest collection of elected office-holders in all the land, I am, by definition the last man standing."
"You say you're standing?"
"Despite my limited height, I have not committed $24M to a project known as 'Go Fish' as did Former Governor Perdue. Nor have I forsaken the guarantee of the federal government to totally fund an expansion of $300B Medicare benefits for the next three years, as has Governor (Bad) Deal. Our Republican Congressional representatives have likewise. . ."
"That's enough Mr. Frodo, can we return to the question I raised with Governor Scott?"
"Absolutely your Honor."
"Well then, suppose you tell me why we shouldn't conclude these proceedings forthwith?"
"Because of Bob Sikes' Cut."
"What Sir, are you talking about?"
"Sir, the State of Florida, the Corps of Engineers, and the local populace jointly unrtook a project to separate the barrier Saint Georges Island into two parts. The plan and subsequent result was to increase access into the oyster beds in the sound. The resultant decrease in oyster harvest lies specifically therein."
"In what way may I ask?"
"Your Honor, the flow of water into the sound has traditionally been from the freshwater rivers entering Florida from Georgia. The addition of flow from the ocean depths by what is known as Bob Sikes' Cut is saltwater, not freshwater."
"Sir, saltwater kills oysters. Oysters require a balance of fresh and saltwater."
"I object your Honor."
"Didn't you tell me just a moment ago that I should address my questions to the defense?"
"Your Honor, if I may sum up very briefly?"
"Greed, your Honor, drove the actions of incompetent politicians in Florida. By opening a new pathway into the sensitive oyster beds, they helped destroy a thriving industry. Short term gains produce catastrophic results when the science is ignored, and greed takes its place in governmental debate."
"Well, shut my mouth."
"Your Honor, that will be the second best thing to come out of these proceedings."
Posted by loveysdaddyga
at 9:16 PM EDT