Topic: "Thar She Blows"
January 19, 2009--Outgoing President George W. Bush today announced that drilling has commenced on the 156th oilwell on the White House front lawn. President Bush will be long remembered for his initiative to turn all public lands open for energy exploration. "I am proud that my Administration was pro-active in our national effort to expand America's energy capacity. From our first days in office, when Vice President Cheney met secretly with all the crowned heads of energy companies around the world, it has been our goal to reap all of the fossil fuels which belong to all the people."
Outgoing Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham announced earlier this morning that the 19 test wells at Yellowstone, the 45 "dry holes" in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park, and the 4 exploratory drillings at the Acadia National Seashore in Maine were all worthwhile efforts. "Although we didn't find any oil, we put a lot of Americans to work." said Secretary Abraham. "We also helped turn our trade imbalance in the right direction by piping all of the oil so far recovered from the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to China."
"It is one of my proudest achievements," said the President, "that we helped preserve our nation's natural beauty for future generations. We did not drill a single well off the coasts of Florida. We have been a national steward."
Incoming President, former Florida Governor, "Jeb" Bush echoed his brother. . .