Washington--Mr. Robert Novak and Mr. Karl Rove today announced that they have filed for "civil union status" in the District of Columbia. Acknowledging a "long time on-going secret affair," the happy couple proclaimed their love for each other in a public display which gagged nearly every maggot on K Street.
Responding to a question from a group of reporters, Novak labeled as "patently offensive" any insinuation that the ceremony provided "spousal immunity" for either, or both, who may be charged with Treason as a result of the investigation into the disclosure of Special Agent Valerie Plames' identity as an undercover operative of the CIA. Novak stated that he was not going to tolerate any more such abuse, and promptly walked away from the podium.
Rove was dressed in a double-breasted suit recently worn by the late Walter Brennan. Rove carried a bouquet composed of tumbleweed and skunk cabbage which was freshly picked from the farm fields in Crawford, Texas. Guests at the civil ceremony included Ahmed Chahabi, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Linda Tripp. The Reverend Pat Robertson attended, and blessed the couple with a reading from "My Pet Goat."
As the couple departed the "D.C Building," they passed through a tunnel of sabres held by members of the "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth." They were whisked away to a secret location in a convoy of SUV's with Texas license plates and Secret Service protection. They did have to stop for gas.
Neither Secretary of State Rice nor her "husb" were in attendance. Vice President Cheney was unable to attend because he remains in an undisclosed location. Novak will continue his regular column in "My Weekly Reader" when he returns, and Rove will announce his new assignment as roving reporter for The National Enquirer.
The White House acknowledged the happy event and announced that Rafael Palmiero would replace Rove as Deputy Chief of Staff.
"Live, from the South Lawn, Frodo reporting. Now back to 'Hardball'."