Topic: "Weather Channel Follies"
"Thank you Bob, this is Frodo reporting from the Heartland of America as Hurricane Rita moves inland from the Texas Coast. Whoa, that gust of wind almost got me, and it would have had it not been for this Humvee to my left."
"What's that, Bob? The howling wind sounds like a dozen freight trains, or is that the fleet of Huey Helicopters circling overhead? I can't see very well because of the Amphibious Vehicles lined up alongside the road to my right."
"Yes Bob, as far as we can determine all the residents of Crawford have already been evacuated and are being temporarily housed at the Ritz-Carlton on Maui."
"It appears that the damage could be quite extensive in this part of Texas. We tested it by spitting up into the air, and that booger blew clear up to Arkansas before it hit anything."
"Yes, that is true, the President did order the evacuation, with the agreement of his good friend and successor as Governor, Rick Perry. The President also recalled the 482nd from Iraq, mobilized the 82nd Airborne, and deployed the entire Third Army right outside the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington."
"The Director of FEMA, the Secretary of Homeland Security, Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys, and the CEO of Home Depot, Bob Nardelli, are here wiping the noses of every cow that has gotten wet from the rain."
"It is clear to this reporter that the President is conscious of how important it is for him to appear strong and in command during this natural disaster. Here is what he said during his Address to the Nation just before we came on the air."
"My fellow Americans, I come before you with a heavy heart. Your President is not a crook. Our long national nightmare is over. There is a malaise in America. Tear down that wall. Read my lips. I did not have sex with that woman. That is hard work."
"You have another question Bob? Yes, there were a number of minorities air-lifted out. Why I'm sure that nearly everyone of the domestics and the farmhands at the President's ranch were evacuated, and all of them were either African-American or Hispanic. In fact, I saw the Secretary of State holding an umbrella for Mrs. Bush as she boarded Air Force One."
"That's all from here, Frodo reporting for the Weather Channel in Crawford, Texas."