Topic: "Poll Results Just In"
Frodo always considered himself to be an observer. In recent days however, it seems as if he has almost become prescient. Frodo knew that, at some point, poll results would reflect an approval rating for the performance of George W. Bush as President which would be lower than the number of fingers and toes on his hands and feet. In fact, it may be that on the issue of foreign ownership in the management of US ports-of-entry that George W. Bush may not have any support at all.
"Mrs. Bush," said Frodo, "I would like to express my appreciation to you for granting me this interview. You are aware that I am one of the greatest threats to your husband's throne, and that I am sworn to destroy the ring before he establishes the Kingdom of Mordor throughout all of Middle Earth."
"No, and frankly, I've never heard of you. I thought this was an interview supporting the President's 'No Child Left Behind.'"
"Well, actually, what we said on the telephone is that we would like to kick the President's behind."
"No matter, the President and I are very aware of the need to hear the opinions of those who disagree with the wishes of the American people."
"Mrs. Bush, the odd thing here is that you and the President appear to be the only people who think it is a good idea for a government-controlled company from the United Arab Emirates to manage the major ports of the East and Gulf Coasts?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"What I mean is is that virtually everybody, except maybe the slow-witted Senator McCain, has denounced the approval by the Government Foreign Investment Board of the proposed transaction. Your husband's threat to veto Congressional nullification might be over-ridden in minutes."
"Well, I never. . ."
"Of course you have, when he nominated Harriet Miers, or when he decided he was going to rape Social Security, even his own supporters stood up and told him 'No.'"
"No, what you don't understand is that. . ."
"Mrs. Bush, no one admires your steadfast support for your husband more than Frodo, but you have to be the only person in America who would even entertain his plea of 'Trust Me' this time around."
"I refuse to believe that anyone would believe that."
"Mrs. Bush, is your husband drinking again? Have you had to tell him, again, that it is 'Jim Beam or Me'?"
"Mr. Frito, or whatever your name is, would you hold off one minute and let me just say that I, too, feel this is the dumbest damn thing the President has done since he talked about returning to the Moon, or exploring Mars, or whatever. . ."
"Then, if you'll pardon my surprise, just who is it that is advising him that this is a righteous course of action if even you are opposed to the idea?," queried Frodo.
"Well, I can't say for sure, but I did see Ahmed Chalabi on his way into the Oval Office."
"Chalabi! Good heavens, just the two of them?"
"Actually, there were several others there, too. I saw George Tenet, Paul Wolfowitz, the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, the Prime Minister of Denmark, Congresswoman Schmidthead from Ohio, Iranian President Ahmadinejad, Ralph Reed, and Bruce Willis."
"So these were the people who advised the President to approve this deal?"
"As I said earlier, Mr. Frito, the President listens to the American people."
"Mrs. Bush, thank you for your patience with me. Is there something I can do for you?"
"Yes, Mr. Frito, would you hand me that copy of 'My Pet Goat'? It is time for the President's nap."