Topic: "Kandy Kakes 2"
"Tastykake products are made to taste great. If not satisfied, full refund guaranteed with proof of purchase, code, and reason for dissatisfaction."---The Tastykake Guarantee (www.tastykake.com)
Frodo has many faults, not least of which is an insatiable appreciation for something that really tastes good. How, then, could he not have an affinity for a company that guarantees great taste to Frodo? Having sampled literally everything manufactured by this Philadelphia-based company, scientifically of course, Frodo's absolute favorite is the PEANUT BUTTER KANDY KAKES. They are described as "Milk Chocolate Coated Cakes with Peanut Butter Filling," but that is insufficient definition when it comes to something that should be served at any of the finest dining establishments.
Sam has known of Frodo's penchant for Kandy Kakes these many years. Whenever Sam notices Frodo's challenges weighing him down, a box with 24 of these precious creations magically appears within the confines of the Shire. Savoring the taste of fluffy cake smothered with chocolate and peanut butter, each nibble is allowed to slowly slosh its' way over the tongue and gently caress the palate. Frodo believes that if there are no Kandy Kakes in Heaven, then he ain't goin'.
Imagine, dear reader, if the Republican Party had issued something like the Tastykake Guarantee?
George W. Bush would be in Crawford pulling on his chainsaw. Dick Cheney would be in Wyoming shooting attorneys. Condi Rice would be a groupie outside the locker room of the San Francisco 49'ers. Karl Rove would be spamming e-mails on behalf of some uncle of an ousted general in Nigeria. Donald Rumsfeld would be beating the hell out of his grandchildren.
America needs more Tastykakes, and so does Frodo.