Topic: "Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
The Riders of Rohan would never understand Frodo's fascination with a new motorcar. Remembering "The Wind in The Willows," and how overjoyed Mr. Toad was when he took delivery of the first motorcar to be parked at Toad Hall, Frodo is awash with excitement. Despite the impending collapse of the oil-based economy, Frodo figures that driving conservatively, a few miles each day, will still allow him to absorb the envy of the Orcs who inhabit the lands about the Shire. Frodo believes it is the ultimate narcotic for the Progressive; to have a Republican salivating over his brand new motorcar. The best part though, is when they see the sticker on the rear window that says, "W-orst President Ever."
Symbols of opulence have never meant very much to Frodo. There is something however, about a gleaming polish and stylish lines that dwarf the boxy appearance of every other motorcar. A slope, as opposed to a corner, on the hood, and an oval rising above each of the dual headlights is crowned by a leading feline ornament.
On his way home tomorrow, Frodo will stop at the grocery store, and park way out in the parking lot. Orcs leaving in their little boxes will notice Frodo's motorcar as they drive by in their sweaty chariots. When Frodo departs the store, carrying a bottle of wine and a block of cheese, he will walk, head erect, never glancing at the Orcs. Through his sunglasses Frodo looks sideways to catch the little drip of saliva that marks the Republican caught breaking one of the Ten Commandments.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass (or his Jaguar).