Mood: on fire
Topic: "Diazinon Ditties (2)"
The California Department of Pesticide Regulation (What, you don't have a DPR in your State?) has published a "Top 10 List" documenting aberrant behavior by State citizens using Pesticide improperly. Reading things like this should make the good citizens of Texas begin to chant "We're #2," when reflecting on the stupidest human beings all congregated in one political geosphere.
Frodo offers the following and tries to withhold comment until the presentation is concluded: 1).One Californian discovered sewer rats entering his home through a toilet, so he dropped an incendiary device intended for gopher eradication down a plumbing vent on his roof which resulted in $80,000 damage before firefighters could extinguish the blaze; 2). Another Californian set off four foggers in her small apartment, left the residence as instructed, but returned to pick up forgotten items, and dialed 911 when she began to feel dizzy. Both the victim and the sans-protective gear paramedic were revived successfully; 3). A 38-year-old woman found a home remedy for head lice on the Web (probably at www.freerepublic.com) whereupon she applied 8 ounces of dog flea-and-tick shampoo garnished with olive oil to her scalp and wrapped her head in cellophane. She reported feeling "itchy and burny" while experiencing nausea and excessive drooling (and probably a latent desire to lick her butt); 4). A 23 year-old man spotted a fly on his beer can, and sprayed it with insecticide. Later, as he continued to drink the beer his lips began to tingle (see earlier comments regarding "Red, White, and Blue"); 5). An 18-year-old sprayed half a can of outdoor-use insecticide in his bedroom, then retired for the evening. After treatment for abdominal cramps and diarrhea, he vehemently denied his sister's allegation that he was "sniffing"; 6). A man was spraying his yard with insecticide and stopped for a chew of tobacco, without first washing his hands, which he remembered to do once the vomiting, salivating, and shortness of breath ended (he must be a relative of US Senator George Allen of Virginia); 7). Another Californian sprayed three cans of lice treatment on his bed, then went to sleep. He told the attending physicians he assumed that the more he used, the better it would work (darn good thing he wasn't using VIAGRA); 8). A Woman (little gender equity if you please) diluted bleach in a cup, then forgot about it and went to bed. The next morning she warmed the liquid and had a big, old slurp; 9). A California homeowner sprayed her cupboards to kill a spider, then stuck her head into the cupboard to determine if the spider was dead. She recovered from the respiratory distress in the local hospital; and 10). A San Francisco physician over-treated his closet with mothballs. Dressing for work the next day he began to feel dizzy and experienced a total loss of muscular coordination. The following day, when he repeated the blunder, he went to the emergency room and was hospitalized overnight. He thought he had had a stroke (this physician must have been trained in Texas).
Frodo notes that Anthropologists still argue about the point in time which defines the Evolutionary division between man and ape. Frodo offers the 10 documented incidents above to verify his theory that the division has not yet been completed. Frodo wonders how many of these people voted for Ahnold?