Topic: "Huckleberry Hound" (3)
Occasionally a living, breathing, educated homonid says something so ridiculous that Frodo feels the need for dramatic license.
"Yes Saint Peter, you called for me?"
"Yes, I did, I was just checking to see how things are going here at the Pearly Gates Admissions Desk?"
"Well Sir, funny you should ask, we have been having a little problem with that guy standing over there filling out his paperwork."
"A problem you say? Who was he, and is there something I need to do?"
"He claims to be the former Governor of something called Arkansas, and I believe he said his name was Huckleberry. Frankly, I couldn't find more than 2 or 3 out of 100 or so Angels who had ever heard of the guy. He is complaining about the activities scheduled for his corner of Heaven, and was demanding to speak with you. Frankly, I figured a few milennia worth of paperwork might dampen his zeal,and I could simply process him in when he got over his hissy-fit."
"I'll be glad to speak with him. What was his concern by the way?"
"He's another one of those gun nuts, and he was complaining about the absence of ducks and shooting privileges, or something like that?"
"Ducks, you say?"
"Yes Sir, he claims that he'd been promised an Eternity of duck-hunting when he arrived in Heaven."
"Shooting ducks? You mean he honestly believes that Heaven would be some place where the slaughter of those over whom he was assigned dominion while on Earth would even be tolerated? What did you say his name was?"
"Huckleberry, or something like that?"
"Mr. uh, I believe this form says Huckabee, I'm Saint Peter, and I believe there's some sort of problem?"
"Dern tootin' your Eminence. I was under the distinct impression that when I got to Heaven, I would be able to duck hunt whenever I wanted, and now this little halfling said I was misinformed. I'm very upset, for as I told the NRA Membership, I was really looking forward to the day when my life ended, so that I could start duck hunting and never worry about someone else's opinion of my right to bear and use arms."
"If I may be so bold Mr. uh Huckabee, where did you get the information that Heaven would be a place where wanton slaughter would be tolerated, much less fostered?"
"The President told me so."
"Oh, him again."
"We've had a few problems with his interpretations of fact."
"Uh-oh. What did I misunderstand and does this mean I won't be able to hunt ducks in Heaven?"
"Oh no, you'll be able to hunt all you want, it's just that there will be no ammunition in your gun."
"Well, that's not all."
"The ducks have ammunition in their guns."