Topic: "Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
Of all the institutions involved in the American political process, Frodo is most taken with the concept of the "open primary." Without having to declare party allegiance, anyone can vote for whomever in either the Republican or the Democratric Primary. The voter is in no way inhibited by that vote as to the casting of a ballot in the General election. The only negative, as best Frodo has been able to determine, is that he is solicited on the telephone by candidates from both parties. The concept allowed Frodo to vote for Pat Buchanan in a Republican primary, knowing that he had no chance of victory in a General election against Bill Clinton for President. Putting the weakest possible candidate against Clinton was Frodo's intent. The open primary also allowed Frodo to vote against Ralph Reed, thereby eliminating the smarmy weasel from consideration for any political office. Frodo recommends that all the States of Middle Earth consider the benefits of an open primary.
Frodo laments the news that Newt Gingrich (pron. Ging Rick by his sister, who just happens to be gay) today announced that he would not seek the Presidential bid of the Republican Party in the 2008 General election. Had he run, Frodo would have had the opportunity to cast a vote against this slime ball for the fourth time. The point is however, that Frodo probably would have taken advantage of the open primary once again, and probably would have actually voted for the Newtster. It speaks well to the growing, albeit glacially fast, sophistication of voters in Georgia, that even in one of Newt's adopted states, he would fail to carry anything beyond the percentage of the population that suffers from Mongoloid delusions.
For the general public, the most fascinating aspect of the events was the announcement that His Geekness would only have run if his supporters could have come up with $30 Million. Two days later we receive the bad news. Frodo, his curiosity piqued by the unspoken truth in such a quick pronouncement, is proud to announce that his sources working with the lady who serves beer to retail customers of Ben & Jerry's in McLean, Virginia, have provided him with documentation of the pledges to the Gingrich Exploratory Campaign. Newt was able to take the cash itself and purchase two scoops of "Rocky Road," and a Bud Lite.
Frodo is, dear reader, asking you to consider a ticket of Newt and Mitt for 2012. Can't you just see it? Here they come, crammed into a miniature motorcar with Mitt's five sons and Newt's three wives, all wearing floppy shoes and noses that blink on-and-off. They squirt each other with seltzer bottles, and the Party which began with Abraham Lincoln is swept up and settled into the elephantine effluent piled just outside the Big Top. Newt has a spoon.