Topic: "Handi-Wipes" (3)
Frodo has been thinking about what life would be like in the Shire once the Ring is destroyed. These were the kind of thoughts he knew as a young Hobbit, when the future was the only thing in his pocket. Crippling responsibilities and horizons which are no longer limitless require that he couch every such contemporary dream with the possibility of disappointment. The enthusiasm he once offered for every morning ray of sunshine is now the satisfaction of a completed evening's voyage. Such it is that requires he ask of each and every reader to purchase some "Handi-wipes" for future application. A Great Day is at hand.
On that day to come, a colossal number of "Handi-wipes" will be required in order to erase every fingerprint, every footfall, and indeed every shadow from the house known as White. "Cleanliness," it is said, "is next to Godliness." No matter who assumes the role of Aragorn on that Great Day, it will be a monumental task to once again emulate Camelot. The Maker will expect all of the Citizens of Middle Earth to participate in the douche of anything left behind by the Incomparable Moron.
Those who vote, whether or not in behalf of winner or loser, should wait until the final piece of furniture is loaded onto the last moving van, and then, in alphabetical order, commence to cleanse the floors, the rafters, the baseboards, and the toilets. All of the bed linens should be soaked in bleach. Every mirror should be examined to insure that no one can stand on the other side, unobserved. Telephones and electrical switches should all be cleansed of any variety of "bug."
The Great Day cannot come soon enough. Frodo hopes that his suggestion will also add to the stock value of the maker of "Handi-wipes." The boys on Wall Street need all the help we can give them.