Topic: "Nascaroil" (4)
"Mr. Frodo, do you know how they take attendance at a NASCAR event?," asked the grinning Samwise.
Slightly puzzled, Frodo responded, "No, I'm afraid I don't."
"They count the number of teeth in the audience, then they divide by four."
Frodo laughed, but for just a moment. The joke hit home, and made Frodo think about the folly that is truly an environmental disaster, aid and comfort to our enemies, and the source of mindless pleasure to those who seem to enjoy watching traveling commercials circumnavigated by white guys who cannot jump, run, or catch. Is there, he thought, anything that we do which is as completely moronic as automobile racing? "How sad," he said to himself, "that those of us in the Shire and its environs seem to be the major protagonists. We can't even blame this on stupid Yankees."
The hydrocarbons which spew into the air around Bristol, Tennessee, or Darlington, South Carolina, or Talladega, Alabama, are contributors to declining air quality in our country. The expenditure of millions of gallons of oil and petroleum products, at much more than $100 per barrel, is like pouring our national wealth directly into the hands of those who offer support to jihadists, terrorists, and the Bush Administration. And somebody sits in the grandstands and cheers, and they allege to "support our troops," and to "keep America strong."
If Frodo were "King for a Day," he would, since it is apparently legal in the mind of George W. Bush, subject every sponsor of a NASCAR "team" to waterboarding. That would include NFL Hall of Fame Coach Joe Gibbs, late of the Washington Redskins. "How," Frodo would demand of such insurgents, "can anyone alleging to live their life in Faith continue to participate in somethinmg so barbaric, so incredibly dangerous to our country?" Frodo would make each of these miscreants answer as to whether or not they thought Jesus would sponsor a car driven by Ricky Rudd?
And another thing, these people have the right to vote, and their vote, dear reader, is no more and no less valuable than that of either you or Frodo. "How," Frodo screams, "can we allow the obviously mentally ill to determine who will be the nominee of any political party, much less President?" Frodo, apparently, would also suspend the right to vote for anyone attending, watching, or listening to any automotive event within the continental United States.
If Senator McCarthy were still around, Frodo would write him an anonymous letter, and charge that NASCAR was a subversive organization.