Topic: "Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
Frodo is, admittedly, a ladies man. There has always been a special appreciation for a well-turned ankle, a coy grin, or any of the other weapons in the feminine arsenal which for purposes of this treatise will now be known as WMD (weapons of masculine dissolution?). Given this predisposition, Frodo has always been sensitive, not only to the feelings of women but to accomplishments in the face of odds which are beyond the calculating tools at Frodo's disposal. There are, of course, selfish reasons for Frodo's apparently mature stand in behalf of the opposite sex. Frodo, too, has needs.
Before digressing into another, more provocative, perspective on sexuality, Frodo wants to return to his theme, and talk about the difficulty that exists in treating all women equally. Some women scare the mortal hell out of Frodo. He is just as intimidated by certain aspects of feminine behavior as he would be by Michael Tyson staring at his ear and referring to him as a "jive-ass honkey." In his attempt to explain his opinion, within the bounds of political correctness, Frodo has been paying very close attention to the television appearances of Mrs. Cindy McCain and Mrs. Michelle Obama. Politics aside, Frodo wants to merely present the biases that have colored his perspective on both of these prominent, accomplished, intelligent women. Frodo will do so in one paragraph, each. Afterwards, Frodo may take a short hiatus in order to avoid further bloodshed.
Cindy McCain was a character in "The Stepford Wives." She has lasers for eyes (definitely a WMD), and uses them to undress every man who steps before her. Mrs. McCain founded the Junior League, and it is her intent to have every male drafted into the seraglio maintained to benefit its membership. Frodo is reminded of the advertisement with Joan Rivers commenting on her own facelifts, which leave her without any feeling much less the capacity to determine whether or not she is herself smiling. Cindy McCain never carries more than $50 in cash (to avoid disclosing any financial information in the presence of surreptitious agents of the US Treasury). Lastly, Mrs. McCain appears as if she were the center post around which the tethered volleyball (her husband, while wringing his hands in a somnambulistic trance) wraps itself on stage.
There, Frodo has disclosed what he really thinks (any similarity between these words and those of Tucker Carlson of the tightly-squeezed knees is purely unintentional).
Michelle Obama has won a gold medal in each of the last six Olympiads. She can run faster, jump higher, and shoot a basketball far beyond the dreams of the Hobbit. When angered, a "fist bump" becomes a WMD which can remove teeth or terminate any possibility of progeny. Mrs. Obama is an attorney for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, and she is determined to prosecute every male who has ever even dreamed of becoming a supervisor. She also intends to avenge her older sister, Anita Hill. Mrs. Obama never carries a purse (keeping both hands free for "fist bump" purposes), and the Secret Service Agents in her retinue always walk behind her carrying plastic water bottles (in case her husband has an uncontrollable cigarette urge).
Frodo will now retreat in order to consider the more prurient aspects of the relationship between political candidate and first spouse. Now, dear reader, do you understand why Frodo supported Obama, and not Clinton?