Topic: "Little Houdini" (5)
Mick, the Wonder Dog, is feigning exhaustion. Despite the fact that each of his days is more than a week in people time, Frodo questions the lack of enthusiasm in his furry friend as compared to last evening. Frodo notes that Mick, the Wonder Dog, was present when the TV announcer filled the digital divide with his rendition of the escaped convict out there, somewhere, in the darkness, not far from the Shire.
It seems that a gentleman, charged with larceny in his home State of Tennessee, was being transported back to that jurisdiction when the Deputy, not named Sullenger, piloted to a point that converged his appetite and the presence of a Waffle House. The prisoner wore shackles and handcuffs while remaining in the smokeymobile. Although no one has stated so to this point, it was assumed that the Deputy would bring the prisoner a waffle or a bowl of grits. In any event, when the Deputy not named Sullenger returned to his duties, he was somewhat surprised to find that the prisoner was no longer in attendance.
The presence of a State University across the street from the Waffle House presented the first challenge for assisting authorities. A lockdown of the State University was immediately announced, and armed guards were posted at every street corner between the Waffle House and Coca-Cola Headquarters. Following that announcement, the news helicopters took flight. It was probably somewhere about this time that Mick, the Wonder Dog, first looked skyward, with concern.
Frodo and Sam marveled at the precision by which the authorities began to search each and every automobile, forcing drivers to open trunks and to correspond to the photographs pasted on their drivers licenses. The aerial coverage was filled with banners proclaiming "Breaking News." Surely, thought Frodo, "Jack the Ripper" was somewhere in the vicinity for all of the attention given to some guy from Tennessee charged with such a serious offense. Mick, the Wonder Dog, sought shelter in an upstairs bedroom, in the dark, under a bed.
The talking head representing Channel 46 finally got around to telling the frightened community that the escapee was not considered "armed and dangerous." In fact, his last name was "Gay," and his picture seemed to resemble anyone who had ever attended a NASCAR event and taken a leak under the stands. His crime had been the stealing of a bus owned by Crystal Gayle.
Mr. Gay, it seems, according to his deposition, wanted to surprise his mother with a special present for her birthday, and since she was a big fan of Crystal Gayle, it only seemed logical that her bus would be a welcome addition to the space beside his Mama's double-wide. For some unexplained reason however, Mr. Gay drove the bus all the way down to Florida. Once there, he drove up to the Daytona Speedway and announced that he was the chauffeur hired to drive Tony Stewart (evidently this is a person of some reknown in NASCAR circling exhibitions) to his next race. It is not clear at this moment what tipped off Mr. Stewart that something didn't seem quite right, but it is likely that Mr. Stewart was also to be a part of Mr. Gay's Mama's birthday surprise. It was at this point that authorities stepped in, and which, of course, led to the assigned responsibility of the Deputy not named Sullenger.
A full day has passed, and there has been no further sign of Mr. Gay. Things have returned back to normal at the Waffle House, and the State University remains on high alert. That, dear reader, is a pun.
Mick, the Wonder Dog, passes through the dog-door and peers deep into the darkness. He lifts his leg on Frodo's lawnmower and his gaze is unbroken from the slightest movement in the Gardens of the Shire. Amazing, thinks Frodo, that his friend sensed so quickly that he, too, could be on his way to Mama's for birthday cake and cookies. Frodo locks the door behind, considering that both Mr. Gay and his Mama were likely supporters of McCain and Palin.