Mood: accident prone
Topic: "Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
Frodo has been doing his absolute best to help stimulate the economy. Despite the cost involved, Sam and Frodo have taken advantage of the competitive factors in labor and supplies in order to have major changes made to their home in the Shire. 99% of the project proceeded famously, leaving only the concluding tasks to be presented for Sam's approval. It is not often that anyone realizes that Sam is equally adept whether outfitted in a flak jacket or in the wrestling garb of a Sumo warrior. Pity, dear reader, he who presents himself as PJ.
Note also that this presentation commenced several days ago, and it was rudely interrupted by one of the more fearsome hail storms to ever present itself in Frodo's environs. Frodo and Sam, in recognition of a ceremony which took place 39 years ago, against a betting line that did not exceed 39 days, subsequently retreated to Lake Lovey in order to re-charge their collective batteries, and to take note of the new goslings trailing behind the Canadians who have found the charms therein to their liking. These newborns seem to make all cares disappear.
Sam was unable to connect with the Home Shopping Network, and she brought this to Frodo's attention. Frodo worked backwards from the PC itself and found that the DSL line was severed where the workmen had been the day before. Frodo alerted the telephonic megalith and they immediately dispatched a highly-paid technician. He confirmed Frodo's diagnosis.
The workmen involved were an international group of specialists outfitted in chutes and ladders. Upon their first day at work, Frodo was struck by their similarity to the Seven Dwarves, seemingly athroat with a version of "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho" as they fell down in worship of Sam and the vocational gift presented to them by the Hobbits. Later, upon the discovery of the severed DSL line, it was disconcerting to note an absolute inability of anyone to admit a working knowledge of anything akin to "mea culpa." It was at this point that the Yankee Overseer, and marketing genius, PJ, arrived and attempted to bring order to the cacophony before him. His first mistake was to argue with Sam.
Since Sam had been wise enough to withhold all payment, including for supplies, it was soon concluded that it was unlikely that either Sam or Frodo had been involved in the damaged DSL. An agreement was grudgingly accepted by the severely-chastized PJ. Things definitely went downhill from that point however, when Sam took advantage of PJ's presence in order to review all of the prior day's labours. What they found, although not the most serious of miscues, was coupled with PJ's repetition of the biggest mistake on the same day.
Sam's beloved Florida Room had been used to support ladders utilized by the Seven Dwarves to scale the rooftop. Unfortunately, in six separate instances the ladders had initially come to rest upon the bare screens, and tearing ranged from the size of a marble, to the size of a softball. PJ, reflecting a critical judgmental error, speculated that the damage may not have been caused by his workers. Squirrels, in nearby dogwood trees, may have parachuted onto the screens in search of exotic entries into the Shire itself. This was too much for Sam to bear, and the mien appeared as if it were cast from one of the Witches, pot astir, in Macbeth. PJ was now in full receipt of a spell which ensured double trouble.
PJ's activity of the next several hours encompassed every conceivable conciliatory act dictated to him by the kindly Plantation Owner with whom Sam had struck the original agreement for services rendered. PJ, at least Frodo assumes, had been threatened with testicular surgery by the voice at the other end of the cellphone. Tone aside, the message was clear, and received.
On the morrow, after dawn breaks, will come the installation of new screens, and a new shutter, replacing one which had been mysteriously broken, we assume, by a coyote in pursuit of a bunny rabbit who bumped up against the shutter while attempting escape. Sam will pass judgment, and Frodo will sit silent, while his live-in imitation of Judge Sirica questions each of the Watergate burglars.
The President should be advised that an international incident may be at hand. The second 100 days appears no less challenging.