Mood: don't ask
Topic: "Another Three-namer"(5)
"Commissioner Frodo, I would like to express my appreciation for your willingness to testify before this Committee, investigating the performance and subsequent recall of Toyota automotive products. . ."
"Uh, Senator Useless (R-GA), excuse me, but I am not here to testify about Toyota, or any other automotive issue."
"Oh, pardon me, Commissioner, I'm afraid that I got my teleprompter notes confused, I realize that you're here to discuss the Public Option. . ."
"Senator, I'm the Commissioner of Internal Revenue."
"Well, what are you doing here in this Healthcare Committee hearing? Is this another effort by the Administration to. . ."
"Senator, unless I am mistaken, this Hearing, which your office initiated, is intended to gather information about the events of this past Thursday in Austin, Texas."
"That's why we're here."
"Why is that?"
"Senator, perhaps you'd like to consult with the Minority Chair, Senator Dimwit (R-SC), as to the purpose of this Hearing?"
A slight pause while a conversation takes place away from the microphones.
"I see now, Commissioner Frodo, you're here to help those of us concerned about America's security figure out exactly who this terrorist was that destroyed Federal Property in Austin, and what we can do to see that this Administration begins to do something about these threats to the safety of the American people."
"If that's your purpose, so be it Senator, but let me say that there is no evidence to support this tragedy as anything approaching anything other than the act of a person deranged."
"Hmph, I assume, Commissioner, that you've read the document prepared by Mr. Andrew Joseph Stack which he posted on the Internet prior to his alleged attack on the Austin District Office of the IRS?"
"I have read the document, Senator."
"Is it true?"
"Is what true? There are more than 5,000 rambling words in the statement."
"Commissioner, you know damn well, that this letter was a cry for help by another Middle-Class American put upon by an oppressive giant behemoth called the Federal Government."
"Senator, I could not begin to speculate on the motivation of this individual, and, as you know, I am unable to comment on any knowledge I may or may not have about the dealings the IRS may or may not have had previously with Mr. Stack."
"Say what? You mean you won't tell this Committee what the Government did to drive this poor man to such an insane act? Is this another act of "transparency" under President Obama?"
"Senator, the Congress of the United States, in its wisdom, has issued laws and regulations which specifically prohibit any IRS employee from commenting on the tax affairs of any individual, absent the written approval of the taxpayer himself."
"Even if the taxpayer is dead?"
"That is correct."
"Well, that's a damn dumb law."
"Senator, since all of the tax laws and regulations under the Internal Revenue Code are initiated in Congress, it is probably impolitic of you to criticize your own work without accepting the blame for the confusion, the complexity, and the unfairness thereof. In the Shire, one might say that it would be fitting for the "fox to smell his own hole first'."
"The Committee thanks the Commissioner. . ."
"Senator, one more thing if you please, there is nothing keeping you from releasing information about who this guy was, and what his problems were."
The Senator's bad knee was bothering him, so he exited the Hearing Room without further comment.