Topic: "Unborn in the USA" (6)
"The gentleman from the Shire shall speak for eight minutes."
"Thank you Madam Speaker. I ask permission of the Chair to revise and extend my remarks."
"Let it be so, you may proceed Congressman Frodo."
"Madam Speaker," began the Hobbit, "I note with increasing alarm the frivolous issue addressed by those who challenge the citizenship status of the President of the United States. The clearly-defined rebuttal of all these allegations has been ignored by several on the, shall we say, lunatic fringe, for many days. Despite the certification by the State of Hawaii and its political officials, on both sides of the aisle, and the historical record posted at the time in the local newspaper, these ideological foes of the President continue to harangue and defy the evidence. There has been little harm done since a vast majority of the citizenry recognizes these bubbabutts for what they truly are. That is changed however, with the public remarks of a United States Senator who, despite his own public foibles, remarked this week that legal action to challenge the citizenship of the duly-elected President had merit."
"Senator David Vitter (R-LA), a publicly-admitted adulterer, who has steadfastly refused to step down from his position despite his Sin, has chosen to give a level of credence to the Sleaze Bag proponents of the continuing falsehood. This, in spite of the fact that he is not the product of birth on American soil."
"Point of Order. Will the gentleman yield to a question?," asked the Minority Leader, Congressman Bonehead (R-KY).
"For a question, yes."
"Your statement that Senator Vitter is not a citizen is a preposterous charge."
"That is not a question."
"Then may I ask from whence your information comes to substantiate such an allegation?"
"From his wife."
Congressman Bonehead was aghast, and clearly did not know what to say.
"Congressman," said Frodo, "you will be facinated to learn that Senator Vitter was conceived in a petri dish."
"A petri dish, you say?"
"Madam Speaker, I note that the Congressman had not been recognized, and request that my available time be extended to reflect this improper interruption."
"So granted, Mr. Frodo," said the beaming Ms. Pelosi (D-CA).
"Senator Vitter, for the sake of all appearances is obviously not a fully-conceived product of the normal birth process. In fact, the available evidence points to the fact that he is truly the biggest shrimp in the US Senate. His wife, publicly wronged, and forced to wear leopard skin to the public admission of infidelity, has provided this office with slide evidence of the chemical process performed by medical students on the island of Grenada."
"Will the gentleman yield?", asked Congressman Cannot (R-VA).
"For what purpose?"
"To clarify the point of the gentleman's observation, if you will."
"I yield 30 seconds to the gentleman from Virginia."
"Sir, the Constitution does not require that Members of either body of the Congress. . ."
"Point taken and noted. However, the point is offered that it should be clearly established that others in this body, or those who may wish to serve in this body, sometimes protest simply to hide their own "shorts," if that term may be applied to Senator Vitter, and others."
"Sir, if I may finish, do you allege that there are others whose citizenship needs to be verified?"
"Congressman, how about the Republican candidate for the Senate seat presently held by Mr. Bunning?"
"Born in Mexico. In fact, had he been born thirty minutes later, his birth would've taken place in the United States, and he would've been a citizen at birth."
"Madam Speaker. . .I. . ."
"Listen Cannot, have you ever seen his mother? Don't make a fool of yourself without hearing from his old man, Ronaldo."
The entire chamber was drawn to the crack of the Second Amendment.
The bullet of his .45 failed to penetrate the folds of kinetic energy surrounding the head of Congressman Joe Barton.
"Madam Speaker, I yield the remainder of my time."
"Thank you Mr. Frodo, is there a doctor in the House? I mean one that can read, Congressman Broun (R-GA)."