Topic: "Tennessee Stinks" (6)
The University of Tennessee utilizes the name "Volunteers" to describe their inter-collegiate teams. Supposedly, the term reflects the voluntary activity of those individuals from Tennessee who assisted in the struggle between Texas and Mexico. Unfortunately, the assistance of the Tennesseans did little to assist the rest of the nation, and Mexico freed itself from Texas. Frodo has always despised the University of Tennessee.
Frodo believes that the only good Texan was on the losing side of last Sunday Night's NFL march-up with the Washington Redskins.
Derek Dooley, son of football scion Vince Dooley, of Georgia, is the third Tennessee Football Head Coach in the last three years. Following Phil Fullmer (aka "The Great Pumpkin") and Lane Kiffin (who dumped the Volunteers for Trojans), Dooley has an even more difficult task ahead of him than even he imagined. The problem, according to the KNOXVILLE NEWS-SENTINEL is exacerbated by a number of players who have come down with staph infections.
Dooley, an attorney by training, was quoted as stating that the apparent source of these serious infections is in the locker room. A number of "students of higher learning" are not-schooled in proper utilization of soap and washcloth. Hygiene, it seems, is an item not necessarily included in "No Child Left Behind."
Frodo has a number of suggestions for the academic intelligentsia in Knoxville. First, every scholarship athlete should be introduced to his, or her, let's not forget Title IX, butt (since many are unable to find it, even using two hands, and hopefully, a washcloth). Second, Course Number 2-204 (a second year elective) entitled "Taking a Tub Bath," should be a required course, albeit in the second semester, in the first year in Knoxville. Frodo also believes that "An Introduction to Indoor Plumbing" should be a part of Freshman Orientation for any student-athlete entering the University from the Tennessee Secondary Schools.
The "Vols" were waxed by whomever they played last week. A similar result is predicted for almost all of the remaining schedule.
Life is not all bad. There is a whole new meaning however, to the cheer "Go Vols."