Topic: "Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
Frodo's father kept meticulous records. Frodo can still visualize that little top-bound spiral notebook inscribed in pencil and kept atop the clutter in the glove compartment with the exact amount of gasoline purchased and the total cost expended for every motorcar driven since the Japanese Surrender. It was the statistical input utilized in order to determine the exact mileage attained cumulatively, or for any shorter trek which may be required in order to answer the question "What kind of mileage do you get in that thing, Mister?" Perhaps that is the reason why Frodo took after Mr. Toad, resident of Toad Hall, when it came to a motorcar. He was interested in something other than how many miles he got per gallon, and in a word, we're talking about chicks.
Frodo fell in love with silver-colored hood ornaments at an early age, and nobody did it better than Jaguar. Any wonder then that an easy-financing arrangement meant that Sam had to join Frodo in his quest for the "motorcar" which would guide him from a life of middle-class drudgery into the opulence of style and speed? Frodo will never forget Sam's words upon egress from the water closet in the dealership, "Damn Frodo, you oughtta go in there, that's the nicest toilet I've ever seen."
For five years Frodo washed that motorcar at least once per week, rain or shine. He tooled about the Shire with his Kerry and/or Obama stickers prominently displayed to the chagrin of every Republicant to enter his marked territory. Early on, he noticed that overweight, aged, white, men, with drool spots on their tee-shirts, took visual umbrage at his display of wealth, influence, style, and common sense.
It was all because of that hood ornament.
Jaguar is now owned by somebody named Tata from India and, in case you hadn't noticed dear reader, the morons no longer display the world's greatest hood ornament.
Frodo is very uncomfortable driving a Toyota. He assumes he would feel the same way if he were required to utilize a Hyundai, a Ford, or a Volkswagen. You see, dear reader, Frodo doesn't give a Tinker's Damn as to how he might answer the questions about mileage. He still cares about chicks.
And "No." he has no intention of buying a little red sportscar and using anything that even sounds like Rogaine.