Topic: "Bottled in Thyme"(7)
It was strange enough that an Air Traffic Controller would fall asleep on the job, but it got downright eerie when another one thought that was a good idea and showed up for the night shift with a pillow and blankets. Frodo gagged when he learned that two men died when severe weather brought about the destruction of a sewage holding tank and that nearly every e-mail communication in response blamed the "government" or "Obama" for a private industry project gone awry. Then the President receives a fan letter from Moammar Qaddafi (Frodo thinks he just wanted to get Obama's autograph).
The Republicant assault on Planned Parenthood is proof beyond doubt that somebody, on at least 61 occasions, has produced leaky condoms in the past half-century or so. Frodo refuses to believe that any of these "freshmen" were planned.
Frodo has imbibed more aspirin in the last 30 days than during any comparable period of confusion. To illustrate, simply ask John McCain for his position on US participation in the events taking place in Libya, for example. What he says for the 9 AM News is at direct variance with his statement for the 5 PM News. Is it wrong for Frodo to assume that he could be a winning challenger for the voice-over role of the AFLAC duck?
At the same time, Frodo is struggling with a Form 1040 which was not part of the perennial package which included everything necessary to ensure full compliance. To save money, he assumes, the current geniuses send him to the worldwide web in search of instructions to his Schedule D (for Duh!), and he falls further behind in completing this year's masterpiece. Note also that predictions are that 64% of American Men wil cheat on this year's return (Frodo thinks 65 is closer).
The pollen count in the Shire reached 2487ppm today, which roughly translated means that every damn dogwood, flowering cherry, sweet gum, and maple anywhere south of Newark is in full bloom, and they all require the Hobbit's attention.
At the same time, someone gave Frodo a copy of the current Number One-rated non-fiction hardback, entitled "Unbroken," written by the genius who gave us "Seabiscuit" just a few short years ago. If someone you love ever served our country, read this book, but do so before you give it to someone who may have lived any part of it. You will understand, and thank Frodo, when you do read this very important book. Having just set it down, the Hobbit is truly considering starting it all over again.
It is times like this when Frodo really misses smoking. Anything.