Topic: "Damn Lies" (7)
The endless news cycle breathes support and energy into the use of polling. When there is nothing else to report, take a poll, and find out if Herman Cain would win electoral districts anywhere in direct head-to-head competition with Harry Reid? Frodo finds such data to be beyond the pale, and he ignores 99.4%. There are however, exceptions.
This past week, 61% of Americans polled expressed the belief that Osama bin Laden was now in Hell. Frodo took pause in order to comprehend the thoughts of the other 39%. Where, exactly, did they think he might have gone?
Initially, Frodo thought that the most obvious answer would be Texas. He realized immediately however, that many people would include Texas in the response about Hell, since the two terms are synonymous. Other contenders, not disclosed in the poll, would logically include Alabama, Arizona, South Carolina, New Jersey, and selected non-Arab locations around the small blue planet which we all inhabit. Those who happen to believe that bin Laden is still alive would probably opt for locations such as Somalia, Yemen, Detroit, or Gwinnett County.
Frodo has often wondered how many people believe in the idea of Heaven, but he'd never really drawn many conclusions about their feelings toward the opposition. Obviously, if a huge percentage of people believed in Hell as a potential destination for their eternal recompense for the life they lived on Earth, then surely people would be better behaved during their terrestrial presence, don't you think? If Frodo knew, for example, that he would be confined to the State of Texas for all of Eternity, unless he changed his behavior, then one could expect the Hobbit to start perusing the New Testament in much greater detail.
Lastly, Frodo recognizes that some in that original 39% may actually be of the mind that there is nothing beyond the River Styx, and that Osama bin Laden is just so much worm shit. Frodo can accept that conclusion, too. He hopes however that the worms are some of those grotesque creatures they find residing alongside the undersea chimneys that belch sulfurous gases from the deepest depths. The offal will be soon seen on "Geographic Explorer." Admittedly, one could confuse that scenario with New Jersey.