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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Go Ahead And Hate Your Neighbor, Go Ahead And Cheat a Friend
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "They're He-ear" (4)

Frodo can sometimes be the contrarian to the complete and absolute consternation of the Fellowship.  Frodo, for one, does not want to see the struggle for the Democratic Presidential nomination come to a premature end.  In fact, Frodo may be the only Hobbit who, at this moment, wants to see the internecine struggle go all the way to the last possible legal second.  Frodo is also confident that when all others consider his reasoning, the process will continue unabated.

There are four good reasons why all of the collective attention in Middle Earth needs to remain transfixed on Hillary and Barack.  The four reasons are Anna Nicole, Lindsay, Paris, and Brittany. 

Slowly this day, Frodo began to notice references to the late and unlamented on the black-and-white.  Now that the nominating process is beginning to lose some of its' "news du jour" luster, it is increasingly probable that the talking heads will now return to that which plagued us all before the Iowa Caucuses.  What else, pray tell, can dominate every cable news show that Nancy Grace hasn't already spread-eagled on the operating room table of forensic voyeurism?  Frodo fears that soon we will hear that Anna Nicole has been spotted, alive, on the beach at Ipanema.

It was learned today that, aaargggh, Brittany will receive additional court-sponsored time with her children.  It will, Frodo predicts, probably mean that the children have now seen their last pair of underpants.

Frodo is frightened of Paris (better dubbed "Moscow Motel Six" by friend Merry) and Lindsay, working in tandem.  They might actually miss a turn off Mulholland Drive, and keep going until they run out of gas right in the middle of the Shire.  This would be the point at which Frodo would find himself in complete agreement with Lou Dobbs, and require that our borders be secured against improper immigration.

These are not idle fears, dear reader.  After all, the most interesting thing about the John McCain campaign is just how much Cindy looks like Paris.

Frodo notices little things like that.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 8, 2008
I'm Givin' You a Big Bouquet of Roses
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Second of Two" (4)

Bilbo will cry a little this evening, because a mellow baritone who could mix a little country, a little folk, and a little rock will no longer add to the more than 145 songs which entertained parts of three generations.  For this reason, Frodo will break precedent and briefly eulogize the "Tennessee Plowboy," as the second of what must surely be three who pass in succession.  Eddy Arnold died today, just days short of his 90th birthday, and only two months after his wife of 66 years.

Frodo, during the loneliest time in his life, saw Eddy Arnold in concert, and every song seemed to reach out and speak to his aching heart.  Frodo truly wanted to make the world go away, and to have all of its' burdens removed from his shoulders.  Frodo wanted so desperately to know what someone else was doing in his world.  Frodo could stare into the empty night sky and actually hear the lonesome cattle call. 

The depths of Frodo's depression were answered by the mournful reminders that suffering is something known to all.  Music is not just a celebration of good times, rather it is a chronicle of the joys and the sadness which are a part of the times we know.  As clearly as Eddy Arnold could define Frodo's lament, he must have pulled the very heartstrings of people of Bilbo's time, of whom there are now so few.

The genius of Chet Atkins produced the application of strings to the whippoorwill voice of Eddy Arnold, giving solace to every lover who has ever pined alone.  It is difficult for Frodo to accept that one who has always been there, will no longer be.  It is, he knows, the art that lives on, that speaks to those who remember, and to those trying to forget.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 PM EDT
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Wednesday, May 7, 2008
It Takes Two Baby, Me And You
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)

The Commonwealth of Virginia once described itself as "The Mother of Presidents," and with good reason, for four of the first five just happened to be Virginians.  Over the years, that percentage, and as a matter of fact, most percentages in Virginia, have declined substantially.  In more recent years, such eminent politicians as former US Senator William Scott (identified not only as the "dumbest man in the Senate today, but probably the dumbest ever"), and former Governor/Senator George Allen, whose choice of foreign epithets doomed him to permanent barrister positions outside of the political realm, have generally been characteristic.  Frodo does note however, that current US Senator Jim Webb, and the former Governor and current Senate candidate Mark Warner are exceptional performers.  There is nothing however, which can reverse that which permanently besmirches Virginia as its' stand for "states' rights" in the middle part of the twentieth century.  Frodo's tale this night is so that some of us remember, and that the rest will learn.

Mildred Loving, age 68, died this past week.  Born Mildred Jeter, she met Richard Loving and married him in 1958 in Washington, D.C.  When they returned to their home in Central Point, Virginia, just north of Richmond, a few weeks later, they were arrested and charged with "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth."  In order to avoid jail, the couple agreed to leave Virginia, and to not return for at least 25 years.  They moved from their home and settled in the District of Columbia. 

Some years later, the Lovings wrote the the Attorney General of the United States, Robert F. Kennedy.  The issue was referred to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) who took up the case, and directed it all the way to the Supreme Court (when it was a "Supreme Court").  In 1967, the Court unanimously ruled that states could not deny their right to marry, and thus were laws changed in 17 states, and thereby the Lovings were able to return home to Virginia and raise their two children.  Richard died in an automobile accident several years ago.  The widowed Mildred was remembered this week by her daughter as "strong and brave yet humble--and believed in love."

Frodo's query is about the sanctity of marriage, and how it seems that it is again under assault by those who would challenge human beings who love and live together.  No, dear reader, the issue isn't quite the same today as it was in 1958, when Richard Loving who was white, and Mildred Jeter who was black, got married.  The issue, dear reader, today is so different, or is it?

Mildred Jeter Loving, goin' home. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:36 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 4, 2008
There's a Moon Out Tonight
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Proxy Server Error" (4)

EDITORIAL NOTE:  Evening past, Frodo spent considerable time and effort in the subject matter identified above,  Upon completion, he was informed that he had experienced a "Proxy Server Error."  To Frodo, this sounded something like Bill Clinton or Jeremiah Wright.  In any event, he attempted to copy his creation, but found that his out-of-date printer refused to function without the input of a new color cartridge.  Frodo then attempted to e-mail the creation to himself, allowing him to access the original once the surrogate or whatever was done making havoc.  In the end, he lost everything he had written to the mysterious ethernet.  This evening he will attempt to re-create his narrative and to ask someone wiser and more technically-proficient to explain to Frodo exactly what the computer geekies were trying to communicate with the phrase "proxy server error."

Frodo has a habit of opening packages, assembling parts, and ignoring instructions.  This is, he feels, in response to the dangling participles and double negatives which characterize any product outline manufactured by individuals seeking some form of retribution for the final outcome of the Second World War.  Upon receipt of his first telescope, Frodo also assumed that popping in a few lenses, attaching a viewing stand, and focusing on celestial objects was not really a series of daunting tasks.  Wisely, he decided to test his finished product on the largest and brightest of the heavenly bodies.

The Moon may shine brightest in Kentucky, but it is hard to miss almost anywhere in Middle Earth.  It did not take Frodo long to find that brightest of objects, and to bring a new level of clarity to its surface and his minds' eye.  What Frodo was not prepared for however, were the ridges running all over the lunar geography.  Not unlike the walls constructed along the Mexican border, Frodo found himself looking at distinct geographic subdivisions all over the face of the Man in the Moon.  In a frenzy, he sought out Sam and issued instructions to contact NASA.  

Sam was reluctant to act so precipitously.  Sam advised Frodo to go back, to check his degrees of latitude and longitude, or whatever, and to take a second look at his discovery.  Frodo took affront.  Reluctantly, he did as Sam suggested, and was again peering into the lens when Sam asked if he still saw the ridges on the face of the Moon.  Frodo said he did, but, he added, he also now had identified what appeared to be writing on one of the ridges.

"Writing!," exclaimed Sam.  "What kind of writing, is it something you can decipher?"

"Yes," said Frodo sheepishly, "it says 'Philadelphia Gas and Electric.'"

Sam smiled and returned to the supper dishes, while Frodo raised his lens ten degrees in order to observe the Moon itself, and to avoid the "proxy server error" which had drawn him to the streetlight.

Many years later and on this evening, Frodo has a new-and-improved telescope and comparatively vast experience in his celestial avocation.  Oftentimes Frodo has observed the North Star, Mars, Venus, and the Constelllation Orion.  Here, in the mountainous ridges above Lake Lovey, free of streetlights, Frodo is able to explore the Universe while contemplating the rate of dissolution experienced by ice in a variety of libations.  As he swung his "Bushnell" into action, he was startled to find a heretofore inexplicable void in the southwestern sky, just a few degrees above the horizon.  "Egad," said he, "Frodo has stumbled upon the first 'black hole' ever observed from a mountaintop in Tennessee."

Frodo learned a long time ago that Sam is not an acceptable documentarian for his scientific discoveries.  He grabbed his tall glass and took off afoot to the cabin around the bend, occupied by the recently retired professor from the university, appropriately dubbed "Doctor John."

"Forsooth," spake Frodo (Frodo has an Elizabethan tendency that exhibits itself as the ice melts), "Doctor John, come quickly, for Frodo has discovered something so magnificent in his telescope that considerable care will have to be given to an appropriate cognomen for that which he has just discovered."

"Oh," queried Doctor John, "and what is it that thou hadst brought forth from the unknown to share with all mankind this day, friend Frodo?"

"A black hole."

"A black hole say you," he marveled, "as in one of those objects through which gravity and light itself are unable to penetrate; where there is no intellectual life, not even any distinguishable microbic activity?"

"Aye, a black hole."

The conspirators raced back in Doctor John's personal golf cart (used in place of a motorcar whenever there is ice melting in any tall glass).  Doctor John placed his eyeball upon the lens, twisting it slightly to sharpen his view of the void.  Frodo danced from foot-to-foot as the academic "Hmmmed" and "Ahummed" for countless moments of examination.  Finally, he looked up, and spaked, er, spoke.

"Frodo, my friend, you have, as best I can determine this evening, documented your rather persistent assertion about an actual location in which there is no intelligent life."

"What?  What do you mean my 'persistent assertion'?  I've never seen anything like this before, and neither has anyone else around here."

"Frodo, you are on a high point, focused due south southwest, and you have an unobstructed view of the Great State of Texas."


"Yes, the place you say harbors only those who absorb all light, and who produce nothing of value.  Actually, it is quite remarkable that you were able to view with such clarity that which emits very little worth noting."

"So my 'black hole' is Texas?"

"That would be my conclusion, yes."

"And you agree that Texas actually resembles a 'black hole'?"

"Oh indeed, and might I trouble you for an addition to our continuing analysis of ice dissolution?"

In his haste, Frodo accidentally spilled ice all over the deck.  "Well," he said, "at least I have solved my original conundrum this evening."

"Pardon?" said Doctor John.

"I just committed a 'Proxy Server Error'."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EDT
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Saturday, May 3, 2008
There's a Moon Out Tonight
Mood:  spacey

Frodo admits to the fact that sometimes (okay, all the time) he opens the package and sits the instructions aside.  Despite the fact that even laboratory rats learn from unfortunate experience, Frodo refuses to spend valuable time interpreting English written by someone with a revenge motive from the end result of the Second World War.  Such was the case when he obtained his first telescope.

"How hard can it be?," said Frodo.  "I mean, all you do is insert the lenses, mount the telescope on the stand, and point it in the right direction.  How hard can it be?"

That first night, Frodo wisely assessed that a large celestial object, in this case the Moon, would be easiest to find, and then to adjust all the focus.  Things seemed to be working on plan, but then Frodo was stunned to find grooves all over the Moon.  "I mean," he said, "I thought that the canals were supposed to be on Mars, but there were these walls, very similar to what's being built on the Mexican border, and they were everywhere.  I started for the portable telephone, and was looking up the telephone number for NASA when Sam suggested that I might want to look closer before enlisting the services of the federal government.

Reluctantly, Frodo returned to the telescope, moving it slightly to the right.  He screamed, "Sam, come look, there's writing."

"Writing?  What does it say?"

"It says 'Philadelphis Gas & Light.'"

The streetlight was, to Frodo's dismay, even brighter than the actual celestial object located about ten degrees above the observation point of his telescope.  Sam smiled at Frodo and assured him that the boys in Greenwich certainly made similar errors from time-to-time.

This amusing event is recalled because of Frodo's astronomical discovery this past evening.  Having learned the location of the Moon, the North Star, the Constellation 'Orion,' and occasionally the planets Mars and Venus, Frodo is much more scientific than in his youthful years.  Last evening however, Frodo was startled to find, for the first time, that his new-and-improved telescope had identified the first "black hole" ever visible to an observer based at Lake Lovey, in Tennessee.  This area of absolute nothingness was clearly defined in the southwestern sky, just a few degrees above the horizon.  Frodo took his time, and examined the entire perimeter until he was personally convinced that what he saw was absolutely devoid of life or any molecular substance.

Having learned his lesson that Sam tended to minimize the significance of his findings, Frodo called his friend "Doctor John," a retired professor from the University, and told him what he had discovered.  Thoroughly atwitter, and with a cocktail in hand, "Doctor John" hurried over to the deck outside Frodo's cabin and peered skyward through Frodo's telescope.  After several minures, he turned to Frodo and said, "Frodo, you have something here.  What we are looking at, as you have stated many times before, is a place where there is no intelligent life."

"What do you mean 'as I have stated many times before'?", queried Frodo.

"Frodo, my friend, from our elevated position, you have sighted the telescope directly on the State of Texas.  This 'finding' documents your continuing assertion that the entire area is a 'black hole,' devoid, as you allege, of any reason to ever go there."

Point, game, set.  Ain't science grand?  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:45 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 1, 2008
Fool Was My Name
Mood:  down
Topic: "School Holiday" (4)

Dana Something-or-Other, the current spokesperson, stood before the assembled gaggle and admitted that today would be a day that would not be politically advantageous for the Administration of the Incomparable Moron.  Somehow, she seemed to be saying, the "Mission Accomplished" banner, unfurled on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, five years ago today, was actually created at the White House, but it had nothing to do with the theatrics in Iraq.  Rather, she averred, the banner was congratulatory to the ship's crew, given that their tour of duty was over, and they were on their way home. 

More than 3900 young men and women have come home since that day.  The President of the United States has not attended one single ceremony marking their homecoming.  He has not unfurled one single banner which reads "Mission Accomplished."  Frodo has to say that this is the single most bizarre, most disrespectful exhibition of human insensitivity which he has ever personally confronted.  Oh, believe dear reader, Frodo has seen evidence and read of unspeakable acts of cruelty, even in Middle Earth, of one living creature acting shamelessly to another, but never has there been a President of the United States who has choreographed these events as if they were political theatre. 

These young men and women deserve so much more.  The actions of this Incomparable Moron, Incomparable Moron says Frodo, must be chronicled, remembered, so that no one ever, ever, treats this sacrifice with so little respect. 

Frodo proposes that the First Day of May, celebrated by some as the advent of Spring and by others as a revolutionary political hoedown, be recognized as a National Holiday.  Let us dub this date as "Suffer We the Fools Day," in which we  come together and recognize all of the ingenuous stupidity which has haunted our common experience.

The picture of George W. Bush should adorn the commemorative postage stamp.  Along the top of the stamp should be the phrase "Suffer We the Fools," and in the respective bottom corners the words "Katrina" and "Iraq" can stand on their own, without further explanation.

Write your Congressman today.  Especially today.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:48 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I Believe in Miracles, Oh You Sexy Thing
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Render Unto Wright" (4)

Frodo is the last Hobbit in all of Middle Earth to approach with any form of conspiracy theory.  He did not believe that there was a "vast right wing conspiracy," nor did he believe that that the University of Georgia deserved to be ranked "Number One" (certainly not in any academic realm) by the Bowl Selection Comiittee.  It was surprising to him however, when Samwise began to filibuster over the dinner table about the pecuniary future of one named Jeremiah Wright.

"You watch," said Sam, "sooner or later it is going to come out that some book publisher, or some-as-yet undisclosed major contributor to the Clinton Library is going to be found out as the money behind that old sleazeball."

Frodo sat in stunned silence as Sam continued the discourse.

"It would be just like them to have arranged for some major bucks to be paid to this supposed "Reverend" if he would derail Obama's chances at the nomination.  It is not fair," Sam articulated, "that such a good man would be pilloried by people who would do anything to get elected."

Frodo was totally unprepared for such a spin on something he had viewed from an entirely different perspective.  In truth, Frodo felt that here was an old guy, under personal assault, who was merely striking back by defending the kind of paranoid proposal which seem to characterize old people.  In fact, Obama himself had nearly said the same thing, when he talked about the "bitter" response of some people to their personal circumstances.  Sam was, however, putting forth the belief that this latter-day Judas had collected thirty pieces of silver.

Like, wow.

"Sam," asked Frodo, "what makes you think it was the Clintons, and not some newly-spun Karl Rove in the McCain camp?"

"That would come later if it was the Republicans," said Sam.  "They aren't organized enough yet, they're just letting the Democrats shoot themselves in both feet, and they'll jump in and use their money wisely once the shooting stops, if ever."

"Sam, it is a lot for me to digest," parried Frodo, "I'll have to think on this a bit."

NOTE:  Sam is white, under 60, makes more than $50K per year, and has a college degree; ergo, per all measures of statistical polling and media reporting, is thereby prevented from supporting Hillary Clinton.  Sam is also left-handed.

Left-handed people, as we all know, are trying to take over the world.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:15 PM EDT
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Monday, April 28, 2008
With The Poor People of This World, I Want to Cast My Lot
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "St. George" (4)

Every once in a while, Frodo happens across someone who simply takes his breath away.  Not, he implores, in either a visceral or redemptive manner, but a simple soul who could have filled the role portrayed by Tom Hanks in the movie "Forrest Gump."  Frodo's friend John Jenkins, who died during the "ambushes" at Duc Lap in 1968, was such a man.  You know the type, dear reader, as honest as the day is long, hard-working, devoted to friends and family; a person who is too good for his own good, or so they say.  He whom Frodo has dubbed "St. George," of the "Men of Gondor" is such a person, and Frodo has asked for a few moments of your time merely to introduce you to a very good Man.

George first introduced himself as "actively retired," and that description fit perfectly.  Once an intercollegiate swimmer, he has stayed with the discipline and is today a frequent winner in "Senior Olympics" wherever they may be held.  He is a volunteer extraordinaire, devoting countless hours to the Salvation Army and other organizations who serve the homeless and the underprivileged.  Annually, he assists in the all-night effort to take an accurate census of the homeless in downtown Atlanta, a task which would daunt even the fearless Samwise.  He serves as the organizing center of the Men of Gondor.

Frodo first noted this good man as he spun the tale of his own father, who had to leave his employer due to illness, and was promptly cut-off from his health insurance.  St. George choked as he heard Frodo's voice break, and Frodo saw the sympathetic tear in the eye of one not known.  In the days and years to come, St. George would encourage Frodo to join with him in offering greater assistance to the less fortunate.  Eventually, Frodo and the rest of the Men of Gondor joined St. George in the annual ringing of the bell outside a Wal-Mart front door in the days before Christmas.  It remains the day that culminates the Holiday Season for Frodo.

"Honey" and Sam have never met.  Soldiers, it seems, are reluctant to cross bounds of loyalty with those of fidelity, no matter if they bear sword or the Cross of Jesus.  St. George is a quiet man, but with an engaging and winning smile.  There is no doubt that he acts sincerely, and respectfully.  Frodo has been very fortunate to have crossed this path.

Today, St. George, previously encumbered by a dragon it seems, called upon Frodo in dismay.  "Why, Sir Frodo, would you deem it best to forego our time together?  Have I done something to offend?"

Frodo felt that such a query would come, and for one such as St. George, there is no easy response.  He asked Frodo to consider staying with the Men of Gondor.  "Surely Frodo, you know that Sauron still bears the ring, and that those of us who would rend it from his grasp need to keep each other strong during this long endeavor."

Frodo promised to consider the plea of this good, good soul.  He is still weary, so weary, but Hobbits always listen to the entreaties of those who serve us all, and ask so very little in return.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 27, 2008
Nobody Here Can Walk It For You, You Gotta Walk It By Yourself
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Hungarian Answer" (4)

James Michener, one of Frodo's favorite authors, first came to Frodo's attention when he wrote a book about the Hungarian Revolution in 1957.  The scrappy Hungarians tried to separate themselves from the Soviet Empire, and implored President Dwight Eisenhower and the American Government to aid them.  When that did not occur, the Hungarians eventually fell to the onslaught of tanks and superior manpower.  Although Frodo now looks back at those events in historical context, he had an entirely different point of view when he first read the Reader's Digest Condensed version of Michener's work.  In fact, every young boy he knew had a similar reaction.

The Soviets were so determined to find and to destroy the leaders of the Revolution, that they utilized specialized methods to encourage the flow of information.  It was written and reported by Michener that glass tubes were inserted into the opening of the penis of unfortunate prisoners, and the dangling organs were beaten until the glass tubes were all broken.  Young, developing, boys read this to each other all around the world, and Frodo was one of them.  The universal response was "Eeeyewww," accompanied by a shielding handclasp.

Frodo was today asked a hypothetical about torture.  He was asked what he would do if he could preserve, with dignity and happiness, all life on the small blue planet, if he merely would tolerate a single instance of torture against one small representative of one small species.  Frodo knew that the questioner was trying to elicit his acceptance of the "water boarding" that the Incomparable Moron seems to feel is a legitimate tool to be used in his War against unidentified combatants.  As tempting as such an offer is, Frodo could not bring himself to forget the glass tubes in those Hungarian boys.

Frodo once had a BB-Gun, and in his ardor, he began to pursue songbirds.  One day, he remembers firing and winging a dove in flight.  He pursued the wounded bird from yard-to-field, firing constantly.  At last he saw the bird fall just over a hillock, and he ran to the summit in order to view the carcass.  Instead, he found the bird of peace bleeding profusely from a hole in his throat.  Frodo cocked, and re-cocked, until he could put the creature out of its undeserved misery.  That, dear reader, happened decades ago, and the picture is still so vivid and the pumping blood so scarlet, that Frodo has, on innumerable nights, wakened amid his guilt.

Tolerate torture?  Frodo would never again have a night's sleep.  Nor could he even take a piss.  It really makes one wonder what it would take for George W. Bush to wake up, and not be able to go back to sleep.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:44 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 26, 2008
I Can't Live With Or Without You
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Tovarich" (4)

When first the Kennedy Center opened for business, Frodo and Sam bought tickets; the year was 1975.  They saw Yul Brynner, James Earl Jones, Kevin Conway, Robert Horton, Rita Moreno, Cleavon Little, and, of course, Dame Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev.  James Earl Jones starred in "Of Mice and Men," and Frodo will never forget the dozen or so "special people" who were uncharacteristically seated after the lights had gone down and the actors appeared on stage.  Some very special person had figured out that watching James Earl Jones play the part which he did would be very, very special for some special people.  Frodo and Sam cried together watching them watch, and listen, to a giant of a man, who sounded just like them, so very special. 

The next year was 1976, and everything at the Kennedy Center was programmed to celebrate the 200th Anniversary of the founding of the Republic.  Frankly, dear reader, in Frodo's opinion, the whole program sucked.  Frodo and Sam did not re-new their subscription, and they moved on to other forms of entertainment.

The story this night is of the Hobbit who found a special appreciation for ballet.  Long before the night with Fonteyn and Nureyev, Frodo was offered a choice by Rachel A. Ames, High-School English Teacher Extraordinaire.  He could write a 50-page paper on the "American Civilization," or he could attend the performance entitled "Stars of the Bolshoi Ballet," appearing at the Uline Arena in Washington, D.C.  The tickets were cheap, in those days, since Russians were not exactly looked upon favorably, and Frodo figured that two or three hours napping while a bunch of "June Taylor Dancers" made sugar-plums on stage was far better than nights of pounding on the Selectric.

Frodo will never forget noticing the knots of muscle on the calves of the men.  Then, when these characters went air-borne, three or more feet straight up into space, Frodo's mouth fell open, and he put aside all thoughts beyond pure admiration.  Following that, these incredibly gorgeous, and lithe, women came flying into the arms of the athletes already on-stage, and they never once broke into anything resembling perspiration.  It was a life-changing moment for Frodo, which he has considered, in many respects, whenever tempted to demean persons of whom he has no knowledge, much less introduction.

It was unsurprising that Frodo's palms were wet, and that even the prima ballerina by his side was an object of lesser attention when Nureyev and Fonteyn came on stage.  Fonteyn was in her 50's, and was far beyond her prime.  Although Frodo does not know for sure, it is possible that he and Sam saw her in one of her last performances on stage.  Nureyev looked as if he had just come from a photo shoot for GQ.  In Frodo's time on our small blue planet, he can safely say that Presley and Banderas are the only males who were ever more physically appealing than was the Russian on that night .  When the dancers were done, Frodo stood, and cheered, and applauded, and did so until no one else was left in the auditorium.

Being among the last to leave, Frodo and Sam sat at the end of the traffic line, and their eyes sparkled for each other, and for the beauty and grace of that night,  Then, on Sam's side of the car, Frodo saw him, walking from the Kennedy Center, to the Watergate, dressed in a leather suit, brown it was, and wearing a beret.  Nureyev, all alone, it was.  Frodo shook Sam and they stared at the maestro as his eyes caught theirs.  Frodo, not knowing what else to do or say, simply screamed "Tovarich, Dwo Svedanya."  Nureyev smiled, and did a full-arm wave to his American fans, and repeated the words to Frodo.

Frodo had heard Charles Bronson use the same phrase in "The Great Escape."   Frodo has had an affection for the best vodka, and lime juice, ever since.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:00 PM EDT
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