Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Thing I Want Most Is The Thing I Can Not Win
Mood:

sad
Topic: "Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)

It is cancer, returning, spreading, through soft tissue and into bone. Years have turned into decades, and Frodo's good friend, who has lived to inspire so many to heights otherwise unobtainable, is again ravaged by that which portends the day when he shall be no more. Frodo is bearing the burden alone, telling not Samwise nor sharing the loss to be with others, who cannot comprehend the magnitude of the loss to come.

"I Yam What I Yam, I'm Popeye the Sailor Man" is what Frodo's friend told his own father so many years ago when he departed the worlds of success and honor in order to return to a small town, to teach, to coach, and to counsel the generation to follow. To that moment, Frodo did not understand, and was singularly involved in an effort to change the mind of his friend. That is, until he heard the words of Popeye.

Perhaps, in a Dickensian moment, Frodo sensed that there is no greater love nor sacrifice than that of he who knows what it is that he was meant to do, and that he goes therefore and does so. Frodo wanted Tom Bombadil to go back to the College of the Shire and to help brave Charlie go beyond the 157th position, and to make all the world safe for those who truly believe that education is the only answer. Frodo's arrogance was conflicted by the reality of the scythe that waits, for all.

It is good that Tom got to know and love Olive Oyl. Frodo will wish that he could have shared one more hamburger with his old friend, and for that he would have surely paid on Tuesday.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:40 PM EST

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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Please Release Me Let Me Go
Mood:

happy
Topic: "Alright, Who Did It?"(7)

Martin Milner, Nick Adams, Jimmy Cagney, Ward Bond, Jack Lemon, Henry Fonda. All gone now, but players extraordinaire in the movie made from the play, "Mister Roberts." All men, interestingly enough, especially considering what a bunch of toots a lot of men in America have turned out to be, a generation removed from a story about a whole generation.

Frodo has been thinking, and all of us are aware of the peril involved in such activity. Frodo has been thinking about what the world may have been like had Hillary Clinton won the Presidential Election in 2008. Frodo, as many know, fought hard, knowing that no matter what, he would see Aragorn as the leader of Middle Earth, as long as McCain & Palin were offal. Aragorn would either be the first African-American or the first Female to lead the world as America's President.

Imagine, dear reader, what Rick Santorum would say to Mrs. Clinton when he started talking about family planning, or birth control. Imagine what she might say to Governor Bob McDonnell of Virginia about vaginal probes and psychological examinations of female medical patients against their will? To say that such a confrontation might be worth the price of admission may qualify as the understatement of the twernty-first century, only 11 years old.

Frodo does not regret his vote in behalf of Barack Obama, but damn, wouldn't that have been a moment for all the world to see? Frodo imagines it would rival the moment when Frank Pulver, Laundry & Morale Officer, placed a fire-cracker in the Laundry.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:45 PM EST

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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

It's So Nice To Have You Back Where You Belong
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)

Virginia produces religious and gender bigots. It is beneath Frodo's personal opinion of himself to document the Jerry Falwell-Pat Robertson-et al-cabal who have played upon the emotional weakness of that section of Middle Earth that was once known as "the Mother of Presidents." It is also, perhaps, overkill that one such as Frodo would rush to the parapet of the Black Gate and take command in the name of his sisters and friends. Nay, better it is that the Hobbit merely add a few shots of sarcasm to the legislative products which speak volumes about Virginia, a truly terrible place to live. Virginia, to alter the state motto, is for assholes.

Do you know what is written on the vaginal probes that are mandated under "Virginia Law" for those seeking certain methods of birth control?

ANSWER--"If you can read this message, you're too damn close."

Do you know what Sarah Palin wrote on her vaginal probe?

ANSWER--"You can see Russia from here."

Sometime, Frodo admits, it hurts too much to laugh.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:47 PM EST

Updated: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 9:52 PM EST

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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

It's Not For Me To Say
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Dodged a Bullet"(7)

Frodo grows wary when he is asked the same question over and over and over again. It begins to bother him when he recognizes that those asking the question are all coming from the same perch, or should Frodo say, the same altar.

"Don't you agree that this is the most important election in American History?"

"No, actually" said Frodo. "The more thought thrown into consideration, the less important this election is in comparison to a number of presidential elections, both within my lifetime, and before" stated the Hobbit.

The look that emanates from friend and foe alike is that the Hobbit is some sort of Occupy something-or-other who needs to get a haircut, take a bath, and get a job (the point being that a lifetime working his way up Mount Doom means nothing to those who would follow Newt into a brothel or an ice cream parlor, the Hobbit is a "socialist" to them).

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, named by TIME Magazine as the most important person of the Twentieth Century, in one or more of his presidential contests certainly represented an election more important than that which will occur in November. The scope of the "Great Depression" and World War II in and of themselves alone certainly represented challenges which help produce what we all commonly refer to as the "greatest generation." It is hard to imagine what would have happened had Herbert Hoover or Wendell Wilkie been selected to run America "like a business."

John McCain and Sarah Palin, even considering the incomparable suffering as a POW by McCain, represent a campaign ticket that was created in a vain attempt to win an election at any cost. McCain's answer to economic challenge was to marry a rich wife. Palin's response was to write a couple of worthless books, and to hint about her past as a "sports groupie." Can any rational person believe that allowing the car companies to fold and cutting taxes would have brought about a quicker terminus to our economic dilemma? This was an election which dwarfed that which stands in our future, simply because it brought about the silence which now surrounds the eight years about which no one talks, even Republicants.

No, dear reader, the second term of Barack Obama, and his faithful sidekick "B.O." ("Bo", since you probably never realized this is how the dog got his name), will commence with an inaugural address which will be the second most important Second Inaugural ever delivered. His opponent in the election will be no more than a footnote in history, but he will author at least two worthless books. The President will, at last, have the opportunity to "bind up the nation's wounds. . .to do all which may achieve a just and lasting peace among ourselves. . ."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:10 PM EST

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Sunday, February 12, 2012

What a Difference a Day Makes
Mood:

bright
Topic: "Birthday Buddies" (7)

Mention birthdays in February and Frodo was quick to identify how many Mondays off he got during good ole February. For many years, the birthdays of both Washington and Lincoln were celebrated by extracurricular non-vocational activity. Somewhere along the way PRESIDENTS DAY came into being, and February became more like October. Tomorrow is one of the days once part of Frodo's February twosome. Reminiscing over a February holiday is not a routine event for the Hobbit, so it is worthwhile to note that the 12th day of February is also the birthday of Charles Darwin.

Darwin was born within four hours of Abraham Lincoln on that identical day in a long ago February. It makes Frodo wonder if there wasn't something truly wonderful in the water back then? The most inspiring of our national leaders and the most adventuresome of scientific pioneers wrapped together in the quixotic interplay of role reversals. Lincoln, of course, was killed before he could realize his life-long desire to travel across the Continental Divide to California, and Darwin, who used the HMS BEAGLE in order to travel to the remoteness of the Galapagos and count iguanas, and boobies, and tortoises; then to theorize in similar manner to the Newtonian falling apple.

Frodo has always been fascinated by the concept of greatness. What is it about the Mona Lisa that puts a singular portrait above the hundreds of thousands collecting dust in the basements of museums? Why does one man rise above all others to accept responsibility without reward, as say an Albert Schweitzer? Is it simply the search for truth that put Galileo in the sights of a Pope or two?

Frodo thinks it was the water.

Anybody for the celebration of clean water, maybe on some other Monday in February?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EST

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

And I Don't Give a Damn About a Greenback Dollar
Mood:

not sure

Frodo remembers one of the great scenes in all of moviedom when dueling banjos represented a downhill run that was anything but fun for the canoeists of DELIVERANCE. It is not uncommon for the Hobbit to find himself listening for the music and finding something unexpected. Today, that realization was discovered in the empty aisles of the TARGET store.

Where is everybody? A nice suburban location with a comparatively affluent clientele on a cold and windswept winter's day for a major retailer is generally arush with escapees from cabin fever. Not so this day. Frodo could have stood in the middle of the store wearing lederhosen and called at the top of his voice for a throat lozenge and nobody was there to notice.

While Sam piloted the motorcar, for a change, and Mick, the Wonder Dog, gazed at doggie television as it passed by his position in the rear seat, Frodo looked around, as if he were on a nature walk in search of small signs of a coming spring. The German grocery chain that seems well-stocked with a limited variety of bulk goods and unknown name brands had a steady flow of traffic, or so it seemed to Frodo. The charitable organization which recently seems to be selling donated goods from shiny new locations in strip shopping centers was packed, people buying heavier coats and such.

Cable network news, not the local media, reported today that of all the 50 states, the people of Georgia are least prepared to exist on savings. Should a citizen of the area about the Shire lose his job, and suffer without income, that person would have less than a few months of his own capital at hand. Dead last in all the Union.

What did they do with what they had? What are they going to do? What are we going to do? Yet, attendance for the ATLANTA BRAVES will approach 3,000,000 no matter what. People will pay the $7 it costs for a single beer at Turner Field. Neill Diamond will sing to a sell-out crowd at $75-150 per ticket in just a few months. Even more interesting is the fact that, with the exception of an occasional OBAMA sticker, like the one on his motorcar, there are none broadcasting allegiance to one of the Republicants. Frodo has not seen a bumper sticker for weeks, and the last one he saw was "CAIN IS ABLE."

Frodo will have to spend a little less time in the woods, and pay greater attention to the traffic from the co-pilot's position. Mick, the Wonder Dog, will not object at all. Sam couldn't be happier, Frodo's driving has always been of concern.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EST

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Friday, February 10, 2012

There's a Moon Out Tonight
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "N. Leroy" (7)

Frodo decided that he would sit and listen to one entire political speech from beginning to end. He figured that he had already heard every imaginable and supercilious statement in sound bites, and it would be an appropriate waste of his time to measure the construction of said thoughts by one who would be President. Fortunately, Willard and Santini had already spoken, so Frodo was spared another rendition of "America the Beautiful" and was immune from another assault on 21st century sectarian thought. Saint Paul was up in Maine, and nobody really seemed to know why, leaving only the Newtster as the subjkect of Frodo's analysis.

Unbelievably, the former Speaker of the House repeated most of the diatribe from a recent news conference where he went into great length about his perceived activities upon his inauguration and prior to his next act of adultery. There was an exception however, and it had to do with the Moon.

A few days ago the proposal had been made to re-commit resources to the nation's lunar exploration efforts. Newt suggested that he would, before his second term commenced, establish an American lunar colony of 13,000 adventurers, and that before he left office, the colony would apply for and receive American statehood.

Frodo would like to point out that his eminence has never stepped to the plate in behalf of the 550,000 American citizens who populate the District of Columbia, and who have continuously sought statehood for decades, if not centuries. Frodo admits to being confused about the distinction; doesn't it seem logical that Newt I would win the adoration, loyalty, and support of an awful lot more potential voters if he initiated statehood for old D.C.?

Perhaps the 13,000 residents of "Moon Base Gingrich" would all be former students and girl friends from the University of West Georgia? They would be all white, wouldn't they?

Hmmm!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EST

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Thursday, February 9, 2012

Who's Sorry Now?
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Frodo's Revenge"(7)

Larry O'Neill and Byron Trapnell were bullies in every sense of the word. Although neither flushed Frodo's head down a toilet nor stuffed him into a locker, that was probably only due to the fact that collectively they were not intelligent enough to have thought of something so complex. True it is, given the present standards, both would have been dismissed from school and would have been featured on the local evening news in handcuffs. School had many negative features for the smallest and the weakest. Without doubt the exploits of these two miniature hoodlums was among the worst of school-day memories for the Hobbit.

But they were not THE worst.

Friday was the day that Frodo came to detest. Rather than a heaping plate of shepherd's pie, or a cheeseburger, or even something dubbed "mystery meat", the Friday public school menu was always the same.

Fishsticks.

No definition to "fishsticks" was ever offered. Were they greasy cod, whitefish, catfish, tuna, shark, carp, or something from the deepest depths of the East River? The only certainty was that, come Friday, it was going to be fishsticks.

Frodo grew up hating Catholics. The grubby little fat guys ate the fishsticks as if they actually liked them. Frodo came to believe however that they only consumed the garbage because some religious father figure, who may have been a woman, would smack the shit out of them if they didn't eat their damn fishsticks.

Frodo resented the fact that, every Friday, in order to appease the Catholics, all the rest of the students in the School of the Shire had to face the weekend with greasy fishsticks stuck in the intestinal tract. Time has the habit of soothing the irritations of youth alas, so Frodo eventually got over his prejudice. At least that is what he thought until this little battle over "contraception" raised its ugly head.

The issue, as the entire potential electorate of the small blue planet knows, is that the "Bishops" in Middle Earth have collectively attacked the guaranteed services for contraceptive purposes which current law allows. The argument being, from their side, that it is wrong for the government to provide services which are contrary to their religious beliefs. On the other side is the fact that 98% of all the women of Middle Earth, including the Catholic populace, actually utilize contraception, even when the Church says they must not.

In order to avoid his darker side, Frodo is proposing a compromise. Since he has consumed more fishsticks than he ever deserved, because of his Catholic friends, maybe they can keep their beliefs to themselves, and tell their Bishops to suck wind.

By the way, should either Messrs. O'Neill or Trapnell ever stumble upon the wisdom of Frodo, he'd like to take an opportunity to tell them both to "eat fishsticks."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:15 PM EST

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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Got The Rockin' Pneumonia And The Boogie-Woogie Blues
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Limbaugh Hero"(7)

In the late 1930's radio was becoming king. The opportunities that technological change makes available are typically omnipresent, and those days were no different. On the other side of the border with Mexico, entrepreneurs sprang to life developing super-stations with wattage far beyond the limitations placed on domestic broadcasters. This afforded stations with call letters like XERA, physically placed in towns with names like Del Rio, to send their signals almost all the way to Canada. Sponsors, with names like the Consolidated Royal Chemical Corporation, were anxious to draw listeners who might also become customers and that meant that entertainers of the day had a ready market for their talent and services.

The founding owner of XERA was a gentleman named John Romulus Brinkley, and that's "Doctor" Brinkley to you, dear reader. The opulent estate of Doctor Brinkley is legend even today. Let it be said that the successfully transplanted palm trees placed about the swimming pool each sat atop 400-pound blocks of ice beneath the root systems. Expense was no concern to Doctor Brinkly, particularly given the revenue.

Doctor Brinkley informed the world about his medical miracles through the entertainment he provided via XERA. As an alumni of the Kansas City Eclectic School of Medicine, this Jackson County, North Carolina, native was sensitive to the common male complaint that time had withdrawn the "pep" from masculinity. In response, the good doctor offered to graft goat glands onto the testicles of the afflicted. When the potential patient arrived at XERA he brought $750 with him, payable in advance. The operation, performed under local anesthesia, took about 15 minutes.

To accentuate the audience, Brinkley needed to expand the good news of his miracles to more and more increasingly susceptible people. This brought A.P., Sara, and Maybelle Carter to Del Rio, and their unique musical skills to the world. Famous already in "country" or "hillbilly" circles, the virtual nationwide broadcast brought the rural and agrarian populations together all listening to "Will the Circle Be Unbroken," "Wildwood Flower," and "John Henry", twice a day, every day. The audience stayed, and listened to Dr. Brinkley.

Frodo has often wondered about the linkage between conservative miracle workers, and the extensive population that they address over the radio. He never imagined that it is a part of traditional Americana. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and Fox & Friends are sending a message to the susceptible, just as Doctor Brinkley did so many years ago. Now we understand why conservatives have no balls.

Frodo strongly suggests "Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone," by Mark Zwonitzer & Charles Hirshberg.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EST

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Isn't Life Strange?
Mood:

blue
Topic: "Moody" (7)

Title, mood, topic all interrelated this evening.

740 participants in the Second World War die every single day, including this one. All known to Frodo are now gone.

10,000 Americans retire every single day, and it will continue for years to come. Frodo marches.

The last surviving participant in the First World War died today. She was a Brit, and Frodo will not disparage her memory. He will honor it.

Sometimes the enormity of the numbers, as we all learned from Henry Paulson and George W. Bush, are such that they simply dwarf the medium. The magnitude of the change that takes place before us is simply not comprehensible. Our institutions change before our eyes, and all of the rules that once were now seem to relate to games that are played by children, and not grown men.

For those challenged by Frodo's opening, your hint is "Nights in White Satin."

Enjoy.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:30 PM EST

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