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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Love Is Like a Butterfly
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Simba"(8)

Fiona Apple is a performer who won the admiration of a Hobbit because she canceled her business arrangements in order to become the care provider for her friend, Janet.  Janet is a 14 year-old pit bull, suffering from Addison's Disease.  Don't let the tears well up inside however, since Frodo's purpose in his words this evening are because of Fiona Apple, not in spite of her.

Frodo today met Simba, who could well pass for the wire-haired one known as Asta, to those who would remember Nick & Nora, cast upon the big screen as "The Thin Man."  Simba is, not unlike Janet, 14 years old, and her future is equally challenged.  She is however, not quite so well served since she now resides in the confines of the "kill shelter" where Frodo volunteers.  For whatever reason, those who shared life with Simba gave her up to others in order to handle the inevitable outcome.  Frodo rarely speaks ill without a simple attempt to at least understand the hapless motivations of those who act so crudely.  Today however, he watched as the little dog didn't bother to even evacuate, but to circle the cage, endlessly, looking for a familiar face to the rescue.  Sure she was that the family motor car would soon arrive, even without a bugle identifying the Seventh Cavalry.

For all the good done by one person like Fiona Apple,  Frodo recognizes how little he shares with those who would surrender a family member, and not look back.

Frodo hopes that the mindless cretins, sure he is at what they must be, share not in the Power Ball riches at hand, but that the person, or Hobbit, who does win, does so to rescue and care for a little dog, named Simba.

If you, dear reader, know of someone so inclined. . .  If not, a simple prayer will do.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:13 PM EST
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Thursday, November 15, 2012
Sky Rockets In Flight, Afternoon Delight
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to contemplate falling leaves, to rake them into adjustable launching pads, or to merely acknowledge their existence is what plagues Frodo this afternoon.  As one might expect, it is cool and dreary in the Shire, and considerable levels of clothing require association with a strong backswing in order to maintain one's presence out of doors.  Frodo is however sick of television, and of no mood to read books while Newest Friend naps impatiently in the chair next.

Leaves, it seems, first appear as a single strand of maple floating and twisting not unlike any diver at an Olympic event in warmer climes.  The pace quickens in the weeks that follow as first the dogwoods, then fruit trees denude themselves shamelessly.  Suddenly the chestnuts, long since stripped of their fruit, carpet bomb the Shire much in the manner of those who once spread another orange agent on the small blue planet.  At this point, activity becomes critical lest the Hobbit alienate every neigbor within a fortnights barefoot travel.  Even after that effort is concluded the residue appears, perhaps in return from the irritated neighbor.  We are at such a point, and Frodo knows that an uncomfortable effort out of doors will only yield another requirement a few days hence.

Sam is gone for the afternoon, and a nap would seem the wisest course of action.  Perhaps Frodo will look back several hours from now and wish that he had taken the path least travelled by.  It would certainly be different.  He decides to wake the Dandy and tie him to the source of the greatest fall, allowing him to look over the Hobbit and to protect him while he works.  It is, after all, his job, and soon to be merely a memory on some other day even less inviting.

Heigh ho.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:47 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Just Like a Paper-Back Novel
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "How Now Broun Cow"(8)

Reynolds Plantation was designed not unlike the Del Webb monstrosities of Arizona; only those with lots of money need apply.  The area in Eastern Georgia is, as one might expect, full of lakes, golf courses, and people who only vote for low taxes.  The result being that the schools are the worst imaginable, and the inmates (sorry, Freudian slip) rarely experience either matriculation or parole.  The official representative of the people, Congressman Paul Broun (R-GA) is proud of his "record" and sees little need to change things since all his "chillun" go to church on Sunday.

Speaking of church, Congressman Broun, who is a licensed physician (and if that doesn't say a mouthful about the status of healthcare in America?) was recently videotaped speaking to religious nuts in his own district stating that he had forsaken all of his medical training since Jesus and the Bible produced everything that medical science could provide.  Frodo notes that said comments were made in a church in "his" district, and that references thereto in official public records are not otherwise available.  Congressman Broun it seems is not willing to speak to the greater public in this regard.    

Congressman Broun first came to Frodo's attention when he brought his "trophies" with him to Washington, and had each head, be it that of a deer, a mountain goat, a polar bear, a grey wolf, a grizzly bear, a lion, and you certainly get the message ad infinitum, all placed on the walls of "his" office on Capitol Hill.  Death, seemingly, is something that this firebrand opponent of "Obamacare" seems to accept, at any cost to the taxpayers who ingloriously support his New Testament utterances and his rejection of science.

Hope, and change, are words that are sometimes merely words.  Frodo notes that there were 4,000 votes cast in the congressional district of Representative Broun, who ran unopposed, for Charles Darwin (of HMS Beagle), as a write-in. 

Perhaps there is hope after all, and just maybe it resides in the hearts and minds of people in Greene County, Georgia, who don't mind telling one fat, old man that he is no spokesman for his Lord and Savior, or for anyone with an IQ score above that of their birth weight.

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:17 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 7, 2012
It's So Nice To Have You Back Where You Belong
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Walkin' the Dogs"(8)

At the dawn of that first day when Frodo did not "have to" get up, he sipped a cup of coffee and considered what came next.  He decided that he would take on a number of "to do" projects around the Shire, but make no committments of time or resources, just yet.  Frodo opined that many events would be at hand, and that the capacity to deal with the unforseen would be critical.  Looking back, Frodo seems prescient.

Now there seems to be an opportunity or two into which the Hobbit can throw himself.

With the passing of Mick, the Wonder Dog, and the subsequent entry into the Shire of his able-bodied replacement, courtesy of the local animal shelter, Frodo was particularly appreciative of the young volunteer who helped him obtain his Newest Friend.  Frodo then found himself as the recipient of the question he could not answer.

Frodo applied to be an unpaid volunteer.  After a background check, he was called in to attend an orientation session, assigned a "mentor," and spent this Sunday afternoon past as a "dog walker."  In cage number order, each canine is leashed and accompanies one such as Frodo into the open lands beyond their immediate captivity.  The time period for each trek is 15 minutes or so, for some merely the opportunity to evacuate outside the sleeping area, and for others, a fleeting moment to whistle the wind and dream of chasing squirrels endlessly.

Frodo is free to come and go as he pleases, as long as it is during business hours.  Outside of business hours, the facility is closed, and no one services the inmates, if you will.  In fact, since the facility is closed on Mondays, that means no one gets walked and "holding it" takes on a whole new level of feeling.

Frodo walked several dogs, including a thoroughbred Australian Cattle-Dog who is gentle to the human hand, but ferocious when brought into the presence of another canine.  His time is short, and few would risk adopting what could be a major problem.  Time, in such an instance, can be as little as somewhat more than two weeks.  There are so many in similar circumstance.

There was a young female Labrador Retriever mix who was trembling whenever anyone neared her cage.  Under Frodo's gentle rumblings, she raised her head and the structural lines took on a statuesque point into the wind.  Noticing her matted coat, the Hobbit obtained a brush and spent several minutes gently removing tangled hair.  As he bent down toward her muzzle, she licked his face, smiling gratefully.

Frodo will go back for a few hours tomorrow.  Hoping he is, that some young Hobbit found this well-groomed and loving creature to his liking, and that she has found a good home.   

Frodo has found something at which he is very good, and his gentle ways are needed.  The Ring, he supposes, is present in many aspects of life, not just in the struggle up Mount Doom.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:12 PM EST
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Monday, November 5, 2012
My Darling, You Look Wonderful Tonight
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Politics-PulleyTicks"(8)

Tomorrow, the President of the United States will be re-elected.  In all candor the actual results may fall into line over several days, but the result will be the same.  The President will, quite rightfully, assume responsibility for the conduct of the national interest during the four years yet to come.  Time it will be for Frodo, Keeper of the Ring, to devote much of his time upon the keyboard to things closer to home, and perhaps, more relevant.

It is not that the Hobbit has grown weary of the fray, rather it is that there are reflections which tint his hair and soften his tone.   There are other battles to fight, and some still require the steady hand of one who acts when no one else seems to care.  Take note, dear reader, in days to come the Hobbit will address more than the political when he follows the sequence which begins with "qwert."

There is much in the Shire to celebrate, yet the Hobbit wonders about the insoluble plaguing us all in the twilight.  Read on, dear reader, and help your champion face different challenges, and the path of tears on rugged skin. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:31 PM EST
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Saturday, November 3, 2012
That's Why I Worry
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Das Boot"

The United States Navy lost 52 submarines and 3600 of the 16,000 sailors assigned to them during the Second World War.

 55 percent of all the Japanese ships sunk suffered their end because of submariners.

 Nearly all of those who served on German U-Boats died, in action.

These facts meant much more to Frodo after he saw the movie "The Boat," ("Das Boot," auf deutsch) on Public Television.  Jurgen Prochnow was the actor who captured Frodo's imagination, but it was Sander Vanocur and Charlie Sydnor who brought the story home to him.  On behalf of Public Televison the combined journalistic and historical presentation of an outstanding piece of cinematic artistry enveloped those who sacrificed their lives for political folderol.

Frodo can watch his old friend Dr. Sydnor, also once of the College of the Shire, authoritatively address the environment into which simple sailors found themselves.  It was thusly painful to the Hobbit to learn that on the second day of November just past that only 31 veterans of the submarine service would reunite at Kings Bay, 14 fewer than their number just one year ago.  The vote taken was to end the reunions that had once drawn as many as 800, from as far away as California.

Frodo's pain is two-fold. First off, it is for those who served, and who are known only to God.  There are so many.  The debt is astronomical.

There is, also, a recognition of those who do their best to make sure that not all of those names are known only to the supernatural.  Frodo's friend is among them, and Frodo hangs on every word he has to say, knowing that Dr. Sydnor, like "Big Bird," has a value which is far greater than Mitt Romney's 13 percent of adjusted gross income.  Lest we forget.       


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT
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Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Wider Than a Mile
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "He Took De Bait" (8)

"Ms. Crawdaddy, I have a complaint."

"What's the problem this time, Mr. Romney?"

"Well, even after he called me names and said I wasn't telling the truth, he said my numbers didn't add up."

"Now, now Mr. Romney, just put your head here on my shoulder and everything will be OK."

"How can I?  You helped him.  I'm a numbers expert and my numbers do add up."

"Here, blow your nose in my hankie and we'll get back for the next question once Mrs. Romney stops glaring at the President."

"Yeah Anne, kick him in the balls if he does something evil like answering a question again."

"Is there anything else Mr. Romney?"

"Well yes, I do have a question."

"And what might that be?"

"Just who is this guy Ben Gazzi that Obama keeps talking about?"

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:03 AM EDT
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Sunday, October 14, 2012
Cat's In The Cradle
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Lois, I Never Lie"(8)

"Good Evening, my name is Connie Crawdaddy and I am your moderator for this, the Second 2012 Presidential Debate.  Our format for this evening is as a 'Town Hall', in which members of our studio audience who identify themselves as Independents have been selected, at random, to address questions to our candidates.  With that, let us begin with our first question.  Sir, would you stand and identify yourself?"

"I am standing."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just couldn't see you."

"No problems.  My name is Frodo, and I am, after all, merely a Hobbit, and my home is the Shire."

"Go ahead please, Mr. Frodo."

"My question is for Mr. Romney.  Sir, the phrase 'since the Great Depression' has probably been used during this campaign more than any other phrase or sentence.  As we know, the Great Depression actually started on the 29th day of October 1929, almost exactly 83 years ago.  The incumbent President, Mr. Hoover, did not return to office in the election of 1932, and his successor, Mr. Roosevelt, oversaw an aggressive program of governmental infrastructure development to create jobs and stimulate the economy.  Progress was slow, but steady.  Eventually, the Republican opposition regained enough influence to reduce spending and increase tax revenue.  In fact Mr. Romney, their arguments at the time sound almost exactly like your '5 Point Plan for the Economy'.  Unfortunately, this direction then produced a 'double dip' in the recessionary cycle, and the 'Great Depression' continued until the very beginnings of World War II, in 1941.  It was the need for expanded wartime manufacturing which actually answered the need for manpower and got capital flowing again.  My question, and I apologize for the time spent getting to it, but what would you do, hypothetically, should you win this election, if after adopting your course of action the nation slipped into a 'double dip' situation such as was experienced in the mid-1930's?"

"Well, Mr. Fredo is it?"

"Frodo."

"Yes Mr. Frodo, I'm confident that nothing like that would occur under my plan.  A number of Economists. . ."

"Mr. Romney, the point need be made that the only experience we have from a historical point of view is that what you propose did produce a return to recession.  How can you argue with history?"

"As I was saying, panels of Economists have assured me that cutting taxes to the 'Job creators' will get our economy to a level where we can produce 12,000,000 new jobs. . .?

"Mr. Romney, please return to my question.  What would you do if all your advisers were wrong, and history repeated itself?"

"Well, my Administration would be flexible. . ."

"Enough to increase taxation on the wealthy, and expand government services and projects to put people to work, like Mr. Roosevelt, and Mr. Obama, did?"

"Connie, I recognize there are a lot of people here who would like to ask questions.  Can we move on?  I think Mr Playdough has gotten an adequate response.

"That's Frodo."

"Yes, well thank you for your questrion, and as I was saying about Libya. . ."

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:42 AM EDT
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Sunday, October 7, 2012
I Ran All The Way Home
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Newest Friend"(8)

There are many lessons in life, and Frodo has tried very hard not to repeat his errors.  Invariably, when he fails to learn from his own history, he creates obstacles which dwarf Hoover Dam.  Or sometimes it just feels like it.

Newest Friend is a handsome lad.  His tri-colors are smooth and silky, neither too long nor too short.  There are small flecks of white at the very tip of his long and gracefully twisting tail, and his noble head brings to mind the ebony that graced the countenance of Shaka Zulu.  There is a collie-colored brown on each of his feet, interspersed with his white socks and spots thereon.  His cognomen plays true to his bearing as a "dandy."  He will, for editorial purposes alone, be referred to here as the Newest Friend.

Frodo has forgotten that ten months of canine existence represent the absolute peak of curiosity and exhuberance.  Plantlife, religiously treated until now, lies scattered about the Shire.  Multi-colored bruises arise, ominously, from the conflagrations of Hobbit skin and shiny front teeth.  Voices grow hoarse from repetitive phraseology including words like "come," "sit," and, of course, "No."

There is a personality, and a purpose.  The latter being to take note of, to chase, perchance to capture, every single squirrel resident on this slope of the Continental Divide.  On four occasions, so far, there has been such breakaway pursuit.  It has ended, so far, with an endurance effort by the Hobbit to regain possession before tragedy strikes.

Frodo has always been successful in his efforts to train his canine associates, but now, as time destroys his weaponry, he must admit to the need for some professional help. 

What comes to mind is the relationship between the late and lamented Princess Fiona, "the most beautiful girl in the world," and Mick, the Wonder Dog.  They had each other as foils whenever the Hobbit failed to meet their collective needs for attention.  Sam, evidently, agrees with Frodo, and has already begun to implment  ideas about what to name what follows.  Sam has been concerned that Frodo may simply collapse on the byways of the Shire in pursuit of similar long-distance efforts generally afforded to Ethiopians who have not eaten in the past two years.

Perhaps the lesson is simple enough, and just maybe the Hobbit isn't as forgetful of struggles long past as alleged.  Maybe having two new friends was part of a "stragedy."  Let's just not mention that to Sam.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, October 7, 2012 9:43 PM EDT
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Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Higher Than Any Bird Ever Flew
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Worst Candidate Ever"(8)

George McClellan.

That is the answer to the question presented to "Carnac the Magnificent" by his friend, the Hobbit.  The question itself was to name any candidate for a nationally-elected position with less capability for meeting the requirements thereto than Willard Mitt Romney?

George McClellan was fired, twice, by Abraham Lincoln.  Despite an overwhelming differential in strength, McClellan was slow to move in order to take advantage over opposing rebel forces.  Rather than "take the advice of his commanders in the field," Lincoln kept replacing McClellan until he found a general, Ulysses Grant, who could humble the gallantly under-manned rebels.  McClellan, who held himself in much higher esteem, decided to accept the Democratic Nomination to oppose President Linccoln in the election of 1864.

McClellan took on a President whose entire administration was devoted to preserving the Union, and winning a horrible war.  McClellan should have beaten the incumbent, simply because, he argued, it was taking too long and was costing too much.   Many stories have been told of the enmity that developed between the two, but uppermost was Lincoln's opinion of a warrior who would not fight, and who let caution be his guide.

Lincoln narrowly defeated McClellan.  As the war ended of course, Lincoln lost his life, and McClellan, well, he was elected Governor of New Jersey.

It is hard to say which one suffered the most. 

There's always Mexico, Mitt.

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:30 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, October 2, 2012 8:34 PM EDT
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