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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Friday, February 20, 2015
It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)

Frodo hates cold weather.  In that regard he differed little from the entire North Carolina Legislature who chose not to attend the legislative session this past Wednesday due to inclement conditions.  That is with the exception of Jeff Jackson (D) who was greeted at the front door by security personnel who informed him that he was the only member to show up.  Admittedly, Frodo might have turned around and gone home had he been in Rep. Jackson's place.

Rep. Jackson, a fine looking lad be he, decided to take advantage of the opportunity presented to him.  Through several assorted social media channels, Rep. Jackson informed interested parties of the activities of the Legislature, which was him.  By voice vote the Legislature endorsed the Medicaid expansion which had failed to pass the Republican filibuster.  Rep. Jackson voted "Aye."  In fact, the Legislature passed nearly all of the outstanding pieces of legislation by, strangely enough, conclusive votes of one-to-zero.

Yesterday, nearly the entire membership returned to duty.  The Republicans were not amused.

Ha!

Frodo will begin tracking this inspired young man.  He thinks there is a place for him on a national ticket, perhaps in 2024.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:32 AM EST
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Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Ahab The Arab, Sheik of The Burning Sand
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)

The Prime Minister of Israel is drawn from the pyre of Denethor.  Despite the need for all the personages of Middle Earth to share in the threat by Isis this manipulative moron would sacrifice all to satisfy his political desires.  Imagine, on the other hand, Hamas and Israeli standing side-by-side against the nihilistic caliphate.  This was the scenario pictured by Lord Tolkien. 

Frodo presented his case well when he said:  "All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost.  From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The crownless again shall be king."  Despite the strength of the threat emanating from those with an eschatological end of times belief, there are small warriors able to meet the challenge.  They must first however remove the obstacles presented by those who never rise to join, only to harangue.

Nethanyahu is shrewd, and he is beyond any level of trust.  Boehner is impotent.  Putin is bankrupt.  The Koch brothers seek to pass a camel through the eye of a needle.  Frodo's admiration for he who entered as the Strider and who stands as Aragorn grows stronger every day.  The struggle is against those who are blind and who seek to possess the Ring at all costs.  They are more than clowns, and worse than fools.    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:49 PM EST
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Sunday, February 15, 2015
Six Hundred Miles to the Mexican Border
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Equinox Approaching"(10)

The Gardens of the Shire are nearly always in bloom.  Even in the dead of winter the hollies are loaded with fat-rich red berries for robins and cedar wax wings in abundance.  Cypress are deep and green for the cardinals who use them for cover as well as afternoon snacking.  Soon forsythia and pussy willows will be first to burst, followed by the bulbs of gladiola, tulip, crocus.  It is hard to visualize when it is so damn cold outside, even for just a few days.  The hobbit dares not go barefoot in mid-February.

Dandy's heritage is Swiss, and his paws are brushy with protective cover.  Perhaps he thinks his best friend is truly a pussy, and he softly whines as if in reminder of the joys of the dog park nearby.  Sunday it is, and the dog park is populated by owners unskilled in canine management and the inevitable resulting conflicts are preferably avoided by wiser heads who avoid these locations on weekends.  Despite a forecast for precipitation, the hobbit will find a convenient time on the morrow to share with Tess and Dandy among their own kind despite the dropping thermometer. 

Frodo is planning alterations to the Gardens of the Shire.  More sun will offer opportunities for certain annuals; begonias seem to do especially well.  River stone will be expanded to cover trails and red mulch will brighten the darkness beneath the leaves of the native plants and trees which intersperse every turn one makes.  Again, it is difficult to visualize when the wind chills everything in sight, and Dandy is bored. 

Alas, near doggie dinnertime it is, and Frodo's companions are demonstrative.  A shame it is that it is just too damn cold, especially when the sky is so blue.  Let us hope that the chill breaks early in the A.M. and wish that warmer temperatures won't be so far away.

That is a pretty neat little titular segue says the hobbit.  Even if no one is here to appreciate it.  It is cold outside, you know.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:01 PM EST
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Friday, February 13, 2015
Baby if I Made You Mad, Something I Might Have Said
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Balls"(10)

Social media, if that's what we'r known for, seems to be fixated with balls.  The quarterback of the Super Bowl winning New England Patriots may have started it when he found himself in the squabble lane amid improperly inflated balls.  Snickering commenced and in a manner that would've made Rachel Ames angry, nobody seemed capable of laughing out loud.  The mentor of the wordsmith once taught that laughter was healthy, while snickering was ignorance.  Frodo seems to have forgotten that lesson.

Legolas was speaking before the class.  Frodo and Tom Bombadil had shared a joke in the hallway as they approached, and were snickering.  From the curiously designed, but easily recognizable, faux furniture labeled as "desks" Frodo and Tom desperately tried to retain a semblance of decorum.  They failed.  Each time one snickered, so did the other, and no sooner did one grasp control then the other lost it.  It continued, and it continued, leaving Legolas in the quandry of what was wrong, and everyone else wondered what they must have missed.  Finally, Legolas could take no more, and he bellowed "What the Hell is so damn funny?"  There was no rational response.  The subject of the joke was juvenile, and there was no presentation that would make the class laugh.  

Rachel took control when she asked the class at large if any of the assembly had ever been to a show, a movie, or any other presentation of obscenity.  The whole class fell silent as one-by-one, boys and girls alike, responded.  Fascinated were all as each waited to see what each other would say.  Not one snicker.  When it was Frodo's turn, Rachel's eyes danced over him and passed on to the next in line, without a word.

Frodo knew that the lesson was his.  Much was expected of the hobbit it seems, and a great teacher knew how to make the lesson worthwhile.  The laughter you hear is Frodo, wondering if Tom Brady even has any balls at all. 

   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:37 PM EST
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Friday, February 6, 2015
In The Early Mornin' Rain
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Shaken, not stirred"(10)

Two hobbit warriors counted the lines on the face of each other, and thought about their unspoken promises.  They are always among the first to receive requests for assistance; money these days as opposed to the ephemeral when times were oh so different.  Scholarships at the College of the Shire exist because of their generosity and their feeling for faces now unseen.  What surprises most is that they have so little to say even when they have accomplished so much.  If truth indeed be told the silence gives them solace and mutual respect.

The sun has come and gone twice since they reminisced through tales once filled with laughter and good fortune.  Gin accompanied each switchback over mountain trails now littered with the flotsam of a generation disappearing into the mist.  Not unlike the night when all the hobbits returned to the Shire from their great adventures and they experienced the difficulty of eye upon eye.  These two shared a lamentation.  As long as one stood, the other knew that his back would never be exposed.

Those closest to them were there listening for evidence of chagrin or lost dreams.  All that was is now falling gently and reflecting the obsidian of a metropolitan road to home.  Friends, and brothers, be they.  It is a stately being, and well-suited for Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring.

 

 

     


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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Monday, January 26, 2015
The Games People Play Now, Every Night and Every Day now
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Panic Attack"(10)

Cross the lane from the gardens of the Shire and there are hobbits rarely mentioned.  They work very hard at what they do, and have little time to visit with Frodo.  The youngest occasionally helps Frodo in his landscaping efforts, for pay of course, and his sister always waves as she meanders out to school, part-time work, and other tasks which furl beyond Frodo's realm.  The parents are always smiling but rarely talkative.  The peaceful abode was struck earlier this week by lots of blinking lights and emergency vehicles, causing Frodo to experience the curiosity of the neighbor and the fear of the unknown.

When daylight spread its gossamer wings Frodo found an excuse to rake leaves and perform other mid-winter tasks by the lane.  Many hours passed with nary a sign of life or disturbance.  Finally, mid-afternoon brought the parents in their motor car to home, and to stop by the obviously inquisitive neighbor Frodo.  They expressed chagrin and apology for bringing disturbance to the Shire, knowing that Frodo cared not of such things, but that he was indeed worried about their misadventure.

When Frodo reported to Sam, he inquired "What is a panic attack?"  Sam explained while Frodo attempted to assimilate the extensive monologue.  Stress, it seems, brought a respiratory challenge to the health and happiness of the handsome and fit young lady.  Emergency medical personnel came to the rescue and spent many hours helping re-establish an even keel for her to manage.  Sam felt that the crisis was not uncommon but often signaled the need for a few moments away from the turmoil of each and every day.

Frodo has thought a great deal about what he learned this day.  22 veterans daily return to civilian life and promptly commit suicide.  Families are torn asunder by bipolar reactions to daily life crises and challenges.  Medications are so much a part of existence that they lose their effectiveness and potentially create problems never previously conceived by man or hobbit.  Proof, it is, that ignorance is not a cure; it is a cause. 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:55 AM EST
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Friday, January 23, 2015
Writing Love Letters in the Sand
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Christian Balls"(10)

Frodo still roots for the college sports team with the best academic record.  Harvard, to Frodo, would, for example, get the nod over Alabama, as would Virginia over Baylor.  This comes to mind because of the current controversy over the inflation (or lack thereof) of footballs by certain persons affiliated with the New England Patriots of the National Football League.  It seems as if no one has ever planned in order to deal fairly with those accused of hanky-panky in contests of sport.  Not since the days of gladitorial combat in ancient Rome has anyone decided that simply chopping off the head of a miscreant is an acceptable tonic.  Perhaps in this most recent case of apparent misbehavior corporal punishment could be linked to the crime itself.  Cutting off Tom Brady's balls may deter future miscreants.

Carson-Newman college is a Baptist institution beyond Knoxville in eastern Tennessee.  Frodo noted in today's "Broken News" that the college has established a new sports team.  "Sand volleyball" ("Beach volleyball" is the Olympic sport which arouses Frodo's interest every fourth year, and Frodo naturally assumes that the difference is in the nomenclature) will expand collegiate competition to now include the couple of thousand Baptists abutting the shores of Cherokee Lake.  Not only is Frodo having difficulty imagining the competitors (Carson-Newman vs. Southern Cal?), he is wondering about the uniforms of the conservatively-clad Protestantics.   Noting the quandary created by the soft balls of Tom Brady, Frodo is suggesting that certain conduct standards be maintained by the participants in the race for future championship titles.

Female participants will be blind-folded.  Aspirin will be held tightly between their knees at all times.  Uniform design must not include pants.  Shorts or Spandex is strictly prohibited.   

All competition will take place in locales with average temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Game balls will be baptized.

Waiver of all rights assumed by Roe-v-Wade. 

Saltpeter tablets administered orally.

Conduct code violations will be require memorization of the video presentation entitled "Complete speeches of Senator Jodi Ernst".

    

 

 

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:30 PM EST
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Monday, January 19, 2015
Gonna Love Me In My Chevy Van
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Broken News"(10)

This evening Frodo was subjected to an important news flash from friend Wolf of CNN.  It was so important that even Frodo, fresh of mind and spirit, is unable to recall the subject matter.  What he has noted however is that there seems to be a whole lot more "breaking news" these days, and that is probably the reason why he cannot recall what was so important.  What bothers him truly is the fact that it was the same story Wolf had reported as "breaking news" last Wednesday.  If not, howcum Frodo was able to recite the words simultaneously with the crack international reporter?

Frodo has decided to make a change on behalf of CNN.  From this time forward the crack international reporter will be known as "Woof."  The result being that Dandy, again asleep upon the foot of his troubled master, will be able to introduce the crack international reporter every time he proffers a piece of "broken news" (headlines in the past tense if you will). 

Note, dear reader, that you have been treated to a third commentary by Frodo in the passage of time since last Wednesday.  That, perhaps, is also broken news.  It probably reflects upon the fact that Frodo is just beginning to get his Mojo back.

Dandy is thrilled.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EST
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Sunday, January 18, 2015
I'm Not Missing You At All
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "In Dog We Trust" (10)

For an extra $1 drivers in the State of Georgia may purchase and attach a sticker to the license plate on their motor cars.  The sticker fits neatly over the county of registration.  It reads "In God We Trust."  The significance eludes Frodo.

Drivers, for the most part, in the State of Georgia do suck.  Frodo has opined that perhaps the sticker is a silent prayer of sorts.  If so Frodo understands that we all need a bit of a helping hand whenever venturing onto the interstates slicing throughout the Peach State.  It is also possible that the reference is a political statement whereby the driver asserts his dominion over the rules of the road.  Then again it may simply be that a public employee may have thought that it was one more way to increase the public weal without anybody realizing.  After all, who wants to admit that they don't trust the big guy?

Frodo found his answer in a recent newspaper item.  It seems that the Commissioners of Pinellas County in Florida decided that it would be in their best interest to expand the concept to the administrative offices of the county.  So they ordered, paying more than $500, for a new rug in the entranceway, and directed that it be designed around the suspect phrase.  Unfortunately, a slight error occurred and the phrase featured a misspelling.  It read "In Dog We Trust."

If you are wondering about the subject matter herein, or the timing thereto, simply note that the rug remains in place as we speak, because nobody noticed.  

Dandy is smiling from the floor beneath the feet of Frodo.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:09 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Boston Ain't Your Kind of Town
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Je suis Frodo"(10)

Solemnly munching his Freedom Fries Frodo wondered about his future, indeed our future.  He remembers his father once telling him that the French were the most fearless of fighters, because they were fighting for their homeland upon their homeland.  Then he listened as dishonest and ignorant neo cons cajoled the French for failing to join them in their war against everyone with whom they disagreed.  Now he reads of the historical collapse of the French Colonial Empire at a place called Dien Bien Phu and the birth of something called the "domino theory."  All of this he notes occurred in the days that followed Frodo's first steps in Middle Earth.  It is not, coincidental, if you will.

It surprises Frodo not at all that the French are much like the Men of Gondor or the Riders of Rohan who independently battle the forces of the Ring.  When, finally, they begin to join together against the greater Evil they find themselves facing Orcs whose very cognomen suggests a disdain for knowledge.  Frodo calls them the "Ho Ho Koran".

In the Shire the tendency is to express contempt if not pure superiority over artists and sculptors.  In response the French have been rude and most concerned about the continuation of month-long vacations.  Frodo has been waiting for the inevitable conclusion that a wall must be built to protect the culture that is France.  

There are 5 million in France identified as ethnically-challenged.  This compares to 500,000 thousand Jewish who fear for their lives as a separate entity and who now consider solace in the land promised.  The housing needed in that circumstance exceeds the agreements now in place, thereby threatening the peace to an even greater degree.  Clear it is that the Ring is still at hand, worn by any who act independent of all the peoples of Middle Earth.  They march in darkness.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:11 PM EST
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