Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Where Were You When I Needed You
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "On Vacation, I'm Sure"
The entire Bush Presidency has been spent looking out of airplane windows, or at least that's the way it seems to Frodo. Everyone remembers the poignant photos of the President peering out of Air Force One after the disasters of September 11th, and, together, we prayed for his strength and his resolve. Frodo now can't get the pictures of an incompetent President staring out at the floodwaters that had engulfed the City of New Orleans, as he returned to Washington from one of his frequent "vacations" in Crawford. Frodo heard him say, then correct himself, that "no one could have predicted" the consequences of Hurricane Katrina.

Now we have learned that the consequences of the hurricane were predicted, two full days before Katrina struck the Gulf Coast, and almost a full week before the President directed appropriate response to the pleas for assistance. The White House received a report which eerily defined the broken levees and massive flooding from The Department of Homeland Obscurity to that effect.

"Mr. President, Scott McClellan here."

"Who?"

"Your Press Scecretary, Sir, you know, the little fat guy who's going bald."

"Oh Cheney, how ya doin' Dick, everythin' under control there in the bunker?"

"No Sir, this is Scott McClellan, the guy who talks to all the reporters."

"Reporters! Goddam bunch of lowlifes. I thought I told ya'll to stop talkin' to them fools."

"Well Mr. President, I needed to let you know we got a special report in here at the White House. It might be something you'd want to read."

"Read? Damn boy, the last thing I read was that damn stupid kid's book about goats, and look at all the trouble it got me into."

"Sir, this is a report from the Federal Emergency Management folks about the hurricane in the Gulf."

"Federal Emergency Management, isn't that the thing that Carter & Clinton spent all that money on? I thought we told 'Brownie' to close that place down."

"Sir, the report says. . ."

"Fuck the damn report. Does anybody read that crap?"

"Sir, it says a thousand or more people could be killed. . ."

"Oh bullshit, they've had hurricanes in New Orleans for years, and all that happens is that a bunch of cars get wiped out, and eventually they pump all the water away."

"Sir. . ."

"Oh quit worryin' boy, I'll check on things when we fly back to Worshington next week. No big deal."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EST

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Monday, January 23, 2006

It Wasn't Me That Started That Old Crazy Asian War
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Adjusting Policies"
The news, according to Frodo, is always a story behind a story. "If a dog bites a man, it is a story," he said, "but what happened that led up to the attack is generally more important, just not as spectacular." To Frodo, the Ring is often the source of much of the evil in the world, but it is rarely mentioned.

Diplomatic relations between the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and the People's Republic of China were established in 1990. King Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz arrived in Beijing today for the first visit by a Saudi ruler ever. The purpose of the visit was for a series of meetings with President Hu Jintao and Premier Wen Jiabao. The subject to be discussed was identified as "mutually beneficial cooperation in the field of energy."

Frodo notes that Saudi Arabia is the single largest provider of crude petroleum to the world market, responsible for 13% of all that is consumed. The United States is the largest consumer of crude petroleum in the world, and is certainly the largest customer of the Saudis. The People's Republic of China is the second largest consumer of crude petroleum in the world.

"What was that?," asked Frodo. "I could've sworn I just heard the 'cha-ching' of a cash register."

Ten years ago, China imported no petroleum products whatsoever. During the same period, the cost of producing a barrel of oil has more than doubled. Saudi Arabia is "adjusting its' policies" because, as prudent businessmen, they know it is not a good idea to put "all of your eggs in one basket," according to Frodo. "The Saudis," say Brookings Institution scholars Flynt Leverett and Jeffrey Bader, "are disturbed by the anti-Saudi backlash in the US after September 11th, and by what they perceived to be the less-than-vigorous defense of his old friends by President Bush."

Frodo keeps a list of eight countries on his bulletin board. When asked why, he replied "Because Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Russia, Venezuela, Nigeria, Libya, and Kazakhstan produce more than half of all the world's crude petroleum today, and within another 10 years, they will produce more than 70%. Let me ask you," he queried, "which of those do you think America can depend upon?"

James Brock, a consultant working on behalf of the Chinese was recently quoted as saying that by 2015, "the world's oil is going to be controlled by people who think it should go where they want it to go because they need tanks or other (military weapons)."

Frodo feels a little like "Brer Rabbit," peering toward the summit of Mount Doom, where the evil of the Ring is concentrated. George W. Bush, to quote Joel Chandler Harris, "he say nuttin'."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:46 PM EST

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Friday, January 20, 2006

Come On People Now, Smile On Your Brother
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "All Aboard"
Frodo has faced bouts of despair and uncertainty over recent days, and is now looking for the appropriate angle to bring himself out of it. After all, if Sauron is going to be defeated it will take all of the strength that he can muster. For Frodo, nothing revives the spirit like laughter, and the following story, rendered into Hobbit versification, is offered to you, dear reader, for the same purpose.

Lumumba, the namesake of a charismatic nationalist on the African continent, is a bus driver in Zambia for the National Hospital. His duties include escorting groups of patients from various wards within the Hospital grounds on visits to local cultural, athletic, commercial, or social events. On Mondays, he may drive and accompany patients from the children's ward, for example, to a petting zoo. This particular Friday, Lumumba was escorting patients on a shopping excursion into the Capital City. The patients were all from the ward that houses those with non-violent mental disorders.

Lumumba had had a difficult week, and he was looking forward to Friday night, and the weekend off from work. He was very, very tired. After driving his 20 wards to the local market, he sat down on a bench while the patients milled about. It was a sunny afternoon when Lumumba closed his eyes for just a minute, and fell sound asleep.

Waking with a start, Lumumba looked around and recognized no one. In a mild panic he set about a frantic search for the now widely-scattered patients from the mental ward. Sadly, he found none, and no one in the market had noticed anything which would give him any hope of finding any of the missing. He was very frightened, and mostly for his own job.

Sitting in the driver's seat of the empty bus he was suddenly struck with an idea. He closed the door of the bus and drove into the center of the city to a crowded street corner.

"Free bus ride," he shouted, "free bus ride to the first 20 people who get on board." In no time at all he counted 20 people on board the bus, and he closed the door.

"Where dis bus ride go to man?," asked one of the elated riders to Lumumba.

"Free ride out to a park in the country," he answered. With that, Lumumba headed back to the National Hospital keeping almost perfectly to his scheduled time for arrival.

At the entrance to the Hospital grounds Lumumba drove directly in front of the Mental Ward, parked the bus, stepped off and told the Orderlies, "Here be your crazies mon, they're all yours." He jumped in his own motorcar and headed straight for home.

The orderlies wondered why the usually docile patients were so reluctant to return to the barred windows of the Mental Ward. It also puzzled them as to why there appeared to be complete confusion about the need to change back into hospital gowns.

"Hey Mon, what da hell you tryin' to put me in dere for, I ain't crazy," screamed one confused rider. "Yeah sure old man, let me guess, you just visitin', right?," said one of the orderlies disgustedly, as if he hadn't heard these arguments before.

Frodo has learned that, since it was a weekend, most of the Administrative management of the Hospital would not return until Monday. The orderlies noted that it was a particularly vociferous group of patients in the Mental Ward throughout the weekend.

Lumumba's house was vacant when the National Hospital Administrator visited on Tuesday.

Frodo bets that Lumumba looks a lot like George W. Bush, with a tan.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:29 PM EST

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

That's When My Love Comes Tumblin' Down
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Wicked Pickett"
As the "Greatest Generation" faced it's greatest challenge, another little baby was born. A quarter of a century later, that baby would record a song that captured the emotional sensuality which separated generations. Within another quarter-century he would appear in a movie that chronicled the physical sensitivity which divided his generation from those to follow. During the final fifteen years of the life that ended today, Wilson Pickett would join the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame, and his rhythmic revolution would encompass wax, and tape, and the disc drive. Frodo knows, however, that no "I-Pod" will ever capture the heat, the drive, to the midnight hour.

Frodo passed from youth to middle age the night that Elvis died, and this evening he knows he has to slow that mustang down.

Frodo understands why young people go to concerts, and to night clubs, because their music will chronicle their time, too. Frodo and Wilson Pickett own the Midnight Hour, the pimply-faced little bastards can plug in their personal "tunes" and they have dibs on the 4-6 AM time slot. They'll never understand what they missed. Frodo is glad he didn't.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:10 PM EST

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Are You Warm, Are You Real
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Homeless"
All through that winter into spring, Frodo and the Fellowship would gather late at night for a trek to the "Bus Stop." An active metabolism allowed each of them to wolf down cheeseburgers and french fries, as a supplement to institutional cafeteria food, without regard to that which prevents such ingestion in these times. Frodo's motorcar was the roomiest, and it was the most frequent carriage to that single source of light in a dark and desolate small town. Frodo took the break from study, and the concomitant spiraling cigarette smoke in his lamp, in order to break the monotony and re-charge the batteries. It also became a game because Treebeard was keeping count.

More than 120 nights in a row had passed since Treebeard began his streak at the "Bus Stop." "Hester," the aging but capable waitress was always there to greet and serve her "boys." The arrival of the Fellowship of the Ring was probably just as important to Hester as was the warmth of the booth in the back, and the greasy atmosphere in that diner. It was a grand time, and there were few cross words or expressions of fear about the future in the "Bus Stop." The only thing that seemed to be absent were the buses. Frodo never recalls seeing an actual Greyhound outside the little station.

As Frodo's final days at the College of the Shire came to an end, pressures were building. The Siege of Gondor was underway, and Frodo would be an unwilling participant, or so it appeared. There were many examinations for which preparations were required before the Last Debate could occur, and Frodo had much to do (the memory of two consecutive nights without sleep in preparation for five exams now seems herculean).

Treebeard entered Frodo's room, ready for the nightly jaunt, but Frodo had to deny his friend. All others were equally occupied, but Treebeard had "the streak" to consider. Frodo felt badly, but he had no time to waste. Treebeard told him not to worry, but Frodo did worry.

They did not go to the "Bus Stop" again. The final examinations came and went, and so did those in the Ring.

Today Frodo received a letter from Tom Bombadil who had shared french fries with Frodo and Treebeard. The note was wrapped around a newspaper article which read, in part, "Nothing remains of the old Greyhound bus station but a pile of concrete and yellow bricks." Tom Bombadil noted that he had taken a final "walk through" of the little diner, just before it was razed, "for old times," he said.

Frodo believes that if there is a Heaven, then there surely will be a Greyhound bus station serving cheeseburgers and french fries to people who never grow old.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:38 PM EST

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Monday, January 16, 2006

Let's Give Them Something to Talk About
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power. Religion gives man wisdom which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals. They are complementary."--Dr. Martin L. King, Jr.

Frodo has listened to the rhetoric, and he has had little to say outside the Fellowship of the Ring. Frodo believed, and he believes, that it is inappropriate for anyone to forge a question which demands a response of either one or the other when it comes to the origins of human life (and, therefore applicable to Hobbits). As Dr. King so eloquently implied, the "scientific method" is applied to those physical, natural, observable factors which allow us to coordinate the landings on other heavenly bodies. The "scientific method" is applied to those medicines which have been developed to fight disease. It is also used to help us understand why some plants and animals flourish, while others fail.

No one has ever applied the "scientific method" to the parting of the Red Sea by Moses. That event, not unlike so many others, is an act of faith by those who accept without the physical, natural, observable evidence of science. No implication is made that the event did not happen, just that it cannot be scientifically proven to have occurred. It can be readily acceptable as a matter of faith, not as science. Who among us doubts the possibility of that which defies explanation? Perhaps that fact, alone, defines the existence of "theory" as scientific analysis continues.

Frodo believes that religion and science are on different "planes" and that they are not meant to contradict one another. He feels that it is critical to consider all of the facts, all of the items of faith, all that is known or believed, in order to offer sincere contributions to knowledge and truth. For someone, anyone, to presuppose that science and faith should be presented together in the classroom in virtual opposition to one another is the act of one who has not heard, probably because they weren't listening.

On this day, Frodo has one more thing to consider which makes him grateful for the leadership, the courage, and the wisdom of the man whose birth we celebrate today who died on April 4th, 1968. Maybe, over time, more will listen.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EST

Updated: Monday, January 16, 2006 8:33 PM EST

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

Forget Him If He Doesn't Love You
Mood:

quizzical
Topic: "Never heard of him"
Researchers have shown that more than 15 percent of those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD (since everything has to have an acronym these days), experience flashbacks and physical symptoms of trauma for years after the actual event. Propanolol, a beta blocker now used to treat high-blood pressure, can blunt this under certain circumstances. The research indicates that memories, be they painful or sweet, don't form instantly, and are analogous to slowly hardening cement. There is an opportunity to shape or even eliminate them with drugs.

"Well duh!," said Frodo. "Haven't any of these guys heard of Dr. Timothy Leary? Didn't any of them ever watch 'Reverend Jim' on 'Taxi'?" Responding to his outburst, Leon Kass, Chairman of the President's Council on Bioethics, stated that the President is opposed to the proposal because he feels that painful memories can serve a purpose. Frodo was unable to let the discussion end at this point.

"For some of us, you know, the President is a painful memory. I can certainly understand why he would be opposed to the elimination of such memories," he said as Frodo challenged the idea of any reference to ethics and George W. Bush used in the same sentence.

"Tut, tut, Mr. Frodo, we certainly should note that victims of rape or other such crimes would be less able to testify against their attackers if they took such medication before the matter was brought to adjudication," responded Mr. Kass.

"Yes, but look on the positive side," said Frodo. "People could just forget about the rise in the cost of gasoline and heating oil. No one would remember what happened after Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast. All of the 'intelligence failures' leading up to the Pre-emptive War in Iraq would be forgotten. And, most importantly, the President could legitimately say that he has no recollection of his military service."

Kass stopped and thought about what Frodo had to say. Frodo always appreciates the fact that there are some people who listen, and learn.

Leon Kass subsequently received the "Medal of Freedom" from a grateful White House. Frodo is still wondering if Propanolol can be rolled into paper, or if it has to be ingested. Wouldn't it be great to just forget about the last five years?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EST

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Friday, January 13, 2006

Looking For The Train That Goes Home Sweet Mary
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Smellin' Roses"
During the War Between the States "Raiders" were people who preyed on the unprotected of both sides. They were basically thieves and murderers. They operated with virtual impunity because all of the able-bodied men were away at War (there is a similie here to the present day as it relates to the National Guard deployment in Iraq). After the War ended, many of the "Raiders" fled to the open lands of the West. Those who hung around too long, well, they were usually hung.

Frodo had heard of a cave in the mountains not far from the retreat he and Sam maintain in the land beyond the Shire. Frodo was told by Gandalf that "Raiders" had used the cave as their "hideout" and it was where they were surrounded and brought to justice after the War. Frodo was told that four of the dozen or so were hung at that location.

Frodo found the cave's location on a topographical map. For many days Frodo and his canine assistant Lovey searched for that cave. It appeared as if it were atop a hillock just beyond the third creek to the East of the retreat. Frodo was confounded by the fact that not all of the creeks flow throughout the year, so it was difficult to determine which was the third creek. In addition, the area is overgrown in the warm months, and only when the trees are bare is there adequate visual access. Lovey passed from the Shire without ever sharing the discovery with Frodo.

One Sunday, Frodo met two professional spelunkers who were also searching for the cave. They had the latest satellite guidance devices and were utilizing them to guide their search. Unfortunately Frodo was rushed for time, and was unable to accompany them. They exchanged contact information with Frodo however, and promised to let him know their results. They kept their promise and told Frodo that they found the cave entrance in a "sinkhole" just as the topographical map had indicated.

Frodo, along with Mick (the Wonder Dog) and Princess Fiona (the most beautiful girl in the World), have attempted on several occasions to find the cave. Again, they have met with frustration.

Frodo is going to try again this weekend. Frodo feels the need to get out with his friends and take a look around. There may not be any roses to smell at this time of year, but if the three of us can find a place to sit real quiet, we might just catch a glimpse of our friends Lovey and Rocky. Maybe they have found the cave, and can show us the way.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EST

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

All We Are is Dust in The Wind
Mood:

blue
Topic: "Doing the Right Thing"
Tonight is the last for Rocky, the Italian Stallion. Frodo and Sam have decided that their 22 year-old feline companion is taking too much of a beating in the ring. It is time to throw in the towel.

What is most difficult is that he continues to try to answer the bell for the next round. He has lost a great deal of weight as his body consumes itself. He still tries to eat. He sits in his box trying to relieve himself. He walks, stiff-legged, throughout the kitchen in an aimless ramble, searching for something, but what, even he is not sure. He makes a screeching sound when he should be purring, and it sounds like pain.

Frodo will be at Mount Doom when mid-morning comes. Sam will go, Mick (the Wonder Dog) and Princess Fiona (the most beautiful girl in the world) will ride along as honor guard. They will miss him, too. The strangest of all will be the reaction of Sydney, the cockatiel. For some time he has realized that Rocky is no threat, and they are often found on the floor together, these former opponents, as they seem to lean upon each other. Frodo supposes that is the way that champions say good-bye.

Dear reader, Frodo has a visit to make to an old friend, while he can, so forgive the brevity of our tale of woe. It is important.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST

Updated: Friday, January 13, 2006 9:07 PM EST

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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Yes It's True, I'm Happy to be Stuck With You
Mood:

sharp
Topic: "Dogs Rule"
Frodo once examined a resume' as part of a test. The resume' was on two pages, the first of which was a chronology and a brief explanation of the education and work experience of the individual. The second page was a brief narrative which included specific responsibilities, accomplishments, and future goals. Frodo was asked if this "marketing presentation" was an effective vehicle for achieving the author's goal of a personal interview by a prospective employer?

Frodo studied the document in depth, actually reading every word, searching for nuance. For the most part, it was very well done, but then Frodo happened to notice the infamous "gap in employment." In fact, the first page totally omitted a 10-year period of time in the work history of the author.

Frodo was puzzled and turned to the second page for a possible explanation. Frodo realized that already the author had achieved the desired result of making the reader pay complete attention instead of merely glossing over the high points. What Frodo found however, made him laugh out loud. The author noted that he had an interruption to his work history for 10 years while he resided in Kansas, Leavenworth to be exact. It seems that he had been a "bank robber, and a poor one at that." Although Frodo did not feel that the individual warranted a personal interview, he has never forgotten how well the circumstances were presented.

The BBC has reported that the Chinese firm Jilin Jiangshan Human Resources Development Company has decided that in the future it will only employ people born during the astrological Year of the Dog. The company contends that "dog-types" show great loyalty and other valuable qualities.

In light of this decision by a representative of the world's great emerging superpower, it may well behoove future resume' writers to adjust their documents to reflect such specificity. Frodo envisions an employment candidate who tactfully avoids the fact that he was born during the Year of the Rat. To further emphasize the qualities of the Dog it might be in the best interest of the applicant to point out that he enjoys sticking his head out of the window of a moving motorcar, has a particular fondness for dried cat poop, and that he enjoys sleeping on his back. Appropriately, he may convince some prospective interviewer that he has also learned to turn around at least three times before he lays down.

Frodo regretfully notes that the theory of the world going to the dogs seems just a little less theoretical. There has to be a role for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in all of this, and there is certainly an attorney somewhere practicing the art of scratching his ear with his leg. Rats of the World, Unite!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST

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