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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Our Town" (8)
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
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"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
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"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
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"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
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"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
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"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
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"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
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"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
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"Southern Ladies" (5)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
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"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
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"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
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"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
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"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
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"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
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"The Good Book" (4)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
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"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
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"The Turtle" (3)
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"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
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"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virgin Birth" (2)
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"Virginia Lovers" (4)
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"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
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"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Those Were The Best Times of My Life, Back in The Summer of '69
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Gimme Head With Hair"(3)

Frodo, Legolas, Pippin, and Tom Bombadil all enjoyed doing things out-of-doors, given that both the mountains and the beach were within a few hours by motorcar.  The River of the Potomac bisected both destinations, so the adventurers had frequent opportunity to canoe or hike, sun or swim, in a variety of settings.  What united them in all these endeavors was a new-found pleasure in fishing.  Rainy days were spent in sporting goods stores searching for lures more tempting than those owned by others in the Fellowship.  Exploratory visits to farm ponds and the fish ladder at Little Falls of the Potomac filled warm weather days no matter what time of year.  It remains a puzzle to Frodo that little Janet Perry and Cheryl Burke and Barbie Howard and Patsy Wetzel all seemed to tolerate the mutual lack of attention.  Some of the opportunities lost make Frodo shake his head to this day.

It was the dead of summer, and the heat and humidity made it perfectly clear why the British Empire had declared foreign service in this end of the Shire as worthy of "tropical duty pay."  Rain was infrequent, and the flow of water was lazy, if not stagnant, almost everywhere.  To the Fellowship it was merely a challenge which allowed them to wade into areas that were usually torrent rapids, and to venture much further up river than at any other time of year.  These locations included those where a smallmouth bass could lie in wait under a rock and grab a wayward minnow with little effort, then drift back into the same hole.  It was locations such as these that the Fellowship sought early that morning.

Frodo's motorcar was parked on the Virginia side, at the end of an unpaved road that looked down a rock escarpment to the lazy river below.   It was an easy slide down into the water, and an easier dog paddle to the checkerboard of rocks that would be their route to the lair of the virgin smallmouth bass upstream.  For long periods of time, the quartet would leap from rock-to-rock, interrupted only by hopeful casts of "Tiny Lucky 13" or "River Runt" into a quiet pool.  Laughter and horseplay, the cacophony of hormones which cement friendships for a lifetime grew silent only when a red-tailed hawk would circle overhead, and all stopped to watch, in awe.

Occasionally a canoe or a kayak would flash by heading downstream, and a friendly wave would yield a covetous remark about from one-or-the-other about having their own, some day.  As the day wore on, more and more time was spent in pursuit of the catch-and-release prey.  Frodo's memory tells him that they caught many, mostly small, but enough to make them travel on-and-on-and-on.  When finally the adventurers made solemn eye contact, each knowing that it was past time to head back, there was a unified realization that they were tired, and a long way from Frodo's motorcar.

It was already growing dark when they found the wooden construction pallet caught between two multi-ton boulders.  By the time they were able to free it, and launch it into the middle flow of the summer river, the sun had set, and the sounds of the night were all about.  With one arm thrown onto the pallet, clutching fishing rod and gear therein, each of them paddled with the free arm and kicked and walked with both feet.  Banging about off sharpened boulders and narrow aisles of water is difficult work, but considerably safer than leaping from rock-to-rock in the dark.

Pippin had a date with Barbie for which he was beaucoup late, and he lamented the eventuality until the rest could stand it no more.  Tom Bombadil was totally absorbed in the natural world, and commented from time-to-time about a snake hanging on a tree limb, or some bright-eyed creature glaring from the shoreline at the preposterous craft trying to proceed downriver.  Frodo and Legolas, soldiers that they were, paddled and kicked, paddled and kicked.  Legolas, by far, was the strongest, and it took every ounce of Frodo's strength to keep the craft from drifting too far to his side.  Frodo grew weary, perhaps mopreso thaan he realized.

At last they reached the base of the escarpment, and Frodo realized how steep it was and that he was now in water over his head.  Frodo and Legolas kicked and held the craft in position so that Pippen and Tom Bombadil could scramble up the cliff.  In so doing, the rocks became wet and muddy, making the scramble up more difficult for those now scrambling out and up.  With Pippen and Tom holding the craft in place from shore, Legolas started up, just as Frodo lost his grip and began to sink beneath the surface of the tepid river.  He was exhausted, and had little energy left to pull himself from his peril.

Frodo felt a pull from above and as his head rose above the surface, he realized that Legolas had him by his long mane of blond hair and was pulling him into the arms of all his friends.

Legolas' daughter, Erica, will graduate from Emory University this coming Saturday with a degree in Fine Arts.  She would probably laugh at hearing this story, improbable it would seem to her that her father could get a grip on the head of hair she knows to be so thin and sparse. 

Friendship is something Frodo has never been able to explain.  He's just glad it is.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:36 PM EDT
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Saturday, May 5, 2007
One Little, Two Little, Three Little Indians, . . .
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Dumber Than Dirt" (3)

The Democratic Party in the United States of America is celebrating an early Christmas.  Frodo, perhaps as a reward for having been good little boys and girls, has delivered ten "Ken" dolls to the office address of Mr. Howard Dean.  These symbols of American hegemony characteristically have no voice; therefore, they don't say anything.  These symbols of American intolerance characteristically have no movement; therefore, they don't do anything.  These symbols of American hypocrisy characteristically have no human qualities; therefore, they don't represent anything.  Frodo has loosened Gollum's grip on the Ring, and the end of Mordor is at hand.

The first "Ken" doll, named Huckleberry, has lost about 100 pounds, unfortunately, most of it was in brain cells.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, has greater potential for the highest elective office in all of Middle Earth than does this walking advertisement for teeth brightener.

The second "Ken" doll, named Pall, is ineligible for the Presidential post because he is a Liberian.  He was allowed to participate in the debate because he is from Texas, and he would have gone home crying if that mean, old John McCain had chased him all the way back from the "Gates of Hell."

Which brings us, via segue, to the third "Ken" doll, named McCan't, because he wanted to be in Jamestown greeting the Queen, again.  In fact, he was there when the first Elizabeth was on the throne.  He is the only candidate who was there when Ronald Reagan was born.  In fact, he still refers to his Republican hero, Herbert Hoover, as "Junior."

The fourth "Ken" doll, named "Brokeback," protests very loudly against the "gay and lesbian lifestyle," and we all know about those who "doth protest too much," don't we? 

The fifth "Ken" doll, named "Goosey-loosey," has organized all of the barnyard into a single location so that if the fox attacks again, then it won't be so difficult to tabulate all the damages.  Both of his first two wives, and their offspring, have offered to hold him down while the farmer chops off his head.

The sixth "Ken" doll, named "Tubby" neglected to mention his participation in the "mismanaged" administration, and advocated a management policy which directly conflicted with the Bill of Rights (for which he apologized the next morning).  He is the "Ken" doll who looks most like Jimmy Hoffa.

The seventh "Ken" doll, named "Tanqueray,"  is so dubbed mainly because one would have to be pretty liquored up to advocate anything this yahoo had to say.  Following in the long-time success of the Berlin Wall, he wants to separate the US of A from all of the rest of the world by masonry, if not by  lack of knowledge.  Frodo assumes he believes that putting one's head in the sand is an appropriate course of action when confronted by questions to which his fifth-grade education provided no answers.

The eighth "Ken" doll, named "Gary," has the same name as the criminal executed in Utah some years ago ("The Executioner's Song" was the book title).  He is DOA.  He is supposedly qualified because he once cut taxes in Virginia, the State which contributed "macaca" to the English language a few months ago.  He used his personal savings from the tax cut to buy an automatic weapon.

Again with a segue, the ninth "Ken" doll, named "Hummer," believes that anyone not holding a duly-authorized and issued identity card should be immediately executed, unless, of course, they were anti-abortion, then they should be elevated to consideration for the next vacancy on the Supreme Court.  Even Arnold was gagging whenever this hodad opened his mouth.

This brings us to the tenth little "Ken" doll, named "Hominy," simply because he is a pure corn product.  Had he been a contestant on one of those old TV game shows from the 1950's, the whole world would have immediately cried "Payola."  The only thing that separates him from the public projection of Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) is that he wouldn't know a "Swift Boat" if it grounded itself in the "Big Dig."

So, boys and girls, that concludes Frodo's assessment of "The Gang That Cannot be Elected."  Play with each of your dolls while you can.  Frodo is looking forward to what follows.  Want to bet that the next two we see will be the ultimate divider, and the acting District Attorney who can't seem to keep the help from one-season-to-the-next.  Frodo wants "Arthur" back where he belongs.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:48 AM EDT
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Thursday, May 3, 2007
You Can't Always Get What You Want
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
FRODO NOTE: This is the second entry for the subject date. The earlier entry was composed yesterday, entered into the system, and disappeared into the Ethernet when the DSL connection was broken. Frodo re-wrote the entry today, losing a lot in the spontaneity of the moment. However, it inspired this entry, which should serve as a warning to all mankind.

AT&T has completed its "purchase/acquisition" of the entity BellSouth. This follows earlier acquisitions which have resulted in the re-emergence of a single, dominant force in the world of telecommunications. In a word, "MA Bell" is back, and all of the consumer-friendly efforts by the US Congress to develop a more responsive communication system has gradually become bird poop. Frodo herein shares in his most recent experience with "Big Brother," or is it "HAL-9000," or perhaps it is simply "The Patriot Act."

If the truth be known, it was Sam who took the time to dial 1-888-321-2375 to complain about the dimunition of service on the residential DSL service at the Shire. Sam recognized problems when the first words heard were "Press 1 for service in Tagolog. . .". Sam was facinated with the eventual connection with a human being in Manila. After a few questions about the weather, what time of day it was there, and attempted humor referring to "Manila Vanilla" as an ancient rock group, Sam finally got to the point. For the better part of a week, the DSL service had made connections spotty, at best, and speed of service even slower than in the less expensive days of dial-up. Sam observed to the Manillan that this had not been the experience prior to the merger. The Manillan did not offer a comment in rebuttal.

The Manillan did comment that there had been reported problems in the Area Code of the Shire. The Manillan arranged for a serviceperson to appear the next day (today), and to check the "optic wire connections," free-of-charge.

Sam reported to Frodo this morning that the serviceperson from BellSouth showed as promised, and commented that the problems were pretty widespread and that "conference calls" were underway to diagnose the problems. Sam again commented that the problems had only become prevalent when the merger was finalized. The BellSouth serviceperson gave his best imitation of "De Tar Baby."

This evening, Frodo has returned once again to the keyboard to stimulate the spread of vowels across the airwaves, and things are operating quite smoothly. Sam has received a follow-up call regarding the level of satisfaction with the efforts of the Manillan. Sam responded to the automated message by suggesting that they "push 1."

Frodo asked Sam if at any time any of the computerized voices had referred to Sam as "Dave," or if anyone had asked what Sam's position on same-sex marriage happened to be? Gonzalez is still there.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:43 PM EDT
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I'm Much Too Young To Be This Damn Old
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)

The gallant Braves have suffered a number of injuries over the past several days, including both of their catchers.  This necessitated action by team management, which produced one of the most interesting statistics in Major League Baseball History.  Young Mr. Saltalamacchia was called up from the Richmond Minor League affiliate, and inserted into last night's starting lineup.  He became the player with the longest last name in the history of the game, causing quite a bit of consternation Froldo feels, by young Mr. Spooneybarger who lost his claim to the title by a single consonant.

Playing left field for the gallant Braves in their contest against the Phillies from Philythedelphia, or something to that effect (since it is north of the Mason-Dixon line, Frodo does not see the relevance in the details), was a young man named Willie C. Harris.  Given gallant Braves managements' predisposition to signing players from within the viewing and listening parameters of television and radio broadcasts, it was not surprising that Mr. Harris is from Cairo (pron. Kare-O), Georgia.  For the uninitiated, Cairo's high school sports team name is the "Syrup Makers," referring to the fact that this is the town in which that syrup which your Mama spread all over your pancakes is manufactured.  Mr. Harris is the second player in Major League history to come from the town of Cairo; the other being a young man named Robinson, Jackie Robinson (shaken, not stirred). 

Mr. Harris, who just happens to be black, was all atwitter over his opportunity to play for the team which was his favorite growing up in small-town Georgia.  Frodo was particularly pleased to see Mr. Harris line a single over the first baseman's glove in the bottom of the eighth inning to drive in the eventual winning run.  Then, in the bottom of the ninth, Mr. Harris made a diving catch in left field to preserve the victory for the gallant Braves.  For those feats, he was named "Player of the Game."

The Georgia State Legislature was reccently confronted with a proposal to apologize for the legitimacy of slavery.  The proposal did not come up for a vote, and Frodo notes that many legislators did not see the relevance for an act in which they, personally, had no participatory interest. 

There is no doubt in Frodo's mind that Mr. Harris was fully aware of the fact that he was not the first ballplayer from Cairo to make it to the Big Leagues.  Frodo knows that Mr. Harris has special feelings for the man who endured and achieved so that he could have the opportunity to be cheered by fans of the gallant Braves.  That, of course, includes all the Members of the Georgia State Legislature.

Much has changed in Middle Earth, and the land that Frodo calls home has come far from the days of ignorance and blood.  Dishonesty is what keeps most from admitting to the horrors of those times, and the damage to innocent lives.  Wittingly or not, all participated, and all share the blame.

Frodo has no compunction about an apology.  He heard the words of his grandfather, and he even told "jokes" that made fun of other people.  For that he is truly shamed.  He apologizes to Willie C. Harris, and to all the others who may or may not take note of these words.

You da man, Willie C, you da man.  Play ball.    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:04 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 1, 2007
If I Die in Tennessee, Send My Body Back COD
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Doohan's Delight" (3)
One way to make Frodo angry is to tell him that your interests only include "Non-Fiction." Frodo places his hands behind his back and paces all about when someone tells him they only read biographies, history, and science. The creative power of the mind is responsible for music, poetry, dreams, stories around the campfire, tall tales, and fiction. Without that which is omitted by some there would be no Peter Pan, no Juliet, no Casey, no Medusa, perhaps no Frodo, and even, arguably, no Adam or Eve. How much poorer, dear reader, would our lives be?

Frodo loves to dream about things the way they might have been. The future according to Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Bones, and Scotty, where diversity is part of a "Federation," is a stark contrast to the divisive country in which we currently live, and the divided world that frames its' existence. Perhaps, thinks Frodo, the unknown could be the great adventure that approximates that one actual shining moment in July, 1969, when all the world stopped, and watched, as one of us stepped onto the lunar surface. What a grand and wonderful future would lie in front of those who follow us.

They will get there without Scotty, but perhaps they will meet up with him again. This week, a private service sent a retrievable rocket into space in order to deposit the ashes of more than 200 Earthlings who sought eternal rest in man's final frontier, The remains of the real honest-to-goodness astronaut, Gordon Cooper, traveled with those of James Doohan, the erstwhile Chief Engineer of the Starship Enterprise, to ever search the heavens.

It would be disingenuous of Frodo to conclude his words here with the most famous of lines from "Star Trek." If Frodo were writing an end to the adventure series, a piece of fiction, he would have George W. Bush absorbed into the Borg. Of course, he's probably already there.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:29 PM EDT
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Monday, April 30, 2007
He Got The Action, He Got The Notion
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Eye Opener" (3)
Frodo could see him sitting atop the street light attached to the telephone pole at the end of the cul-de-sac. With the dawn's early light behind him, the mockingbird was going through his paces. He mimicked everything from a robin to a whippoorwill, and he got louder the more he irritated the sleep-deprived Hobbit. Despite the joys of a visit to Sam's home, Frodo spent many hours plotting the demise of this bird from Hell. Frodo fears now that, despite the passage of time, the creature has arisen from the grave to follow and again torment the Hobbit.

Cardinals are among the most striking of all the avian visitors to the Shire. Apparently, the Shire sits right along the territorial imperative of a number of males, for the flashing red is something visible from three or four directions simultaneously. All of that makes for pleasant observations about the feeders and water dishes scattered throughout the gardens. The males are in constant disagreement about which feeder, or which female, is rightful property. Frodo enjoys the action.

Comes the dawn, and one oversexed descendant of a Velociraptor has decided that getting an early start is the best way to prove himself to the adoring female throng. For the past week, he perches in the camellia bush in Frodo's front yard, immediately below the open bedroom window, and has commenced his own version of the "Hawaiian Wedding Song." He does so just early enough to waken Frodo and to prevent him from falling back asleep before the cursed alarm signals time to again commence scaling Mount Doom. Frodo knows that it is some sort of conspiracy, and that he is being laughed at.

There are times when Mother Nature is really a bitch. Frodo wishes he knew what Bilbo had done with the Red Ryder BB-rifle he got some years ago at Christmas. Then again, perhaps he could coach Mr. Beau Neau to set an appropriate ambush and secure himself the feline equivalent of Thanksgiving Dinner. To merely crouch behind the windowsill and softly curse at "Casanova Cardinal" falls far short of the response that such inflammatory action demands.

Frodo fears, arising early some morning, that he will look out and see something flashing past his window in the wind, and it will be a mockingbird, wearing red pajamas. The mockingbird will mimic a pileated woodpecker.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:01 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 28, 2007
South of The Border Down Mexico Way
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Georgia on my Mind"(3)
Dementia is something humans seem to know a lot more about these days, simply because it seems to be everywhere. Longer lives, and dumber politicians, make it a topic of conversation almost everywhere you go. It is not restricted to humans however, so Hobbits and other inhabitants of the Shire are also susceptible. The tale this evening dear reader, is of how it affects Georgia.

This chihuahua mix was introduced to you some time ago. Sam rescued her during a hospice volunteer episode when no one seemed to want the last possession of an old man, one which he had called "Baby." When she was admitted to membership in the Shire, the name was changed to protect the innocent and hence "Georgia" was welcomed by all, Smaller than Mr. Beau Neau, she was not viewed as a threat by any member of the cast. Despite the lack of vision in one eye, advanced age, crooked teeth, and limited auditory ability (or attention), it was clear thaat the routine in the Shire was the happiest times of her life. Frodo was fond of saying that "Every day is Christmas for Georgia," and he was right on the beam.

Accidents now seem to occur almost daily. Sam watches nervously for the aimless wandering in circles that seems to precede the inevitable squat and flow on the kitchen floor. The other inhabitants of the Shire, including Sydney the cockatiel, seem to recognize the faux pas and run for cover, lest they, too, fall prey to Sam's displeasure. Sam is almost at wit's end, and reflexively spouts displeasure at the performance of what could indeed be an "illegal alien" in the Shire.

Frodo has pointed out to Sam that returning Georgia to a location south of the American border is infeasible. Punishment for one who is merely trying to make her way as best she can in a big, cruel world serves little purpose, other than to satisfy the more demonic parts of the psyche.
The proposed solution is to confine Georgia to the exterior gardens of the Shire during the day with sufficient leash to allow her to sleep peacefully in the shade, and to wander about without strangling herself.

There are, it seems, solutions to every problem. Coming up with something that works may take a little time, and there will probably be a little suffering along the way, but blind old dogs aren't much different from people who don't speak the same language.

Georgia is asleep in her bed now, snoring in what seems to be Spanish. Her ribs are beginning to show through her mottled coat, reflecting the fact that age withers weight from the torso as systems begin to break down. When she awakes she will todder about for quite some minutes as she orients herself from the bedroom down to the kitchen then, hopefully, downstairs and out the dog-door into the gardens. Frodo thinks of the words from one of the earliest of Beatle songs. It goes, ". . .my independence seems to vanish in the haze. . .," and so it does.

That doesn't mean that her dignity goes with her independence. The gardens of the Shire are most enjoyable at this time of year, so Georgia can look forward to pleasant surroundings. She may whine when she realizes that she is not in the immediate vicinity of her fellow residents, but frequent visits from Fiona are inevitable, and Frodo will play the tickle-me game called "boom-boom" with her every evening. He may also serenade her with his best rendition of "La Bamba." According to Sam, that should be enough to make her laugh, since everybody else does.

Everybody wants to be a comedian.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:41 PM EDT
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Friday, April 27, 2007
That Long Black Cloud is Comin' Down
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "OkefenokeeArtichokee"(3)

Before Dwight Eisenhower and the public works project which dwarfed anything ever cooked up by Franklin Roosevelt, America's highways were little more than by-ways.  The two exceptions, most probably, were the now famous "getting your kicks" on Route 66 cross-country, and US 1 which ran from Maine to Florida.  Although much of both routes still exist, they are either the "path least traveled by," or they are little different from any of the main roads that bi-sect every small town or suburb.  Frodo takes special pleasure in the opportunity to travel, however briefly, on one or the other.  Except, of course, at this moment.

US 1 passes through Ware County, Georgia, home to the mammoth Okefenokee Swamp made nationally famous as the homeplace of Pogo, Albert, and friends.  From the nearby towns of Waycross and Folkston, it is not difficult to gain acces to the Park and to embark on an expedition fitted to ones' style and/or durability.  The Swamp can be open water, it can be slowly drifting canals between wooded islands, or it can be open "prairie."  The prairie is actually peat floating atop the water, thick enough that it can support the weight of a grown Hobbit (although each step feels as if one is walking on a waterbed).  Slicing through the prairie are canoe trails alternatively used most often by alligators seeking food or companionship.

Frodo and Legolas have, but not often enough, followed these trails in search of what they could see, and they have never been disappointed.  The flora and the fauna are diverse, different, and plentiful.  The alligators are, no matter what your persuasion, the most impressive of all to be seen.  Lying on a bank or mound of dirt the grey skin dries to a plastic sheen, and the aura of improbable reality strikes even the trained eye.  Swimming alongside the canoe of the Hobbit however, the alligator erases all of that doubt expeditiously.  Watching an alligator stalk a wading bird or small mammal is an experience that brings all to a silent, if not terrifying, moment of stark balance in the natural world.

For the past two weeks, fire has ravaged the Okefenokee.  More than 62,000 acres of timber, brush, and plant life have been seared in the droughth-inspired inferno.  16 miles of US 1 have been closed to all vehicular traffic so that emergency officials could protect the forest lands adjacent to the park, and the houses of the surrounding communities.  With a continuing dearth of rainfall, it is likely that the fire will continue as it is well beyond the first of June.  Smoke, rising high enough to be subject to currents aloft, clouds the skies as far North as Atlanta and Chattanooga.

Frodo has noticed, on several mornings of late, the presence of smoke about the Shire.  At first he was duly alarmed, and nearly called for the Firemen of the Shire to rally.  His inaction proved the wiser course, and soon the winds carried the smoke further North.

There was a time. so Frodo has been told, that when men in motorcars approached fires burning near a road they were subject to the needs of the emergency personnel.  Interstate Highways, in so many ways, have changed eventualities.  Frodo likes to think that there are still men in motorcars on US 1 who obligingly pull their motorcars off the road and wiliingly take rake and shovel to help build a fire break.  Although fire is merely a part of nature's plan to fulfill the need to spread seeds, allow sunlight to penetrate, and ruefully thin the weak, it is man's foe as well as his tool.

Perhaps Frodo looks skyward as others have done for tens of thousands of years.  A pleading in his voice, he asks for help.

Come Fall, Frodo and Sam will travel South from the Shire, and they will turn their motorcar off the Interstate long enough to traverse US 1 in Ware County.  There is an airboat there that skims along the open waters thrusting artificial wind through the thinning hair on the head of the Hobbit.   Frodo would really like to take Sam for a ride.  He would prefer that they not have to join a bucket brigade. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:04 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Wishin' And Hopin', Thinkin' And Prayin'
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Weddin' Down South" (3)
Frodo was doing his absolute best to appear nonplussed. He shook hands with each gentleman who came by, hugged most of the ladies, and bowed respectfully to everyone who introduced themselves to him that day. It was then that he realized that his boxer shorts were on backward. How, he thought to himself, could that have happened? Trying to clear his mind from this obvious faux pas, he tamped a Pall Mall from the pack, and promptly lit the filter end of the cigarette.

Presbyterian churches all appear to have been built with the same bricks used in Colonial Williamsburg. Although Frodo had never paid any attention whatsoever to the architectural aspects of any church subsequent to his year-long tour of Houses of Worship from the Medieval Period in Germany, he did think it appropriate to look about and try to remember as much as he could about this day. Given the fact that the "Scarlett O'Hara," the "Purple Passion," the "Harvey Wallbanger," and their associates from the night before were still being absorbed into Frodo's bloodstream, it was an accomplishment that he could structure consequential thoughts of any tangible magnitude.

Russell Frost was there. Frodo would never see his roommate from the College of the Shire again. All these years, and cancer still kills.

Randy Dorsey was there. For a black man who had never been south of Alexandria, it was a great tribute to Frodo that he stood for him in Tennessee on that day. The night before, Randy had hesitated to step onto the balcony of the motel without shielding himself behind one of the paler-skinned participants. It also had not helped that the lady who conducted the rehersal had continued to call him "Andy."

Frodo's father was there, as his Best Man. Certainly an easy choice. Frodo's father had never before tasted an alcoholic beverage in Frodo's presence, but a glass of champagne must go down easy when your son gets married.

Legolas was there, the handsomest of the Fellowship. To this day they communicate over the miles in ways unexplained, and in the closest of bonds. Minutes together, though years apart, are as if they had seen each other but hours before.

The next morning, at the airport, as they prepared to depart for the City of Orleans, they saw the Dean of Women from the College of the Shire. Frodo walked away from his new bride and approached the hawk-nosed hag who had never missed an opportunity to give Frodo grief. Frodo greeted the Warlock by pointing to his new bride, and announcing that he had spent the last night with her in the Holiday Inn. The fact that it was perfectly legal and proper must have slipped his memory.

Frodo still thinks she was actually Barbara Bush.

And that's the way it was, April 25, 1970. The best day.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:00 PM EDT
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Monday, April 23, 2007
Don't Give Your Heart to Anyone
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Lonely Avenue" (3)

Ahmet Ertegun produced recording sessions. Ben E. King was the lead singer for a group known as "The Drifters." Just as King stepped to the microphone to begin recording "Save the Last Dance for Me," Ertegun tells King the story behind the writer of the song, a man named Doc Pomus. King's eyes moistened, and he fought tears as he sang the song, and for the first time understood what the lyrics conveyed.

". . .Just remember who's takin' you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be. . ."

Polio is a word not heard much anymore, but it was well-known to a generation of young people afraid to even swim in a public pool, for fear that the rest of their lives would be spent in an "iron lung." Crippled by polio, Doc Pomus used crutches and, always overweight, ended his life in the wheelchair that served him the night that Ben E. King recorded his song. Pomus had written the song from the memory of his wedding day when he watched his brother Raoul whirl his new bride across the dance floor.

". . .While we're apart, don't give your heart to anyone. . ."

Like his contemporary, Sam Cooke, Pomus had a gift for making songs out of the things that his eyes had seen. As a teenager the young white man could lay out smooth, undulating blues that won him frequent gigs at black clubs in every borough of New York. Accompanied by pianist Mort Schuman, Pomus cranked out his first hit "Teenager in Love" for Dion and the Belmonts.

". . .And when we touch, I love you oh so much. . ."

Pomus, who was born Jerome Felder, died in 1991, after writing many of the songs to which Frodo danced while Pomus merely dreamed of dancing. The life is chronicled in the newly-published "Lonely Avenue: The Unlikely Life & Times of Doc Pomus" (by Alex Halberstadt, DaCapo Press).

In April of 1953, Bilbo was presented with an opportunity to protect the halfling Frodo against polio. At Franklin Sherman Elementary School, Dr. Richard Mulvaney was performing the first innoculations of the Salk Vaccine. Frodo protested, claiming that the vaccine was a "test" and that it might make him sick (it also might hurt). Bilbo would hear none of it, and Frodo was deigned to participate. Frodo, dear reader, was invited back to Franklin Sherman Elementary School by the March of Dimes for the 50th anniversary of the victory led by the "Polio Pioneers."

Bilbo was, and remains, as it relates to the care and feeding of halflings, very wise. The truth be known, the shot didn't really hurt much either.

Ben E. King gave a great performance when he learned the truth behind the lyrics.  Maybe Frodo did some good, too. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:50 PM EDT
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