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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
"Speedy Gonzales" (3)
"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
"Spiro T. Palin" (4)
"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
"The Boys of '63" (8)
"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
"The Splurge" (4)
"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
"Three A.M." (4)
"Three Siblings" (4)
"Three Votes Short" (3)
"Thriller" (9)
"Thunder Road"
"Thy Name be Peace" (2)
"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" (3)
"Tiger By The Tail" (5)
"Time to Cut Brush" (3)
"Time With Friends" (3)
"Times A' Wastin'" (3)
"Title IX Disaster" (5)
"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
"Together Again" (3)
"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
"Torah, Torah..."(6)
"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
"Touchdown Swabbie" (3)
"Tovarich" (4)
"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
"Transparency" (4)
"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
"Trekking Mount Doom" (2)
"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
"Truckin' for Isaiah" (3)
"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
"Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)
"Tullahoma Tequila (2)"
"Tumbler" (3)
"Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
"TW3" (3)
"Tweety Pie" (2)
"Twenty to Life" (5)
"Twismas Tunes" (5)
"Twisted Sister" (4)
"Two Americas" (4)
"Two Americas" (9)
"Two Steps Back" (4)
"Two Thousand, Ate" (4)
"Unademdaze" (4)
"Unborn in the USA" (6)
"Unbroken Circle" (7)
"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
"Unmarked Grave" (6)
"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
"Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
"Vero Possumus" (4)
"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I'd Hammer Out Love Between My Brothers And My Sisters
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Three A.M." (4)

"Mr. Frodo, I'm here from the Obama campaign."

"Yes young man, I've been expecting you.  Your telephone call this morning sounded very urgent.  What can I do for you?"

"Well Sir, as you may have noted, Senator Obama got sort of derailed on his way to the Democratic nomination last night."

"Yes, I think I heard something about that.  But what does that have to do with me, a mere Hobbit?"

"Well Sir, the Senator has been following your writings, and he asked several of us for input on how Mr. Frodo might combat some of the negative ads being used by the opposition.  I merely suggested that we ask you for your opinion.  So here I am."

"I see, so are you here asking in generalities or is there something specific?

"Well Sir, in particular, the Senator was really miffed about that ad which dealt with a telephone call at three AM, which suggested that Senator Obama would not be able to handle an emergency situation."

"First off, young man, Senator Obama is aware that there was absolutely nothing original about that ad?  In fact, it was basically plagiarized from ads run in earlier elections by both Democrats and Republicans."

"Yes Sir, we were familiar with the theme, and if you'll remember, we did try a strong response almost immediately."

"Yes my boy, I saw that.  In a word, it sucked."

"Sir?  We actually thought it was pretty good."

"My boy, go back and tell your boss to contract for two ads.  One directed at Senator Clinton, the other at Senator McCain."

"Okay, but why two different ones?"

Frodo smiled.  "For Senator Clinton, start things out exactly as shown previously, you can even use the same dialogue up to the point of 'Who do you want answering the phone at Three A.M.?' and then comes the clincher."


"The next line should be, 'Hello, this is Bill.'"

"Hah (sounding a bit like Chris Matthews), I get it.  That would be great.  But what about McCain?"

"My boy, that's even easier.  Just let the phone keep ringing, and when the question is asked, turn up the background noise to hear the most godawful snoring ever broadcast during the family hour."

"Mr. Frodo, if things work out the way we hope, would you consider a position in the Obama Administration?"



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EST
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Tuesday, March 4, 2008
We Don't Care What Your Name Is Boy, We'll Never Turn You Away
Mood:  down
Topic: "Rose Garden Promises"(4)

March fourth is the one day of the year that is a verbal command to go forward.  How appropriate, writes Frodo, that the Republican Party will tomorrow announce that the oldest man to ever be nominated for the Presidency by a major political party will appear in the Rose Garden with the worst President in our national experience.  Even now, the Republicans are unable to accept the symbolism of missing the train, if only by a single day.  John McCain is an unacceptable leadership alternative, despite the fact that he is the direct political descendant of the current officeholder.  Their relationship merely proves that not all Neanderthals disappeared during the Ice Age.

John McCain served his country well, forty years ago.  He has absolutely no qualifications that justify a leadership role in economic matters.  He has absolutely no inspirational appeal when he stumbles about a dais, holding a microphone as if it were a Good Humor Bar, and likens the uninformed throng before him as if they were close and personal acquaintances.  He appeals to the total lack of common sense that permeates those who supported George W. Bush, twice, and have, as yet, neglected to wipe the drool from their mouths.

Frodo has faced Orcs on many occasions.  Sauron's final supporter has been identified and stands before the Fellowship of the Ring at the Black Gate.  Despite all the differences that exist between the peoples of Middle Earth, and the conflicts for leadership therein, all good men know that now is the time to destroy the Ring.  John McCain must lose. 

Merry, Eowyn, Legolas, Boromir, the fallen Galadriel all stand with shield and sword to rally behind Aragorn, as Sam and Frodo overcome Gollum at the brink of Mount Doom.  It is a mortal struggle that ensues, that which borders hope with ignorance.  Sauron will gird his general and send him into the fray.  It will not be easy, but it must be done.

John McCain must be defeated, totally.  The Ring will be no more.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:04 PM EST
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Saturday, March 1, 2008
Smoke, Smoke That Cigarette
Topic: "Engine Uprisin'" (4)

Methodists are not traditionally heroic people, at least Frodo can't seem to zero in on a single self-proclaimed Methodist who has ever done anything which would merit Medal of Honor consideration.  There was a Minister's daughter however who once volunteered to expand Frodo's horizons in ways that only a Minister's daughter could, but Frodo felt the offer might be more self-satisfying than courageous.  His declination of her favors expanded his anticipation.

Although John Wesley is a widely-recognized name in Methodism, Frodo does not seem to recall any instance where he slew dragons in the name of Faith.  The first names with whom Frodo became acquainted as notable, or cool, in Methodism, were General JEB Stuart and R. J. Reynolds.  It is particularly interesting to note that both JEB Stuart and R. J. Reynolds were both kicked out of the "College of the Shire" (Frodo's alma mater) for the same reason; public drunkenness.  Upon learning of this historical fact, Frodo did his absolute best to follow in the footsteps of greatness.  Despite the concentrated efforts of questionable entrepreneurial manufacturers as well as predominant corporate entities, Frodo somehow avoided a forced retreat from this bastion of learning and values.

JEB Stuart's history is easily researched, and is better addressed in another forum.  R.J. Reynolds, the founder of the tobacco empire, is another story, and this truism is the basis of the tears of laughter to follow. 

R.J Reynolds never forgave the College of the Shire for kicking him out, so he swore revenge.  Some years later, the corporate giant started buying and selling companies (which seems to be an activity which dominates the interests of corporate giants, of all types).  R.J. purchased the Norfolk & Western Railway, among other companies.  Perhaps it was merely coincidental, but the next thing that seemed to happen was the construction of a main line of the Norfolk & Western right through the middle of the campus at the College of the Shire.  It remains there to this day, and the hours between sunset and sunrise seem to be the busiest for this merchant carrier.

Frodo recalls many hours where his silence was broken by the lonesome whistle of a freight train.  Frodo developed a special affection for the songs of Hank Williams, and a loathing for the revenge enjoyed by R. J. Reynolds. 

Our story occurred during the height of the Vietnam War.  Frodo and his friends eventually noted that the Norfolk & Western was carrying Merchants of Death.  Tanks, armored personnel carriers, artillery pieces, and other weapons of war were on flat-beds, and they came through the College of the Shire in the middle of the night.  When friends began to die, in a war in which democracy was on the wrong side, Frodo could not stand idly by, nor could Russell Frost. 

Russell and Frodo, with the assistance of a few others, fashioned breechcloths, made headbands, and painted their faces.  Changing the "green" light to "red" on a railroad track was not beyond the technical competence of any pre-med or engineering student.  Together the band portrayed the last Indian raid in the Commonwealth of Virginia.  Using rubber-tipped arrows, this gallant band rained terror from the skies upon the engineers, brakemen, and other employees of R.J. Reynolds who were transporting the weapons of war.

Not unlike the Red Men of yore, they knew that all they could do was delay the moments of destruction.  The train pulled on after less than thirty minutes under fire.  The employees of R.J. Reynolds voiced their displeasure with the "Commie Pinkos," and commerce drove them on to Fort Benning, and destinations beyond.  Only then would people be injured, and die.

Frodo likes to think that R.J. Reynolds would have admired the spunk of Frodo and Russell.  Frodo would have invited him to share a drink.

Russell Frost died from Cancer of the Thymus Gland.  Frodo had to look it up, since he didn't know that he had such a gland, or that he might fall because of it.  The Russell Frost Memorial Scholarship at the College of the Shire not only recognizes those who dream about a better world, but those who happen to have a little fun along the way.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EST
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Thursday, February 28, 2008
This Little Light of Mine, I'm Gonna Let It Shine
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Foe Years Old" (4)

Bill Cosby can think, and speak, and mimic millions of children.  Frodo is sure that as he has aged, Cosby becomes equally adept at the thought, speech, and behavior patterns of befuddled adults.  One of his routines that comes to Frodo's mind is the story of a cherub named Jeffrey who ran amuck on an airplane.  With seeming parental indifference throughout the flight, Jeffrey announced to each and every passenger, repeatedy, that his name was Jeffrey, and that he was "foe years old."  Cosby won the hearts and minds of his fellow passengers when he took affirmative action and awakened the little monster who fell asleep, finally, just before the plane landed.

Noting the topic above, with the addition of the number "foe" next to it dear reader, Frodo commences this his fourth year in dialogue with those of us who share his proclivity for music, laughter, and occasional outrage.  His title this evening are words penned by Pete Seeger, a man of peace, whose life's dream has been for all the world to sing along, albeit in perfect harmony.  Frodo has been honored to, on two occasions, shake the hand of this true and gentle man.

Bill Cosby and Pete Seeger are fitting reference points this night.  One who makes Frodo laugh, and one with whom he sings along.  The comedian has been charged with racial insensitivity, and the singer with being a Communist.  Frankly, Frodo enjoys the message as much as he admires the messengers.  That, perhaps, best addresses the context of letting our little lights shine.


Frodo has been offered an award.  It is not something he sought, nor is it something he feels is necessary.  He said to one observer that if "One gives enough money, sooner or later somebody is going to give you something to put on a wall."  He added, "If one expects more than that, they will only be disappointed." 

Frodo Baggins picked up a sword, and carries the Ring, because it needed doing.   Scholarships named for people with whom Frodo laughed and sang were the right thing to commence, and their growth is the true reward.  Frodo remembers the love and affection he shared with friends long gone, and has seen actual evidence that their names offer a little light, and hope, to the darkness of adolesence. 

Laughter, music, and a little progress being made.  Things don't get much better. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Sugar Bear
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "The Non-Issue" (3)

Frodo has begun the annual exercise which requires that books, records, receipts, and SWAG be properly assembled.  Reference materials go on one edge of the table, and that is what garners his attention at this moment.  Something he reads however, causes him to push back from the table and to consider the impact on a grander scale.

The entrepreneurial Mr. Frodo has funded his own plan for retirement (which will henceforth be identified herein as the "R" word).  Frodo knew that once he reached age 59.5 he could, note could, begin to draw from his R plan.  He had failed to note however, that he must, note must, begin to draw from his R plan at age 70.5.  The reason that certain rules exist in the Internal Revenue Code is permanently lost to the miasma of the legislative process.  But, Frodo knows, there must be a reason for there to be a requirement that withdrawals commence by this point in the life of the Great American Taxpayer.

Surely, thinks Frodo, the wise and good representatives of the American people, who know and understand the hard work of our people, deemed age 70.5 as the point at which everyone has earned the right to rest and relax.  R begins at age 70.5.

John McCain is 71 years of age, and he would be 72 when he takes office, if elected to the Presidency.  No President has ever entered office so late in life.  Given the actuarial tables that exist relative to lifespan in America today, it is not only unlikely, but against all odds that John McCain would survive two full-terms.  Frodo notes that at the same time John McCain would receive $400,000 per year to serve as President (arguably the toughest job in the world), he would also be drawing from his own R Fund.  Why?  Because it was meant that old men should retire, and not fumble around behind talk show hosts and call everybody "my friends."

Ronald Reagan, until now the oldest to ever serve as President, turned the argument around on his Democratic opponent Walter Mondale.  Reagan commented during a debate that he did not believe that "age" was a factor, and therefore he would not raise the relative youth and inexperience of his opponent.  Everyone laughed.

Nobody should be laughing now.  John McCain did not decide to spend 5.5 years of his life being confined and tortured.  It happened however, and that cruel treatment has quite likely further subtracted from the time available to him.  All political references to "change" and the "old way" of doing things aside, it is a serious point that should dominate consideration for this gentleman's fitness for such rigorous duty.

Nobody every said that things were ever going to be fair or easy.  Senator McCain, it is time to plant some flowers, while you still have the opportunity to smell them.  To view the status quo as simply one more challenge in your life is an admirable concept, but it is truly an uncharacteristic disservice to your country to give less than your best. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EST
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Monday, February 25, 2008
The Nearer Your Destination The More You're Slip Slidin' Away
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)

"Governor Bredesen, this is Governor Perdue."

"Governor Perdue, this is Governor Bredesen."

"Gentlemen, I'm Referee Frodo."

"Governor Perdue, since you're the Visitor, you will get to call the coin flip.  Gentlemen this side with the Peach Tree will be 'Heads' and the side with the Coonskin Cap will be 'Tails.'  Governor Perdue, call 'Heads' or 'Tails' while the coin is in the air."


"Thank you Governor Perdue, and the coin has come up 'Heads.'  Do you wish to go on offense in District Court or do you defer until the Appeals Court?"

"The Great State of Georgia will litigate."

"Thank you Governor Perdue.  Governor Bredesen, you have the choice of defenses."

"The Great State of Tennessee opts for 'Regular and Customary Use'."

"Thank you Governor Bredesen, please stand here with your back to the Nickajack Reservoir.  You, Governor Perdue, face him with your back to the Wall.  Good luck gentlemen, now let's do it."

"Governor Perdue, Samwise here with WATR.  How do you plan to open your attack against the faulty survey and to obtain clear title to the land bordered by the middle of the Tennessee River?"

"Samwise, we intend to flood the zone with signage, and to convince the defenders that the water truly belongs to Georgia.  We will wear them down."

"Good luck to you Governor."

"Governor Bredesen, how do you intend to defend the charge of the Georgians that access to the water is theirs by virtue of the survey line originally granted by Congress?"

"Well Sam, we're not gonna let them 'water board' us.  This has been Tennessee property for over two hundred years, and if it was truly theirs, why didn't they try to get it before?"

"And good luck to you Governor."

"Well Readers, there you see the layout for this 'Battle of the Titans'.  You can hear the Tennessee Fans cheering 'We're Number one,' while the Georgia Fans respond with 'Bull----, Bull----'.  The results at the end of the District Court will be followed by the Appeal, and if the combatants are still not separated, the Supreme Court will make sure that there is no tie.  'Kissing your sister' will not be the result of this contest here today." 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:16 PM EST
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
Have You Heard About The Lonesome Loser
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Gwinnett Again?" (3)

Frodo is particularly cheeky when some of his more bizarre postulates apparently document the validity of his thesis.  Such is the case that follows.

Readers will recall the "Runaway Bride," the Bank Robbery Bimbos," and other recent events making national news which all seem to occur in Gwinnett County, Georgia.  Located just Northeast of Metropolitan Atlanta, this domicile for white, overweight, conservative Republican refugees from frozen suburbs is a center for controversial human behavior.  Named for a non-descript, almost universally anonymous, signer of the Declaration of Independence, Gwinnett County deserves the derision heaped upon its residents.  Until recently, Gwinnett County was the largest governmental territory in all of the United States of America without any form of public transportation.  Frodo alleges that when one has no public transportation, then one need not worry about "them" coming into your neighborhood.  Gwinnett County also consistently re-elects John Linder (R-GA) to Congress, who is, of course, known as the "Father" of the "Flat Tax." 

In Frodo's opinion, the only thing that separates Gwinnett County from the other denizens of dementia, aka the great State of Texas, is that the F-150 is the preferred model of pick-up truck parked in each and every driveway as a precondition to residence.

Lisa Lynette Clark, 39, was released from Metro State Prison Friday, on the same day that 1000 copies of her biographical publication "Betrayed: The True Life Story of Lisa Lynette Clark," became available.  Two years ago, Lisa Clark became a household name when her marriage to a 15-year-old boy made the rounds of news shows, and brought well-deserved attention to Georgia's quaint laws on the "institution of marriage" (does this sound like a familiar campaign issue to you, too?).  Upon release dear reader, can you even vaguely imagine her first destination?


From that gastronomical experience, she reported to a probation office, and answered a few questions from reporters.  As a convicted "sex offender," e.g. child molestation, statutory rape, and enticing a child for indecent purposes, Clark also carries a new title upon her return to public life.  She is now also known as "Mom."  The baby, born in jail, was placed in a foster home, where he still lives, with a friend of her family.  The "father," whose name has never been released because he is the victim of a "sexual assault," now lives in (you're gonna love this) Texas.  It is important, if not downright unbelievably insane, to note that Clark and the "father" were legally wed on the day before she was arrested.

As you exhale dear reader, Frodo can answer your question.  Yes, a convicted sex offender is married to the victim, and they are the parents of a child, and preasumably, they will obtain custody.

Frodo will be surprised if there is much of a run on this new addition to American literature, but he simply had to recite a few lines for your entertainment.  Noting her initial attraction to the (lover/husband/victim/co-conspirator, pick no more than two), Clark writes "He was buff with a six pack of abs, cut pecks and big arms. . .".  


Also quoted from the book is part of a letter she wrote to the (lover/husband/victim/co-conspirator) which reads "I know we have made some mistakes, but I know we have what it takes.  You are my best friend.  Until we meet again, I love you baby, so much."

Frankly, thought Frodo, those words could come from the Farewell Address to be delivered by George W. Bush.

Oh, and Frodo almost forgot to mention this.  Guess where the happy couple plan to reside? 

Gwinnett County.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:08 AM EST
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008
No Such Number, No Such Zone
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Speedy Gonzales" (3)

Curiosity may not be a feline asset, but Frodo has never been shy about asking questions, especially relative to something that has previously caught his interest.  Challenged by a daunting amount of material whose perusal was required vocationally, and a constant stream of print media coupled with all of the wisdom of the world in book format, Frodo found himself adrift in the volume of it all.  The Evelyn Wood course for "reading dynamics," (aka speed reading) magically appeared before him one day, and he decided to investigate.  Without casting any aspersions upon the quality of the product, Frodo came away from the introduction with a reaction similar to his very first visit to a used-car lot. 

Later that day, Frodo decided to visit the Training Officer in his early megalithic model of Mount Doom to see, perhaps, if there might be some information about improving his reading skills.  It might be added that the Training Officer was also a physical-fitness advocate, and any excuse to have her lean over one's shoulder was certain to improve Frodo's circulatory flow.  Frodo found that not only were there coursebooks available for his personal research , but there was a course, taught by his employer as an employee enhancement.  The Training officer was also identified as the Instructor in said course.

"Well," thought Frodo, "self-improvement is good."  Frodo checked out the coursebook, and signed up to take the next scheduled classroom training.  Frodo set aside all the rest of his reading, and devoured the textbook.  He also regularly dropped by the Training Office in order to check on the plans for the soon-to-be-conducted class, and to admire the view.  What was astounding is that Frodo really got into this speed-reading stuff, simply because it commenced with a few pieces of scientific data which caught his attention.

The eye "reads" only when it is still.  As one's eye moves up or down, side-to-side, it absorbs nothing.  The skill of speed-reading is to minimize the number of times that one's eye is still per line of print, and to assimilate as many words as possible therein.  The student is taught to concentrate on the middle of each line of print, and to widen the zone of vision to encompass the entire line.  Then to move quickly down the center of the page to the next line.  That contrasts with looking at each line in three or four glances.  The speed of reading follows, and the eye, because it is moving once per line, as opposed to multiple times per line, is using less energy, and the reader's eyes become less tired.   The science of it all dictates that the number of words "read" is limited by the number of times that the eye focuses on a central spot and remains still.

Frodo was startled by the revelation.  He recognized that the phenomenal numbers in advertising for "reading dynamics" were obviously inflated beyond the physical.  He rushed to the Training office in order to discuss this outrage with the Training Officer.  Frodo was surprised to find that she was on "extended leave," but that she had left a note for Frodo.  In the note, she apologized for her absence, and explained that she and her boyfriend had decided on a whim to get married and had already left on their honeymoon.


The note went on to request that Frodo "teach" the course in her absence.  As she noted, Frodo had already absorbed the course material,  and was an accomplished classroom instructor himself.  It would be a great favor and, suffice it to say, be a nice wedding present.


Professor Frodo had 33 students.  Many of them were very well-known people and had very responsible positions in Middle Earth.   Surprisingly, it went very well.  When the course evaluations came back, Frodo was roundly congratulated by all the participants.  Subsequently, Frodo was offered the opportunity to take over the newly-vacant position of Training Officer.  The incumbent would not be returning to work.  He turned it down.

His heart just wasn't in it. 








Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:14 PM EST
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008
But I've Never Seen Nuthin' Like You
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Stolen Bases" (3)

Professional Baseball has always had a structure.  First, there was the "Rookie League," then a progression of Classes D, C, B, A, AA, and AAA before an aspiring professional athlete got his (at the time) shot at the Majors.  Players, under the rules of Frodo's youth, were the property of the Major League team that first signed them to a contract.  Not unlike chattel, players were traded, or sold, from one organization to another.  Wealthier teams could buy, or trade for, talented players from smaller-market teams, while those less wealthy teams had to rely heavily on the flow of developing players from the Minor Leagues, as they were called.

All of the above nice-to-know trivia is the backdrop for the tale that today is told by the Hobbit.  The Washington Senators were, for decades, the worst team in all of Major-League Baseball.  The vaudeville joke was that the team was just like George Washington himself, i.e. "First in War, First in Peace, and last in the American League."  Clark and Howard Griffith, the father-and-son owners of the Senators were notorious skinflints, and their team always had the lowest team payroll in the League.  In order to save money, and to find better players, the Griffiths hired Joe Cambria to "scout" baseball players in the Caribbean countries.  Rightfully, the Griffiths figured that there were talented athletes, and baseball was a big participant game in that part of the world, who would jump, cheaply, for the opportunity to play in the Major Leagues.  Thus began the importation of players from countries such as Venezuela, Mexico, the Dominican Republic, and Cuba.

Frodo was a devoted baseball fan.  Players such as Harmon Killebrew, Frank Howard, Roy Sievers, Bob Allison, Chuck Hinton, Earl Battey were some of the really good players who languished on the losing seasons of the Washington Senators.  They were supplemented by Camilio Pascual, Zoilo Versalles, Pedro Ramos, and almost, a young Cuban named Fidel Castro.

THE Fidel Castro was not a poor farm boy, rather, he was the heir of an upper middle-class family in Cuba, who just happened to enjoy baseball almost as much as Frodo.  Castro was probably very excited when he got the opportunity to "try-out" in front of Senor Joe Cambria, who had come to Cuba in search of the next generation of players to wear the uniform of Frodo's favorite team.  Frodo can only imagine what it must have been like, for Cambria's written notes on Castro's performance, forever etched in world history, are both brief and succinct.

"Strictly Class D material."

For his contrarian readers, Frodo would simply add that had Castro been offered a contract by the Washington Senators, he would have, by progression of subsequent team movements, probably become the property of the Texas Rangers.  The Texas Rangers were, not long ago, partially owned by George W. Bush.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:28 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, February 19, 2008 9:43 AM EST
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Monday, February 18, 2008
On Wisconsin, Fight On Through That Line
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Frodo's Dilemma" (3)

Gandalf long ago counseled Frodo to learn the ways of the lands outside the Shire.  Gandalf knew that Frodo would need to rely on what he knew when the time came to enter Mordor, and to scale Mount Doom.  Frodo has written of his voyage into East Germany, and the unforgettable bus trip up "the Berlin corridor."  The tale this evening is of the trip back, and how Frodo first tried to apply what he had learned about the peoples of Gondor, Rohan, and Cirith Ungol.

The sun had set and all the travellers were weary.  The clubs and the taverns of West Berlin had both refreshed and spent the energy of the Americans.  The tours and the propaganda on the other side of "Checkpoint Charlie" had sullied the festive mood, and most were contemplating the mental anguish of a first approach to Evil.  Frodo, not yet known to Samwise, nuzzled with one of his fellow vagabonds.  The Germans, who occupied most of the bus, were gathered in the rear and were treating the drive as if it were merely the culmination of a brief vacation.  Soon, they began to sing.

German drinking songs draw participants easily, and the Americans, including the Hobbit, joined in when they knew the proper words.  The festive air drew the dissonance from all, and anon the memory of the Evil fell further and further behind.  When at last a pause fell upon the throng, one of the Germans called out, "How about some American drinking songs?"

Frodo and his nuzzling companion looked at each other, and soon all of the Americans shared an equally blank stare.  What to do, "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall?"  All came to the conclusion that there are no American drinking songs, and for the briefest of moments, all were equally distraught.  Suggestions came forth from every angle.  "Dixie."  "Hound Dog."  "My Girl (Frodo thought that suggestion might get him past first base)." "Rock of Ages." (?)  It was apparent that the diversity of the Americans meant that no one knew the same songs, and that our silence reflected poorly on our national character.  To be humiliated, by Germans, was too much to bear.

He was from the Midwest someplace, and when he stood up and shared his basso profundo of "On Wisconsin," all of the Americans could at least join in the chorus.  The little guy from "Little Italy" then commenced with "Hail, hail, to old Notre Dame."  Frodo started, in typical off-key, "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech," and then the Germans caught on and joined in with the best phonetical version that "Fighting Bob LaFollete" would have ever heard of the Wisconsin fight song when the Americans commenced a second go-round of the songs drawing the greatest applause.  By the time that the lights of the bus station were at hand, the travellers had shared all that they could, and had unanimously had great fun crossing a cultural border.

Frodo has always wondered if the Germans sang any American songs to serenade their more recent travelling companions.  Many times has he brought smiles to Sam and others of the Fellowship when he sings "In Munchen steht ein Hofbrau Haus. . ."  Imagine a group of Frenchmen trying to follow "Boomer Sooner," in German.    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:50 PM EST
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