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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, September 6, 2008
As It Goes Along The Ground, Ground, Ground With a Happy Sound
Topic: "Problems?" (4)

Frodo, not unlike most of us, is very fond of certain words and phrases, for they often appear in his writings and in his words.  "Independently inventing the wheel," is a phrase he often uses to demonstrate the arrogance of those who seem to feel that they are unique in all the world.  Frodo, on the other hand, happens to believe that there is no problem confronting man or Hobbit which appears for the first time today.  Somewhere, at some time in the more than 10,000 years of upright bipedal locomotion, it has all happened before.  That, of course, gives rise to the saying, "He who does not learn from history is bound to repeat it."

In Spain, the government has submitted a plan to fight soaring unemployment (now at 6.1% in the US of A) by shutting the door on foreign workers.  The Labor Minister announced this week that the number of work visas granted abroad to workers eager to get low-skill jobs in Spain will "get close to zero."  Critics argue that the plan is "mean-spirited and futile."  Frodo kept looking to see what words of wisdom some Spanish Lou Dobbs might potentially offer to the controversy.  Amid the silence, Frodo did note that Spain borders only Portugal and France, with Morocco staring across the Pillars of Hercules into Europe.  Frodo assumes therefore that Moroccco is the source of the Spanish problem.

Frodo wonders what the Spanish word for "wetback" is, when applied to African emigres.  If, as most conservatives would note, the government simply refused to legally recognize tempoary workers, then there would have to be a prescription for the subsequent problems to follow.  Following in the current American tradition, the Spaniards will probably build a wall, and issue firearms to any citizen demanding the right to defend home and hearth from the infidels. 

What is inherent in the Spanish situation is the fact that, since the legislation only addresses "low-skill" jobs, then it must imply that there are "Two Spains."  There is a Spain which basks in the good life of a civilized and fruitful society, and there is another Spain in which society fails to deliver on the promise of a happy and productive existence.  There is, quite likely, a barrister somewhere in Spain who speaks of this, while seeking a potential political career.  He is probably under observation by the Spanish-language version of the "National Enquirer."

There are, of course, many parallels to be drawn in this analogy, and it could very easily be compared to present situations in Great Britain (Turks), Germany (Eastern Europeans), or even China (Sunni Muslims).  To add even greater perspective, it is not obstreperous to examine the flow of Chinese into the American West and Arabs into the American South, all for the purpose of constructing railroad beds during the 19th century.

These parallels ought to be providing our leadership with some greater insight into the peaceful reconciliation of problems in today's world.  Simply because what we face to day doesn't differ much from that which happened in other places, at other times.

The problem with the past eight years was that nobody took the time, or suffered the indignation, to ask questions.  The cowboys in charge were "afraid" to stop and ask directions.

Now what is the difference between a "maverick" and a "cowboy?"  Despite "Brokeback Mountain," the answer is not "lipstick."  Note, dear reader, that the similarity between the two is much greater than the differences.  Neither is noted for operating logically, rather it is as if they were inventing the wheel, for the first time.   Let us hope that history does not condemn us to a repetition of the circumstances which have brought us to the very caverns of Mount Doom. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:31 PM EDT
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Thursday, September 4, 2008
But It's Only Make Believe
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Tom" (4)

Todd Cruz, age 53, died yestereday.  Todd Cruz was a professional baseball player who happened to be a member of the Baltimore Orioles on their championship team in 1983.  Frodo knows because he was a big fan, at the time, of the team they defeated in the World Series, the Philadelphia Phillies.

Tom had lived in Baltimore his whole life, and was even more of a sports fan than his friend, Frodo.  The two friends bet on everything, and reveled in Pyrrhic victories which caused the other to buy the beer, or crack the crabs.  When there was no game, they tested each other in trivia from games past.  Frodo fondly remembers upsetting his friend when he could name each of the four Baltimore pitchers who won 20 or more games in the same season, the only time in the entire history of the game that such has occurred. (Answer below for anyone stricken with a need to know; Frodo will be disappointed by any reader from the gentler sex who is unable to name the one who was a model for underwear at the time).

When Frodo lost the bet on the 1983 World Series, he had to go to Baltimore and purchase a plateful of steamed crabs (Note:  steamed, not boiled).  Sharing the crabs, even in a losing cause was, well, not to be forgotten. While there, his friend gave him a Baltimore Orioles "World Champion" Tee Shirt.  Frodo still has that shirt, although it reflects the hard use of a quarter century.

Tom died several years ago.  Frodo always figured it was a combination of Carling Black Label Beer, Kool cigarettes, and steamed crabs.  Frodo realized as he thought of his old friend, that he can no longer remember his last name.  Sometimes we let the important stuff just slip away, don't we?

(Trivia Answer:  Dave McNally, Pat Dobson, Mike Cuellar, and Jim Palmer).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:30 PM EDT
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Monday, September 1, 2008
When The Rain Beats Against My Window Pane
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Kool Sailboat" (4)

Frodo and Sam enjoyed the time in the City of Orleans.  There has always been an ambience to living on the edge, with little regard for what may come tomorrow.  Frodo came to know people who opened a "Christmas Club" at the local bank which they used for the purpose of purchasing beads and other "throws" during Mardi Gras.  Never giving a thought to putting something away for the proverbial "rainy day," all of their creative energy was ushered into celebrations, be they of life, or of death.  Frodo and Sam were captivated by the good times, and the bacchanalian aspect of a Hobbit's time and place.

Frodo had little experience of a maritime nature, so when he discovered an advertisement for a 10 foot styrofoam sailboat, distributed by the manufacturers of "Kool" cigarettes, he imagined himself learning to sail on one of the many bodies of water surrounding his residence in the City of Orleans.  Oftentimes he subsequently saw himself as a young Kennedyesque figure, with wind-blown hair and a smile into the sunlight.  In all, the boat turned out to be a pretty good investment, because Frodo did learn to sail, and he devoted many hours and reaped worlds of pleasure, which was what life was supposed to be in the "Big Easy."

Eventually, the purveyors of Mount Doom called Frodo to another assignment in a far-off place.  While there, he was held as a prisoner-of-war (and John McCain thought he had it rough, have you, dear reader, ever been to Philadelphia?).  Sam remained behind for a period of time, taking care of certain business interests, and Frodo's sailboat sat, tethered to the back door, with no one to guide her bow to the wind.  That is, until an alien object captured the proper barometric pressure and developed a meterological happening. 

Hurricanes are something that wise people take seriously.  One out of ten may actually threaten life and limb, so many people, particularly those who give little thought to the morrow, do not pay them proper homage.  Sam is not such an individual.  Sam was very concerned about what to do in the event that the coming storm should strike with no Frodo at home.  Sam used the telecommunications channel to correspond with the enslaved insurgent in Philadelphia, seeking guidance in the event of high water, and the need to seek safer clime.  Frodo, unwisely as he now recalls, pointed out to Sam that there was a sailboat in the backyard, and it would be a good idea for Sam to tie the boat by rope through the second-story window.

"The second story," screamed Sam.  "You want me, and two canines, to clamber out a window into a styrofoam boat, and to just fly magically to some mountaintop in Tennessee?"

Frodo, as noted previously, quickly realized the folly of his suggestion.  Sam's position was that Frodo should get his butt back by nightfall, in his motorcar, and transport all that was precious in his life, with or without time off for good behavior, even if he had to scale a prison wall. 

Frodo noted the wisdom of Sam's position.

Fortunately, the hurricane shifted far to the West, and struck the coast of Texas, thereby presenting no danger to any civilized life form.

Shortly thereafter Frodo returned to the City of Orleans to combine Sam, Prissy and Gumbo (canine associates of that era), and requisite provisions into a single family unit again.  The "Kool" sailboat was still tethered to the back door, and the chapter in Frodo's life that neglected responsibility came to an end as the motorcar crossed the I-10 Bridge.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:30 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thinkin' About The Things We Used To Do
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Doug Williams"(4)

George Preston Marshall was the owner of a team in the newly-formed National Football League.  Washington, D.C., home of the "Redskins" was also the southernmost location of any franchise in the league, and in the early days of professional sports in America realistically reflected the land as it was.  When Marshall died, his Last Will and Testament included a paragraph declaring that no subsequent owner of the Redskins could employ a "Negro" as a player.  It was not until the late All-American Ernie Davis of Syracuse was drafted that any "Negro" was ever associated with the "Redskins."  Davis was promptly traded to the Cleveland "Browns" in exchange for "Lightning Leroy Jackson" and the great sidekick to Jim Brown, Bobby Mitchell.  These were the first men, "Negroes" if you will, to play professional football and be telecast on the black-and-white medium into homes in Virginia, Florida, Georgia, Texas, and other points southern.  The "Redskins" were the last team to employ a "Negro" as a player. 

Bobby Mitchell is today an executive for the Washington "Redskins."  Lightning Leroy's whereabouts are not presently known to Frodo.  Ernie Davis tragically died of leukemia before he ever played a game.

Frodo has gotten on this point for a less than obvious reason.  Tonight, Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) will accept the nomination of the Democratic Party to be the next President of the United States.  If successful in his quest, he will be the first person of African descent, a "Negro," to be selected to preside over any western nation.  The acceptance, and his subsequent speech, will take place in Denver, Colorado, home of the Denver "Broncos," a competing franchise in the National Football League.  It was against the Denver "Broncos" that a graduate of Grambling State College and University named Doug Williams led the Washington "Redskins" to a commanding victory in the Super Bowl.  Williams became the first "Negro" to quarterback a National Football League team to victory in a Super Bowl.   The touchdown passes completed, and the total yardage remain as all-time records in a Super Bowl.

Tonight, in Denver, Barack Obama becomes Doug Williams.  His mere presence means something to every inhabitant of Middle Earth.  The fact that he will take center stage, and lead his team to victory, will mean something that historians will chronicle and dissect long after the dust has settled.  Just as Williams survived the onslaught of the "Orange Crush" defense, so will Obama avoid the "Red State" blitz.

Frodo removes the Ring from his finger, and magically appears, running downfield like Gary Clark, wide open, as Aragorn unleashes a long pass in his direction.

"Hail to the Redskins."  God Bless America.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EDT
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Monday, August 25, 2008
You're Still The One
Mood:  special
Topic: "Right Not Privilege" (4)

Neil Diamond starts one of his most famous songs with "a hot August night," and then he warbles into the traveling salvation show of "Brother Love."  Americans, Frodo supposes, have always enjoyed being stirred up by somebody capable of winding their stems, and this night was no exception.  As Frodo and Sam sat before the black-and-white together, contemplating the fewest of days before the final confrontation with Sauron, the stage was set for the last grand entry of American nobility.  Frodo stood, for one minute and fifteen seconds, saying nothing, simply waiting for the applause to end.  Pity it is, that it must.

Bruce Springsteen has always had a habit of wrapping unforgettable words around unintelligible lyrics, and if we weren't "dancing in the dark," then we "walked the streets of Philadelphia."  More than anything else though, United States Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA) can be characterized in Springsteens' "running against the wind."  The time for populist reform always seemed to be a tide that met Kennedy head-on, and his battles, with an amazing number of victories, were classical studies in political cooperation.  Reviled by many, for apparent cause, he did not let any of that deter him from the principles which guided his brothers before him.

Frodo always looked upon Senator Kennedy and his family as bearers of the "gold star."  He, indeed, received much.  He also lost a hell of a lot.  Middle Earth is richer because of the path he trod.  It has made all the difference.  Frodo pays homage to the "gold star."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:18 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 23, 2008
I Was Tossin' And Turnin', Tossin' And Turnin' All Night
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)

It was innocent enough, all the speculation taking place, but Frodo has to honestly admit that he had absolutely no idea that a Democrat was the Congressional Representative for "Barney" Bush and his fellow residents at America's answer to Abu Ghraib.  Representaive Chet Edwards was identified yesterday as a contender for the Vice Presidency because of his long-standing and superior performance, and Frodo nearly popped an aorta.  To imagine that Frodo would be theoretically forced to choose between John McCain and Mitt Romney paired against someone from a town called Whacko, in Texas, would simply fall beyond the scope of credibility. 

Perhaps the Hillary Clinton supporters weren't so far off-base after all.

Countless hours in front of the black-and-white left Frodo with nothing more than a promise that he would eventually receive a text message on his cellular telephone.  As the night wore on, Frodo found himself pacing back-and-forth hoping that reason would prevail, and that Barack Obama would select someone, anyone, who would not automatically be excluded from Frodo's consideration.  As the Texan John Nance Garner once said, the job of Vice President is not worth a "warm bucket of spit."  Frodo happens to believe that about any and all Texans.

Frodo began to consider the cost of building a wall.

Suddenly Frodo sprang up, peering at the digital clock.  He had slept, and had missed his text message.  When the black-and-white came into focus he noted the news anchor holding up one of those scummy New York tabloids which read "It's Joe."

There is a God.




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 21, 2008
Out of Touch, I'm Out of Touch
Mood:  silly
Topic: "I'll Huff and Puff" (4)

"Senator McCain, Town-Hall Meeting Attendee Frodo here, how are you this evening?"

"Good, I'm glad to here that Sir.  You know at your age you need to be careful, and as we all know, it seems like most people seem to die in close proximity to their birthday.  Your birthday is coming up in about a week, isn't it?"

"Well Senator, all of that aside, I guess we can't let this evening pass without asking about those seven houses, with an approximate value of $14M, that you couldn't seem to ennumerate for that reporter from Politico.Com."

"Yessir, I cetainly agree, reporters do tend to dwell on the less important issues.  In any event Sir, I'm sure that the audience out there in TV land would like to know more than what they have heard from those worthless media types.  Sir, how many of those houses are located in either Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Michigan, Indiana, New Hampshire, Georgia, Missouri, North Carolina, or Iowa?"

"Okay, if you would have your staff get back to us on that, it would be appreciated.  You know that many of the voters in those "swing states" might find it curious that you seek their votes and portray yourself as one of them, when you pay property taxes in seven states, but in none of theirs, don't you Sir?"

"Oh, sure, I understand.  It is understandable that one of those houses does need to be in Arizona, whom you represent in the Senate, and another has to be in the DC Suburbs of Virginia, but I'm curious about the place in San Diego, as well as the getaway in the Hamptons?"

"Yessir, that makes perfect sense, but haven't you thought about picking up a couple of pieces of property that are in foreclosure?  I mean, wow, you can really get some good deals in places like North Dakota, or South Carolina."

"Oh yeah, good point, it might look bad for you to take advantage of economic events brought about by a Republican Presidency, Congress, and a Right-leaning Judiciary, wouldn't it?"

"Well Senator, thank you very much for explaining why you have trouble even counting how many houses you own.  And while you're at it, could you explain to me how those scanners work in the grocery store?"


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:03 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Don't Stop Believin'
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Painted Toenails?"(4)

Frodo is a frequent visitor at The Book Exchange in Marietta, GA.  He mentions this not as a "plug" in behalf of a small, but growing, business, although he is enamored of the pluck shown by the owner, but because it is the source of his personal pledge to read at least one book by everybody.  From Tom Clancy to Victor Hugo, Frodo mixes mood and opportunity in order to select used copies at greatly reduced prices.

Frodo is keenly aware of the fact that, like Sam, he could go to the extensive and impressive public library system and select books for free.  However, Frodo doesn't like being put on waiting lists, or waiting in line while some overweight Republican commences a discussion about the latest book on Oprah's reading list.  Frodo does not care about Oprah's reading list.  Frodo knows what he wants when he sees it, and planning has little attraction to a Hobbit wrestling with Gollum.

As stated previously, Frodo admires the ownership of the little used-book store.  The owner has regular visitations by authors, albeit most of them are ladies who write books that would make Frodo blush.  She also has read a lot of books which Frodo has not, and she is not sanguine about an opinion or two noting that some authors write like others, and Frodo "might like" this-or-that author.  Recently, Sam paid a visit to the shop and happened to mention Frodo to the owner.  Since Frodo had never introduced himself by name, the owner struggled trying to imagine exactly which of her customers would actually be a Hobbit.  Before Sam departed, Sam made a comment in support of Barack Obama, and was informed by the owner that she would be serving as a "hostess" again at the Democratic Convention.  For the second time, she would travel to the Democratic Convention and serve as a "guide" to press and politico alike.  She told Sam that she and a friend had rented a small house in Denver, and that they were calling it their "Obama Cabana."

Frodo made a point of driopping by during his lunch hour the next day.  As he stood at the cash register he remarked about the upcoming visit to Denver.  The startled owner tried desperately to figure out how this customer had any idea about her personal plans, and it was not until he remarked about Sam that she put two-and-two together.  Frodo, as he exited, again wished her well, and told her to wear a "white carnation" so that Frodo could have all the Hobbits watch for the owner of The Book Exchange.  It was her tactical error to laugh and to tell Frodo that she painted her toenails like "little American flags" while on duty at events such as the Convention.

So, dear reader, look for the smiling lady with the short blonde haircut, with toenails painted like "little American Flags," and amaze your friends by telling them that she owns a bookstore frequented by the Hobbit himself.

Do you think she might knock 5% off Frodo's next purchase?  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:32 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 19, 2008
They Call Me Mellow Yellow
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Olympic Changes" (4)

So, asks Frodo, is this guy Phelps the greatest athlete in the world?  Actually, says Frodo to himself, that is not terribly different from asking if George W. Bush is truly the worst of all Presidents.  The distinction between the two questions is that we all know the answer to the latter.  Mr. Phelps, ever since he decided to accept this assignment, has drawn the admiration, if not the adulation, of the host-Chinese, the American Basketball Team, and every mother who ever inflated water wings for a toddler.  The achievement behind eight gold medals won by a single individual needs only to be compared to the fact that Phelps has won more medals than all but eight countries competing in this years' Olympiad.  Still, Frodo thinks back to moments not forgotten when Carl Lewis, Michael Johnson, Edwin Moses, Althea Gibson or Wilma Rudolph won medals that did not involve either a Speedo or water temperatures.

There will always be reminders of great individual events, involving a Jesse Owens, or an Ice Hockey Team pulling off an improbable upset.  Frodo remembers a nameless marathoner entering the stadium in Mexico City, stumbling, falling, but desperately trying to finish, and the whole world watching as the human body began to separate itself from the determination of the human mind.  The will, if you will, is the story behind the story in moments such as these.  That is why Frodo watches, and listens.

Many years ago, Frodo introduced a black man to a potential employer.  The job was in America, the employer was Asian.  When the employer decided not to hire the young man, he tried to explain his thinking to Frodo, and he said something like this:  "Mr. Frodo, he is black, and I am yellow.  It is difficult for me to say that it may seem strange to our customers that he would call as our representative.  I know it is wrong.  It is only business."

Frodo thought of that as he watched the crowds around Kobe Bryant, all wanting his autograph, his picture, to touch him.  Every business in the world would love to have Kobe Bryant endorse their product.  It would seem as if things have really changed on our small, blue planet, haven't they?  So it would seem.

Frodo votes for Jim Thorpe.  Look it up dear reader, he was indeed the "greatest athlete in the world," (1912 in Stockholm) but they took his medals away.  Using the same rules today, Kobe Bryant would be stripped of his medal, too.  Rules, like swimwear, change over time.  Better it was, thinks Frodo, when the athletes did not cloak themselves at all.

Probably got a little chilly though.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:36 PM EDT
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Monday, August 18, 2008
Private Eyes Are Watchin' You
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Cone of Silence" (4)

A return to the Shire eventually leads all inhabitants to the same conclusion; there is no place like home.  Frodo sits in his gazebo, too enthralled by the activity to fully concentrate on the book in his lap.  It is Goldfinch season, and the tuxedoed males crest the cone flowers in search of their favorite seeds.  The orange hue of the Frittalaria in its' final stage of life floats from one passion flower to the next.  Yearling squirrels invade every feeder, despite the engineering mechanisms designed to thwart their assault.  Ruby-throat Hummingbirds flash from venues beyond detection, in pursuit of any intruder seeking to compete for the precious contents of the glass containers.  Through all of this the domesticated companions of Frodo sit, and take notes.

Beau Neau's tail flicks right, then left, then right again, as if he were keeping time with Mozart.  He concentrates on every movement by visitors to the Shire, seemingly unaware that he, too, is being observed.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, long ago determined that the highlight of his day is the instruction to "Get the Kitty," just before all the lights are dimmed and doors are made fast.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, pants in anticipation of this evenings' order.  Frodo cannot help but add a little mischief to the scenery.

When Frodo barks his command, all is set in motion and the mostly black dog strikes out in hot pursuit of his all-white rival.  Having been otherwise occupied, Beau Neau is briefly unprepared, and streaks out in an unfortunate direction.  Leaping the green plastic structure, and landing amidst, Beau Neau is suddenly reminded that the "Mr. Turtle Pool" is filled with water and corn oil (when placed upon the surface of the pool, the corn oil discourages the development of mosquito larvae).  With no more splash than that of an Olympic diver, Beau Neau rises back from the surface of the water and combines his sprint for the dog-door with an occasional irritating-shake of a paw.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, continues the chase until he reaches the door, and can turn back to Frodo with a look of operational satisfaction.

Squirrels bark from their lofts.  Blue Jays and Towhees replace the previous visitors to the bird feeders, and a lone Robin splashes in his bath.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, is inside, atop the transom which normally blows cooling air into the home shared by Frodo and Sam.  Beau Neau slithers back into the position he maintained before he was so rudely interrupted.  His tail now seems to move more methodically, perhaps, thought Frodo, he was now imagining something by Strauss.  Despite all the travail and the strife of days just passed, Frodo returned to his book, and all was right with the world.  If only it would last.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT
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