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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
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"Parade of Horribles"(4)
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"Persons of the Year"
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"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
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"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
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"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
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"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
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"Preemptive Invasion"
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"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
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"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
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"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
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"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
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"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
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"Rocket Man" (5)
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"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
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"Say Cheese"(7)
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"Selective Service"(8)
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"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
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"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
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"Shenandoah" (6)
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"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
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"Six Days on the Road"
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"Social Security" (7)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"Water into Wine?"
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"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
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"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
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"Who dat?" (2)
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"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, November 29, 2008
It's A Turn Down Day, Nothin' On My Mind
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)

It is no secret that the Shire has been experiencing drought conditions for quite some time, in fact the reservoir lake levels are lower now than they were at the same point in time last year.  Frodo has been unable to wash his motorcar as an act of physical exertion on a Saturday morning for more than a year.  Should he be so tempted, the "water police" are on constant patrol, moreso even than those who search for illegal immigrants plucking feathers from chickens.  Frodo usually takes his motorcar to an authorized car wash, supposedly using recycled water, and pays about $6 just to remove road grime.  Today however, it is raining and Frodo is watching the cold drizzle that will prevent anything but brief excursions out-of-doors to meet the natural needs of the canine contingent.

It is also the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and that means football, all day long, piped directly into the area adjacent to Frodo's favorite sofa.  It would seem that a day of rest, accompanied by mindless concentration on insignificant events, would be just what the doctor would order for the stressful life of the Hobbit.  No thought given to terrorists, fundamentalists, Texans, the stock market, Sarah Palin, or relational intrigue of any kind.  Concentrate only on the formation of a ham sandwich, a few chips, an apple for good measure, and a draft light when time-outs aver the opportunity.

So why is Frodo blue?

If the sun were shining, then Frodo would miss all the relaxation, and would wreak havoc on his lumbar region by removing every single leaf from the grounds of the Shire.  He would toss the tennis ball for hours on end to the one who snoozes upon his socks this very moment.  He would wash $6 down a drainpipe.  He would scout for "Saxby" signs that could be turned away from the view of those who might be encouraged to vote for one who has done nothing save an improvement to his golf score in the past six years.  At the end of the day he would watch videotape of the games he had missed, eat a ham sandwich, and drink that beer.

It is the loss of choice that befuddles Frodo.  Instead of taking full advantage, he begins to contemplate the tasks undone.  The kerosene heater that makes the Florida room toasty all winter needs cleaning, if not now, then a week or so after Sam begins haranguing him for not previously having done so.  On-line correspondence to a plethora of long ago visited friends in faraway locations has reached epidemic proportions.  Business research on prospective clients resting too long undone provides only fodder to potential competitors.  There is, also, the disaster known as a garage which houses so many unused items that the Salvation Army would make multiple house calls, if so summoned.

Decision-making should be avoided on certain days, that is for sure.  On this day, Frodo will be wisest if he worries only about the point spread in Athens, then to a turning of his attention to Phil Fulmer's final game in Knoxville.  That should bring him to the point of sandwich construction.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:56 AM EST
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Thursday, November 27, 2008
People Everywhere Just Want To Be Free
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Mumbai, My Lord" (4)

Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, raced across the empty parking lot of the School of the Shire, while Frodo was distracted by the now-familiar call on the morning breeze.  Against an all-blue sky on Thanksgiving Day, the Sandhill Cranes were now less than one state away from their winter home in the Okeefenokee.  Frodo's canine friends were not about to be distracted from a mid-week romp, so Frodo was unable to tarry in appreciation.  Upon his return he noted the now-familiar pink ribbons marking property lines, this time upon that of his neighbors, parent to Jessica and "Chipper."

Brian and Carolyn are outstanding parents, and their children are favorites of the Hobbit.  This past Halloween they were Princess Leia and Lord Vader, in costumes that exhibited many hours of motherly love, and a deep appreciation for the importance of a truly realistic light saber.  Brian is a musician, and he has had multiple heart surgeries.  He is no longer "insurable" in Middle Earth, and the inconsistency of income makes life very difficult for such good people.  They have not lived beyond their means, and they did not buy a house that was beyond their means.  Frodo fears however, that the pink ribbons do not mean a simple re-financing. 

The reports from the city formerly known as Bombay cause Frodo to imagine what it must have been like in their city on the day that the nihilists destroyed so many lives in 2001.  Surely, he thought, they cried too, and wished that they could do something to help end the needless suffering of just plain people, who didn't do anything to hurt anybody.  As this story continues, even now, to unfold, it appears that those without conscience were Pakistanis, and therefore, probably Islamic.

Frodo must note that the weapons, and the expenses for this conflagration probably came from some of the $10B paid to Musharraf by those who sought his assistance against Islamic terrorists.  The money these monsters used was probably American dollars.  The truth hurts, doesn't it, dear reader?

The other truth is equally painful.  The continuing fundamentalist violence, all around our small, blue planet, does not come from dissimilar circumstances.  It is not the Shinto, or the Buddhist, the Hindu, or even the Zoroastrian; rather, the violence stems from the monotheists, those who believe in one God.  Dear reader, it is Islamic, it is Jewish, and it is Christian.  It seems to Frodo that the three largest religious groups in all the world represent the impetus to violence.  Perhaps it is merely an unwillingness to retreat from the realization that the one God is "our" god, and not that of the other guy.  On the other hand, the polytheists believe in flexibility, and perhaps the simplicity of the fact that if one God doesn't deliver, we simply change channels.

At some point in time, it is the essence of humanity to rale against the injustices of life.  Watching good, hardworking people lose a house is not fair.  Watching subhuman cretins assault all of civilized society is beyond temperance.  Ah, dear reader, the bridges before us are filled with peril, and those which we now cross are threatening, to be sure.  Important it is that we don't waste time or effort commiserating about that which lies behind us.  Still, had he the chance, Frodo would truly enjoy kicking the ass of either Dick Cheney or anyone who would entice the "Deccan Mujahadien."  There is not a dime's worth of difference between them.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:47 PM EST
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Sunday, November 23, 2008
It Started Long Ago In The Garden of Eden
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Sunni Daze" (4)

Despite Frodo's immediate preference for Barack Obama, Frodo, quite characteristically, withheld making any predictions about the outcome of either the nomination or the election process.  Allegorically speaking, Frodo long ago learned that everything involved in the brewing and preparation of a cup of tea can be negated by the accidental addition of a teaspoonful of salt.  Predicting the outcome of political events is dependent upon human behavior, which is, of course, unpredictable.

That being said, Frodo has been considering the final days of George W. Bush and the residual effects on the small, blue planet.  It must be grating for Bush to experience the public comments of the Shiite leadership in Iraq.  Demonstrations occur with some regularity urging the swift withdrawal of US military personnel, in contrast to the creation of a memorial to George W. Bush, as once proffered by Richard Perle, the Neo-Con of Neo-Cons.  Perhaps, thinks Frodo, it is merely illustrative of that which is most likely to occur in time to come.

Americans were startled by videotaped replay of Shiite religious ceremonies when true Iranian nut cases stormed the US Embassy during the Carter years.  To see the faithful whipping themselves in a symbolic display of deity devotion seemed as strange as, say, communion in a Protestant Church might seem to Shiites, for example.  To now realize that the one definitive outcome of the Pre-Emptive War initiated by George W. Bush is that another fundamentalist Shiite government, Iraq,  has been created and added into the mixing bowl of international relations. 

Frodo contends that little time will pass before the Shiite, now ruling, majority in Iraq will seek "payback" from the Sunni minority, who populated the Baathist regime of the late Saddam Hussein.  These guys, Sunnis and Shiites, have gotten along for centuries almost as well as did the Protestants and the Catholics in Belfast.  It is for this reason that the Shiites are so anxious for the Americans to leave.  Not unlike the final words spoken by the executioners of Saddam, it is the will of al-Sadr that hangs heavy over the future of the nation that isn't.

The William Kristolites who argue that the true legacy of George W. Bush will not be evident until years in the future are, for the wrong reasons, absolutely correct.  There will, Frodo predicts, be no continuing growth of democracy in that region, rather the continuing civil war will fester as long as theocracy is an acceptable alternative.  The Bush legacy will be the loss of American prestige, sacred honor, lives, and fortune.

Would that it were already the 23rd day of January, and the Incomparable Moron would already have exited the world stage, never to return. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:36 AM EST
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Friday, November 21, 2008
Every Time You Go Away, You Take a Piece Of Me With You
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Moon Over Miami"(4)

Frodo grew up playing team sports.  To this day the Hobbit is enthralled by games that require sacrifice by some, in order to ensure victory for all.  In the world of Intercollegiate Athletics, Frodo has taken note of the President-Elect and his position that a "play-off" is required in order to properly determine a "National Champion" in Football.  Frodo is bored by the prospect.

Why not simply take the best academic school, with the most number of victories, and declare that school the "National Champion?"  The only negative is that the Southeastern Conference, composed of the worst academically-rated universities in all the land, would therefore never have a "National Champion." 

Frodo always roots for the best academic school.  If Harvard, for example, were to play the College of the Shire, Frodo would root for Harvard.  Frodo has a problem only when two deficient academic schools, say like Alabama and Texas, play each other.  In this instance, Frodo roots either for a scoreless tie, or a forfeit.

Frodo raises this issue because of something pretty neat that took place just last evening.  At 6:10 PM, the space shuttle Endeavour passed over Bobby Dodd Stadium in Atlanta.  This preceeded the kickoff of the game between Georgia Tech and the University of Miami, which took place at 7:45 PM.  On board as crew members were three graduates, including one woman, of Georgia Tech.  To commemorate the event, the video board at the stadium received a live feed from the space shuttle, and the Tech graduates were saluted by all those in attendance on the ground.  At least one of the on-field celebrants wore a self-designed spacesuit.

Georgia Tech, with a devastating ground game, as well as superiority in the air, kicked the bejabbers out of the Miami Hurricanes. 

It's a damn good thing they weren't playing Notre Dame.  Come home safe boys and girls, Frodo cheers loudest for you.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
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Thursday, November 20, 2008
Well, I've Never Been To Heaven But I've Been To Oklahoma
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Pit Bull Revenge"(4)

Some time ago Frodo remarked about Mick, the Wonder Dog, and his unending joy as a passenger in Frodo's motorcar.  Recently, in Pryor, Oklahoma, a 70-pound pit bull did him one better.  He served notice on all the world that he was fully prepared to navigate himself, and that should give special pause to Michael Vick, should he ever again become a pedestrian.

Joe D'Plummer was washing his motorcar at a commercial car wash while his dog waited patiently inside the vehicle.  For whatever reason, the dog suddenly jumped on the dash, and the car somehow was shifted into reverse.  As the automobile backed out of the car wash bay, the dog stood guard over the steering wheel and seemed to be in total control as he looped out onto the highway and circled back to a safe stop at an automated car wash lane.

Pryor police officer Brent Crittenden reported that the vehicle was impounded because neither the driver nor the owner could provide proof of insurance.  Because the dog was properly registered with the City of Pryor however, he was not taken into custody and Joe was allowed to walk the pooch home.  A court date has not been set.

The dog's name, you ask?  Would you believe Dale Earnhart?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I Will Never Be The Same Again, I Hear The Whisper Of The Wind
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Ch-ch-changin'" (4)

Harry Truman, noting the return home of men who fought, men who died, and men forever scarred by war, guided the military forces into an equilibrium.  For more than a generation, the rest of American society trailed badly behind the recruitment, training, and development of a multi-racial workforce which followed the American Flag wherever and whenever called.  That realization causes Frodo to remember, as well as regret, many of his words directed at those who dared to describe "light at the end of the tunnel," and "Vietnamization."  Frodo now recognizes accomplishment amidst stupidity.  

This past Monday, more than 100 retired generals and admirals called for repeal of the "Don't ask, don't tell," policy regarding military service.  Their joint statement in part stated, "As is the case with Great Britain, Israel and other nations that allow gays and lesbians to serve openly, our service members are professionals who are able to work together effectively despite differences in race, gender, religion, and sexuality."  In this case, Frodo had no words to regret, so there was absolutely nothing holding him back from standing up and cheering.

Perhaps, and likely it is, that among the 100 or so retired officers there are a sprinkling of black guys.  In any event, it is the military institution itself which leads the way for this, the next generation of national service participation.  Frodo realizes that he is very, very proud of all these changes, and of those who help to bring such change to bear. 

Frodo would go into battle with these guys any day.  The Fellowship of the Ring is much more real today.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:17 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Take A Letter, Maria
Mood:  special
Topic: "An Ugly American"(4)

Mr. Johnathan Smoot;

Congratulations on your selection as this years' recipient of the Sgt. John A. Jenkins Scholarship.  Your academic and personal accomplishments at the College of the Shire merit both recognition and reward.  Let me assure you that Alumni throughout Middle Earth take special note of your name, alongside that of someone so very special to all of us.

John Jenkins was the nicest boy I ever knew.  He had three sisters, and he learned early on how important it was to respect, and to protect them.  His parents taught him the value of hard work, and for John that was a crucial factor.  For no matter how hard he worked, school work did not come easy for him.  He was athletic, but he always seemed to be the guy who dropped the long pass, or threw the ball out-of-bounds.  He was however, the guy you wanted in your corner if you had to fight your way out of a situation.

As he neared the end of his fifth year, he was notified that his student deferment was to thereupon expire, and he was to report to Basic Training.  It was touch-and-go, right up until the day before graduation, and the strain was on his face and in his heart.  Less than thirty days after he graduated, he was on his way to Fort Benning.

I saw him several months later at the Wedding of one of our Fraternity Brothers, and I walked with him to his car as the happy couple departed.  I told him to be careful, and he said to me, "Frodo, I just hope I do a good job."  

I learned, years later, that in September of 1968, near a little piss-ant of a place called Duc Lap, Republic of South Vietnam, his outfit was engaged by North Vietnamese Regulars in a conflict known as "The Ambushes."  The enemy, according to official military records, threw itself directly upon Sgt. Jenkins position.  Rallying his troops, and utilizing the weapon of a fallen comrade, he led a vicious battle and accounted for numerous enemy casualties.  The battle continued until he ran out of ammunition.

I was a thousand miles away when they buried my friend at Arlington.  I have visited him there, and have an etching from Plaque 47W, Line 12, of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.  His Mother was presented with the Silver Star, awarded posthumously.  I have held that Medal in my hands.  It is the most expensive thing I have ever touched.  His Mother told me that the only thing that he would have valued more than that Medal was the Diploma he earned at the College of the Shire.

Soon Johnathan, you will share that diploma with Sgt. John A. Jenkins.  He thought so much of it, and I truly believe that he indeed felt that his sacrifice would be worthwhile if it gave you the opportunity to do better.

It is a great gift you have received.  It came at great cost.  I certainly hope that you, too, do a good job.

Semper Fi,


Frodo Baggins on Veterans Day, 2008. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:09 PM EST
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Monday, November 10, 2008
You Walked Out of My Heart And Into My Dreams
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Breaker, Breaker" (4)

"Special Agent Frodo, TV Monitor here, I have ROSEBUD skating the hall in her stocking feet just outside the Oval Office."  

"Where is RADIANCE?"

"She is in the kitchen helping herself to the Cherry Vanilla."

"Does RENAISSANCE have control of the situation?"

"Actually Sir, she told me that you were in charge for the afternoon."

"Me?  I'm out here on the South Lawn with a dog that piddles more than Oktoberfest in an Old Folks Home.  It'll be thirty minutes before I get back inside."

"Special Agent Frodo, RENEGADE here, is there a problem?"

"Oh no problem Sir, we just seem to be having a little trouble coordinating our escort assignments for RADIANCE and REDBUD."

"Have they done their homework?"

"Affirmative Sir, and that seems to be the problem.  They got their homework done much faster than we planned, and they have taken off in different directions."

"I was under the impression that you had the same reponsibility for the Bush family, and were therefore quite experienced in situations like this.?"

"That is correct RENE. . .I mean Sir.  It's just that the Bush daughters never finished their homework on time, much less early."

"I see.  And why was that?"

"Well Sir, you have to remember that they were from Texas."

"Special Agent Frodo?  TV Monitor here, I now have ROSEBUD in the bowling alley, all by herself.  RADIANCE is in the War Room playing some sort of computer simulation.  Does that present a problem?"

"TV Monitor, this is the President, would you head to the War Room and disconnect my daughter from any and all systems, right now.  I'll see that we put a parental chip in there as soon as possible."

"What about ROSEBUD Sir?"

"I'll go down to the bowling alley and keep her occupied until Special Agent Frodo gets back from walking the dog."

"Sir, I'm not sure that is a good idea."

"Oh, and why would you say that."

"Sir, she's bowled three straight strikes."

"Sir, TV Monitor here."

"What now?"

"Sir, the dog has slipped his leash and is practicing evasive manuvers on Special Agent Frodo.  He is in hot pursuit, but it now appears that it will be quite some time before Frodo is on-line again. "

"I'm on my way to the War Room, please call RENAISSANCE and request back-up."


"Special Agent Frodo?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Am I to understand that my daughters, collectively, ruined a new pair of socks, ate ice cream an hour before dinner, threw heavy bowling balls around without supervision, failed to walk their dog as they promised, and came close to instituting a thermonuclear war by identifying three unreported Iranian power plants as potential targets for destruction?"

"Well, I'm not so sure about all of that, Ma'am."

"Of which part are you not sure?"

"I think it was a little more than an hour before dinner when the, uh, ice cream, was, uh. . ."

"Special Agent."


"What was your assignment before the White House?"

"I was assigned to the Fairbanks District."

"Fairbanks?  Like in, Alaska?"

"Yes, uh, Ma'am."

"What were your duties at that time?"

"I was on an Intergovernmental Task Force assisting the State of Alaska."

"So you worked for. . .?"

"Yes Ma'am, Governor Palin.  That would be correct."

"Might I ask. . .?"

"I, uh, kept Russia under surveillance."

"So, how did you end up here, in this assignment?'

"The Bush daughters requested me.  I, evidently, was highly recommended by Governor Palin."


"I'm awfully sorry that you'll be leaving us Frodo, it won't be quite the same without you around."

"I appreciate that TV Monitor, but that's the name of the game."

"Where are you off to, this time."

"Well, the orders are sealed for now, but I have overheard the use of a code word."

"And what was that?"








Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST
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Saturday, November 8, 2008
That'll Be The Day When I Die
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Real Men Don't Shop"(4)

Frodo is not unlike most of his gender; there is order, and there is disorder.  Order exists as long as things continue just as they have always been done, and disorder reigns whenever anything changes.  Sam goes shopping, and that includes the megalith known as the "grocery store."  Frodo consumes that which returns in plastic or in paper.  Given this preamble, all of life should be simple and uncomplicated.

Sam is in recovery, and is forbidden to utilize a motorcar for the next two weeks.  Under normal circumstances, this would be a point of revelry for Frodo.  Unconsumed petrol is an asset these days worthy of entry on Frodo's ledger of accounts.  However, the need for sustenance in the Shire requires that Frodo substitute for Sam, and thereby seek provisions at the 21st Century version of the "general store."  True it is that these centralized placements in every retail mausoleum in America do, indeed, sell anything, and everything.

Frodo is therefore entrusted with a list.  Once he emerges unscathed, at least in this instance, from that which is known as a parking lot, although there seems to be a constancy of unplanned traffic flow throughout, he then takes temporary possession of a cart.  Frodo knows that, within seconds, the complexion of his hands will pale against the light.  Frodo is truly a "white-knuckle shopper," fearing the inevitable consequence of one without patience loosed upon the methodically unreasonable aisles and lanes of that which distinguishes our land from all other civilized nations.

Bread, bacon, milk, orange juice, hamburger, steak fries, lettuce are not generally the kind of items which require participation in a safari.  Frodo is, however, immediately accosted by an elderly person wanting him to sample apple juice.  Although Frodo has a certain fondness for apple juice, particularly when it is offered sans cost, he is irritated by intrusions upon his appointed rounds.  Once he has laid waste to this insurgent, he decides to start the search for those items on his list least likely to spoil or to suffer once removed from their storage unit and placed in Frodo's cart.

Frodo determined that the frozen steak fries should be the last item placed in the cart, logically enough.  For whatever purpose Frodo first found himself in the frozen foods, with steak fries prominently displayed therein.  Fearing that he might not be able to pass this way again, Frodo decided to scrap his original plan and to take advantage of this easy kill.  Amazingly, the milk, juice, and lettuce followed soon thereafter, and Frodo was beginning to feel a certain level of comfort amidst the ladies who insist upon stopping in the absolute middle of an aisle, almost daring the passage of any male on either side.

Bacon is a pork product, is it not?  Why therefore would bacon not be assembled in the meat section alongside anything labeled as "pork?"  While in the general vicinity, Frodo was accosted by another elderly person wanting him to taste her "cracker with cheese."  She was very insistent.  Frodo thinks she was hitting on him.

At last, Frodo had only the "hamburger" on his list, and he had already noted many plastic wrapped piles of ground meat from afar.  Ground "chuck," ground "roast," and something that looked like a "ground ball," once neatly arranged, had been examined, quite obviously, by the entire population of Wasilla, Alaska, during the past thirty minutes.  It took Frodo's real tears to bring a sympathetic response from the "butcher," which resulted not only in the final "kill" of this adventure, but a permanent level of gratitude to the nameless individual who will have a special place in Heaven (right next to Frodo).

Then, the white knuckled mania struck as originally feared by Frodo.  Proud he was that he could enter the "10 items or less  only, checks accepted," line honestly, he noted that there was only one shopper in line in front of him.  Frodo recognized her as one who had parked herself in the middle of the aisle that separated soup from dog food.  Frodo noted the presence of at least 75 items in her cart.  Sensing danger, Frodo began his retreat from the check-out line, only to find himself trapped by the same lady who had blocked the aisle between magazines and greeting cards.  She was reading a copy of "National Enquirer" and did not respond to Frodo's whimper.  Frodo accepted his fate.

The lady in front of Frodo carefully analyzed every keystroke by the smiling check-out lady, that is until the cantaloupe rang up at $1.19 rather than $.89.  The entire function of business in North America came to a halt due to the allegation of an incorrect price by the one person in line in front of Frodo.  The blood disappeared from Frodo's extremities, and he considered making a break for it and running over the miscreant.  The lady required a "price check" (two of the most dreaded words in Frodo's vocabulary).  After an inordinate delay, Frodo cleared his throat, and offered to give the shopper 20 cents if she would merely pass through the system as is, and bring order back into the universe.

Frodo had never before been publicly identidfied as a "Communist."  As he considered the indignity of the allegation, he briefly thought about strangulation, or perhaps a thrashing with a plastic container of milk. 

Eventually, the harpie moved on, and Frodo was greeted by the overly-friendly check-out lady, who noted that she lived in the same subdivision as the Shire, and that she hoped Frodo was having a "good day."  Frodo was speechless.  Hadn't she paid attention?  Hadn't she been humilated by the overweight aisle-blocker?

From his rear Frodo heard the "National Enquirer" reader complain about the "slow-mover" in front of her.

Had there been a United States Marine Corps Enlistment Booth in front of the store, Frodo would have sought enlistment.  He wanted to kill someone, soon.

Get well soon Sam, please. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EST
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Thursday, November 6, 2008
Tell Me Who, Who Wrote The Book of Love
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)

Michael Crichton was 66 years old, and he almost made Frodo pee his pants.  It happened while Frodo was reading "Jurassic Park," and it was a scene that did not recur in the movie.  The T-Rex suddenly appeared at the bottom of a waterfall while the human main course found themselves in a raft at the top of the waterfall.  Frodo supposes all that water may have added to his discomfort.  Frodo can never remember whether the theme of the book was "Life finds a way," or if it was "Nature finds a way."  It matters not, because since the time of Jules Verne, excepting perhaps Arthur C. Clarke, has anyone  been able to excoriate science from fiction with the precision of this surgeon.  Only time separates Man from that which he predicted in his numerous best sellers.

Madelyn Dunham, born in 1927, was, in the words of her grandson, "humble and plain-spoken."  People say much the same thing about the town in Kansas where she was born.  Little has yet been published about the lady who passed away just 48 hours before her grandson was elected to the Presidency of the United States of America.  Her passing was noted even by her grandson's opponent in the historic election.  The whole world shed a tear for someone they knew only as she who took responsibility, and passed it on as a lesson to he who now grieves for his grandmother.

Harold McClendon is an Obstetrician and Gynecologist in private practice in Marietta, Georgia.  He has an infectious laugh, and a bounce in his step.  It probably comes from the joy he brings to so many families when he helps catapult an addition into their care.  Then, again, Frodo recognizes that he may, indeed, simply be a leprechaun.  What merits Frodo's admiration is his skill, and his ability to carry his good nature into situations far less joyful than the miracle of birth.  To note that Sam's birthday was at hand, while reporting an excellent pathological report, is a present that indeed keeps on giving.  Smiles abound.

Some, it seems, make history, and some make the present.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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