Mood:  irritated

There are but moments left until a cosmic rotation is completed by the spherical juxtaposition of planetary objects which occurs every 365.25 days, approximately.  Tina Fey might add, "And I can see Russia from my house." 

Obfuscation, to Frodo, is the word that best documents the systemic occurrences on the small blue planet in the year that is about to end.  Whether it be a failed President, or a failed campaign, there are those who refuse to recognize the loser's role.  Instead of muttering "Shut up and deal," they instruct us to wait two decades, or longer, in order to note properly the role that history will assign to the facts upon which they have already decided.  Time, they hope, will cloud the memory and "obfuscate" the facts.

The economy, whatever that word means, sucks.  The Chinese are not selling enough toy dolls whose heads fall off and also carry exorbitant amounts of lead paint in their construction.  The Saudis are shocked by the precipitous decline in oil prices, to equal a level more than double that when the Incomparable Moron first entered office.  Americans have had their credit cut off and are no longer able to support the expansion which fueled the somnambulism of the subject juxtaposition the past ten times it has occurred.  The resulting regulatory products will last until another libertarian steps forward and argues without history, in order to "obfuscate" the facts.

A war against terrorism, or stateless nihilists if the truth be known, continues, and continues, and continues.  The victory sought by those who never understood what the battle was all about in the first place, will be followed, in time, by the dissolution of order and the continuation of dogmatic civil struggle.  The colossal misjudgments and predispositions of foolish people will disappear from the vision of those who will pay an even greater price.  What happens then will "obfuscate" the balance of power that once isolated dictators and brigands from prominence anywhere in the world, instead of unifying them as viable opponents to world order.

Frodo enjoys walking in the winter woods with Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog.  The grand deciduous forests open themselves to full examination, as if they were the skirts of Marilyn, blown forever above her knees.  When he tires of searching for visual quarry, Frodo can discuss great philsophical questions, and cruel fate with his attentive companions.  Frodo and all his friends conclude that 2008 was the worst of times, despite a scattered victory or two upon the landscape, and that for a guiding word in the moments which swiftly approach, let it be, simply, Hope.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:05 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  crushed out

750 years ago, Polynesians, with rats in their canoes, were the first humans to inhabit New Zealand.  Later came the Europeans, bringing cats, dogs, rabbits and other creatures who ran riot, eating the local wildlife, or stealing their lunch.  Today, New Zealand has one of the worst bio-depletion rates in all the world; more than 30 percent, some 51 species, of native birds for example, no longer exist.

Individuals, businesses, colleges and local governments have joined to form a nonprofit trust wildlife sanctuary known as Kaori.  One of their programs is an effort to restore one square mile of land within the sanctuary to its pre-human state.  As described by the curator of the threatened species program, the lush forests were once "populated by some pretty weird and unusual primitive animals."  At the crux of this gargantuan effort stands the fate of New Zealand's national emblem, the kiwi.

The squat, flightless bird looks like the product of a tryst between an anteater and a hamster.  It has furlike plumage with a quill-like beak, and a rather nasty demeanor to boot.  The bird is however, New Zealand's bald eagle, appearing on the currency, and lending its name to the fruit as well to the New Zealanders name for himself, as in "I'm a kiwi, mate, and proud of it."

Kiwis actually came down from the trees as birds, choosing never to go back, and were therefore fodder for the ecological disasters that accompanied mankind to their home turf.  In the year 2000, little spotted kiwi, the smallest and rarest of the species, were released into the Kaori mainland from a breeding sanctuary on a small island off the coast of new Zealand.  Within a year, the first chick was born, and today the park expects to count nearly 40 new offspring.

This vignette is offered on this day for a very special reason.  That first spotted kiwi chick was named for a character in a certain movie, filmed in New Zealand.

Merry Christmas, dear reader, from Frodo, nasty demeanor and all. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:00 AM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  special

Frodo stood proudly next to the red kettle, and rang his bell for the Salvation Army.  Donations are down for these dedicated people, as they are for almost everybody who depend on others for their resources.  A warm afternoon and only a few shopping days left brought a bevy of shoppers past Frodo and his friends, where even those who passed by were greeted with smiles and best wishes.  It is the height of the Season for Frodo, and the following explains why.

The little boy rode in the shopping cart facing his Mom.  He smiled at Frodo and waved as they made their way into the Wal-Mart.  Later, as they came out of the store, his Mom stopped the cart and looked the little boy square in the eye as she pulled her wallet out of her purse.  "This is about sharing," she said to him.   "Sharing  is what is truly important."  Frodo and his friends stood and watched as she folded the $10 Bill and handed it to the little boy, who stretched out of his seat and pushed the money into the kettle.

When he looked up and smiled at Frodo, Frodo handed him the bell, and asked him if he'd like to ring the bell.  With a burst of vigor and holiday spirit, he taught Frodo a thing or two about how a bell ought to be rung.

As he handed the bell back to Frodo, his Mom looked into his eyes and said, "We may not have much, but we have more than some.  That is why we share."

There is a little boy, somewhere in Middle Earth today, who may not have much, but he is very, very rich.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:23 AM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  chillin'

"Mr. Frodo, please."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Yes, he doesn't know me, but my name is Jon Favreau, and I need his help."

"Just a minute, Mr. Favreau, I'll get him for you."

"Frodo?"

"Yes Sam?"

"There's a young man here to see you.  Says his name is Favreau."

"What's he selling?"

"All he has with him is a laptop," said Sam, smiling at the buzz cut.

"I'm Frodo, what can I do for you, Mr. Favreau?"

"Mr. Frodo, I am a speechwriter, and I'm experiencing my first real case of writer's block.  I've been told that you are never at a loss for words, and that you might give me some advice."

"Well, this is sort of an unusual request.  For whom do you write speeches?"

"Barack Obama."

"I beg your pardon, did you say President-Elect Obama?"

"Yes Sir, I've been writing for him since 2004, and never seeming to have any problems at all, until now.  I just seem to have frozen up since a recent conversation with Bill Burton, who said to me "Dude, what you're writing is going to be hung up in people's living rooms!"  I realized then," said Favreau, "that if you start thinking about what's at stake, it can get paralyzing."

"Interesting.  I assume that we're talking about the upcoming Inaugural Address?  Well, what have you done in the past as a sort of creative process?"

"Well, I stay on the move, drink a lot of double espresso shots and Red Bull, for up to 16 hours at a time, and completely close out all of my other responsibilities.  This speech is different however."

"I see.  What has the President-Elect said to you about the speech, and what other input have you received?"

"Well Barack and I spent an hour together with David Axelrod, and Barack told me that the speech should be no longer than 15-20 minutes, and then we all agreed that the theme should be, 'this moment we're in, and the idea that America was founded on certain ideals that we need to take back.'  I then met with Peggy Noonan, who wrote for Reagan, David McCullough, the historian, and I've listened to hours of recordings from prior Inaugural addresses."

"Have you drafted anything as yet?"

"Oh yeah, I gave Barack a draft about a week ago, and he edited and re-wrote parts, too.  He said to me, 'Don't worry, I'm a writer too, and I know that sometimes the muse hits you and sometimes it doesn't.  We'll figure it out together.'"

"So what is the problem, and what can I do?"

"I need a joke."

"A joke?"

"Yeah."

"You mean, like, 'Three guys go into a bar. . .'"

"No, I'm talking about something to take the edge off of a speech that will include everything from his autobiography (Dreams From My Father) to his address at the 2004 Democratic Convention (Big ears and a funny name).  Things are just so huge, and this is supposed to be a celebration."

"I see.  You don't really want a joke, you want something memorable, thematic, universal."

"For all the world to see."

"That's good."

"What is?"

"For all the world to see."

"Are you talking about something along the line of 'I'd like to buy the world a Coke, and keep her company.'"

"Kind of hard to just say something like that, isn't it?  It makes you want to sing along?"

"Wait man, are you saying Barack should sing a little song?"

"Or dance a little dance, and spray some seltzer in your pants."

"Poetry?"

"Robert Frost was on a podium like this one, a long time ago, and he captured the moment by reciting from memory what his 'old, tired eyes' could not read."

"So, is what you're saying that Barack need not zero in on the words as much as he needs to share the spirit of the words?"

"Isn't that what his whole campaign has been about, that which is behind the words themselves?"

"Good point Mr. Frodo."

"Do you know what I, Frodo Baggins, remember most from Barack's speech after winning the election?" 

"No, but I'm obviously interested."

"His stated love for those little girls, and the promise fulfillment of a puppy in the White House."

"Cool.  He may not be able to give us all a puppy. . ."

"But he can make us all want to go get one ourselves."

--Jon Favreau graduated from Holy Cross in 2003, and from a position in the Kerry campaign as a press assistant at age 23, was interviewed by the newly-elected Senator from Illinois for the position of speechwriter.  After 30 minutes together, predominantly engaged in a discussion about family and baseball, he was asked "What is your theory on speechwriting?"  His answer was "A speech can broaden the circle of people who care about this stuff.  How do you say to the average person that's been hurting: 'I hear you.  I'm there.  Even though you've been so disappointed and cynical about politics in the past, and with good reason, we can move in the right direction.  Just give me a chance.'"

--Barack Obama said, "I think this is going to work."

If only he would wear a tie. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:22 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  silly

Rarely does Frodo simply break into sheer ridcule, but there are just some circumstances where someone is so oblivious to the obvious that the real disservice would be to do or say nothing.  This, Frodo supposes, is why the little boy finally spoke up and said "The King has no clothes."

Today, the portraits of George W. and Laura Bush, commissioned entirely by private funds, were unveiled before their official hanging in the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C.  To clarify, this is not the "official" portrait, commissioned by public funds, which will grace some empty space, and perhaps frighten children, in White Houses to come.  When the covers were pulled from the frames, Frodo immediately noted the ridiculousness of the George W. pose, and has been unable to stop laughing ever since.

The Incomparable Moron is pictured in an open-necked shirt, and he is seated, legs spread, as if he was in the midst of a regular daily bowel movement.  Frodo looked to see if perhaps the shoe of Senator Larry Craig was visible in the portrait.  Certainly, the 44th President was exhibiting, if nothing else, that he does indeed maintain a "wide stance."

As Frodo has continued to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes, he has concluded that such a portrait is probably "apros pro."  The guy has been dumping on us for eight years; why should we remember him otherwise? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  hug me

"Few there are," said Frodo, "familiar not with Joy Adamson and 'Born Free'."  Frodo has probably never spoken truer words.  In movie theaters, domestic and foreign, forty years ago, people everywhere knew Elsa and her relationship to the pairing of George and Joy Adamson.  The release of something so beautiful back to the wild touched heartstrings in people not otherwise known for even bearing the necessary organ.  In what were truly tumultuous times, the whole world seemed transfixed by the humanity involved, and we all had a good cry, just when we needed it most.

These are difficult times, again.  It goes without saying, and repetition accomplishes little in such a litany, that anxiety is rife.  Perhaps that is what led Frodo to "Google" the video.  Maybe it was the simple desire to observe the artistic application of a great voice to home-made movies.  More likely than not, it was some sort of need to know that mankind does reach out beyond himself, and that, sometimes, he gets a kiss.

Dear reader, you deserve something special.  Go and find "Christian the Lion Full-Music Video" ("lion" and "video" are all you need at "Google"), the search will not hurt you, and don't forget the tissues.  For the next four minutes just sit back and enjoy the marvelous Whitney, and make up your own dream about the lives we try to lead.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  smelly

"I say it was a pair of Crocs."

"What do you think they did with the guy?  Abu Ghraib?  Guantanamo?  Or maybe they simply turned him over to al Sadr for 'the final solution'?"

"So was it the Secret Service that wrestled him to the ground, or a local?  Actually, he kind of looked like that guy from The Weather Channel who is always broadcasting from the place where the hurricane comes ashore."

"I understand he is dyslexic.  That explains why he kept calling Goober a dog."

"Have any of the rest of you ever heard him purposely say something funny?  Size 10, you say.  I wonder if that's Barneys' Mamas' dress size?"

"I understand somebody once threw a cabbage at Garfield when he was running for President, and after it stopped rolling across the stage, he looked down at it and remarked "I see my opponent has lost his head.'"

"Speaking of head, did you see Gregory on 'Meet the Press'?"

"So, where is this magical mystery tour taking us now?"

"I'll bet it's somewhere where no one wears shoes."

"Not Alabama again!"

"Are we going to get back home in time to save the automakers, prop up the stock market, or ride mountain bikes with Goober?"

"Truthfully, aren't you guys going to miss him?"

"What, do I look like 18% of the population?"

"What do you think the Magician would do if somebody threw their shoes at him?"

"Ha, he'd probably catch them and autograph them."

"I'd buy them."

"Did you notice that Goober actually ducked and avoided the first one?  The second one was kind of high and outside the strike zone."

"Did you notice no one jumped in front of him to take one for the Goober?"

"Would you?"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the White House Press Corps, please return to your seats and prepare for landing.  Please raise your seats to their upright level, and fasten tray tables in front of you.  We are approaching our final stop before heading home tomorrow.  We should be on the ground momentarily."

"Hey, truthfully, does anybody recognize where we are?"

"Well I'll be, I do recognize the place. I did sports here for the ABC affiliate. Ladies and gentlemen, you will be privileged to attend the last visit of the President to Memphis."

"Memphis?"

"Yeah dude, we're going to Graceland."

"I get it, Elvis has left the building."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  not sure

Frodo had to resolve a dispute between two residents of Middle Earth for whom he had managerial oversight.  Saul was a Jewish guy from Philadelphia who had been a Marine during the War, had a vacation house on Long island, and a daughter from his first marriage on Broadway.  Cloretha was a black woman from Baltimore who had a string of academic credentials, and an unlimited professional future in front of her.  A disagreement on procedure was escalating into something personal, reflecting mutual disdain by the verbal combatants.

Saul, out of respect for Frodo, backed down.  In no short order however, he let Frodo know that he resented the carelessness of the opposition.  He felt that a lack of attention to detail was an indication of greater problems, and that it was a grave error to gloss over potential problems, no matter how insignificant they might seem at first glance.

Cloretha felt that as long as the intent was clear, responsible people would act, well, responsibly.  She indicated to Frodo that Saul was taking a "micro" approach to "macro" issues, and that results, which were significant, were the objective by which a true assessment should be drawn.

Both implied that the others' attitude reflected something sociological.  Frodo did not doubt that some of that was true, but he was required to balance both the achievements and the procedural requirements.  Neither of the combatants agreed with Frodo's final decision, which even Frodo has since long ago forgotten.  The issues however, come often to Frodo's mind.

Saul died of a heart attack some years ago.  His daughter, perhaps with theater lights as a backdrop, wrote Frodo that her father always respected Frodo, and that he had often remarked that Frodo was his best "commanding officer."  Saul never knew how high Frodo's regard will always be for one who served so admirably.

Three-and-a-half years ago, a young man named Brian Nichols broke free from incarceration in the Fulton County Courthouse in Atlanta, secured a firearm, killed four people, and beat another senseless.  Among those he killed were the judge and the prosecuting attorney who had decided his fate in a rape case.  During his escape he killed a prison guard, beat another mercilessly, and later massacred an innocent bystander who happened to be a federal agent.  Frodo took note of these grim news reports, and almost missed the reference to the parents of the alleged murderer. 

Brian Nichols mother was named Cloretha.  At the time of the murders, she and her husband were serving in Africa on an official mission for the United States Government to assist an ally nation in their internal operations.  Eventually, Frodo identified her from televison broadcasts as the same person he had known so long ago.  Although he never made contact, Frodo followed the reported details of her life after that dispute with Saul, and pieced together what had happened.  During the subsequent three-and-a-half years, Frodo listened and watched as Brian Nichols was eventually found guilty, and this morning, was sentenced to life imprisonment, without the possibility of parole, mainly because the jury could not unanimously agree on the death penalty.  Three people stood out from the twelve.

During this time, Frodo noted the defense allegation that much of Brian Nichols behavior was due to the parenting deficiencies of Cloretha and her husband.  The defense argued that because she was away from home so much, in pursuit of her career objectives, that Brian grew up without proper guidance.  Frodo could not help but feel the heartache on the face of a once-proud mother whose whole existence was being shredded publicly, and who had to feel that her son may die because of her ambition, and to the lack of attention she had paid to the details of his upbringing.

Frodo thinks often of Saul Gruber.  It was nothing personal.  He had given her the most important message of her whole life, and she failed to get it.  Knowing him, Frodo is convinced that he is crying for Cloretha Nichols, and for the innocent people who suffered because her son became a monster.  

A part of Frodo is very disappointed that this monster will retain hope to again escape, and to kill again.  Brian Nichols has neither evidenced nor expressed remorse for his crimes.  The other part of Frodo does not believe that a death sentence is ever fully-considered, and that there are no equitable standards for its implementation.  Perhaps, like art, Frodo may not understand all of it, but he certainly knows what he likes.  Osama bin Laden, Brian Nichols, and others, serve no purpose in our lives, dear reader, and we are better off without them. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:30 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  lyrical

Frodo asks, dear reader, what do all of the following have in common;  Tupac Shakur (the late, but not lamented), Britney Spears, Lil' Kim, Don McLean, Eminem, Metallica, Bruce Springsteen, Aerosmith, and Meat Loaf?

Give up?  Oh please do, for the answer will make you smile.

It seems that the then commander in Iraq, Lt. Gen Ricardo Sanchez, authorized the use of systematically applied loud music upon the hundreds of detainees in Guantanmo commencing in September of 2003.  That means, of course, that the military has been repeatedly piping in music from all of the artists identified above for the past five years.  The tactic, according to Sanchez, was meant to "create fear, disorient. . .and prolong capture shock."  The experience has indeed proven to be overwhelming for many of the detainees, prodding one detainee to swear that he has seen cellmates screaming and smashing their heads against walls unable to endure any more.

One interrogator at Guantanamo Bay has bragged to the FBI that he only needed four days to "break" someone by alternating 16 hours of music and lights with four hours of silence and darkness.  That does give rise to a query about what took place during the remaining four hours of a "work day?"  Perhaps four hours of waiting for the music to start again might make one wonder why the Carly Simon song "Anticipation" wasn't similarly applied to the miscreants?  

What was particularly startling to Frodo was that not all of the music is hard rock.  Christopher Cerf, who wrote the music for "Sesame Street" was horrified himself to learn that songs of his own creation were applied to the internees.  In fact, the song "I Love You," from the TV show "Barney & Friends" is cited as one of the most frequently repeated songs, albeit not by popular request we are told.  Perhaps it shows that we are a small world, after all.

Frodo chuckled when he learned that another frequently repeated song, from the pen of the "Boss," is "Born in the USA."  That'll teach them.  Try to get that title out of your mind.  It certainly compares favorably to driving your Chevy to the levee, even though it was dry.

Waterboarding?  Frodo bets that they begin to beg for it knowing that Nine Inch Nails are next on the replay button (that is a rock group, for you who may be culturally handicapped).  Remember, as we've been assured, "The United States doesn't torture." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  smelly

Huey Long, known affectionately as the "Kingfish" in Louisiana politics, had few equals when it came to gall.  Frodo's favorite story took place in Winnfield, Louisiana, during a speech to support the Governor's re-election.  Long said words to the effect that he highly resented the United States Government and its effort to convict him for the theft of one million in taxpayer dollars.  "I didn't steal one million dollars.  I stole two million dollars."

Applause, closely followed by the re-election of the Governor.

Some years later, Edwin Edwards, from Crowley, Louisiana, became the closest thing to a successor to Huey Long.  In a series of conflicts with the Internal Revenue Service, the FBI, and probably every other agency licensed to carry firearms, Edwards eventually found himself in a re-election race against David Duke, of Ku Klux Klan reknown.  Voters in the "Pelican State" did not shy away from the bumper-stickers which read "Vote for the Crook, It's Important."

Applause, closely followed by the re-election of the Governor.

The fourth of the past eight Governors from the State of Illinois was today greeted by the presence of the FBI on his front stoop at 6:00 AM, and arrested for public bribery and a multitude of other charges in a 78-page indictment.  Frodo has to admit that he was impressed by the 50% figure achieved by the US Attorneys Office in the Northern District of Illinois.  However, it is important to remember names like William Jefferson (he of the $90K in cold cash found in his freezer), Bob Livingston (who served as House Speaker for three days after Newt Gingrich while testing Viagra on a constituent), and of course, the current US Senator, Mr. Vidrine, whose wife seemed to have a predilection for leopard-skin, or so it appeared on TV (Frodo feels she should have used her claws on his genitals).  Corruption, in public, is not limited to the Governors in Louisiana; it is universal.  The challengers from Illinois, Maryland, Mississippi, and most certainly New Jersey, are merely pretenders to the throne.

Applause, closely followed by a marching band chanting "We're Number One."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink