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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Only The Good Die Young
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Doris Miller" (6)

67 years and a few days ago, Ships' Cook 3rd Class Doris Miller was a casualty realized upon the sinking of the escort carrier Liscome Bay in the area then known as the Gilbert Islands.  Since that day, the War has ended, the Gilberts became the Kiribati Republic, and Cuba Gooding, Jr. portrayed Miller in a movie entitled "Pearl Harbor."  Not much else has changed.

Despite the fact that "Dorie" Miller abandoned his battle station (carrying the dead below decks) on the USS West Virginia on December 7th, 1941, in order to replace the fallen who had manned a .50 cal. machine gun, upon which he had never been trained, he fired continuously at the enemy for a quarter hour until he was void of ammunition.  He was ordered to abandon ship at that point.  Miller was subsequently awarded the Navy Cross by Admiral Chester Nimitz, personally, who remarked that he was the "first of his race" to receive such recognition in the Pacific Fleet.

Well, duh!  Since the "Land of the free and the home of the brave" had not yet stumbled across the wisdom that the best fighters don't necessarily have to be white, Miller, and all those like him, were prevented from integrated service with their fellow citizens in defense of their country.  Not until September of 1945 did President Harry Truman assimilate the results of the "survey" conducted to adjudge the issue of "service by Negroes in the military" and ended segregation in their ranks.  It deserves special mention that, at that time, 63%, almost two out of every three people, favored a continuation of segregation in the military.

Sound familiar?

Frodo would share a foxhole with Doris Miller, but he doesn't wish to be on the same planet with John McCain.  Perhaps Joe Scarborough, of all people, said it best when, after viewing the comments of the Senator to Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullen, stated that "John McCain is now the old guy in the neighborhood who chases people off of his front lawn."  McCain was quick to point out that 60% of the active troops in the USMC were opposed to ending "don't ask, don't tell." 

60%?  Do tell.  Almost two out of every three.

Perhaps, thinks Frodo, another Admiral will soon place a Navy Cross on the chest of another young sailor, recognizing that person as another heroic first.   Frodo wonders what John McCain would do if he found out that sailor was also the offspring of an illegal alien?  Frodo supposes that those who graded McCain as merely fourth from the bottom of his class at Annapolis were pretty good judges of character and aptitude.

Finally, Frodo notes that Doris Miller was born in 1919 in a place in Texas, called Waco.  It merely proves the adage that if enough people are born in a specific place, any place, then, eventually, at least one of them will turn out to be worth a damn.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:40 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 1, 2010
He's The King Of Them All, Y'all
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Mikileaks" (6)

Changes in life occur like turning on a dime, so says Frodo.  He believes that the games we play are but a microcosm of the lives we lead, and that disappointment, fumbles, and plain bad calls take place without notice.  None of us are immune, and that includes the Hobbits and Mick, the Wonder Dog, among all the other residents of the Shire.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, did not bark at all between Sunday and Tuesday.  It became obvious on Sunday evening that we had a "Houston" problem, and that the threat probability was greater than our immediate capacity to cure the cause.  It started when he laid down next to Frodo and looked up with confused and worried eyes.  He wandered in to be with Sam, and stood in the middle of the room, unable to comprehend what was happening, nor to communicate with anyone.  As the evening wore on, and his ambulatory capacity decreased rapidly, the Hobbits feared that the end was very near.

Frodo sat on the floor, holding his little brother, and stroking his fur even while his own legs cramped underneath.  Frodo carried him outside to assist in normal relief, and then up to the bedroom to hold and comfort the Wonder Dog, so that no journey would commence, alone.  There was little sleep that evening for the Hobbits, and tears cascaded unimpeded from both sides of the bed.

Long-time companion Fiona had sensed the danger first, having spent much of the early evening bathing the forehead, treating the affliction in the only way she knew how.  She laid by the bed, on the floor, watching, throughout the night.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, struggled on the blankets, getting too warm on one side, and requiring assistance in order to turn his arthritic bones and regulate his body temperature.  At last he got the message to Frodo that he, too, wanted down on the floor, trying to get things to some level of normalcy.  Frodo kept his fingers moving, all night long, on the neck of his little brother, fearing that he may never again have the opportunity.

He was there in the morn, when Frodo had to prepare for appointments on Mount Doom.  Frodo took him out, and watched over him as he tried to evacuate, like normal.  Sam prepared a special breakfast, which he ate, ravenously, like normal.  He was still weak, hardly able to walk, but his fearful eyes met Frodo's on several occasions, telling him that they were both very frightened.  Doctor Porsches is off on Monday and Tuesday, so the Hobbits decided that Sam would monitor throughout the day, and that a trip to an unfamiliar veterinarian while being held in lonesome observation wouild be the worst thing they could do for a member of their little family.  Sam called every hour or so to let Frodo know what he needed to know.

When Frodo pulled into the garage in his motorcar on Monday evening, the Wonder Dog paced swiftly to him and placed his ample nose into the crotch of the Hobbit.  It was as if, and probably it was that the two cried together.  Sam followed quickly behind telling Frodo that Mick, the Wonder Dog, lay by the front door, like normal, waiting for Frodo, and that once he saw Frodo's motorcar, he cried, and ambled out on his own.

That evening and into the night, the Wonder Dog tried, more and more it seemed, to begin returning things to normal.  He remained weak, but he ate, as if there were to be no tomorrow.  He bedded where he always bedded, and his habits began to return to the schedule which had guided his entire existence.

Most unusual of all was the behavior of Sydney, the cockatiel, who remains high above the fray on the floor of the Shire due to the presence of Beau Neau.  Sydney has alternated between screams from above his cage to walkabouts on the floor next to his big friend (who often chases Beau Neau).  Sydney has not visited the floor, other than to occasionally drink out of a dog bowl, in many years.  To do so now documents his awareness and the perceived need for him to offer whatever assistance or comfort available.  The presence of the cat was immaterial.

It is Wednesday evening now, and with every passing moment, life in the Shire more closely resembles what things were like before they turned on a dime.  Oh kisses last longer now, and Frodo doubts that he will ever take even a moment with his little brother for granted again.  He does not even mind an outburst of barking at the "invisible rabbits" who venture too close to the front door of the Shire, like normal.

It will be nice to sleep a full night, knowing, like normal. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EST
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Saturday, November 27, 2010
Our House Is A Very, Very, Very Fine House
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Ides of Texas" (6)

When things go poorly in Texas, Frodo finds reason to celebrate.  The Texas Rangers choked in the World Series, against Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco Giants.  The Dallas Cowboys are in last place in the NFC East, and they have yet to play either of the two scheduled games with Michael Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles (with God's help, the Cowboys may actually have the worst record in all of professional football this season).  The University of Texas Shorthorns lost to Texas A&M, and almost everybody else they played this season.  Now, however, comes the best news of all, the seemingly resilient money-laundering activities of former Congressman Tom DeLay have yielded a guilty verdict and a sentencing possibility which could put the star-dancing exterminator in prison for the rest of his life.  Frodo would pay real money to see what the future holds in prison for an alumnus from "Dancing With the Stars."

Now, if only Dick Armey and Bill Archer could get their just desserts. 

Imagine, dear reader, a row of cells at a Federal Prison facility (not on an outsourcing contract) with Archer, Armey, and Delay, followed by the seceding Governor, Rick Perry.  Joe Barton, the BP apologist and soon-to-be milkman to special interests in the energy activities of the House of Representatives, would hold down a suite of cells for all his cohorts.  Willy Gomert, the halfwit clown scraped off the bottom of a cow hoof somewhere near Whacko (that is how you pronounce Waco, isn't it?), would be the trusty responsible for doling out gruel to the other prisoners.  What a wonderful mental picture of possibilities.

The skies above the Shire are sapphire-blue, and the last flights of sandhill cranes honk their route to the swamplands of southern Georgia.  The detritus of the last growing season has mostly fallen, and gathered where visitors to the Shire can huddle for warmth throughout the deep frosts to come.  Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, lay in sun patches as they follow the Hobbit from task-to-task.  Sam, dressed in the finest of fashion, toodles about in Frodo's motorcar, in search of holiday treasures and treats for Shiremates.  Football games from throughout the land are near, and the black-and-white is tuned to those of greatest interest to the Hobbit.

This is one of those days that should never end.  Perfect it would be if there is news to come of thunderstorms and tornados in Texas.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:06 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 23, 2010
When The Moon Is In The Seventh House And Jupiter Aligns With Mars,
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Next Case" (6)

"Then Peace Will Guide The Planets And Love Will Fill The Stars..."

Frodo was slightly irritated that his appointment in Probate Court was the victim of mass scheduling.  He was there at 9:30, as he had been directed, but so were others, and that meant, if experience is any kind of guide, that good ole Mr. Frodo would be called last.

Oh well, thought Frodo, it appears that all of the persons associated in the front of the courtroom were part of the same case.  "Perhaps," said he to himself, "it is an opportunity to prepare opening remarks."  His mood changed however, and he decided to pay attention to what was taking place before his eyes.

The young girl was damaged beyond repair, and her grandparents were beseeching the Court to appoint them as Guardians.  The father, according to testimony, had never seen the teenaged product of his manufacture, and the mother (offspring of the appellants) was purportedly trying desperately to support herself, and had neither the resources nor the talent to raise a developmentally-challenged child.

The grandmother spoke forthrightly, and convincingly.  The attorney supported the plea, and the judge asked the grandfather if he wished to add to the testimony.  He deferrred to his wife, and he ran his fingers through the carefully combed hair of the girl at whom he smiled.  Frodo saw a lifetime of hard work gently absorbing another challenge as if it were something much more than simple responsibility.  There was a goodness to those eyes, and Frodo couldn't help but hope that young girl understood.

The judge was wise, and the decision was right.  Then, the subject of the hearing felt compelled to loudly express her concern about leaving the courtroom.  Gently, oh so gently, the new guardians sought to ease the concern and guide their charge peacefully away.  Apologies were expressed, but shushed away by authority, and everyone was allowed to take their time.  As the grandfather passed by Frodo, he received a thumbs up, and a victory smile.  The smile was returned, and the eyes spoke for themselves. 

"It Is The Dawning of The Age of Aquarius. . ."



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:04 PM EST
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Monday, November 22, 2010
I've Bought My Ticket With My Tears
Mood:  sad
Topic: "8.8 Pounds"(6)

Frodo's father was like a lot of fathers-to-be, then and now.  He had to bring things home.  Why he did is something that Frodo grapples with from time-to-time; did he see the items as potentially valuable or were they rememberances of the experience?  Perhaps the answer lies in the boxes and albums filled with photographs in Frodo's own closets of the Shire?  Perhaps not.

Frodo was told that it was an "Italian Army Rifle," and that it was used by paratroopers, which explained its relatively small size and light weight, only 8.8 pounds in all.  It was liberated from a warehouse, where it lay amongst hundreds of identical mates, long after the Italians had surrendered.  Frodo never attempted to fire the gun, but for some inexplicable reason he had cleaned and greased the weapon many times and, even today, it almost looks as shiny as the day it was first issued for assignment to one, now, long unknown.

Frodo often wondered if it was valuable, and he occasionally brought it out for a visitor to identify or comment upon.  He learned about the ammunition, but little else, until Taylor, he who wed the sister of Sam, took a close look and asked Frodo if he had ever held history before.  Frodo was speechless and unknowing, as he was told that the most famous mate of this very rifle had been sold, by mail order, for less than $13, and had been discovered lying on the floor of a building known as the Texas School Book Depository on a tragic November day in 1963.

Frodo's gun has the original bayonet.  The historical mate has a separate scope through which Lee Harvey Oswald sighted his target.  Frodo, again and again, has tested, and proven, that the rifle could be accurately fired three times within five seconds. 

It is not difficult to use the communication miracles at our disposal to pull up a picture, and to read the history of those who built the company that supplied the rifle that fired the bullets that killed a President.  Frodo's father never knew the coincidental facts of the mate to the gun he brought home for a son yet to be borne.  Frodo thinks often of how much life may have changed had Frodo's father brought home two rifles.  Perhaps not.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:26 PM EST
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Sunday, November 21, 2010
I Can't Blame You For Trying, I'm Trying To Make It Too
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)

Frodo has been playing a little mind game with himself, nothing sensual, but certainly timely.  You can play too, boys and girls, right here in the neighborhood.  All you have to do to start is to make a list of people, half a dozen or so would be fine, all of whom you are sure make more than $250,000 annually.  Then, you need to determine how many of them meet the definition of a "small businessperson," and who have American citizens in their employ.  That's right, what we're doing is testing the Republicant litany that these are the people who would suffer if the "Bush Tax Cuts" were not extended.  The premise being that these "small business persons" would have to reduce job growth thus accentuating the decline in our economy.

Frodo 's list is not giving much credence to the minions of Mitch the Marauder.  Frodo has identified Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Spears, Rush Limbaugh, Randy Moss, John Smoltz, and John McCain as people he can identify who earn more than $250,000 annually.  Unfortunately, Frodo is unable to identify the "small businesses" that any of them sponsor.  Hmmm, in these cases, it simply seems that the withholding on their "performances" would be increased, and that there would be no discernible impact on employment.  Rather, it seems that many of these people would be contributiung a bit more to reduce the cumulative national debt.

Perhaps, dear reader, it might actually be more helpful to our government if we all simply built a list like Frodo has done, and submit it to the Director of the Office of Management and Budget, Washington, DC.  After all, it might allow the government to plan better if they recognized that there are a lot of peoiple out there who could pay a whole lot more, and that the argument about hurting "small businesses" is specious, at best.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:05 PM EST
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Thursday, November 18, 2010
They're Only Words
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Buy Stock in America"(6)

"Professor Galbraith?"

"Yes Mr. Frodo."

"In our reading for this lecture, you've suggested that we start with Adam Smith.  Isn't that a little hollow for those of us here at Harvard who are bound for Goldman,Sachs or UBS?"

"Why would you perceive Adam Smith to be 'hollow', Mr. Frodo?"

"Perhaps 'relevant' is a better word."

"Ah relevance is it, that which guides the graduate student in his quest for fulfillment, or in the case of the Business School, money."

Titter, titter from the audience.

"Well Sir, how does Adam Smith have anything to do with the economic crisis which haunts the entire world?"

"Mr. Frodo, did you take note of the Initial Public Offering of General Motors this morning?"

"Oh, indeed I did Sir.  It opened at $30 per share and reached as high as $34 before settling back a bit by the closing bell."


"So good.  If the revival of GM, from the 'stimulus' continues to progress, then GM can repay the governmental largesse, plus interest."

"At what point?"

"At about $51 per share."

"That'll take a while, won't it?"


"Then what does that say about the wealth of our nation, if you will?"

Frodo say nuttin'.

"Let me ask you, Mr. Frodo, about Ford Motor Company."

"I was afraid you were going in this direction."

"How did Ford respond to the governmental largesse?"

"They didn't accept any assistance at all."


"They have weathered the storms relatively well, and are paying their taxes on time as a result of a steady profit."

"What does that say about the wealth of our nation?"

Frodo say nuttin'.

"Now turn the issue around, Mr. Frodo, and ask yourself, since both approaches apparently worked to the betterment of the wealth of our nation, was governmental largesse the best course or should the free market have been left to determine who survives?"

"Sir, I find it hard to accept that letting GM fail would have been to the betterment of our nation.  All those people would have lost jobs, and the recession would have been even deeper."

"Unless, of course, the demand stayed where it was, and Ford started hiring people to make cars in their name."

Frodo say nuttin'.

"The point is Mr. Frodo, that an 'adult conversation' can take place when people recognize that there is 'more than one way to skin a cat,' and that the true wealth of our nation is treating our disagreements as dialogue, and not as ideologue."

A door opens in the rear of the lecture hall, and the errant entrant stumbles toward a vacant chair.

"Ah Mr. Boehner, so happy you could join us, out for a smoke?"



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EST
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Friday, November 12, 2010
Ride, Ride, Hitchin' A Ride
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "The Atlanta Eye" (6)

Frodo never understood why any enterprising entrepreneur failed to assemble enough land and to construct a model "Tara" prior to the 1996 Olympiad in Atlanta.  Frankly, it was what the world wanted to see in Atlanta, and the tourists would have paid any price to carry each other up a winding staircase or to wrap themselves in green window dressing.  Frodo has supposed that it is likely that good things just happen in Atlanta, because it is increasingly clear that what is planned grows abyssmally more simplistic with each passing day.

Bernie Marcus, half of the dynamic duo who created "Home Depot" apparently has too much money and too little sound judgment.  His generosity produced the Atlanta Aquarium, billed as the largest in the world, which contains beluga whales and whale sharks on exhibition.  Of course, the fact that many of these gargantuans have mysteriously passed on to that big fish pond in the sky is rarely discussed in polite circles.  To Frodo's chagrin it is noted that there are aquaria, although admittedly smaller, in almost ever city in America.  They even have one in Chattanooga, known until now for only the presence of a Choo-Choo converted into a fast-food eatery.

Not to be outdone, even if by his own lack of creativity, Marcus has put forth an idea dubbed the "Atlanta Eye," which is defined as a 45-story Ferris wheel.  Marcus, it seems, got the idea while on a recent trip to London, which already has its own "London Eye."  Doen't this guy have an original thought in his head?  After all, "Home Depot" is just a hardware store, but without customer service.

Frodo has decided to put on his thinking cap, and suggest to the "leadership" of Atlanta that it might really be a good idea to install a big, old carnival ride in downtown Atlanta, but it would be even better if it was one of the attractions other than the Ferris wheel.

Picture the "Tunnel of Love" or the "Tilt-A-Whirl," with certain modifications, for example.  A spinning Tilt-A-Whirl would have puke a-flyin' from elevations ranging from ground-level to the very heights of 191 Peachtree.  A Tunnel of Love, staffed with inhabitants of Atlanta's downtown bridges and exit ramps, would not only provide jobs for the chronically unemployed, but would lessen the libido of the riders, for a long, long time.  Nobody would argue against a smaller birth-rate.

It is only fitting that the true Capital of the South should lead, rather than follow, into the latter stages of the twenty-first century. 

It could be the first step in the creation of a whole new entertainment complex.  We'll call it "Maddox Land."     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:20 PM EST
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Thursday, November 11, 2010
You Don't Have To Worry That It's Wrong, I Want To Get It On
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Torah, Torah..."(6)

It was a morning in the Shire very much like it must have been that morning, December 7th, 1941, in Pearl Harbor.  The birds were singing and there was a lilt of warmth to the Suns' rise as Frodo staggered down to breakfast.  As he passed by the technological center of the Shire, he switched on the computer, only to find that there was a discrepancy between who he happens to be, and whom he is perceived to be in pc world.  The first salvo was fired at exactly 7:00 AM, on the day marked to celebrate the end to all war. 

Frodo's first antagonist was at a call center in Louisville (Frodo was tempted to ask her if she was one of the morons who cast a vote for Ron Paul's kid, but he figured that since he needed her cooperation he'd let it pass).  For nearly an hour she stumbled through her checklist of "enter" "delete" "reset" and so on, and eventually seemed to have licked the problem.  That lasted until Frodo called up his e-mail and attempted to enter another web world.

Frodo's second call must have gone to Swaziland, but the thing that was sure was that this young lady had major decibel shortages since birth.  Time and again Frodo asked her to repeat what she had just said, simply because he not only had trouble understanding what she said, but it was nearly impossible to even hear her.  After innumerable frustrations, Frodo realized that his cellphone was dying too, and before he could make arrangements to continue in conversation with "The Dog Whisperer," he was cut off, with no avenue of future access.

Assailant Number Three was from the soft underbelly of the Asian sub-continent, and she had to be new on the job.  After repeating, in order, each of the steps taken by her predecessors, she had Frodo reverse the DSL cable from wall-to-modem-to-modem-to-wall, and chuckled while she listened to him grunt and squeal as he moved furniture and cables to no avail.  She concluded by telling Frodo that the problem was not with "Ma Bell," and that he would have to proceed with the "fee-based" diagnostic center, to which she could switch him immediately, but that they would waive the fee in this instance.

Number Four (note the similarity to a former inmate on "The Prisoner" starring Patrick McGoohan) was a complete asshole.  She proceeded to lecture Frodo on the lack of protocol exhibited by Assailant Number Three, and to "shush" him several times while she explained that to proceed would require an open withdrawal from his credit card not to exceed $129 for less than 60 minutes of "dialogue."  There was no guarantee that this would resolve his problem.  Frodo also received a negative response when he asked if she would pay him $129 if it came to pass that "Ma Bell" was indeed responsible for the entire mess.  She evidently thought Frodo was amused.

Frodo went back to the well of assistance one more time.  After all, it was now 12:30, Frodo had no breakfast, no computer, no reason to go to work, and nothing to lose.

The Assistor this time was definitely from the South Side of Chicago, or from any of several other ghetto locations in Urban America, but Hey, he and Frodo sort of shucked and jived as if they were Ludacris and Kid Rock.  Frodo was now using Sam's cell phone, and he could hear the ominous intermittent chirping that signals the demise of these instruments.  Together, they raced through the protocols, and at last mutually concluded that since their last attempt proved inconclusive, that the problem was probably not "Ma Bell," but one of thousands of other undiagnosed sources of conflagration.  They parted friends.

Frodo called "The Geek Squad."  These guys would come to the Shire for $99 for an hour, and quickly demonstrated to Frodo that they could reach a satisfactory end to the continuing assault on his freedoms.  They made an appointment, and Frodo retreated to his cave in order to ready the scene for his visitor.  He turned off the computer, after thinking about it for a bit, and just sat and glared at the black screen for a couple of minutes.  It was as if he were plotting the attack on Guadalcanal in 1942.

When he turned on the computer, it lit up as if Heaven-sent.

It is nice to be a veteran of armed conflict on this day.  Everybody appreciates what you have been through.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:09 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 9, 2010
LA's Fine, But It Ain't Home, New York's Home, But It Ain't Mine No More
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Joad Family Reunion?"(6)

First, let us consider what we know.

Representative Rex Duncan (R-Sand Springs) authored a proposed amendment to the Oklahoma Consitution that would prohibit state courts from considering international or Islamic law when deciding cases.  The proposal received 70 percent of the vote resulting from the November 2nd election.  Representative Duncan stated that this was not an attack on Muslims, rather it sought to prevent activist judges from relying on international or Islamic law when deciding legal cases.

US District Judge Vicki Miles-LaGrange issued a temporary restraining order blocking adoption of the proposed amendment pending the lawsuit filed by an Oklahoman named Muneer Awad.  Mr. Awad stated that his "constitutional rights were being violated through the condemnation of my faith."  He added that, "Today's ruling is a reminder of the strength of our nation's legal system and the protection it grants to religious minorities."

Representative Duncan, surprised by the decision, stated "It thwarts the will of the people."

Somewhere between 20,000 and 30,000 Muslims call Oklahoma "Home."

Now let us consider what we do not know.

Why would anyone call Oklahoma "Home"?

Why would anyone want to call Oklahoma "Home"?

If you spit straight up into the air on the western border of Oklahoma, will the saliva remain intact until it strikes something beyond the eastern border?

Do 30,000 Muslims think that Oklahoma resembles Saudi Arabia?

Has anyone quizzed their GPS in order to determine if one can drive around Oklahoma without passing through?

Is it true that Oklahomans think the "Magna Carta" is a 16-ounce tall boy?

Finally, we ask ourselves, would Mexico take back Texas if we threw in Oklahoma?  Or would it be too much of a disincentive?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EST
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