Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Saturday, March 5, 2011

'Til The Night Closes In
Mood:

cool
Topic: "Magic Moments"(7)

Over the years, Frodo has developed an affinity for college basketball. The same does not apply to the professional variety, for it seems to interest him almost as much as the latest edition of Harper's might mean to Sarah Palin. It is the concept of the scholar-athlete which rises, for one golden moment this eve, when Duke and North Carolina square off in their nearly perennial battle for the top-spot in the Atlantic Coast Conference. These young men deserve to be there as scholars as well as athletes, and that is what makes the game so very special, at least, to Frodo.

In days past, now so very long ago, Frodo would gather with the gallant Howard, and they would share a common affection for the game, not to ignore a particular favorite in a particular year, but to celebrate the strategy and the performance wrapped around the coaches, the fans in the stands, and those magnificient young men in their flying machines, if you will. Tonight, again, Frodo will cheer and cajole, all the time knowing that his old friend will be there, too.

It is in certain moments that Frodo seems to remember warriors who have fallen in service to Aragorn, and to all of Middle Earth. The gallant Howard, he of two daughters, had great affection for both who shared his easy chairs, but Frodo always knew that there was something extra special in their moments together. Howard's first brought home an English Professor who could define the use of a gerund as well as diagram a sentence with the best of them. A pick at the top of the key and a roll to the net were terms that left him wondering exactly what language was in use. Frodo, ah Frodo, he was there, sitting aside, and hooting with the "Cameron Crazies" whenever an errant Tarheel pass ended up in the stands beyond an apoplectic head coach. The gallant Howard loved them both, but it was Frodo who was "his boy."

Frodo will wake his canine assemblage with his hoots and his hollers, and every once in a while they will snort disapproval. Occasionally, they too will raise an ear to the empty chair and perhaps hear a cheer for magnificent performance without seeing anyone there at all, just knowing. Magic moments, indeed.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:56 PM EST

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

There Must Be 50 Ways To Lose Your Lover
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Moamar:The Movie"(7)

It matters not that the guy spells his name with a G, a K, or a Q, especially when he can best be identified by his lookalike cartoon character "Goofy." He proved that beyond all doubt this evening when he sent one of his sons to cajole Anderson Cooper with definitive proof that "al Qaeda was smuggling hallucinogenics into Libya and putting them into the Nescafe of the young people" (or words to that effect).

The discussion took place in front of a truck full of packaged medication (which was probably the same vehicle exposed by Colin Powell to prove the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq). Goofy's son was there to introduce the capsules into evidence for all the world to see. Unfortunately, the pills turned out to be a mild painkiller, as opposed to something cooked up in the hills of East Tennessee. Rather than producing psychedelic results, this medication warns the patient that residual effects may include only headaches, or constipation.

Perhaps that says much, much more than even the wordy Frodo can proffer.

Frodo ends his commentary this eve with a suggestion for the casting of the movie which is bound to hit the malls of America before this volatile year concludes. Who other better to star in "Moamar, The Movie," than Charlie Sheen? Frodo would watch those Oscars (and that is really news).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:14 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Thank The Lord For The Night Time
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Baptists are Pussies"(7)

"Does God read?," asked Frodo.

Taking advantage of the silence, he then asked "If he doesn't, then carrying signs imploring his intervention would be a fruitless act, don't you think?"

Nodding heads seemed to agree.

"Wouldn't it be logical to infer that people carrying signs addressing God would be doing so for some other reason?" Frodo was now on his feet, and out of his chair. "Ladies and Gentlemen, if we accept the fact that God does not read, then we have to adjudge the presence of signs as something other than an expression of belief."

Drawing to his full height, he said "Let us then agree that God must indeed read our signs, just as he hears our prayers. For what reason other than a prayer would one go to all the trouble of printing up a sign requesting divine intervention?"

"Unless," he thundered, as he spun on his heels in order to address the gallery, "the signs are created for a purpose other than prayer, therefore reflecting a fraud. Could it not be that these false prayers are products intended to offend, to strike at the very heart of that which is true, and decent? Doesn't it follow that such a product would be obscene?"

"By the very words of this Court, in judging that which may be art, and that which may rise from the gutter, there are standards which impact communication. At the very least your Honors, can we not agree, that, intentional or otherwise, signs condemning the fallen to Perdition are obscene?"

"It is beyond our argument to address the vile language of people who insult the memory and the service of our brethren, for you have already deemed that 'free speech' is their right. What we can do is take away their damned signs, labeling them as 'obscenity,' violations of our true 'community standard'."

"Barrister Frodo concludes his arguments before this, our highest Court, with this plea; let them freely demonstrate their monstrous opinion and speak with the split-tongue of the serpent if they so choose, but do not infringe on the sensitivity, nay the integrity, of those of us who choose to address our Maker in tribute unsullied by that which flies in the countenance of our own standards of decency."

"By the way, Justice Roberts. You're an asshole."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:15 PM EST

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Monday, February 28, 2011

Someone Got Excited Had To Call The State Militia
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)

The scene is priceless to Frodo. Two of three escapees from a chain gang continue their flight to freedom in "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" with a brief respite in a movie theatre. To their shock they find the third member of their group therein, having rationally assumed that earlier activities had brought about his demise, or at least his transformation. From across the room, one mouths to the third that evil spirits had deemed that he become an amphibian. "We thought you was a toad," he attempts to explain. For some inexplicable reason, Frodo always thinks of Newt Gingrich.

Gingrich slithered up from subterranean locations, reportedly, at the same time that Frodo walked in the sunshine, and the rain, of the City of Orleans and the campus of Tulane University. As a graduate student, Frodo looked down his nose at mere undergraduates, so it is highly unlikely that the two ever shared the same table or drank from the same glass. For some reason however, Frodo has this dark memory of an overweight nose-picker with a plastic package in a shirt pocket who constantly railed about the unfairness of the Black Student Union. Frodo believes that on the day the Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) "took over" the Administration Building in a vain attempt to achieve some measure of social justice, or something, Gingrich got himself interviewed by a local TV station as a "loyal opponent" of the hooligans who chanted from the upper stories. Perhaps, thinks Frodo, he was there, at the very beginning of the Cyclops (played by John Goodman, of course).

No matter, but from the very first recognition thereof, Frodo has assumed that Newt was a toad. Newt, so the story goes, has a fondness for ice cream and beer, at the same time. Facts have likewise been brought to bear that he favors multiple wives, as if they were likewise contemporary servings of ice cream and beer. Later in his story, the Toadster was somewhat grumpy because his seat was too far to the rear in Air Force One, and so he shut down the government, and he took out a "Contract on America," a copy of which he retains immediately adjacent to the lardlike encasement which surrounds his coronary pump.

He also eats flies.

The Toadster has also followed in the footsteps of Richard Outhouse Nixon and changed churches. Outhouse, born a Quaker, became a Methodist, simply because there were more of them, thereby increasing the unthinkable assumption. The Toadster has become a Catholic, just like his third wife, Callista (ain't that a name fit for an amphibian's consort?).

She has to be hard up for money.

The Toadster has announced that he will decide within the next two weeks whether or not he will seek a nomination to the Presidency. Frodo wishes that Newt could run, but everybody, well at least most people, know that a Toad cannot run. It just sort of flops.

That tells you everything you ever needed to know.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:47 PM EST

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Sunday, February 27, 2011

From The Land of Georgia To The Gulfstream Waters
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Bobby, not Ben"(6)

Rare it is that Frodo should find himself in philosophical alignment with anyone who ever attended Texas A&M, much less one who has since become a hot-air buffoon on the public airwaves. Neil, or is it Neal, Boortz, actually once said that Ann Coulter was a beautiful woman (this was the closest point in his entire existence where Frodo considered a sex change). Boortz dominates in his time-slot among all those who wait for Rush Limbaugh to follow, or is it to precede, while Frodo listens for the next spin of the disc that once was waxen. By error, Frodo sometimes lands on the wrong station and thus was born the one instance described below.

State Representative Bobby Franklin (R-43rd District) of Georgia runs in a "safe" district. His constituents are overwhelmingly white, overweight, conservative, and intellectually uninvolved. So much so in fact that Franklin has only had two serious primary challengers and no partisan opponent in the decade-and-a-half or so that the "people's choice" has served. During that time, he has not sponsored a single piece of legislation that has ever even attained the level of "serious consideration" to merit a floor vote. In fact, most Republicans admit to "rolling their eyes" and routing his bright ideas to the back rooms of the partisan dungeons reserved as a general rule for suggestions from the Democratic Minority.

Bobby Franklin has finally made the big news however, and it is indeed possible that most would have found out about Bobby even without the informational assault provided by the "social media." The "representative " has submitted a plan to require an legislative investigation of every "miscarriage" reported by the medical establishment throughout the State of Georgia. Bobby, no relation to Ben by the way, wants to make sure that no woman, much less a medical practitioner, would dare to conduct an "abortion" under the guise of a tenuous procedure and label it a "miscarriage."

Boortz, who fantasies himself as a "Libertarian," sees the Franklin proposal to be an unnecessary invasion of the government upon the individual liberties of the masses. Frodo sees it as merely the rantings of a loon.

What grinds Frodo is that nutcakes like Franklin get re-elected because people are just too busy to pay proper attention to off-year and other minor election issues. His parents and the Sleaze Baggers all turn out to vote for their boy, and this gets translated as the "will of the people." What hurts, on a national scale, is that the absence of 40,000,000 voters in 2010, as opposed to 2008, means that "busy" people give Bobby Franklin's parents the opportunity to terminate collective bargaining rights and restrict other individual liberties.

Glenn Beck would be proud.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:07 PM EST

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Friday, February 18, 2011

Tomorrow We Might Not Be Together
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "The Union Label"(6)

With appropriate apologies, when Frodo was the smallest of Hobbits, he asked his father about what he might someday become. His father told him that if he "worked for the government," that he would always be assured of a job, but he should expect to make less than those who worked for a "private company." By the same token, he said, working for a company means that in a "Depression" you are at much greater risk.

Frodo thought a lot about that, and studied a great deal about the very nature of bureaucracy in a capitalist society. What he came to believe was that, during the Great Depression, federal and local bureaucrats for the most part retained their jobs, although, on the average, their compensation was reduced by about one-fourth. In the private sector, of course, about twenty-five percent of all workers lost their jobs. Once the world recovered from the worst downturn in modern history, the private sector grew back exponentially, and the bureaucracy settled into an accepted level of "lower pay" but "greater security."

With the advent of collective bargaining into the bureaucracy, first benefits and subsequently wages faced upward pressure. The political ramifications of the "creep up" in benefits and wages was not off-set by increased risk for public employees at least on an equitable level. Thus was borne the political footfall that has culminated in the strategic stupidity of the Governor of the State with the highest rate of public employee wages and benefits. By including in his effort to, justifiably, bring spending down without adding to the tax burden, he concomitantly opened the collective bargaining issue into the battle. It is as if he wittingly or otherwise, felt it necessary to dig a modern-day "Maginot Line" and to entertain trench warfare for what will seem like years, with no progress on either side.

It is not a difficult issue. It does require a lowering of the decibel levels, and it requires that Wisconsin's politician-in-charge immediately acknowledge his opponents and sit down to bargain. Collective bargaining is a part of our society, and to "take it away" from a single segment of the society is wrong-headed.

Right now, we need somebody to tell this guy he is "the worst person in the world."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:24 AM EST

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Thursday, February 17, 2011

What Will I Be, When I Grow Up To Be a Man
Mood:

suave
Topic: "Bon Giorno" (6)

After much careful thought and consideration, Frodo has come to the conclusion that he would like to become the next Prime Minister of Italy. The negatives considered include the continuing garbage crisis in Naples, the erosion of the ruins of ancient Pompeii, the growing presence of illegal immigrants from the southern shores of the Mediterranean, and deciding which heart-stoppingly beautiful teenager to accompany you to dinner and a few games of Parcheesi. The positives reflect the fact that there is a taste of Spring in the air, and the Hobbit, in case you hadn't noticed, is feeling a bit randy.

Frodo is also feeling encouraged about the world economy, given that there seem to be a number of unfilled vacancies in governmental administration in the Mediterrnean region. It is also quite conceivable that several more such opportunities are in the making. It seems as if there are more changes there than in the head coaching ranks of the NCAA. Frodo is hopeful, by the way, that the current Georgia Tech Basketball Head Coach seriously consider applying for the pending opening in Bahrain.

Back to Italy however, which is relatively easy given that Frodo joined an old friend for lunch today, and he insisted that they try Italian. Frodo's twisted sense of humor did not swing into action a single time however, since most of the waitresses appeared to be from Alabama, as opposed to Genoa or Milan. Too bad.

Mr. Berlusconi seems to have painted himself into the proverbial corner with his fiscal generosity and his vocational guidance to a number of mid-teens who just happened to be all from the same gender. The boys, Frodo assumes, are all vactioning in the Vatican. All of that aside, Frodo greatly admires the personal interest of the Italian Prime Minister in the well-being of these young people. Some may question where the Prime Minister thinks he may be going, given these antics? Frodo is less concerned with where the Prime Minister is going, especially after he's gotten a good look at where he's already been.

With temperatures in the low seventies, and cloudless skies supporting a full moon, Frodo and Sam, in pursuit of the aged canine contingent, are on their way to Lake Lovey, returning home on the day when Frodo has to stop concentrating on Italy's Prime Minister, knowing that there would be at least one veto ascribed to his candidacy. Alas.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:35 PM EST

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Monday, February 14, 2011

Light Up The World, Shine On Me, Love Is The Answer
Mood:

special
Topic: "Greatest Duet Ever"(6)

Frodo is tone deaf. A shame it is that one who so loves music, and who appreciates the artistry involved vocally resembles a broken-tailed cat when he attempts to warble. He loves it though, oh how he loves to bob his head and just pretend that he is on that stage and that Rod Stewart or Sting stand and watch, in awe. Frodo is also a technological dwarf, who struggles mightily for hours on end, trying to do tasks which those two generations younger perform routinely. Frodo has accepted the fact that his creative skills are in the words, and that the audio and the visual require the same level of imagination as that which follows.

Frodo has a Valentine's Day gift for you, dear reader. It requires only that you go to the easily-accessible "Google" and enter three words side-by-side. The tree words are "yearwood" "neville" and "cline" (note that the quotation marks are not required). You will be treated, by You Tube or by any of the countless alternatives on your menu to three-and-a-half minutes of angels voices, performing together, leaving neither a dry eye in the house nor the capacity to avoid hitting the Replay button moments thereafter.

Happy Valebntine's Day dear friend, now warble with Frodo, as "I Fall to Pieces." Pass it on.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:46 PM EST

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Sunday, February 13, 2011

Shower The People You Love With Love, Show Them The Way That You Feel
Mood:

crushed out
Topic: "Berlusconi in Love"(6)

Frodo has been thinking about love all day. With the dawn, he will depart for Mount Doom and give himself all of St. Valentine's "day" to return to the Shire with something appropriate for Samwise on the same date that commemorates hoodlums gunned down in Chicago. Despite the ill fortune of those particular predecessors, Frodo has generally come out of this crisis management exercise pretty well. Frodo likes to believe it is because he is a romantic, at heart.

Frodo prefers Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" amid all the considerable competition. When Romeo hides beneath the balcony and listens to the words of the fair Juliet, hearts flutter in performances to this day. Frodo is eternally indebted to the Bard who provided him the many opportunities to voice the responding "glove upon thy hand, to touch thy face" thereby serving Frodo so well while supine upon the reclining seats of his Rambler Station Wagon. Sigh.

Affairs of the heart are never subject to planning. Perhaps that is why the Italians are so good at making it. On the morrow, with spontaneity as his guide, Frodo will sally forth (Hmm, Sally--"you better slow your Mustang down") and cast his eyes upon retail products of every type. Perhaps the voice of Johnny Mathis ("I must be going, my heart is showing, I'd better hurry awaay. . .") will supplant chocolates and semi-precious stones on this occasion. Last year, for example, Frodo found himself in Kroger, of all places, and stumbled he did into the aisle that contained, among other things, Tea.

Genius it was, that directed the Hobbit to gather as many different and exotic boxes as he could carry. Attest he can to the chemical reaction which occurs when the correct mixture of this magic elixir blends with the gift of blue eyes and a rogue's libido.

Too bad Frodo didn't discover this many years ago. He might've become Prime Minister of Italy.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:41 PM EST

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

You Make My Dreams Come True
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Zimmerman Noted"(6)

Frodo is making it through the winter with a tome entitled "Fall of Giants" (courtesy of the Shire Public Library). Ken Follett has commenced a trilogy of the Twentieth Century, and Frodo is now deep into the First World War. The long-ago memory of the historically suspect "Zimmerman Note" was a memory refresher for the Hobbit, but what really inspired this evening's production was something he had forgotten from his studies many nights ago.

Woodrow Wilson was President, and he had won re-election on the campaign promise that he would keep the US of A out of the War in Europe. The British, who were getting their collective butts handed to them (in an event that was to be repeated again only a generation later) were desperate for the Americans to enter the War and pull their bacon out of the mud. The Germans and their allies were equally desperate to keep the Americans out of the War, and to continue wearing down the grandparents of Hugh Grant and Clive Owen. The situation, to the British, required some sort of stimulus to force Wilson to act in their behalf.

Suddenly there appeared the Zimmerman Note. The document was purportedly a communique from the Germans to Mexico, imploring the Mexicans to enter the War as their allies against the United States. Should the Mexicans decide to follow such a course, then the Germans promised that certain parts of the United States would be ceded to the Mexicans as their reward for participating in the victory. Although nearly everybody denied authorship, receipt, or even knowledge of Mr. Zimmerman's note, public opinion in the US of A went ballistic, and soon Wilson's hand was forced, and the Yanks took off for Tipperrary. To this day, no one has conclusively proven to anyone else's satisfaction that the Note was authentic. Many allege that the British concocted the document and that the Germans and the Americans were the dupes.

All of that aside, what caught Frodo's eye was the promise made to the Mexicans. Along with New Mexico (to which Father Tim might object), it was ARIZONA and TEXAS which were to be removed from the Union and gifted to the drug lords of Guadalajara.

What rotten luck befell the US of A in 1918. Had the First World War ended in a truce on the Marne, and if the Zimmerman Note was authentic, then George W. Bush would've been Mayor of Mazatlan. Rick Perry would've been Police Chief of Juarez, John McCain would've fought with Pancho Villa, and Jan Brewer would've been, well, let's just say, "used up."

Maybe next time.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:51 PM EST

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