Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Do The Ubangi Stomp Until I Die
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Forest Primeval"(8)

Vision is the slowest of the senses, for it always seems that one observes importance and then registers it on a scale of some sort only after digesting the echoes. Thus were the moments that began with a flash of movement behind the Hobbit, and the scream of pain that followed. One who entrusted his personal safety to the Hobbit was at risk, and in mortal pain.

Frodo's opinion of Pit Bulls has undergone a 180 degree change in recent months. Since the population of the Animal Shelter servicing the Shire consists of more Pit Bulls than any other genetic assemblage, Frodo has found that nearly all of these creatures are sweet, safe, and incredibly gentle to those human and Hobbit who take a few moments in their presence. They are challenged however by the Michael Vicks of the world, and the rental property landlords who seek to avoid any risk to their litigation free status in the general community. That does not take away from the fact that the males are incredibly competitive, and that conflict between them is fearsome.

Today, Frodo was walking a young charge named Cain from his outdoor run into the comparative safety of an internal cage when he noted a flash and a savage guttural assault behind him. Another Pit Bull, in an adjoining cage, took humbrage at what passed in front of him, and he hit the cage door full-speed. Frodo heard the scream as the teeth and incredibly strong maw enveloped the victim at his side, and the battle reached herculean levels between creatures less than two years of age. Frodo grabbed the two rear legs of his charge d'affaire as another Hobbit did the same to the creature at her command. Soon there was a fully stretched envelope of blood and twisted bodies holding on to each other as if they were raptors from ancient times. It was soon a stand-off, with neither participant even considering letting go in order to fight another day.

Frodo's fellow Hobbit took note of the stand-off, and mindlessly acted by probing a personal digit into the butt of the canine. Startled, he let go of his opponent, and Frodo pulled Cain into a cage, and slammed the door between the mortal foes. When queried by the "black shirts," Frodo had to admit that he could not say for sure exactly who or how the conflict was initiated. All he knew was that Cain, lathered in blood, looked up to him, with wounded eyes, seeking help and comfort.

The other dog, whose name Frodo has forgotten, was "put down" this evening. Cain will recover from his wounds, and he will remain among the population acceptable for adoption. At least for now.

Frodo is unsure whether or not Cain was innocent, but he will not soon forget the look in those eyes. The Hobbit will return in days to come, and he will set caution aside to discuss the future with Cain, aptly named.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:13 PM EST

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Friday, January 18, 2013

Have You Ever Been Lonely, Have You Ever Been Blue?
Mood:

lucky
Topic: "54 Pounds" (8)

Newest Friend was estimated at 8 months of age when adopted in August. First birthday has most likely come and gone therefore, but Frodo and Sam decided to celebrate the occasion today, just to make sure. Weighing 38 pounds when secured from the clutches of a "kill shelter," an increase of 16 pounds reflects the presence of what appears to be about 30% more dog than originally registered at the Shire. Dandy does not appear to be an ounce overweight, and the newly-recruited veterinarian Dr. Audi (a change from Dr. Porsche), seems pleased with the scope of the "growing boy."

Dandy is beginning to register in his cranial cortex the location of every "dog park" in Middle Earth. A low-pitched howl emanates from the throaty depths whenever he grows bored with the pace of life in the Shire, and he is able to recall the proximity of a mulch-covered municipal area in the general vicinity. Labradors, Huskies, Rottweilers, Shepherds, Boxers, as well as totally indefinable genetic mixtures thereof magically assemble whenever the weather is nice, and work off excess energies not expended in chewing, digging, or chasing objects designed for other defined activities. The result being an activities spread ranging from a circumferential race a la Hialeah or Churchill Downs to something resembling the WWF. Dandy, Frodo reports, holds his own.

After a good amount of time, a slobber covered mountain dog magically catches the eye of his best friend, signalling him that he grows weary. Frodo meanders to an unoccupied bench and whistles for newest friend. In a dead sprint, with an indescribably long tongue flashing in the breeze, the winded warrior comes to his "master" and leans aside for support and a brief rest. With a magical connection of collar-and-leash Frodo leads newest friend to the motorcar, and towel dries his magnificent young accomplice.

Dandy enjoys sitting in the rear seat, and smiling at those who remain behind as his "master" chauffers him back to the Shire, a healthful dinner, a special "chewie," and Sam, in whose arms he will snore in heavenly bliss. Until the morrow, then, when sugar plums are replaced by squirrels and invisible trespassers in the grounds that now belong to newest friend.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:41 PM EST

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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Knock Knockin' On Heavens Door
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: "Quadrillions?"

"Yes Mr. Frodo, I see your hand raised. Should I address you as Mr. Secretary, or are you my nominee for some other position sure to raise the rankles of the Teabaggettes?"

"Frodo is entirely sufficient, Mr. President."

"Well I usually devote these sessions to questions from the White House Press Corps, but since you are not officially a member of the White House staff either, I suppose answering a question from you is proper."

"Thank you Sir, but I'm not sure you're going to like my question."

"Proceed Mr. Frodo."

"Sir, more than 34,000 citizens have signed a position suggesting that your administration design and construct a 'Death Star' as part of our national security system. As I understand the substance thereof, it would give us the opportunity to destroy any planet, anywhere, which may be an immediate or pending threat to the security of our small, blue planet."

"I am aware of the petition, and am also aware of the fact that the project would add thousands of jobs to our national economy. It would also cost more than a quadrillion dollars."

"Well, my question is, how much is a quadrillion, and if we don't know precisely, then how can we be sure we can't afford it?"

"Are you serious?"

"Sir, I have no idea as to the value of a quadrillion, and given that there is also a proposal to mint a single coin valued at a mere trillion dollars, I'm not sure the Treasury Department knows either."

"What, Mr. Frodo, do you think is the intrinsic value of a 'Death Star' to our national defense?"

"Mr. President, I am more concerned about the aliens in our midst as opposed to the potential threat from galaxies far, far away."

"Illegal aliens you mean?"

"No Sir, I mean those who use terms like secession and a 'return to 1776' in their arguments with those of us who grow weary of their juvenile dialogue."

So you're saying we should construct a 'Death Star' and use it against the NRA?"

"Actually Sir, I hadn't thought of that. I was suggesting that the State of Texas might be the point of initial concentration. Can you imagine how much better life would be in our country if there were no Texas, no Texans, and no Dallas Cowboys?"

"Funny it is, isn't it Mr. Frodo, that just this evening, the "Texans" lost to the "Patriots?"

"Amen, Sir. Now about that quadrillion dollars?"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:39 PM EST

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Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Sometimes I Think It's a Sin
Mood:

vegas lucky
Topic: "Colosseum"

Russell Crowe portrayed Maximus, general turned gladiator, and Robert Green III, is RG3. Frodo sees similarities surpassing scores of generations and levels of recompense beyond definition. It is however, much as once said by Frodo's friend Delano, a matter of my slaves, versus yours.

Maximus entertained those who paid admission in Rome. RG3 does so in Washington.

Maximus performed in the grandest structure developed solely for pleasure. RG3 does so in a corporate-named stadium seating 85,000 people, most of whom are the guests of the wealthiest of the wealthy.

Maximus lived each contest as a survival prelude to the next encounter with men and monsters seeking a night of pleasure and another day. RG3 is showered with wealth, adulation and fame without ever drawing or losing blood.

Maximus died in the Colosseum, while RG3 did little more than twist the supports for the knee that defines his art-form. Although both contested fearsome opponents, neither contributes anything to the worlds in which they live, except, perhaps, for a generation of dreamers drawn by gold and greed. Not much of a legacy, says he who climbs Mount Doom, in order to destroy the ring.

The ring is still there, and it sits on the fifty-yard line.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:38 PM EST

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Thursday, December 20, 2012

I Used To Love Her, But It's All Over Now
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "Mary Lee & Genie"(8)

Sam is all atwitter about the upcoming holiday season. After a short familial visit in Middle Earth through Christmas Day, the Hobbits turn toward the other hemisphere and beach music for New Years. It is, evidently, part of Sam's "bucket list," and an opportunity to introduce Dandy to a world not known before. Frodo would be happier if the southern objective were even moreso, but he yields to Sam's desire for something more "laid back and 50's ish".

Frodo amasses several reads for moments on the sand in the vicinity of an open bar. He envisions restful moments watching the tides altering their status while he rests from the pages before him. Likely it is that he will turn his eyes toward fins of piscine creatures escaping or pursuing each other in the winter surf. It is that point however, which has given him some level of anxiety based on news reports off the Atlantic coast.

Two Great White Sharks, tagged at Cape Cod and named Mary Lee and Genie, are being tracked off South Carolina and Georgia. At 16 feet in length, and weighing more than 3500 pounds, Mary Lee and the somewhat smaller Genie are looking for injured whales on which to feed.

Frodo hears a mental metallic percussion-like thumping attuned to the coastal panic of the 1970's when a movie star proclaimed that "We need a bigger boat." It prompts Frodo to ask Sam about the wisdom of the timing of their soiree to the land of Clarence Carter and the Tams. Sam assures Frodo that he has a better chance of being struck by lightning than of being attacked by a Great White Shark. Frodo is not comforted.

Who is it, thinks Frodo, that goes out to sea in order to "tag" a Great White Shark? Is it the same person who assures us that these creatures seek whales, not Hobbits? Frodo doesn't recall Nate Silbert offering odds on the likelihood of a Great White Shark seeking political office, either.

Perhaps the Hobbit allows his imagination to run amuck with greater ease these days. With all the talk of "fiscal cliffs" and "automatic weapons banned" he notes that the inmates still appear to be in charge of the jail. Maybe it is a good time to polish off a novel and a biography or two, then to place a well-tossed frisbee windward, toward the shore, ahead of a leaping Dandy.

Sharks suck. Come and get me, if you can!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:20 AM EST

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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

If The Sky That We Look Upon Should Tumble And Fall
Mood:

crushed out
Topic: "Sandy Hook" (8)

Frodo is pretty sure the month was September, although the year remains fuzzy and complicated. He does not remember if anyone walked him to school on his first day in the first grade at Sandy Hook Elementary School. If anyone did, it was Bilbo.

The school did not have enough desks for each student, so Frodo shared a desk with another small Hobbit. Frodo does not remember his name.

One day, during recess, Frodo and another small Hobbit were playing as a team in hide-and-go-seek and outsmarted everyone else by entering the blackberry brambles just outside the playground. Just then the bell rang, signaling the end of recess, and calling Frodo's team back to class, immediately. Frodo can still see the teacher's disapproving glare when the two Hobbits finally returned to their seats, some 10 or 15 minutes late. Frodo does not remember her name, either.

He who was once Frodo's teammate in that blackberry bramble died not too long ago. Frodo remembered his name only after someone, a higher authority to be sure, reminded Frodo of the event, and the name long forgotten.

Frodo's family moved to the Shire in the middle of that first school year, and Frodo never returned to the Sandy Hook Elementary School, even to visit. Perhaps that is why Frodo remembers so little about the names and the faces that first shared in the adventures of a Hobbit fresh off the farm. Frodo never looked back, for he had new worlds to conquer, and too much promise to keep.

Frodo is reminded of the nameless ones by the events of the past few days at the Sandy Hook Elementary School. Despite the fact that it is not the same school, just a coincidence in nomenclature, and underscored by the fact that Frodo is not even sure in what state it stands, it makes for interesting thoughts and worthwhile prayers.

The Sandy Hook Elelmentary School that Frodo knew stands on a bluff overlooking the confluence of the Shenandoah and the Potomac. It could be in one of three states that border each other on the banks of the great rivers. Where it is, is not important. What it means, is something else.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:24 PM EST

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Sunday, December 16, 2012

Lord, I Believe It's Rainin' All Over The World
Mood:

blue
Topic: "Our Town" (8)

Whether the weather or the wither, whatever.

The day never dawned at all, and Frodo had an opportunity to put serious thought together. He found himself unable to separate from the grief that dominated, so his words were simply nothing new, or particularly profound. Perhaps it was merely the weather, but more likely it was something else.

Whatever.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:09 PM EST

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Friday, December 7, 2012

If You Could Read My Mind Love, What a Tale My Thoughts Could Tell
Mood:

surprised
Topic: "Oh the possibilities"(8)

"It's DeLightful, It's DeLovely. . ." so went the commercial familiar to those whose formative years were spent staring into the black-and-white. Color brought "DePlane, DePlane" to the observer. Now it seems proper to add the word "DeLighted" to the mix.

Frodo finds himself enjoying a scatological application to the Orc known as DeMint, who suddenly resigned after serving but two years in his second term as a United States Senator (R-SC). Frodo's initial thought was to merely express the hope that "DeDoor" not hit him in "DeBut" on his way to "DeTroit" or whatever location sought to which Frodo has no interest in ever visiting. In truth Frodo would really like to see the cretin "DePorted"(know anybody who's ever seen his birth certificate, do ya?).

Frodo was not surprised to hear Stephen Colbert declare his interest replacing Jim without "DeLay", after all, he would merely be following the political footsteps of Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Franken, and possibly precede those of Ashley Judd into "De Briar Patch."

Let us hope that whoever may be named to fill the vacancy by the Governor not be overly familiar with "De Appalachian Trail." Maybe the first Mrs. Sandford?

Wasn't her name "DeDe"?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:11 PM EST

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Thursday, December 6, 2012

I'm Just a Lonely Boy, Lonely And Blue
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)

The word "lunatic" is derived from the Latin word for "moon" and the ancient belief that an individual could be "moonstruck" by lunar movements. The relevancy of this little factoid is that the word has now been stricken from federal law, by act of Congress. This bipartisan action results from a concerted effort to remove language from the US Code that is outmoded or demeaning. So "lunatic" joins "retard," at least in its usage, and similar terminology.

Frodo's attention was caught by the almost universal support from the professional community for said action, and, in fact, by the vote in Congress. By a margin of 397 votes (398 to 1), the House of Representatives passed the legislation and directed it to the President for signature.

398 to 1 you say?

The answer to your question, dear reader, is exactly what you might expect. Representative Louis Gomert (R-TX), who represents the area around the town Frodo calls "Wacko," was the lone dissenter. The "reasoning" for his forthright position he declared was that that there is lunacy in the Nation's Capitol.

Frodo will not dispute the Congressman's assertion. Gomert's presence proves its own point.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:40 PM EST

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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Love Is Like a Butterfly
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "Simba"(8)

Fiona Apple is a performer who won the admiration of a Hobbit because she canceled her business arrangements in order to become the care provider for her friend, Janet. Janet is a 14 year-old pit bull, suffering from Addison's Disease. Don't let the tears well up inside however, since Frodo's purpose in his words this evening are because of Fiona Apple, not in spite of her.

Frodo today met Simba, who could well pass for the wire-haired one known as Asta, to those who would remember Nick & Nora, cast upon the big screen as "The Thin Man." Simba is, not unlike Janet, 14 years old, and her future is equally challenged. She is however, not quite so well served since she now resides in the confines of the "kill shelter" where Frodo volunteers. For whatever reason, those who shared life with Simba gave her up to others in order to handle the inevitable outcome. Frodo rarely speaks ill without a simple attempt to at least understand the hapless motivations of those who act so crudely. Today however, he watched as the little dog didn't bother to even evacuate, but to circle the cage, endlessly, looking for a familiar face to the rescue. Sure she was that the family motor car would soon arrive, even without a bugle identifying the Seventh Cavalry.

For all the good done by one person like Fiona Apple, Frodo recognizes how little he shares with those who would surrender a family member, and not look back.

Frodo hopes that the mindless cretins, sure he is at what they must be, share not in the Power Ball riches at hand, but that the person, or Hobbit, who does win, does so to rescue and care for a little dog, named Simba.

If you, dear reader, know of someone so inclined. . . If not, a simple prayer will do.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:13 PM EST

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