Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Sunday, August 18, 2013

This Old Heart of Mine, Been Broke a Thousand Times
Mood:

crushed out
Topic: "The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)

Frodo long ago promised himself that he would never become an overweight, angry, old man existing only to outlive his opponents. At times, he feels, once again, all alone. With few exceptions, his hobbit friends are old, overweight, and angry. It becomes increasingly difficult for Frodo to respectfully regard the opinions of others as if they were truly independent and democratic in thought.

Fifty years ago Frodo was but a few kilometers removed from the scene of one of the greatest speeches ever delivered by humankind. He did not attend. Frodo cannot remember if he was forbidden to attend by higher authority, or if he simply chose to avoid the traffic.

On that day it was first peacefully acknowledged that children should someday walk hand-in-hand regardless of the colors that separated them. It would someday be true that they would be judged by their character, and not the color of that skin. Sad it is that the four young offspring of the dreamer failed on the character charge, and sought, primarily, to enrich themselves while exerting a minimal amount of effort in the realization of that dream. One is an actor, one is a minister, and the other two make speeches about their father. Not a single one has ever swung a sword, but the ability to collect a royalty seems to be an inherited fact of life.

Once each week Frodo walks the loneliest of the lonely, and he shares a few moments of human kindeness, and a hairbrush trailing softly through the coat and mane of those not rushing to return to the dry and cool of the indoors. They do not judge Frodo by the color of his skin. They wish only to have another week, or two, of Frodo's best effort. Frodo's character is what is tested, and, this time, he will not let traffic get in the way.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:27 PM EDT

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Monday, August 12, 2013

Blame It On The Bossa Nova
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Old Time Baseball"(9)

Willie Tasby played centerfield for the Washington Senators, not Nationals, fifty years ago. He wasn't great, nor was he a true bum, but on a team that truly sucked, he was Frodo's favorite player. He was only the second Negro to play for what was then the southernmost team in all of major league baseball.

Tasby won Frodo's heart on that summer day when the thounder clouds hung heavily over the hot city streets. When the clashes of thunder were brightened by streaks of lightning, Frodo remembers as if it were yesterday when the radio announcer suddenly took note of the fact that Tasby was no longer in attendance. The Senators, as noted above, were not very good from the get-go, but it was ridiculous that they initiate a game with no player in center field. Tasby, it seemed, was wearing metal spikes on his shoes, as was the custom in those days, and he was afraid that he was too apparent a target for a lightning strike all alone in the wide open spaces between left and right fields. Tasby sought shelter beneath the stands and refused to come out on the field amidst the inclement weather. Like everyone else, Frodo laughed.

Frodo stopped laughing when it was disclosed that on another day, in another stadium, Willie Tasby watched as the player next to him was struck by lightning.

A half-century later, Frodo remembers his derisive laughter, and it shames him. Mr. Tasby, if you are still out there, Frodo apologizes, and he casts his lone vote to the appropriate officials in Cooperstown for the enshrinement of one player who did not suck.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EDT

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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Every One of Us Wants to be The First to Say Good-Bye
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "Doofus" (9)

Nicole Wallace raised the ears of the Hobbit when she referred to the soon-to-be ex-Governor of Texas as a "doofuss." Said reference surprised the Hobbit because Nicole had been Campaign Manager for George W. Bush as well as one of the "preparers" for Sarah Palin. Joe Scarborough tried to challenge the tone, but Ms. Wallace would not step back from asserting her opinion of the guy with all the hair, but no brains. As he, himself, once said, "Oops."

Perhaps the Hobbit would similarly draw a response not unlike his own noted above from Ms. Wallace if he referred to John Boehner as a "doofuss." Admittedly, the reference which follows was an error (but, in Boehner's case, what isn't an error?), but Frodo laughed out loud and decided to share his amusement with the Fellowship.

CNN is famous for the news clips which constantly stream along the bottom of its broadcasts. Today, under the heading of "Politics," it was reported that Speaker Boehner continues in his enlightened refusal to support any immigration reform as long as the safety of our "boarders" was at risk.

"Boarders?" As in somebody renting an apartment? Does this mean that a political struggle of this magnitude exists mainly because the top Republican in all the land thinks we're fighting rent control? Frodo could not help but wonder if such an error might just be indicative of other issues struggling through the least effective Congress in our National experience. Can you imagine, dear reader, why Speaker Boehner never mentions "sequestration" much anymore? Could it be that he thinks people are talking about George Zimmerman's Jury trial or that over-blown horse owned by Ann Romney? Well, what about the "Fiscal cliff?"

Boehner, indeed, does need to take a "flying leap," and that is one thing upon which almost all of us agree.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:03 PM EDT

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Friday, July 5, 2013

Ain't That America
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Causal Relationships"(9)

849 guns were seized by airport screeners from the baggage and/or clothing of airline passengers attempting to board at US airports during the recently completed first-half of the calendar year. Nearly every one of the detainees responded that they "forgot".

Zimmerman-v-Martin (decd.) dominates the airwaves, and Frodo is doing everything in his power to avoid the cacophony. He cannot help but feel that some feign interest as they did when OJ Simpson captured the national imagination. Frodo does not argue the issues in Zimmerman-v-Martin because he will piss off everyone who reads his opinion. Frodo does not see the complexity of the issue, and points back to the increasing presence of guns existant for the mere purpose of ending life, indiscriminately. Why else would one person follow another, as did Zimmerman, seeking to disprove Martin's apparent innocence in transit home?

Perhaps Zimmerman forgot about his handgun? Perhaps Wayne LaPierre is a co-conspirator? Perhaps Trayvon looked too much like Barack Obama? Perhaps Zimmerman is just another "loser" with a little dick?

Isn't that why he carried a gun in the first place?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:39 PM EDT

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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Thousands of People in The Streets
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "Mudbums"(9)

Tommy Yanosky attended Cornell University prior to his service with the guys who draw maps. Significant it is because this was the last that anyone ever heard of him. So long ago now that the conversations rarely even include an acknowledgement of his historical star power to the Fellowship. Tommy Yanosky was a bright enough guy, but he was also the best fisherman any of us ever knew.

While Legolas and Frodo played baseball, Yanosky patrolled the rapids and pools of the rivers nearby, teaching himself the artistry of Izaak Walton, et al. By accident one day, the Fellowship followed Yanosky and they saw him catch a mighty fish. The hook, it seems, was more wide-spread than that which brought the monster to shore, for it resulted in the first great economic demands of Frodo's life. Soon each was driven to the purchase of products by organizations like Shakespeare, Heddon, and objets d'art called "Tiny Lucky 13," "River Runt," and "Finnish Minnow."

The countless days spent wading and crossing rapids in search of picene giants were to the members of the Fellowship as were those known to Huck, Tom, and interestingly, Jim too. Early on, the Fellowship noted Yanosky's reference to "Willie" and the "mudbums" who it seems were always nearby. They ate the fish that they caught, and they welcomed the addition of those assembled by the Hobbits and Elves. For Frodo's friends eating fish from industrialized runoff was deemed less attractive than half a dozen burgers, fries, and a shake. It made the Hobbits feel "noble" and it certainly opened many a conversation with inhabitants of the far corners of Middle Earth. Given the politics of the day, it was not a surprise that heroic liberalism grew exponentially.

Frodo learned that great changes do occur, and the most important changes seem to emanate from streets and byways when people assemble. Frodo has seen people just like the mudbums take on the irrationality of a nineteenth century world a hundred years unchanged, and do so almost entirely alone. Perhaps they, too, desired a more modern world. He watches now as beautiful and wealthy women gather to make a mockery of inane politicians with names like Kasich and Perry. They march, and they chant, and they obstruct. In the most ancient of worlds Egyptian youth react against religious intolerance, and they are assembled in "numbers too big to ignore." Frodo has also learned that patience prevails despite the fact that the passage of time ensures the presence of a violent act by those not willing to share burgers and fries.

The "Arab Spring" is far from a footnote in world history. On this day the mudbums are replaced by different actors, but the lines are just the same. Tommy Yanosky is out there, somewhere, artfully manuvering the slippery pathways which open young eyes to angels with dirty faces.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:14 PM EDT

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Saturday, June 29, 2013

Wondering What Kind of Dress to Wear Now
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "What if JR Shot Back"(9)

The local news in the Shire is the worst in all of Middle Earth. If it appears in the daily newspaper, then it will surely follow on the early afternoon news. If it appears on the early afternoon news then it will surely follow in the morning edition of the newspaper. If there was an automobile accident in Clayton County (don't ask) or a thunderstorm anywhere near Carrollton then it will be "breaking news". For true, the two stories mentioned above will acount for at least half of the 22 minutes not otherwise identified as "good news " by any of the broadcasters who mindlessly stare into the lens before them.

On the CBS affiliate there are "hard questions," or so they allege. Frodo notes that of the three broadcasting personalities, all are women, and two are black. The consistency is shattered by the reality that the white gal never gets to sit in the middle. Frodo supposes that somebody may consider the definition of an Oreo to be of concern.

The ABC affiliate does its best to maintain network independence by broadcasting the "national news" a full half-hour later than the other networks, on vidotape or whatever the technology is known as currently. This, of course, gives said station the capacity to cover the weather in Manitoba, Macon, and Blairsville. Add in the fact that some middle school administrator may have written a check that bounced and there is nothing short of a firing squad in formation.

The NBC affiliate includes "dead-head Fred," a sports announcer who suffered health problems some years ago and has been granted a lifetime job, no matter if he remembers who played the game, or if one was even played at all.

What is sadly true is the fact that not a single story dealt with any type of investigative journalism. Every report is the result of a press release, or a story line initiated elsewhere. But, worst of all is the fact that it seems to be getting worse.

Now Frodo knows that all news services are experiencing drops in revenue, but only in the Shire does it seem to be true that all that remains is what comes easy, and cheap. The only mystique is in the wardrobe.

And people wonder why so many tune in John Stewart?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:45 PM EDT

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Make It Easy On Yourself
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Tripod Hackers?"(9)

Frodo has always admired the word inertia. In some ways, it describes Frodo and his dogged determination to see something through to conclusion. Similarly, it poses the question once suggested by Bert Lance, "If it ain't broke, then don't fix it." Mr. Lance, it should be added didn't last long in the job.

Should all things remain the same, Frodo has planned to keep on typing, but he is facing technological challenges incubated by people who communicate poorly. He has been informed that the server he has been using lo these many years is being "deprecated" (whatever the Hell that means). This leads, if Frodo guesses correctly, to someone requiring him to try the "new and improved" model, free for the first 90 days, then invoicing him for twice the amount he has committed to his projects in the past.

In all candor, Frodo has long known that he has paid money for services usually offered for free. Inertia has been the tool that kept things to a venue of limited change for frequent value. If inertia is removed, then Frodo is going to have to decide how to proceed. Frodo does not envy the prospect of additional hours before a personal computer for the mere purpose of filling in the forms required. Be forewarned, if anyone is still out there, that a measure of change may be at hand, at least as long as Mount Doom encapsulates a threat to Hobbits, everywhere.

If you look for Frodo, and cannot find him keep trying. He'll find a way to clear your path and to open the Black Gate. If you keep on keeping onto these pages without problems, then Frodo will try, even harder, to make the trip worthwhile.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EDT

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Sunday, June 23, 2013

People Everywhere Just Want to be Free
Mood:

sharp
Topic: "Bottom Ten"(9)

Texas, it should be apparent to any who have ever read anything penned by the Hobbit, is the absolute worst place in the world. Frodo believes that every resident inside the geographical boundary thereof is either brain dead or absent the resources to depart. The facts involved caused Frodo to muse over the other states that have absolutely no appeal to the Hobbit. So, for the record, and with apologies to the people trapped within these borders through no fault of their own, the next nine follow.

Oklahoma, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Utah arguably complete the "Bottom Ten" list headed, of course, by Texas. There are other states of dubious distinction, Arizona, West Virginia, Georgia, North Dakota, and Indiana which come readily to mind, but given the fact that 30% of Middle Earth has already been identified as individual toilet bowls, the Hobbit will halt here.

The Hobbit feels a certain obligation to provide a sense of scope to these ratings. Note that any state absent either mountains or a seashore is automatically identified as unfit for Hobbit habitation. The "Tea Party," the Mormon Church, the Southern Baptist Convention, Newt Gingrich, and the Koch Brothers are also institutions needing "institutionalization" as opposed to the presence of the Hobbit.

Despite the just, plain evil that exists in this list, no one, no where, can compare to the land that gave us George W. Bush, Rick Perry, Jerry Jones, John Connolly, Willie Gomert, Sam Stockman, and a trailing entourage beyond description. Let it simply be said that it is always a good day on the outside of these terrible places and the people who stay there.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:22 AM EDT

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

I Hear You Knocking, But You Can't Come In
Mood:

bright
Topic: "Snowed-in"(9)

Frodo has advocated, from time-to-time, that there is no problem confronting the citizens of Middle Earth which is, in-and-of-itself, unique. From natural disasters to despotism, from scientific discoveries to the plague there are no new problems, only a changing capacity to respond. With this thought in mind, Frodo has marveled at the discourse concerning the contract employee formerly directed by Booz, Allen & Hamilton who has admitted to violating the top secret security clearance issued to him by the National Security Agency. Most interesting has been the variance between those who believe the young man has committed treason, and those who applaud him for disclosures which seemingly protect the national right to privacy.

Recognizing that his life has changed forever, the young man has set upon the task of finding himself a new homeland. Communicating from Hong Kong, and its proximity to the Chinese mainland, gives an automatic direction toward those hackers/hackees who recognize the value of data mining in the face of one's major economic opponent. At the same time, our subject himself suggested other possible ports in his personal storm including, of all places, Iceland.

Frodo remembered from his past voyages in that part of Middle Earth that said suggestion is particularly appropriate. The USAF base at Keflavik has long been a presence of protection and rescue services for this NATO ally. Said factoid would make it a remote possibility that the Icelandic government would grant sanctuary to one sought by the most powerful nation on our small blue planet. However, the truth is that Iceland has a proud history of dealing with individuals, be they undesirables or merely of questionable morality. It is obvious that our violator may not know of what Frodo speaks.

There is no capital punishment in Iceland. What they do is take an individual out into the very middle of this barren landscape, and leave him. No one has ever returned.

Mr. Snowden's "genius" in information technology would be put to the max. Unfortunately the "Escape" button would be frozen, as would he.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:56 PM EDT

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Sunday, June 9, 2013

What The World Needs Now
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Sunday, Sunday"(9)

Frodo has purchased a new motorcar. There is no pleasure greater than the flawless performance of something new and sleek, that smells good and draws the attention of friends and neighbors. Unless, of course, one fails to eliminate winning the Power Ball from consideration.

Frodo has had many new (and some not-so-new) cars, but there is something different about this time, and it relates to the ever-changing technology which either adds to our freedom, or detracts from it, neither of which provide an encompassing response thereto. Frodo was particularly attracted to the sun roof, which stretches all atop the vehicle, but in typical Frodo historiography, he began to push buttons before reading the instructions. The ominous color and passing of clouds forced the need for Frodo to halt progress, and to enlist Sam into the fray.

As the Hobbits ventured further afield, they noted that the motorcar was not evidencing any leaks at all amid the downpour which followed them into the parking lot of the retail establishment. Frodo was grateful. They found neither was familiar with exactly how one not only turned the wiper, the air conditioning, and the radio off, but they were mutually unable to halt the engine itself. Frodo felt like an inauspicious fool until noting the same occurrence in two or three other cars in the same parking lot. Evidence, he supposes, that the economy is performing far better than alleged by Mitt Romney or John Boehner.

Frodo's new car does not have a key. Instead he has a "bauble" which he carries in a pocket so that it can communicate with the locking system to disengage whenever Frodo ventures near the parked motorcar. It is supposed to work thus in reverse, but Frodo was unable to verify that new feature upon his return to the parking lot. Short of an emergency call to the dealership, Frodo found a secondary path and followed necessary instructions.

Sam was able to get the "media system" up and running. It is filled however with celtic and highland claptrap, all of which draws Frodo away from true American musical artistry. Frodo will learn how to override in the immediate future.

There is a television camera arears which, it need be added, was a primary attraction to the increasingly stiff-necked Hobbit who found this as an alternative to spinal dexterity lost moons ago. Now Frodo can concentrate on the camera playback on his dashboard, and manuver in reverse without dimembering small children or fauna alongside the driveway. Unfortunately, Frodo has already learned that concentrating on the dashboard discourages attention paid to the road ahead. Sam's heart is in tatters already.

Frodo's father had amazing mechanical skills, but he was terribly close-minded to technology, having stated on numerous occasions that such devices were merely "one more thing to go wrong." Frodo wonders what he would have thought of a "bluelink" telephone which completes calls without any charges for long distance. In truth, he would probably have identified it as a "communist tool" somehow enriching Standard Oil of New Jersey.

Frodo's father would also have objected to the national origin of the automaker. But that remains for another story, on another day. Until then, one may find Frodo, pushing buttons, and wondering why he can't get the frost off the windshield.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:07 PM EDT

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