Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Don't Be Cruel
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Confusion Reigns"(10)

Frodo believes that Alzheimer's is an outgrowth of the Internet. During the span in question he has changed "servers," "passwords," "user ID's," and countless other security devices on multiple and numerous occasions. The result being that he is no longer able to distinguish one from the other, and he is unable to recall when, or even if, he made any of the alterations to his "profile." Additionally, observations follow.

Some inhabitants of Middle Earth have televisions that can be moved anywhere, according to their wildly amusing commercials, and they have no need for the cords which spin madly beneath Frodo's personal computer. Frodo obviously does not qualify for this level of service.

Some of Frodo's neighbors have "high definition" pictures on their television screens. Frodo has a tree in his next door neighbor's yard which obstructs the necessary satellite which is sufficient for "regular" service, but not for HDTV.

Frodo has used the same e-mail address for so long that he is apparently totally overlooked by the "hackers". Recently, he had his personal computer check-up, only to find that it had been more than 458 days since his "malware detector" had run a security scan which identified the presence of these miniature land mines.

Passwords will be the death of Frodo. Smeagol has apparently created a thousand million passwords and placed them each on small pieces of paper and placed them all within the confines of Frodo's wallet. There is no other logical explanation for more than five of any of these nonsensical conglomerations of letters and numbers which are beyond the definition of utility.

Finally, there are electronic machines, all of which seemed to serve a distinct purpose in times past, which when now called upon seem to no longer possess either instructions or any definition of operational credence. This past evening, Frodo broke down in tears while attempting to playback a DVD movie which required three separate remote controls, a VCR, and another device which blinked off-and-on without apparent purpose. Sam, thank heavens, rescued the Hobbit once again.

Frodo does not have a complex telephone. He does however seem to have a battery which has devised its own language, and borders on system collapse whenever Frodo may be rash enough to consider putting the device into use. Frodo would like to swear here and now that he will never "upgrade" to these "I-pads" or whatever. He thinks longingly of the hero passenger pigeon who saved the "Lost Patrol" during World War I and recognizes that he was not GPS-guided.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:28 PM EST

Updated: Sunday, February 15, 2015 4:08 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Thinking About the Things We Used to Do
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "Memories"(10)

10:55 AM. October 29th. Annually.

"Well, I know where I was X# years ago at this time."

The telephone call that established the basis for the Greenwich Median would emanate from Frodo's Mother wherever she might be at precisely the same time every year. Changing time zones east-to-west eventually altered her precision for Frodo's physical location, but the thought never changed, during all those years. Now it seems so long ago.

Frodo still receives digital and audio transmissions from many kind souls marking his relationships on his birthday, and it is difficult, to say the least, to record absences when so many remain ever present. This year includes many newbies, and Frodo is sure that additions will continue at a frenetic pace throughout the year to come. It is the telephone however, which rings not, that mobilizes his neurons and causes him to reach for a receiver that summons no Hobbit. Perhaps the imagination is what distinguishes the difference between the celebrations of youth, and the lamentations of age. If that be so, the Hobbit will talk with Mom for a few minutes, then gird himself for life's daily challenges. The Ring lives on.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:15 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Makes You Wanna Holler Heigh-de-Ho, Burns Your Tummy Don't Ya Know
Mood:

cool
Topic: "How Dogs Love Us" (10)

Several weeks ago, official canine protocols were violated by Dandy (successor to Mick, the Wonder Dog). Independently, Dandy discovered a cache of spoiled food which he promptly proceeded to ingest. Despite his protestations to the contrary, punishment commenced. The following day, Frodo and Sam, accompanied by the entire canine contingent, including the miscreant Dandy, departed for holiday. The transit took nearly seven hours portal to portal. Upon arrival the contingent was released from their "hidey holes" and granted access to appropriate facilities. Dandy reflected a serious level of diarrhea distress. Over the next twenty-four hours, the suffering reached a worrisome level for the Hobbits.

On nine occasions overnight Dandy would enter the bedroom of the Hobbits whining in pain, seeking passage to the facilities out-of-doors. Every time Frodo walked out with his friend helping him when possible and observing the increasingly ugly bloody product. Frodo prepared himself to visit a nearby emergency veterinarian. Sam convinced him to wait a full twenty-four hours, allowing the cycle to match the similar experiences of the Hobbits at various times in the past. Frodo was not sure, but he acquiesced to the wisdom of Sam.

The following afternoon as Frodo lay nearly napping, Dandy entered the bedroom and jumped upon the bed. He stretched his entire length of body upon the Hobbit and laid his head on the chest of Frodo. Their eyes met, and Dandy commenced to lick Frodo upon the chest. It was an uncharacteristic moment, and Frodo soon realized that an act of gratitude was taking place. It was Dandy's way of telling Frodo that he felt much better, and he was, well, grateful, for the assistance. Perhaps "I love you Frodo" was being communicated between species?

Several days later Frodo was introduced to a book written in 2013 by a scientist at Emory University. It is entitled "How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain"(Gregory Berns). The tale is of a scientist who was eventually able to obtain an MRI of his dog, in order to answer the questions ever wondered by man about his canine companion (Imagine getting any dog to endure 15 motionless minutes of mechanical sounds and movement in an MRI in order to take hundreds of comparative pictures, if you will). Eventually, the scientist began to draw conclusions from the movements and responses in the canine brain patterns. He feels strongly that dogs are "appreciative" of their human "masters" but he stops short of "love" as something his analyses could confirm.

He should have asked Frodo, and Dandy. Sometimes you just know.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:02 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Stuck On You
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Impregnated"(10)

The gardens of the Shire and the environs thereof are awash in the coming beauties of autumn and the sinking sunlight of shorter days and longer nights. Frodo finds some new joy almost everyday. However, there is a problem, Houston.

There are little green sticky-to-its which seem to afflict the Hobbits, including the canine contingent. These invisible monsters mate with every sock or plumed tail which presents itself anywhere adjacent to the presence of chlorophyll. When the opportunity finally presents itself to physically remove each one of these refugees from an old icebox, the process is marred by the casual discovery of yet another gathering of the sexually-transmitted diseased. The little bastards are everywhere, and they seem to offer evidence to the existence of climate change, due to the apparent increase in their presence. Why else would a mindful supreme presence continue to manufacture these little turds?

Frodo loves a walk in the woods, but he has grown fearful of the threat encompassing his pulmonary passages and the potential risk of a headlong fall down a mountain trail while bending to remove a sticky-to-it. Dandy, successor to Mick, the Wonder Dog, plants his front paws in the sand and refuses to enter the paths of green which tempt him whenever the plague subsides. Until such time, nature will remain a darkening temptress, and the persistent little sexual transmitters wait for even a passing deer or bear to fall victim.

Hmm, Frodo wonders what would result should he place 25 or so amid the bird feeders currently deluged by squirrels? Possibly they'd eat them, then again, they probably wouldn't.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I Believe in Miracles
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: "Back inthe Saddle Again"

Baseball players have an off-season. Republican Members of Congress never, well hardly ever, show up for work at all. Given that level of precedence it seems only logical that Frodo decided to stop and take a deep breath. He came to the conclusion that the struggle for the Ring requires his participation, so those who just sort of hoped that he "go away" are sorely disappointed. Frodo is just going to be a little bit smarter and patient, and, hopefully, funnier.

Since last he visited, Frodo has found that the once charismatic e-mail is falling swiftly to the Facebook, the LinkedIn, and other communication tools which are giant steps beyond WKBW in Buffalo, WLS in Chicago, and WOWO in Fort Wayne, which are all preferences of the Hobbit's past. That, Frodo figures, is why he has not been the subject of deluge by worried followers who have wondered about the silence. Citizens of Middle Earth do not need the Hoibbit to tell them how to vote, or to interpret the wisdom of some in opposition to the foolishness of most. The Men of Gondor and the Riders of Rohan need a good laugh, a tender memory, or even a tear or two to give each of them a moment to similarly take a deep breath, and thus to decide the path in the yellow wood. Frodo has returned, and he will stay.

Has anyone heard about the lady from Nantucket?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:04 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Back in the USSR
Mood:

smelly
Topic: "Prudent" (10)

Dana Carvey is a comedic actor who is best remembered for his mimicry, particularly on "Saturday Night Live," whence cometh characters such as"the Church Lady" and "the first President Bush." Frodo picks on him this day because of his frequent use of the term "prudent".

President Obama now faces the miasma of Foreign Policy, which seems to absorb every American President in the latter stages of administration. His opponents appear so intent upon the political that the unity which such decision-making requires begins to disappear even when the decisions are unequivocally in the national best interest. Frodo was struck by the fact that one supporter of the President used the term "prudent" to describe the wisdom exercised by President Obama. Frankly, Frodo wishes he had used another word.

Norman Schwarzkopf had Saddam Hussein in his sights and could have taken him out except for the fact that it was deemed to be "not prudent." Had that decision been reversed, there would have been a much earlier determination that there were no "weapons of mass destruction". Similarly, no one would have paid any attention to the "Neocons" who argued for war against Saddam Hussein, and relaxed the effort to destroy bin Laden. Those decisions, obviously, underscore the meaning of "prudent".

Frodo hopes that "prudent" is replaced by "statesmanlike." Bill Kristol would be apoplectic, as well he should. The President knows what he is doing, and he is doing it well.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:36 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Workin' in a Coal Mine
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: "Pope for a Day" (10)

"Mr. Pope?"

"Yes my son?"

"What, exactly, do you think your 'Big Guy' thinks about the Georgia State Legislature?"

"You mean those guys who assumed the responsibility for not funding healthcare assistance to more than 640,00 of their constituents?" Even, as I understand it, the cost of which was to be totally funded by the Federal Government for the first three years and at a level not less than 90% annually thereafter?" Is that what you're asking about?"

"Mostly, but I'm probably more curious about what your 'Big Guy' would say since the constituents are overwhelmingly poor, elderly, the very people if you will he demands that his followers service."

"There is a place for those who are hypocritical, who claim to follow him, and who ignore his teachings in reality."

"Texas?"

"Close, try again."

"Mordor?"

"Actually I was thinking of Gwinnett County. We all know that God does not love those who live there."

"Are you saying that the Georgia State Legislature will reap as it has sown?"

"Have you noticed that none of them are underweight? That diabetes increases exponentially?"

"Are they trulu that foolish?"

"The mortal sin my son, is greed."

"Any advice for me?"

"Delta is ready when you are."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:04 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Monday, March 3, 2014

Cherokee Nation, Cherokee Tribe
Mood:

vegas lucky
Topic: "Jack Crabb" (10)

"One hundred and eleven years ago, when I was ten years old. . .", Dustin Hoffman. portraying character Jack Crabb in the film "Little Big Man."

Ten years ago, Frodo stepped upon the world stage as "The Keeper of the Ring." Logical it is that he comment on what the world may be like when one hundred and eleven more years have passed.

There will still be a Texas, and therefore an ample suppy of nuts with guns.

There will still be a Constitution of the United States, however amended thirty-three more times (predominantly by Texans).

There will be no need for fossil fuels, except in those locations where people consume "long-neck bottles" of something that tastes like fossil fuel.

There will be more inmates in Texas prisons than there will be inhabitants in all of the fire ant mounds in the State of Mississippi.

The NRA Party will present the Official hooded mask costume to be worn by all the 250,000 attendees at the scene of their Convention in Dallas.

The number of schoolchildren victimized by gunfire in scholastic settings in Texas is reduced to zero (given the fact that the last public schools were closed before the end of the past century).

Jerry Jones will develop his fourteenth Dallas Cowboys Sadium at a cost of $1,000,000,000 to taxpayers, seating 500,000, and America's team will again be quarterbacked by veteran Tony Romo (hoping to finally make the play-offs).

Finally, Mexico will commence legal action against undocumented aliens from Texas seeking freedom and justice south of the border.

The Ring, it seems, will still be present as long as evil exists (see Texas, above).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:16 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Friday, February 28, 2014

In Them Old Cotton Fields Back Home
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "www.arlinbuyert.com"(9)

Boromir was a warrior, but amongst the fellows of the ring he was but a gentle giant. After the lands of Middle Earth he emerged as a poet, if not a chronicler of lands like the Shire, where fields glistened in green rather than in the blood of its inhabitants. Boromir was proud of the fact that his fields were rich and his sword was clean.

This summer Boromir will return home. He has been invited to read his poetry to his former classmates, his neighbors, old girl friends, and those with whom he practiced war games. It will be a time of tears shed for those who walk unseen in the gardens at night, while farmers rest. It will be a celebration of words and music to celebrate the land, and the farmer.

Warriors wait for another day. This land was made for you and me.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:07 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Come Back When You Grow Up Girl, You're Still Living in a Paper-Doll World
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "McCan't"(9)

The President of the United States has failed at everything, at least in the mind of John McCain. Frodo finds himself wondering about the emotional stability of the frequent critic from the hallways of the United States Senate. McCain, it seems, lives only to decipher Libya, Egypt, Syria, North Korea, and Ukraine (among others) as examples of the Obama disaster in American Foreign Policy. All one must do, according to Frodo, is to wait for the President to make a comment, suggestion, threat, commitment, promise, or whatever, and McCain will be there to call the action as "wrong, again." Could it be that the old man is merely suffering from a case of sour grapes?

McCain was eighth from the bottom of his graduating class at the Naval Academy. McCain was shot down during the Vietnam War by an enemy who had no Air Force. McCain's marriage came unglued when he returned from captivity. McCain selected Sarah Palin to be his running mate on the Republican Presidential Ticket. McCain "suspended" his campaign in order to participate in the decision-making addressing the Great Recession (Ed. Note--McCain offered no input and was virtually silent throughout). Frodo could go on and on, and on, but his point is that those who live in glass houses, twelve at last count, need to realize that their contributions, sadly, ended a long time ago.

Four Americans died inside an American Consulate in Benghazi, Libya. McCain and his minions from South Carolina and New Hampshire (Frodo offers 25 cents in cash to anyone who can name the Manchester Minion without searching "Google") have introduced the incident as some sort of scandalous effort to ensure the President's re-election. In truth, none have mentioned the loss of more than 200 US Marines in a place called Beirut when Ronald "Plastic Man" Reagan was President. In fact, the murderers, be they terrorists or extremists, have never been called to justice.

Maybe Daryl Issa would join with McCain and solve that one for us? How does the saying go, "Inquiring Minds Want to Know." Which probably explains exactly what Frodo's point was from the very beginning.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:04 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Newer | Latest | Older

«	December 2014					»

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
28	29	30	31