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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
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"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
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"Our Town" (8)
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"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
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"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
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"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
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"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
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"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
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"Thank You Rand Paul"
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"Thar She Blows"
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"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
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"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
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"The Second Amendment"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
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"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
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"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
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"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Friday, January 20, 2006
Come On People Now, Smile On Your Brother
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "All Aboard"
Frodo has faced bouts of despair and uncertainty over recent days, and is now looking for the appropriate angle to bring himself out of it. After all, if Sauron is going to be defeated it will take all of the strength that he can muster. For Frodo, nothing revives the spirit like laughter, and the following story, rendered into Hobbit versification, is offered to you, dear reader, for the same purpose.

Lumumba, the namesake of a charismatic nationalist on the African continent, is a bus driver in Zambia for the National Hospital. His duties include escorting groups of patients from various wards within the Hospital grounds on visits to local cultural, athletic, commercial, or social events. On Mondays, he may drive and accompany patients from the children's ward, for example, to a petting zoo. This particular Friday, Lumumba was escorting patients on a shopping excursion into the Capital City. The patients were all from the ward that houses those with non-violent mental disorders.

Lumumba had had a difficult week, and he was looking forward to Friday night, and the weekend off from work. He was very, very tired. After driving his 20 wards to the local market, he sat down on a bench while the patients milled about. It was a sunny afternoon when Lumumba closed his eyes for just a minute, and fell sound asleep.

Waking with a start, Lumumba looked around and recognized no one. In a mild panic he set about a frantic search for the now widely-scattered patients from the mental ward. Sadly, he found none, and no one in the market had noticed anything which would give him any hope of finding any of the missing. He was very frightened, and mostly for his own job.

Sitting in the driver's seat of the empty bus he was suddenly struck with an idea. He closed the door of the bus and drove into the center of the city to a crowded street corner.

"Free bus ride," he shouted, "free bus ride to the first 20 people who get on board." In no time at all he counted 20 people on board the bus, and he closed the door.

"Where dis bus ride go to man?," asked one of the elated riders to Lumumba.

"Free ride out to a park in the country," he answered. With that, Lumumba headed back to the National Hospital keeping almost perfectly to his scheduled time for arrival.

At the entrance to the Hospital grounds Lumumba drove directly in front of the Mental Ward, parked the bus, stepped off and told the Orderlies, "Here be your crazies mon, they're all yours." He jumped in his own motorcar and headed straight for home.

The orderlies wondered why the usually docile patients were so reluctant to return to the barred windows of the Mental Ward. It also puzzled them as to why there appeared to be complete confusion about the need to change back into hospital gowns.

"Hey Mon, what da hell you tryin' to put me in dere for, I ain't crazy," screamed one confused rider. "Yeah sure old man, let me guess, you just visitin', right?," said one of the orderlies disgustedly, as if he hadn't heard these arguments before.

Frodo has learned that, since it was a weekend, most of the Administrative management of the Hospital would not return until Monday. The orderlies noted that it was a particularly vociferous group of patients in the Mental Ward throughout the weekend.

Lumumba's house was vacant when the National Hospital Administrator visited on Tuesday.

Frodo bets that Lumumba looks a lot like George W. Bush, with a tan.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:29 PM EST
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Thursday, January 19, 2006
That's When My Love Comes Tumblin' Down
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Wicked Pickett"
As the "Greatest Generation" faced it's greatest challenge, another little baby was born. A quarter of a century later, that baby would record a song that captured the emotional sensuality which separated generations. Within another quarter-century he would appear in a movie that chronicled the physical sensitivity which divided his generation from those to follow. During the final fifteen years of the life that ended today, Wilson Pickett would join the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame, and his rhythmic revolution would encompass wax, and tape, and the disc drive. Frodo knows, however, that no "I-Pod" will ever capture the heat, the drive, to the midnight hour.

Frodo passed from youth to middle age the night that Elvis died, and this evening he knows he has to slow that mustang down.

Frodo understands why young people go to concerts, and to night clubs, because their music will chronicle their time, too. Frodo and Wilson Pickett own the Midnight Hour, the pimply-faced little bastards can plug in their personal "tunes" and they have dibs on the 4-6 AM time slot. They'll never understand what they missed. Frodo is glad he didn't.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:10 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Are You Warm, Are You Real
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Homeless"
All through that winter into spring, Frodo and the Fellowship would gather late at night for a trek to the "Bus Stop." An active metabolism allowed each of them to wolf down cheeseburgers and french fries, as a supplement to institutional cafeteria food, without regard to that which prevents such ingestion in these times. Frodo's motorcar was the roomiest, and it was the most frequent carriage to that single source of light in a dark and desolate small town. Frodo took the break from study, and the concomitant spiraling cigarette smoke in his lamp, in order to break the monotony and re-charge the batteries. It also became a game because Treebeard was keeping count.

More than 120 nights in a row had passed since Treebeard began his streak at the "Bus Stop." "Hester," the aging but capable waitress was always there to greet and serve her "boys." The arrival of the Fellowship of the Ring was probably just as important to Hester as was the warmth of the booth in the back, and the greasy atmosphere in that diner. It was a grand time, and there were few cross words or expressions of fear about the future in the "Bus Stop." The only thing that seemed to be absent were the buses. Frodo never recalls seeing an actual Greyhound outside the little station.

As Frodo's final days at the College of the Shire came to an end, pressures were building. The Siege of Gondor was underway, and Frodo would be an unwilling participant, or so it appeared. There were many examinations for which preparations were required before the Last Debate could occur, and Frodo had much to do (the memory of two consecutive nights without sleep in preparation for five exams now seems herculean).

Treebeard entered Frodo's room, ready for the nightly jaunt, but Frodo had to deny his friend. All others were equally occupied, but Treebeard had "the streak" to consider. Frodo felt badly, but he had no time to waste. Treebeard told him not to worry, but Frodo did worry.

They did not go to the "Bus Stop" again. The final examinations came and went, and so did those in the Ring.

Today Frodo received a letter from Tom Bombadil who had shared french fries with Frodo and Treebeard. The note was wrapped around a newspaper article which read, in part, "Nothing remains of the old Greyhound bus station but a pile of concrete and yellow bricks." Tom Bombadil noted that he had taken a final "walk through" of the little diner, just before it was razed, "for old times," he said.

Frodo believes that if there is a Heaven, then there surely will be a Greyhound bus station serving cheeseburgers and french fries to people who never grow old.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:38 PM EST
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Monday, January 16, 2006
Let's Give Them Something to Talk About
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power. Religion gives man wisdom which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals. They are complementary."--Dr. Martin L. King, Jr.

Frodo has listened to the rhetoric, and he has had little to say outside the Fellowship of the Ring. Frodo believed, and he believes, that it is inappropriate for anyone to forge a question which demands a response of either one or the other when it comes to the origins of human life (and, therefore applicable to Hobbits). As Dr. King so eloquently implied, the "scientific method" is applied to those physical, natural, observable factors which allow us to coordinate the landings on other heavenly bodies. The "scientific method" is applied to those medicines which have been developed to fight disease. It is also used to help us understand why some plants and animals flourish, while others fail.

No one has ever applied the "scientific method" to the parting of the Red Sea by Moses. That event, not unlike so many others, is an act of faith by those who accept without the physical, natural, observable evidence of science. No implication is made that the event did not happen, just that it cannot be scientifically proven to have occurred. It can be readily acceptable as a matter of faith, not as science. Who among us doubts the possibility of that which defies explanation? Perhaps that fact, alone, defines the existence of "theory" as scientific analysis continues.

Frodo believes that religion and science are on different "planes" and that they are not meant to contradict one another. He feels that it is critical to consider all of the facts, all of the items of faith, all that is known or believed, in order to offer sincere contributions to knowledge and truth. For someone, anyone, to presuppose that science and faith should be presented together in the classroom in virtual opposition to one another is the act of one who has not heard, probably because they weren't listening.

On this day, Frodo has one more thing to consider which makes him grateful for the leadership, the courage, and the wisdom of the man whose birth we celebrate today who died on April 4th, 1968. Maybe, over time, more will listen.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EST
Updated: Monday, January 16, 2006 8:33 PM EST
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Sunday, January 15, 2006
Forget Him If He Doesn't Love You
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Never heard of him"
Researchers have shown that more than 15 percent of those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD (since everything has to have an acronym these days), experience flashbacks and physical symptoms of trauma for years after the actual event. Propanolol, a beta blocker now used to treat high-blood pressure, can blunt this under certain circumstances. The research indicates that memories, be they painful or sweet, don't form instantly, and are analogous to slowly hardening cement. There is an opportunity to shape or even eliminate them with drugs.

"Well duh!," said Frodo. "Haven't any of these guys heard of Dr. Timothy Leary? Didn't any of them ever watch 'Reverend Jim' on 'Taxi'?" Responding to his outburst, Leon Kass, Chairman of the President's Council on Bioethics, stated that the President is opposed to the proposal because he feels that painful memories can serve a purpose. Frodo was unable to let the discussion end at this point.

"For some of us, you know, the President is a painful memory. I can certainly understand why he would be opposed to the elimination of such memories," he said as Frodo challenged the idea of any reference to ethics and George W. Bush used in the same sentence.

"Tut, tut, Mr. Frodo, we certainly should note that victims of rape or other such crimes would be less able to testify against their attackers if they took such medication before the matter was brought to adjudication," responded Mr. Kass.

"Yes, but look on the positive side," said Frodo. "People could just forget about the rise in the cost of gasoline and heating oil. No one would remember what happened after Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast. All of the 'intelligence failures' leading up to the Pre-emptive War in Iraq would be forgotten. And, most importantly, the President could legitimately say that he has no recollection of his military service."

Kass stopped and thought about what Frodo had to say. Frodo always appreciates the fact that there are some people who listen, and learn.

Leon Kass subsequently received the "Medal of Freedom" from a grateful White House. Frodo is still wondering if Propanolol can be rolled into paper, or if it has to be ingested. Wouldn't it be great to just forget about the last five years?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EST
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Friday, January 13, 2006
Looking For The Train That Goes Home Sweet Mary
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Smellin' Roses"
During the War Between the States "Raiders" were people who preyed on the unprotected of both sides. They were basically thieves and murderers. They operated with virtual impunity because all of the able-bodied men were away at War (there is a similie here to the present day as it relates to the National Guard deployment in Iraq). After the War ended, many of the "Raiders" fled to the open lands of the West. Those who hung around too long, well, they were usually hung.

Frodo had heard of a cave in the mountains not far from the retreat he and Sam maintain in the land beyond the Shire. Frodo was told by Gandalf that "Raiders" had used the cave as their "hideout" and it was where they were surrounded and brought to justice after the War. Frodo was told that four of the dozen or so were hung at that location.

Frodo found the cave's location on a topographical map. For many days Frodo and his canine assistant Lovey searched for that cave. It appeared as if it were atop a hillock just beyond the third creek to the East of the retreat. Frodo was confounded by the fact that not all of the creeks flow throughout the year, so it was difficult to determine which was the third creek. In addition, the area is overgrown in the warm months, and only when the trees are bare is there adequate visual access. Lovey passed from the Shire without ever sharing the discovery with Frodo.

One Sunday, Frodo met two professional spelunkers who were also searching for the cave. They had the latest satellite guidance devices and were utilizing them to guide their search. Unfortunately Frodo was rushed for time, and was unable to accompany them. They exchanged contact information with Frodo however, and promised to let him know their results. They kept their promise and told Frodo that they found the cave entrance in a "sinkhole" just as the topographical map had indicated.

Frodo, along with Mick (the Wonder Dog) and Princess Fiona (the most beautiful girl in the World), have attempted on several occasions to find the cave. Again, they have met with frustration.

Frodo is going to try again this weekend. Frodo feels the need to get out with his friends and take a look around. There may not be any roses to smell at this time of year, but if the three of us can find a place to sit real quiet, we might just catch a glimpse of our friends Lovey and Rocky. Maybe they have found the cave, and can show us the way.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EST
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Thursday, January 12, 2006
All We Are is Dust in The Wind
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Doing the Right Thing"
Tonight is the last for Rocky, the Italian Stallion. Frodo and Sam have decided that their 22 year-old feline companion is taking too much of a beating in the ring. It is time to throw in the towel.

What is most difficult is that he continues to try to answer the bell for the next round. He has lost a great deal of weight as his body consumes itself. He still tries to eat. He sits in his box trying to relieve himself. He walks, stiff-legged, throughout the kitchen in an aimless ramble, searching for something, but what, even he is not sure. He makes a screeching sound when he should be purring, and it sounds like pain.

Frodo will be at Mount Doom when mid-morning comes. Sam will go, Mick (the Wonder Dog) and Princess Fiona (the most beautiful girl in the world) will ride along as honor guard. They will miss him, too. The strangest of all will be the reaction of Sydney, the cockatiel. For some time he has realized that Rocky is no threat, and they are often found on the floor together, these former opponents, as they seem to lean upon each other. Frodo supposes that is the way that champions say good-bye.

Dear reader, Frodo has a visit to make to an old friend, while he can, so forgive the brevity of our tale of woe. It is important.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
Updated: Friday, January 13, 2006 9:07 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Yes It's True, I'm Happy to be Stuck With You
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Dogs Rule"
Frodo once examined a resume' as part of a test. The resume' was on two pages, the first of which was a chronology and a brief explanation of the education and work experience of the individual. The second page was a brief narrative which included specific responsibilities, accomplishments, and future goals. Frodo was asked if this "marketing presentation" was an effective vehicle for achieving the author's goal of a personal interview by a prospective employer?

Frodo studied the document in depth, actually reading every word, searching for nuance. For the most part, it was very well done, but then Frodo happened to notice the infamous "gap in employment." In fact, the first page totally omitted a 10-year period of time in the work history of the author.

Frodo was puzzled and turned to the second page for a possible explanation. Frodo realized that already the author had achieved the desired result of making the reader pay complete attention instead of merely glossing over the high points. What Frodo found however, made him laugh out loud. The author noted that he had an interruption to his work history for 10 years while he resided in Kansas, Leavenworth to be exact. It seems that he had been a "bank robber, and a poor one at that." Although Frodo did not feel that the individual warranted a personal interview, he has never forgotten how well the circumstances were presented.

The BBC has reported that the Chinese firm Jilin Jiangshan Human Resources Development Company has decided that in the future it will only employ people born during the astrological Year of the Dog. The company contends that "dog-types" show great loyalty and other valuable qualities.

In light of this decision by a representative of the world's great emerging superpower, it may well behoove future resume' writers to adjust their documents to reflect such specificity. Frodo envisions an employment candidate who tactfully avoids the fact that he was born during the Year of the Rat. To further emphasize the qualities of the Dog it might be in the best interest of the applicant to point out that he enjoys sticking his head out of the window of a moving motorcar, has a particular fondness for dried cat poop, and that he enjoys sleeping on his back. Appropriately, he may convince some prospective interviewer that he has also learned to turn around at least three times before he lays down.

Frodo regretfully notes that the theory of the world going to the dogs seems just a little less theoretical. There has to be a role for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in all of this, and there is certainly an attorney somewhere practicing the art of scratching his ear with his leg. Rats of the World, Unite!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Volare', Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "It's Just Business"
Senator Frodo was visibly nervous, after all this was his first confirmation hearing as a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee. Appointed to the vacant seat by Gandalf, Frodo not only would represent the Hobbits of the Shire, but he would be questioning Sauron's second choice, after the unfortunate Ms. Miers, for the Supreme Court seat vacated by Sandra Day O'Connor. Symbolizing the importance of the nomination, Sauron himself was seated before the en banc Committee in order to introduce the nominee.

"Senators, it is my high honor and privilege," began the President in this unparalleled appearance in the Senate Chamber, "to introduce to this Committee my nominee for the Supreme Court of the United States."

"This gentleman," he smirked, "was a highly decorated Veteran of the Great War. Although he is hesitant to speak of it, his bravery under fire was recognized by this grateful nation with numerous medals." Frodo glanced down at the dark-haired unassuming man and tried to imagine him charging into an enemy machine gun nest. His dark eyes revealed little about the inside of the man.

"This devoted family man regularly attends Mass, and upholds the strictest interpretations of propriety according to his faith." Frodo knew that the question of Choice was not something even to be discussed with this man. His position was the position of his faith, and it would not be negotiable under any circumstances.

"He has been a good and loyal supporter of this Administration, and generously contributes to those with whom he shares values." Frodo believed very strongly in reforming the campaign process, and the man sitting in front of him was one of the reasons why. Frodo knew that more than half of the members in this room received money from the nominee, or from organizations controlled by him. He was able to purchase anything or anybody whom he wanted.

"I am so very pleased to offer his name into nomination," and I invite each member of this Committee to consider carefully the 'up' or 'down' decision you make in your upcoming vote." With that, President Sauron rose from the table, smiled for the TV cameras, and exited from the rear. The appropriate staff member walked over to the nominee, and held a Bible on which he was to swear that he would testify truthfully to the best of his ability.

Raising his right hand he began, "I, Michael Corleone. . ."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EST
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Monday, January 9, 2006
Two Lovers And I Ain't Ashamed, Two Lovers And I Love Them Both The Same
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Better Than Pong"
Two years ago the Mars Rovers commenced their ramblings on the surface of the Red Planet, that which is the fourth satellite in our solar system. Dubbed "Spirit" and "Opportunity," the remote-controlled cameras on wheels had sufficient battery power to operate for 90 days on the surface of Mars. Yet, two years later, they continue to operate at the command of the scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

Frodo was watching the scientists operate the "joy stick" guiding the movements of the respective rovers. It was if a huge, long-distance video game were occupying their complete attention.

"Watch out, if you fall in that crater, you lose 10 points," said Frodo. Undeterred the pimply-faced PhD from Cal Tech explained that the frequent "dust devils" on the Martian surface evidently cleanse the solar panels on the rovers, thereby extending the solar batteries far beyond estimates, perhaps indefinitely.

"Well, if that's true, then how come the batteries on my digital camera don't even make it for 30 days?," queried Frodo. Professor "Generation Z" (whom we'll refer to as GENZ henceforth) added that the rovers have sent back "hundreds of thousands" of pictures, so many in fact that it will take a decade or longer to examine them utilizing our current technology. GENZ gave the "joy stick" a lunge to the right, and the rover ("Opportunity") did a "wheelie." "Cool," said Frodo.

GENZ grinned and said, "Watch this Mr. Frodo." Suddenly "Spirit" popped from behind a small boulder and accelerated. "Opportunity" was shifted into overdrive, and the very first NASCAR event in outer space was underway.

"Can I?," said Frodo. With that, Frodo took control of "Opportunity" and gave that sucker every inch of her solar batteries. "What a hoot, now eat some dust," shouted Frodo thoughtlessly, and the rover rumbled, bumbled, and stumbled toward an imaginary finish line. Just as GENZ wheeled "Spirit" from far behind to an almost parallel position, in walked his supervisor. In spite of himself, Frodo always seems to get kids in trouble.

As Frodo was escorted from the building, he couldn't help but think of Dr. Carl Sagan the over-sexed and charismatic voice of "Cosmos," and Professor of Astronomy at Cornell. Frodo has often said that had he walked into a Freshman Survey Course in Astronomy at Cornell, and had Carl Sagan as his Instructor, then Frodo would have become an astronomer. Good teachers do that to young minds.

"Roving Mars" is the next IMAX film, and it is currently in production. Frodo will watch "Opportunity" streak across the Bonneville Salt Flats of the Stratosphere once more, and you'll know it's him in the theater because he'll be the one making noises that sound like "VROOM, VROOM." Some things never change, do they Sam?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST
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