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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Every Dream Has Only Brought Me Pain
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Hold the Malaise" (4)

Hillary Clinton is toast.  Gasoline is $4 per gallon.  Scott McClellan has admitted that the War in Iraq had an ulterior motive.  The embodiment of NCLB in Georgia produced a social studies failure rate of over 80% among middle-school-aged children.  And to top it all off, squirrels wreaked havoc in the bird feeders of the Shire during Frodo's absence.

The last time so many things seemed to go wrong for everybody, the speed limit on interstate highways was lowered to 55 MPH.  The President wrapped himself in a sweater, and started talking about some sort of fog that had befallen the American people, and he started inviting great minds to discuss the situation with him at Camp David.  The result being that he received a return ticket to Plains, and some cowboy came into office trying to tell us that ketchup was part of a three-course meal at our nation's schools.

Frodo has been watching, and listening, and he has learned that, for often entirely different reasons, almost everybody is just plain pissed.  Things are getting so bad that Jenna and that Goober she married haven't given any indication that they are going to return to Daddy's tutelage.  According to "News Reports" on the Faux News Channel, the wrong character was even selected as "The American Idol" (Frodo would not know since he is the only Hobbit who has never watched a single episode).  It appears as if the whole world is festering with unhappy souls.

Even in the world of sports, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have the best record in Major League Baseball, so that means that the overwhelming majority of baseball fanatics are frustrated with their home-town team, and the remainder are going nuts trying to simply locate Tampa Bay on a Rand McNally product.  Frodo believes Tampa Bay is someplace where one can purchase neither homeowners insurance nor find the word "chad" in a Funk & Wagnall's.

Frodo knows that Sauron's power is strong, and that he will do all that he can to keep the ring or to at least ensure its care upon the finger of McCain (that is, if he can wrest the finger from McCain's nose).  "Change" remains as the last great hope for all, if not dear reader, then we may all be measuring each other as being over 60, frustrated with men, and making less than $50K on our Associates Degree (or something akin).

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:13 PM EDT
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Monday, May 19, 2008
In a Castle Dark Or a Fortress Strong, With Chains Upon My Feet
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Sidin' With Anemone"(4)

Mr. Beau Neau is a magnificent white cat.  After several years of confinement, he found his way to the Shire and promptly put the dog-door to good use.  Fortunately, the Shire provides both a barrier and protection to those who wander beneath the azaleas and amidst the English Ivy.  Thus Mr. Beau Neau patrols the edges of the territory in exactly the same manner as do his larger, less domestic, feline relatives on continents beyond Middle Earth.  Watching him patrol the fenced border is something that the folks at "Animal Planet" would find worthy of a Sunday afternoon special broadcast.  He is however, not a pure denizen to the potential prey at his disposal, for he also participates in the marvelous symbiosis of life in the slow lane.

Frodo has several artifical residences for the songbirds, which is an acceptable supplement to the natural environs subscribed to by most.  In all likelihood, it is chickadees, wrens, and titmice who seem to eventually try Frodo's offerings, and to raise families in his rental units.  While examining one of the boxes with a quick one-eyed stare, Frodo happened to note light colors in the darkness.  Subsequently, once he was sure that the inhabitants had vacated the premises, Frodo opened the box in order to closely examine the nest therein.  What he found was cat fur, white cat fur, completely lining the nest as insulation for the most recent entrants into the wide world of life in the Shire.

Frodo initiated an examination of all the bird boxes in the Shire, and, sure enough, he found at least some white cat fur in each of them.  The titmice tended to best utilize the cat fur, with the wrens showing some, but not much, use for the excess, shall we say, couture of Mr. Beau Neau.  Frodo could not help but recall the several consecutive years in which the fur of his dear, departed, gentle Lovey (surrogate mother of Mick, the Wonder Dog), appeared in bird nests.  Marveled Frodo however, that he had never seen cat fur used in such a manner.

Frodo could not help but note that Mr. Beau Neau seemed to raise his nose and head off in the direction of each of the subject bird boxes at some point during his observations.  Perhaps, thought Frodo, the noble feline is merely exercising his dominion over his territory.  Then again, the craven homocidal maniac may have laid out excess fur for the purpose of providing himself with a stocked hunting supply. 

Perhaps Frodo and Sam may consider changing his name to "Dick Cheney."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EDT
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Saturday, May 17, 2008
A Time to Every Purpose Under Heaven
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Letter to Lou" (4)

Dear Mr. Lou Dobbs,

   Frodo is a very big fan, especially when you lambaste the stupidity of the Bush Administration.  Frodo does have to admit however, that you become very tiresome dealing with the same issue over-and-over-and-over.  Frodo appreciates the business approach taken to analyze the machinations of government, but feels that you sometimes overlook the trees in the forest by constantly viewing situations from a single perspective.  Respectfully Lou, please read the following as an example, because friend Frodo thinks he makes a very important point.

   As you know, mortgages are something relatively new in Mexico, since most homes were either inherited, or built by hand.  In 2000, the Mexican government began an active promotion of home loans through government agencies in order to stimulate the housing industry.  Slowly, traditional bank mortgages became more accessible as interest rates fell.  At this point, analysts now estimate that Mexico has a housing shortage of about 4 million homes.  The Mexican government is planning for a miilion housing starts annually over the next four years.  The goal is to double the present housing inventory by the year 2030.  This, friend Lou, means that there is a need for workers trained in new-home construction, in Mexico.

   Perhaps Frodo's point is swiftly becoming evident.  From where are so many skilled workers going to come?  In the United States, where there is a virtual shut-down of new-home construction, with sufficient inventory completed to meet all projected demand for up to five years, there are thousands, if not millions, of immigrants from Mexico who have been working, many illegally, in new-home construction, who are now unable to find jobs.  That, kind Sir, is what you've been telling us, night-after-night-after-night.  The jobs are now back in their homeland, and that is where they are bound to go, at least in Frodo's opinion.

   "Nice theory Mr. Frodo, but how do you know this?," you ask.  Well Lou, take a look at the current financials of a little old company based here in Atlanta; you know it, it's Home Depot.  Home Depot, since it opened its first retail location in Mexico seven years ago, now has 69 stores in Mexico, and is planning to open 9, or more, this year alone.  At the same time, Home Depot has announced the closing of 15 stores in the US.  Home Depot, as Frodo is sure you know, makes most of its money from the sale of building materials for residential purposes.  At the same time, Home Depot's biggest competitor, Lowe's, has announced plans to open five stores in the City of Monterey by the end of next year.

   What this means Mr. Dobbs, is that a lot of those people you've been so concerned about are going to disappear from our borders.  They are going to go home, build desperately-needed housing, raise families, and become consumers.  They will likely significantly increase living standards in Mexico, and perhaps the next trips they take across the border into our country will be to purchase the goods and services we sell to them.

   Now that you've thought about it, aren't you glad we didn't put 12 million people in jail?

   Sometimes, Mr. Dobbs, patience is a virtue.

Your friend and admirer,

 

Frodo Baggins                                                                        


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:08 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, May 17, 2008 10:09 AM EDT
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Thursday, May 15, 2008
No Matter Who You Are, No Matter Where You've Been
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Shock and Awe" (4)

Constable Wayne Burnett of Alice Springs, in the "Land Down Under," recently exhibited a level of naivete which inspired the creative juices in friend Frodo.  The Constable ticketed the driver of a car he pulled over, subsequently resulting in a $710 fine, after noting that the front passenger seat had the seat belt securely wrapped around a case of beer.   At the same time, the driver's 5-year-old child was bouncing along on the floorboard.  Constable Burnett stated that he was "shocked and appalled," adding that this was the "first time that the beer has taken priority over a child."

"Well, exxxxccccuuuuusssse me!," said Frodo.  This was a straight line which could not pass undetected.

"Jenna, this is Dad."

"Hi Dad, wasssup?"

"Honey, could you slip on down to the 7-11 and get your old Dad a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon?"

"Why me?  Why not send one of the Agents out to get it for ya?"

"Now you know how your Mother is.  She checks their logs to make sure I'm not sending them out to the liquor store like I did back in Texshish."

"Daddy, me and Harold just got hitched, and he's over there making googly eyes at me, and I am his wife now, y'know."

"Well, just tell him to put a sock on it while you do a favor for your dear ole Dad.  It'll only take a few minutes, and besides, I don't want him messin' around with 'my little girl' anyways."

"Daddy."

"Oh, tell ya what, why not pick up a couple of six-packs and keep one for you two?"

"Can I put it on your account?  I mean things are a little tight for us newly-weds, y'know."

"Of course, I understand these things.  I remember what it was like before the Trust Fund kicks in."

"Can I pick out a couple of 'Slim Jims' for dinner?"

"Dinner?  I've hearda livin' on love, but ain't that a might severe?"


"Daddy, you've told me more than once of the days when you lived on beer and Slim Jims for semesters on end while you were gettin' your legacy at Harvard." 

"Hee-hee, that is true.  Did I ever tell you about the time I traded your sister for a case of Rolling Rock?"

"Go on."

"It's true, I swear, and boy did your Momma get mad."

"Well what happened?"

"Understand, everything worked out just fine, especially since I got the names confused and told your momma I'd traded my Momma, who's also named Bararbara. . ."

"Yes Daddy, I know."

"So, anyways, I took your sister to the AM/PM up in Midland and told the Wetback who owned the place that if he gave me a case of Rolling Rock, I'd trade him my firstborn."

"What did he say?"

"He jes shook his head, and tole me that if I needed it that bad, I could jes have it.  Boy, did I fool him."

"Fool him, how?'

"Shoot girl, everbody knows you was the firstborn twin."

Listen to what that Fool said and did today, and tell Frodo he ain't still poppin' the top?   

 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT
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Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothin' Left to Lose
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Yahoo" (4)

When one is the smallest, and the weakest, it is generally not advisable to enter a room looking for a fight.  Frodo further learned that if unable to win the fight, then speed would be of paramount value.  In the unlikely event that one encounters a foe both stronger and faster, then the ability to talk oneself out of trouble is the only salvation.  This, thought Frodo, is the rule of the life that he would lead for all his days.  Frodo miscalculated.

Frodo never, for even one second, ever believed that violence would accomplish anything.  George W. Bush however, whose moronic display now includes his stated personal sacrifice of the game of golf, in order to better bind with the families of the young men and women whom he sent to a pointless, and unforgivable, war, deserves a punch in the nose.  Beyond the imbecility of such a statement, it must be added that photographs reveal that even then, he lied.  He was so cavalier in his facts that he forgot about published pictures of himself on the fairway, more than two months beyond the "unforgettable day" when he no longer felt it appropriate for the "commander-in-chief" to be at play during a war.

The phrase "spitting mad" is on Frodo's lips.  Frodo knows that some, dear reader, who delight in his stories, may be taken aback by the visceral fervor which Frodo allows to pass this night.  Frodo is truly angry for the damage that this Incomparable Moron has done to this, the last great "castle on a hill."  Our collective wealth, our safety, our very reputation, have all been put to risk by he who truly does not understand the immense harm he has done.

Frodo knows one thing, if the Incomparable Moron wants to go through the rest of his life with that beak, he'd better be able to out-run Frodo.  If Frodo should catch him, rest assured dear reader, the first word out of his mouth would be the only one that exited over teeth.

Another of the rules of life would bite the dust.    Gandhi never met George W. Bush.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:45 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 13, 2008
She Works Hard For Her Money, So You'd Better Treat Her Right
Mood:  special
Topic: "Dorothy Rose" (4)

It has been a year since the loss of Galadriel.  Her only daughter yesterday gave birth to the grand-daughter of whom she had dreamed.  It was a joyous, yet stricken, Boromir who called to Samwise with the news. 

Galadriel hovered, unseen, smiling, touching the hearts of all those who knew she was in that room.  This Frodo truly believes, if nothing else.

Boromir has sold all of his cattle, including the one he named for Sam.  His farm is up for sale, and there is another, who waits for Boromir when he is ready.  Frodo knows that, soon, Boromir will go to her.  That is what Galadriel would want.  That is what Boromir needs.  Frodo knows Boromir will return often, but there will not be time for old warriors to gather when grandfathers hold angels.  The Fellowship will grow that much smaller.

Makes the rest of the news seem kind of unimportant, doesn't it?

Welcome Dorothy Rose, my but you must have your mothers' eyes!  Your heart, it is said, will always belong to daddy. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:51 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 11, 2008
Go Ahead And Hate Your Neighbor, Go Ahead And Cheat a Friend
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "They're He-ear" (4)

Frodo can sometimes be the contrarian to the complete and absolute consternation of the Fellowship.  Frodo, for one, does not want to see the struggle for the Democratic Presidential nomination come to a premature end.  In fact, Frodo may be the only Hobbit who, at this moment, wants to see the internecine struggle go all the way to the last possible legal second.  Frodo is also confident that when all others consider his reasoning, the process will continue unabated.

There are four good reasons why all of the collective attention in Middle Earth needs to remain transfixed on Hillary and Barack.  The four reasons are Anna Nicole, Lindsay, Paris, and Brittany. 

Slowly this day, Frodo began to notice references to the late and unlamented on the black-and-white.  Now that the nominating process is beginning to lose some of its' "news du jour" luster, it is increasingly probable that the talking heads will now return to that which plagued us all before the Iowa Caucuses.  What else, pray tell, can dominate every cable news show that Nancy Grace hasn't already spread-eagled on the operating room table of forensic voyeurism?  Frodo fears that soon we will hear that Anna Nicole has been spotted, alive, on the beach at Ipanema.

It was learned today that, aaargggh, Brittany will receive additional court-sponsored time with her children.  It will, Frodo predicts, probably mean that the children have now seen their last pair of underpants.

Frodo is frightened of Paris (better dubbed "Moscow Motel Six" by friend Merry) and Lindsay, working in tandem.  They might actually miss a turn off Mulholland Drive, and keep going until they run out of gas right in the middle of the Shire.  This would be the point at which Frodo would find himself in complete agreement with Lou Dobbs, and require that our borders be secured against improper immigration.

These are not idle fears, dear reader.  After all, the most interesting thing about the John McCain campaign is just how much Cindy looks like Paris.

Frodo notices little things like that.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 8, 2008
I'm Givin' You a Big Bouquet of Roses
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Second of Two" (4)

Bilbo will cry a little this evening, because a mellow baritone who could mix a little country, a little folk, and a little rock will no longer add to the more than 145 songs which entertained parts of three generations.  For this reason, Frodo will break precedent and briefly eulogize the "Tennessee Plowboy," as the second of what must surely be three who pass in succession.  Eddy Arnold died today, just days short of his 90th birthday, and only two months after his wife of 66 years.

Frodo, during the loneliest time in his life, saw Eddy Arnold in concert, and every song seemed to reach out and speak to his aching heart.  Frodo truly wanted to make the world go away, and to have all of its' burdens removed from his shoulders.  Frodo wanted so desperately to know what someone else was doing in his world.  Frodo could stare into the empty night sky and actually hear the lonesome cattle call. 

The depths of Frodo's depression were answered by the mournful reminders that suffering is something known to all.  Music is not just a celebration of good times, rather it is a chronicle of the joys and the sadness which are a part of the times we know.  As clearly as Eddy Arnold could define Frodo's lament, he must have pulled the very heartstrings of people of Bilbo's time, of whom there are now so few.

The genius of Chet Atkins produced the application of strings to the whippoorwill voice of Eddy Arnold, giving solace to every lover who has ever pined alone.  It is difficult for Frodo to accept that one who has always been there, will no longer be.  It is, he knows, the art that lives on, that speaks to those who remember, and to those trying to forget.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 PM EDT
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Wednesday, May 7, 2008
It Takes Two Baby, Me And You
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)

The Commonwealth of Virginia once described itself as "The Mother of Presidents," and with good reason, for four of the first five just happened to be Virginians.  Over the years, that percentage, and as a matter of fact, most percentages in Virginia, have declined substantially.  In more recent years, such eminent politicians as former US Senator William Scott (identified not only as the "dumbest man in the Senate today, but probably the dumbest ever"), and former Governor/Senator George Allen, whose choice of foreign epithets doomed him to permanent barrister positions outside of the political realm, have generally been characteristic.  Frodo does note however, that current US Senator Jim Webb, and the former Governor and current Senate candidate Mark Warner are exceptional performers.  There is nothing however, which can reverse that which permanently besmirches Virginia as its' stand for "states' rights" in the middle part of the twentieth century.  Frodo's tale this night is so that some of us remember, and that the rest will learn.

Mildred Loving, age 68, died this past week.  Born Mildred Jeter, she met Richard Loving and married him in 1958 in Washington, D.C.  When they returned to their home in Central Point, Virginia, just north of Richmond, a few weeks later, they were arrested and charged with "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth."  In order to avoid jail, the couple agreed to leave Virginia, and to not return for at least 25 years.  They moved from their home and settled in the District of Columbia. 

Some years later, the Lovings wrote the the Attorney General of the United States, Robert F. Kennedy.  The issue was referred to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) who took up the case, and directed it all the way to the Supreme Court (when it was a "Supreme Court").  In 1967, the Court unanimously ruled that states could not deny their right to marry, and thus were laws changed in 17 states, and thereby the Lovings were able to return home to Virginia and raise their two children.  Richard died in an automobile accident several years ago.  The widowed Mildred was remembered this week by her daughter as "strong and brave yet humble--and believed in love."

Frodo's query is about the sanctity of marriage, and how it seems that it is again under assault by those who would challenge human beings who love and live together.  No, dear reader, the issue isn't quite the same today as it was in 1958, when Richard Loving who was white, and Mildred Jeter who was black, got married.  The issue, dear reader, today is so different, or is it?

Mildred Jeter Loving, goin' home. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:36 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 4, 2008
There's a Moon Out Tonight
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Proxy Server Error" (4)

EDITORIAL NOTE:  Evening past, Frodo spent considerable time and effort in the subject matter identified above,  Upon completion, he was informed that he had experienced a "Proxy Server Error."  To Frodo, this sounded something like Bill Clinton or Jeremiah Wright.  In any event, he attempted to copy his creation, but found that his out-of-date printer refused to function without the input of a new color cartridge.  Frodo then attempted to e-mail the creation to himself, allowing him to access the original once the surrogate or whatever was done making havoc.  In the end, he lost everything he had written to the mysterious ethernet.  This evening he will attempt to re-create his narrative and to ask someone wiser and more technically-proficient to explain to Frodo exactly what the computer geekies were trying to communicate with the phrase "proxy server error."

Frodo has a habit of opening packages, assembling parts, and ignoring instructions.  This is, he feels, in response to the dangling participles and double negatives which characterize any product outline manufactured by individuals seeking some form of retribution for the final outcome of the Second World War.  Upon receipt of his first telescope, Frodo also assumed that popping in a few lenses, attaching a viewing stand, and focusing on celestial objects was not really a series of daunting tasks.  Wisely, he decided to test his finished product on the largest and brightest of the heavenly bodies.

The Moon may shine brightest in Kentucky, but it is hard to miss almost anywhere in Middle Earth.  It did not take Frodo long to find that brightest of objects, and to bring a new level of clarity to its surface and his minds' eye.  What Frodo was not prepared for however, were the ridges running all over the lunar geography.  Not unlike the walls constructed along the Mexican border, Frodo found himself looking at distinct geographic subdivisions all over the face of the Man in the Moon.  In a frenzy, he sought out Sam and issued instructions to contact NASA.  

Sam was reluctant to act so precipitously.  Sam advised Frodo to go back, to check his degrees of latitude and longitude, or whatever, and to take a second look at his discovery.  Frodo took affront.  Reluctantly, he did as Sam suggested, and was again peering into the lens when Sam asked if he still saw the ridges on the face of the Moon.  Frodo said he did, but, he added, he also now had identified what appeared to be writing on one of the ridges.

"Writing!," exclaimed Sam.  "What kind of writing, is it something you can decipher?"

"Yes," said Frodo sheepishly, "it says 'Philadelphia Gas and Electric.'"

Sam smiled and returned to the supper dishes, while Frodo raised his lens ten degrees in order to observe the Moon itself, and to avoid the "proxy server error" which had drawn him to the streetlight.

Many years later and on this evening, Frodo has a new-and-improved telescope and comparatively vast experience in his celestial avocation.  Oftentimes Frodo has observed the North Star, Mars, Venus, and the Constelllation Orion.  Here, in the mountainous ridges above Lake Lovey, free of streetlights, Frodo is able to explore the Universe while contemplating the rate of dissolution experienced by ice in a variety of libations.  As he swung his "Bushnell" into action, he was startled to find a heretofore inexplicable void in the southwestern sky, just a few degrees above the horizon.  "Egad," said he, "Frodo has stumbled upon the first 'black hole' ever observed from a mountaintop in Tennessee."

Frodo learned a long time ago that Sam is not an acceptable documentarian for his scientific discoveries.  He grabbed his tall glass and took off afoot to the cabin around the bend, occupied by the recently retired professor from the university, appropriately dubbed "Doctor John."

"Forsooth," spake Frodo (Frodo has an Elizabethan tendency that exhibits itself as the ice melts), "Doctor John, come quickly, for Frodo has discovered something so magnificent in his telescope that considerable care will have to be given to an appropriate cognomen for that which he has just discovered."

"Oh," queried Doctor John, "and what is it that thou hadst brought forth from the unknown to share with all mankind this day, friend Frodo?"

"A black hole."

"A black hole say you," he marveled, "as in one of those objects through which gravity and light itself are unable to penetrate; where there is no intellectual life, not even any distinguishable microbic activity?"

"Aye, a black hole."

The conspirators raced back in Doctor John's personal golf cart (used in place of a motorcar whenever there is ice melting in any tall glass).  Doctor John placed his eyeball upon the lens, twisting it slightly to sharpen his view of the void.  Frodo danced from foot-to-foot as the academic "Hmmmed" and "Ahummed" for countless moments of examination.  Finally, he looked up, and spaked, er, spoke.

"Frodo, my friend, you have, as best I can determine this evening, documented your rather persistent assertion about an actual location in which there is no intelligent life."

"What?  What do you mean my 'persistent assertion'?  I've never seen anything like this before, and neither has anyone else around here."

"Frodo, you are on a high point, focused due south southwest, and you have an unobstructed view of the Great State of Texas."

"Texas?"

"Yes, the place you say harbors only those who absorb all light, and who produce nothing of value.  Actually, it is quite remarkable that you were able to view with such clarity that which emits very little worth noting."

"So my 'black hole' is Texas?"

"That would be my conclusion, yes."

"And you agree that Texas actually resembles a 'black hole'?"

"Oh indeed, and might I trouble you for an addition to our continuing analysis of ice dissolution?"

In his haste, Frodo accidentally spilled ice all over the deck.  "Well," he said, "at least I have solved my original conundrum this evening."

"Pardon?" said Doctor John.

"I just committed a 'Proxy Server Error'."

         


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EDT
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