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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
"Speedy Gonzales" (3)
"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
"Spiro T. Palin" (4)
"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
"The Boys of '63" (8)
"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
"The Splurge" (4)
"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
"Three A.M." (4)
"Three Siblings" (4)
"Three Votes Short" (3)
"Thriller" (9)
"Thunder Road"
"Thy Name be Peace" (2)
"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" (3)
"Tiger By The Tail" (5)
"Time to Cut Brush" (3)
"Time With Friends" (3)
"Times A' Wastin'" (3)
"Title IX Disaster" (5)
"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
"Together Again" (3)
"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
"Torah, Torah..."(6)
"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
"Touchdown Swabbie" (3)
"Tovarich" (4)
"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
"Transparency" (4)
"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
"Trekking Mount Doom" (2)
"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
"Truckin' for Isaiah" (3)
"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
"Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)
"Tullahoma Tequila (2)"
"Tumbler" (3)
"Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
"TW3" (3)
"Tweety Pie" (2)
"Twenty to Life" (5)
"Twismas Tunes" (5)
"Twisted Sister" (4)
"Two Americas" (4)
"Two Americas" (9)
"Two Steps Back" (4)
"Two Thousand, Ate" (4)
"Unademdaze" (4)
"Unborn in the USA" (6)
"Unbroken Circle" (7)
"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
"Unmarked Grave" (6)
"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
"Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
"Vero Possumus" (4)
"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, June 7, 2009
You've Got To Try a Little Kindness
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Checkmate"(5)

Frodo has come to believe that everything Barack Obama does is part and parcel of some greater plan.  For example, an apparently seminal speech is supported by subsequent historical references to a time when the civilized nations of the world acted together to combat a threat to their collective well-being.  In so doing, he will seek direct or indirect input from those whose support he must have to implement his plans.  His public pronouncements reflect the consensus achieved, and it allows him to specify, in public, policy determination.

President Obama and Prime Minister Netanyahu had frank conversations in the White House just a few weeks ago.  So when the President visited King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, then proceded on to his speech in Cairo, without visiting Israel, unlike every other President before, there appeared to be a message therein.  From Cairo however, President Obama traveled to Germany, visiting Buchenwald, and demonstrated that even the Germans recognized the crimes committed in the past century, and that they, too, were behind his efforts to build a constructive future.  But even more importantly was the discussion beforehand and the speeches on Omaha Beach by President Obama and President Sarkozy.  It was clear that they had formed a partnership, directed at Iran, to marginalize Iran's current public leadership, and to give comfort to his political opposition, building even on the German recognition of the Holocaust.  France would use its influence to reduce the impending nuclear threat represented by the Iranians and Israel was given every reason to believe that the United States had been, is, and will always be Israel's closest ally.     

At the same time, Brian Harper of Canada, whose government had rejected the Obama Administration effort to relocate 17 Chinese Uighurs from Guantanamo to Canada just a few days ago, was reminded of Canada's D-Day participation in 1944, "even when they had not been attacked."

Now Special Ambassador George Mitchell and Secretary of State Clinton pick up the Mid-East ball, and chart the plays down the field.  They understand the rules.  Meanwhile, President Obama comes home, and goes to work on Health Care Reform, a mere week after sending a formal letter to Senators Baucus and Kennedy detailing his game-plan for that assault on the status quo.

Frodo is reminded of the chess matches he sees being played in city parks around the world.  Often, there is one guy, jumping from one table to another, perhaps playing a dozen or more games simultaneously.  Frodo has never seen one of those guys lose a single match to their sedentary opponents, including Frodo. 

Frodo also bets that Netanyahu, despite winning recent elections on the premise of Israeli expansion on the West Bank, has already tasted Obama's disfavor on that point, and is now shuddering under the Obama onslaught to bypass Netanyahu and to speak, in his own way, to the Israeli people.  That great middle ground in Israel, more impressed by Obama than Netanyahu, are listening.  "Bibby" knows that, and now he has to do some real political work, amongst his supporters.

Sarkozy knows this too, and Frodo bets that Brian Harper better tune in quick.  Obama will visit him again in the near future, but first he spends some time with Dick Lugar, Charles Grassley, Olympia Snowe, and the Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare. 

Frodo chooses not to further project into the future.  Such a projection was the mistake he made when that guy put him in check after fewer than 50 moves.  Everything he did was planned out once Frodo moved his first pawn. 



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
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Saturday, June 6, 2009
I Have No Answers But Know Where I Want To Be
Mood:  special
Topic: "Who Was That Guy?" (5)

Jim Norene of Heppner, Oregon, a veterinarian who retired after 43 years of service to creatures with names like Fiona, or Rocky, or maybe even "Bo," passed away on Friday night.  He was married to Corabelle "Cork" Nutting, of Choctaw/Cherokee descent, and they had one daughter, Tracie, whose husband runs the NAPA store in Heppner.  Jim was a proud veteran of the 502nd Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division, which, appropriately, earned him the divisional moniker of the "Screaming Eagles."

On or about the 6th day of June, 1944, Jim parachuted into the town of Son, in Holland.  Being of Dutch ancestry, it was probably appropriate that he be part of the effort to free his ancestral home from the Nazis.

Not much more was available on the Internet this evening, despite Frodo's efforts to give you, dear reader, something to justify your attention for just a few moments.  Nearly everything else available this evening was a reiteration of President Barack Obama's eulogy of the D-Day Veteran who had returned for the celebration of the 65th anniversary, visited graves in the American Cemetery on Friday, but who was called to higher duty in his sleep.

Frodo is sure that we will learn more about this man in days to come.  A veterinarian, of Dutch descent, who jumped out of an airplane 65 years ago, in order to help bring freedom back to the land of his ancestors.  Although Frodo never had the honor of meeting this gentle man (spacing assumed appropriate), he is hereby installed into the Fellowship of the Ring. 

He had to be a Hobbit.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:00 PM EDT
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Thursday, June 4, 2009
Papa Was a Rolling Stone
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "That Looks Like Me"(5)

Imagine, dear reader, entering a burial chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza, and how it must feel.  Created thousands of years ago without the benefit of any technology or mechanism beyond that of levers and wheels, as best we know.  To climb toward the epicenter of ancient civilization knowing that countless generations separate that which is now the past, and that you are one of the privileged few to actually walk inside.  It has long been Frodo's dream to do what President Barack Obama did today.

It was not however, Frodo's expectation that anyone would enter, especially the President, and observe a carving on an interior wall which would cause him to remark "that looks like me."  What is even more bizarre is the fact that he was correct, it did look like him.

Frodo is proud to be the first to attest that the carving was placed there by space aliens thousands of years ago.  Predicting that a "skinny kid, with big ears" would someday enter the structure they created as a beacon for return visitations, the space aliens etched his likeness in the inner sanctum reserved for a High Priest.  The question on everyone's mind, Frodo is sure, is what exactly were the space aliens trying to tell President Obama?

Countless hours of research have now provided mankind with the answer, and Frodo has been given the responsibility to make the information available to inquiring minds all over the small, blue planet.  The message is simple enough, and priceless.  The space aliens foretold the fact that President Obama would enter the Valley of Kings on the same day that the Atlanta Braves released Tom Glavine.

Hey, that's important, too! 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:55 PM EDT
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Aye Calypso I Sing Of Your Spirit And The Men Who Served You So Long And So Well
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "He Picks Up Poop?" (5)

There are thunder boomlets casting an apparition of cannons on all sides, volleyed and thundered.  Frodo's mind is eased this night by an image of humanity which requires a few well-chosen words even with the threat of technical disruption close at hand.  Frodo has now learned the name of President Obama's Personal Secretary, and he has accepted the fact that the President's Chief of Staff does, indeed, have a heart to counter his legendary efficiency.

Frodo was prophetic when he averred that it would be he who would walk Bo when all others were abed, and words could be shared without fear of retribution.  What startled Frodo was to hear the President say that he maintains humility by picking up his partner's poop, there, in the glare of the most famous house in all the land.  Frodo always assumed that was the job of the Secret Service.

Despite our toil and our travail in these troubled times, Frodo's heart dances with anticipation, knowing that on the morrow words will echo into distant lands about a world offering opportunity and possibilities. 

Maybe we should all carry an extra bag or two with us when we go for walks?   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:57 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 31, 2009
If You Can Make It There, You Can Make It Anywhere
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Our Town" (5)

If he were to spend enough time on it, Frodo is sure that he could come up with several dozen quotes about New York City and the symbolic meaning of its recovery.  Many of those quotes would be from Republican politicians who remarked about the need for Americans to "go shopping," and to "show the rest of the world" that "America is still open for business."  Much of that, of course, emanated from a White House where the-then President would later be recognized for his long absences from the office on vacation, and as a notorious early-to-bed kind of guy.  This train of thought follows from the criticism levelled at President and Mrs. Obama by the Republican National Committee for their "night on the town." 

George W. Bush spent the entire preceding month in Crawford while Osama bin Laden and company put the finishing touches on their assault on civilization.  The Republican National Committee defended the President.

George W. Bush observed the flooding of New Orleans from the air as a consequence of his return from another vacation of an entire month in Crawford.  The Republican National Committee defended the President.

George W. Bush was sound asleep by 9 P.M. nightly, even while cargo planes returned to Dover AFB with the remains of American military personnel without the courtesy of participation by senior White House staff.  The Republican National Committee defended the President.

George W. Bush devoted two hours of every workday to his personal exercise regimen, including bicycle rides in competition with Secret Service Agents.  The Republican National Committee defended the President.

It can, in Frodo's opinion, legitimately be argued that no President ever took more time off from his elected responsibilities than did George W. Bush, and the resultant expenses for transportation, communication, and protection absolutely dwarf what had ever been spent before in this regard for any President.  The Republican National Committee defended the President.

Whose side are these guys on?

Frodo is not going to spend one second justifying the use of a government airplane for a flight to NYC from Washington.  AMTRAK, it seems, apparently works quite well for Joe Biden.  However, using the same logic proffered by the Republican National Committee in defense of the Incomparable Moron, doesn't it seem like a good idea for the President and the First lady to "go shopping," and to show "the rest of the world" that tourists and businessmen alike can come back to America, safely?

Is it a requirement that in order to become a member of the Republican National Committee that one must first be certified as a totally partisan moron?     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:26 AM EDT
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Saturday, May 30, 2009
Any Old Dance That You Want To Do, But Let's Dance
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Etchings, Anyone?"(5)

During a recent argument with Bilbo, Frodo offered the trusim that he had been raised to see the good side in others.  Frodo said that he was grateful for such an orientation, and, although respectful, he felt that those who suspect everyone else of being some sort of criminal are very sad people.  Frodo truly believes what he has said, however there are instances that give him pause.

At 11:30 PM one recent evening, a lady who jointly-owned a local bar was out for a jog not too far from the Shire.  Alongside arrives a gentleman who just happened to be a frequent customer of the bar, and he offers the (for the purposes of orientation, let us refer to the individual as a "jugger") lady a ride in his motorcar.  He even, reportedly, suggested that she get in the motorcar for the simple purpose of touching the "rich Corinthian leather."  Once the jugger settled herself into the motorcar, the gratuitous patron of the bar subdued her and drove two-and-a-half hours to a rental chalet near the mountain resort of Dollywood.

The chalet property manager reported that the renter appeared perfectly normal, and gave him no reason to question the legitimacy of the transaction.  According to the jugger, she was taken, by force, into the chalet, bound, gagged, and raped, twice, by her assailant.  The encounter evidently fueled more than the lusty hunger of the rapist, because he then felt the need to order a pizza, which he did, by credit card, and he wanted it delivered. 

When the pizza delivery guy arrived, within the 30-minute guarantee, he noticed the bound jugger trying to get his attention, while the assailant toyed with the credit card receipt.  Eventually this mental giant must have figured that there might be something fishy about a woman bound-and-gagged as a large consumable pepperoni pizza was being placed before her.  As he departed the scene, the pizza delivery guy stopped by the office of the chalet property manager, and voiced his concern.

Once the local gendarmerie arrived, their first query was to the gentleman calmly devouring the pizza while his house guest, the jugger, was placed inside the policeman's motorcar.  The assailant explained that both he and the jugger were married to other people, and that they were together in a secret soiree.  He explained the binding and the gag as part of the festivities, in fact, even suggested by the jugger.

The jugger had a very different explanation of the circumstances, so the assailant was informed of his rights, and was unceremoniously taken to the local pokey.  The pizza delivery guy appears now as the latest hero of the blogosphere, and despite his apparent inability to comprehend the sign language of a bound-and-gagged customer, will probably be Conan O'Brien's first guest on the Tonight Show (starring Conan O'Brien).

Frodo smells a whole woodpile full of rat poop.

Frodo remembers being in a lot of bars around 11:30, PM, but he can't seem to recall a single instance when one of the saloon-keepers took off on a run around the block while customers had whistles that needed wetting.  Also curious it is that a customer of the bar just happened to be driving by, and that he was able to convince the jugger to terminate her exercise regimen, and to examine the interior of his motorcar, certainly somewhat contrary to the teachings of the juggers's mother in earlier times.  Strange also is the fact that the two travel two-and-a-half hours to a mountain chalet that just happened to have a vacancy, although Frodo does have to admit that he is not sure if a hot tub was available in the subject rental.  

Finally, Frodo wonders why an assailant, unless he happened to be from Texas, which would therefore explain everything stupid, would use a credit card for both the chalet rental and the pepperoni pizza?  Doesn't it seem likely that he would've seen at least one episode of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent," and by sheer osmosis have learned that cash and gloves are required tools for anyone conspiring to violate Section 911 of the Penal Code?

Ah, but Frodo always looks for the good in his fellow inhabitants of Middle Earth, doesn't he?

Ever wonder if Dick Cheney has a taste for pepperoni? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:21 PM EDT
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Friday, May 29, 2009
I Could Leave But I Won't Go
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)

It is no secret that a mind-numbing drought has strangled the Shire for several years.  Frodo has been unable to even wash his prized motorcar, although a commercial establishment utilizing recycled water has served its purpose throughout.  For the sake of some ill-definable logic, the water restrictions remain even though an almost daily deluge has brought lake levels far beyond capacity.  It will be, according to the "water police," sometime in September before an assessment will be forthcoming.  Given that as a preamble, it is hereby noted that the Hobbit is conspiring to evade the law, and that he will not contest enforcement (that is, if they catch him).  After all, our forefathers charged all of us to "alter or abolish" if restrictions on freedom become too onerous.

The constant precipitation has given rise to a number of long-forgotten opponents in the Gardens of the Shire.  Fungus is present on anything spelled euonymous, and a water-driven plague has befallen Frodo's giant-sized photinia.  Worst of all however, in these days preceding the arrival of tiger mosquitos, are the weeds which are everywhere, in almost every conceivable size, shape, and depth of root system.  Amid the newly-seeded wildflower islands, unplanned stickers and suckers attach themselves to every brush of a pant leg or furry paw.  Frodo is unable to yet determine if some of these brigands might actually have flowers in their future, so he is ignoring these until clarity arrives.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, is not amused.

Frodo has a small-wheeled stool, which doubles as a storage compartment for small garden tools.  He uses this contraption as a seat while he pushes himself along the floral borders, thereby doing less damage to creaky jointed anatomical features.  It gets amusing when he fails to note the downhill slant of the land whilst he concentrates on the botanical foes at hand.  Snickers are heard from adjoining lands in Middle Earth, as Frodo bounces, unceremoniously, as if he were jolly Merry, trying to find comfort in a low-slung motorcar, succeeding only in dusting her butt.

The ergonomic success of the Gardens of the Shire is a direct result of the forced removal of that which is conventionally known as grass.  Frodo tried Bermuda, Centipede, Blue Grass, Zoysia, and countless less-exotic varieties in years past, all in the futile effort to make things, well, conventional.  It was a continuing, and expensive, set of disappointments.  There does remain however, one small plot of grass in Frodo's front yard, between the islands, and today, even that small monument to suburban manic behavior has green grass maturing so fast that its growth is visible to the naked eye, or so it seems. 

Fellows of the Ring have wondered about the vast space between postings by the Hobbit.  They need look no further than the jungles about the Mayan temples at Tulum and Chichen Itza, and similar fate apparently threatening Frodo and Sam .  If Frodo is silent on the morrow, he has requested that rescue dogs be called to action in his behalf.  Christian Brothers brandy would be a nice touch, in those little kegs, you know.

Frodo does have one task tomorrow, and it will involve the gathering of a few wildflowers to be placed on the small, but deep, grave, now-filled, at the residence of Tom Bombadil.  Brandy will follow.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:56 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Lord, I Believe It's Rainin' All Over The World
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "The Longest Day" (5)

Some of the following, for some, will be somehat familiar, but all need to know that Tom Bombadil is a good man.  It was on a drive to the coast that the half-beagle, half-dachshund was discovered in the median of the endless highway.  Infested with ticks, and suffering a deformed foot, the less obvious heartworms were potentially fatal.  It was a kind act of generosity that this big and gentle man picked up the small dog, and brought her home from the road to Savannah.

Savannah prospered as the years passed, alongside her ancient friend named Canaan, and she grew especially fond of Fiona, her next-door neighbor in the Shire.  Just when it seemed that all her troubles where behind her, Savannah awoke one morning, and was unable to walk.  Tom Bombadil learned that this affliction is not uncommon in the long and low, and that, over time, it might heal itself.  In the interim, he had a small chariot fashioned for the queen, who adapted to the refreshed mobility with vigor.  So much so that Tom Bombadil often found her hundreds of yards away in the playground in the School of the Shire, visiting with the curious.  Tom Bombadil noted that many of the concerned and curious were, pardon the expression, "babes," and a new symbiosis was discovered for the formerly-married Tom Bombadil.

Tom Bombadil was suffering financial setbacks which have continued to this very moment.  He never, ever, let that detract from his concern on behalf of Savannah.  With Sam's counsel, he sought the advice of an acupuncturist, and took Savannah in for treatment with regularity.  Over time, the treatments proved helpful.  However, unfortunately, the muscles had atrophied so greatly that she simply lacked the muscular structure to return to normalcy.  As more time passed, Savannah took it all in stride, since she had learned to perform "wheelies," and had climbed Kennesaw Mountain, with only minor assistance.  Tom Bombadil learned to carry her outside whenever nature called, and to assist her in the disposition of waste.  Again, it seemed as if her distress was at an end.

Cancer is as threatening to the canine as it is to the Hobbit.  Tumors became as obvious beneath the skin, as did those which pushed outward and ruptured.  The veterinarian told Tom Bombadil that he now estimated her to be "just about 19 years old."  Despite the magnitude, it also meant that further treatment was beyond the call to good judgment.

Sam was distraught.  Savannah had a special place in her heart for anyone who would deliver cookies on command, like Sam.  Sam thought it especially cruel that such a good and loving owner would be coming home to an empty house, amid the distress of mortgage payments lagging behind and multiple jobs offering little assistance.   

Tom Bombadil sought advice from Frodo.  Frodo, experienced in such matters, told him that a good, deep grave would be therapeutic, as if it were one more gift he could offer to his companion, and helped Tom select a spot near the flowers surrounding the bird bath.  Frodo noted, yesterday, that Tom started to dig, although it had been Frodo's intent that Tom do so afterwards, rather than in preparation.

Today was the topical.  Frodo came home, and Sam stood with him as they peered across the fence.  The mound of dirt was still there, and the grave was empty.  Tom was nowhere to be seen.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EDT
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Monday, May 18, 2009
Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself Again
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Out of Kilter" (5)

In the days before the 1996 Olympic Summer Games in Atlanta, there was a substantial effort by the city fathers to at least appear prepared for the onslaught of visitors from around the world.  Frodo knew that, in the end, something would happen to portray the local populace as rubes.  Not least of these was the telephone call received in the domestic call center from a gentleman in New Mexico who wished to purchase tickets for the track & field events.  The customer service personage was polite, but forceful, directing the caller back to the international call center, since he was calling from a foreign country, New Mexico.  We all know exactly how foreign New Mexico is to anyone from Georgia.

Frodo is relieved to report that his residence in the Shire has now been outdone by residents in the great State of Utah.  It happened just the other day when Craig Jessop, Principal of Rocky Mountain Junior High School in West Haven, sent young Gavin McFarland, age 14, home early.  Principal Jessop it seemed, was concerned about the kilt that Master McFarland had worn, two days in a row, as a prop for an art project.  Principal Jessop felt that his clothing could be misconstrued as "cross-dressing."

Frodo watched "Braveheart" again the other night, and he can attest to the fact that Mel Gibson demonstrated to all the world, except perhaps West Haven Utah, that Scots definitely had balls.  Frodo wonders if Principal Jessop's career before school administration was with Ticketron?  Surely there can't be two people ifrom the greatest country in the history of Man to actually be so damn dumb (Persons representing minority party status excepted, of course)?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:16 PM EDT
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Saturday, May 16, 2009
Nobody Gets Too Much Lovin' These Days
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Term Paper" (5)

Frodo has previously written about recurrent dreams from his days at the College of the Shire.  Without explanation, he may still awaken convinced that he is three credits short of graduation.  It is rare however that Frodo determines to take pen in hand (or keyboard en lap) in order to communicate something important as if he were an academician-in-training.  He has felt that way ever since he finished reading "Charlie Wilson's War" by George Crile, then watched the movie by the same title, starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and the incredibly talented Philip Seymour Hoffman.  Add in the Diaspora of Nancy Pelosi, and Frodo feels that he must structure a few syllables in order to put some perspective on the stumbling Speaker of the House of Representatives.

"Charlie Wilson's War" is a book that should indeed be read by everyone.  Unfortunately, George W. Bush will be among the most prominent of those unable to find time to assimilate the factual presentation of how the United States came to provide the means for the mujahideen to defeat the Soviet Army and to set the stage for our present unpleasantness following in their footsteps.  Throughout his reading, Frodo was struck by the precision shown by the author as he defined the relationship between the elected officials, usually former Rep Charles Wilson (D-TX), and the federal employess (usually from the Clandestine Services of the CIA).

The relationship between the Members of Congress and CIA employees has a sharp surge of relevance due to the cross-hairs fixed on Ms. Pelosi, and her own feeble attempts to put things into context.   In the book it is clearly and definitively established that the "briefings" provided to Members of Congress are far afield from what most people seem to think.  For the most part, the briefings are "one-on-one" and differ in both tone and content, depending on who does the briefing, and who is being briefed.  Charlie Wilson, for example, built a relationship of trust with the CIA employee giving him a briefing, and the CIA employee (Gust Avrakotos, in real life) found himself dealing with a Congressional benefactor who was not only knowledgeable about Afghanistan, but was serious about doing something important.  These two guys went toe-to-toe, nose-to-nose, on specific points, and the briefings must have been amazing.  They, in fact, determined policy together, and they therefore probably broke the law.

Imagine however, if Gust developed "Swine Flu," and was home sick for several days when he was supposed to be briefing Wilson.  Whoever would have replaced him would have been much more circumspect, and certainly less "sharing," if you will, about the items on hand.  Remember dear reader, this was not a committee hearing, and there is no official record about the briefing, only the "notes" entered into "the file" by the CIA employee.   The employee, regardless of responsibility is classified as a government "bureaucrat," evaluated and compensated in exactly the same manner as your local IRS Auditor, Customs Inspector, or Social Security Benefits Analyst.  They are employees of the Executive Branch of Government, and their "briefings" of Members of Congress are a courtesy, with the subject matter limited at the direction of the Administration.

It is likely, in Frodo's mind, and pulling from his own experience, that Ms. Pelosi was, by benefit of office, receiving briefings from CIA employees.  Despite her rank in the Congress, she probably had a lesser degree of interest in these specific issues, as presented, than would someone, like Charlie Wilson, who was living, breathing, drinking every bit of information he could get.  Charlie Wilson would have determined immediately, had the situations changed, that the CIA was doing some really heavy stuff in attempting to elicit information from detainees.  Ms. Pelosi, with all due respect, had all sorts of other things on her mind, domestic and foreign, and simply didn't pick up on the severity of the issue.   Therein lies the "mea culpa" of Nancy Pelosi.

Frodo doesn't think the CIA lied, in this instance.  They just didn't answer the questions that had not been asked.  Frodo, as a "bureaucrat" would have done exactly the same thing, unless, of course, he felt it imperative to share classified information outside the limits of the law.  Had he done so, Frodo would still be in jail.  Had Ms. Pelosi been so alerted, John Kerry may have been elected President in 2004 (and gasp, John Edwards). 

Therein lies the lesson.  Class dismissed.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:49 PM EDT
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