Topic: "Chemical Alley" (6)
Frodo seems to be the targeted recipient of an expanding marketing effort by organizations attempting to foster the sale of certain goods and services. Erectile Dysfunction and the length of his penis seem to have gotten the attention of people totally unknown to the Hobbit (admittedly, his memory is not flawless in this regard). To the best of Frodo's recollection however, neither of these have been subjects discussed by or with anyone since pre-pubesence. What then do these guys know, and when did they find out about it?
First of all, Frodo, even without chemical additives, would immediately call a physician if he experienced more than four hours in a priaptic state. Frodo has neither the knowledge nor the curiosity to attend to the experiences of the competition, living or dead. If the intent of this sales effort is to encourage the Hobbit to purchase products which replace or supplement that which still comes to him naturally, although he has questions about who will need, much less feed, him once he turns 64, then Frodo can only conclude that Mark Penn is the genius behind this. He is probably still pissed that Frodo failed to endorse Mrs. Clinton.
There is an old expression about showing me yours if I show you mine. Frodo has applied this in jest to old friends, with spouses whom he has never met. Exclusive of that, the only other instances in which this becomes an item of scrutiny is in the openness of the locker room. Frodo, as the smallest of Hobbits was very sensitive to this joint exposure in his first appearances in this public forum. Surely, in those days, Frodo would have spared no expense in the effort to improve his self-perceived competitive equality. With the passage of time however, Frodo is more concerned about remembering to pack his flip-flops thereby lessening the potential for athlete's foot (not a STD, as best science has so far determined).
Frodo believes these advertisements and their mailing lists come from the same companies who kept sending him postage stamps from Andorra when he was twelve years old. He probably bought a few, and these guys figured to never let this sucker get away. In the effort to intimidate those deluging him with such correspondence, Frodo may have used the pseudonym of a former gangster slain by the famed FBI Agent, Melvin Purvis.
There is an answer to every problem.