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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
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"Play Melancholy Baby"
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"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
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"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
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"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
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"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
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"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
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"Rocket Man" (5)
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"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
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"Say Cheese"(7)
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"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
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"Selective Service"(8)
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"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
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"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
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"Shenandoah" (6)
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"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
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"Six Days on the Road"
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"Social Security" (7)
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"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"What, Me Worry?" (3)
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"Where's my puppy?"(4)
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"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
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"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
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"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Thursday, February 10, 2011
You Make My Dreams Come True
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Zimmerman Noted"(6)

Frodo is making it through the winter with a tome entitled "Fall of Giants" (courtesy of the Shire Public Library).  Ken Follett has commenced a trilogy of the Twentieth Century, and Frodo is now deep into the First World War.  The long-ago memory of the historically suspect "Zimmerman Note" was a memory refresher for the Hobbit, but what really inspired this evening's production was something he had forgotten from his studies many nights ago.

Woodrow Wilson was President, and he had won re-election on the campaign promise that he would keep the US of A out of the War in Europe.  The British, who were getting their collective butts handed to them (in an event that was to be repeated again only a generation later) were desperate for the Americans to enter the War and pull their bacon out of the mud.  The Germans and their allies were equally desperate to keep the Americans out of the War, and to continue wearing down the grandparents of Hugh Grant and Clive Owen.  The situation, to the British, required some sort of stimulus to force Wilson to act in their behalf.

Suddenly there appeared the Zimmerman Note.  The document was purportedly a communique from the Germans to Mexico, imploring the Mexicans to enter the War as their allies against the United States.  Should the Mexicans decide to follow such a course, then the Germans promised that certain parts of the United States would be ceded to the Mexicans as their reward for participating in the victory.  Although nearly everybody denied authorship, receipt, or even knowledge of Mr. Zimmerman's note, public opinion in the US of A went ballistic, and soon Wilson's hand was forced, and the Yanks took off for Tipperrary.  To this day, no one has conclusively proven to anyone else's satisfaction that the Note was authentic.  Many allege that the British concocted the document and that the Germans and the Americans were the dupes.

All of that aside, what caught Frodo's eye was the promise made to the Mexicans.  Along with New Mexico (to which Father Tim might object), it was ARIZONA and TEXAS which were to be removed from the Union and gifted to the drug lords of Guadalajara. 

What rotten luck befell the US of A in 1918.  Had the First World War ended in a truce on the Marne, and if the Zimmerman Note was authentic, then George W. Bush would've been Mayor of Mazatlan.  Rick Perry would've been Police Chief of Juarez, John McCain would've fought with Pancho Villa, and Jan Brewer would've been, well, let's just say, "used up."

Maybe next time. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:51 PM EST
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Sunday, February 6, 2011
I'm Just a Lonely Pilgrim
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Vat of Chocolate"(6)

A snippet of news brought the Hobbit out of his somnambulistic state when he learned that the former President, and current moron, George W. Bush had been forced to cancel his first scheduled European appearance since, thankfully, leaving office.  It seems that an organization known as the United Israel Appeal had invited him to speak in their behalf in Geneva, but that a number of European human rights groups and the Center for Constitutional Rights had called for demonstrations and threatened legal action.  Although the Swiss Justice Ministry had concluded that that the Incomparable Moron would be immune from prosecution for allegedly sanctioning torture of suspected terrorists, the threat of violence resulted in cancellation. 

Frodo could not help but imagine what might have happened in this instance, or in any other location outside Texas or Arizona.  Perhaps the conversation would have been like the following:

"Mr. President, we have a problem."

"Durn boy, that sounds kind of ominous.  You sure you're not one of those guys who flew in Apollo 13?"

"Sir, the State Department has relayed to Ground Control their communication with Swiss authorities about a significant disturbance on the ground at the airport in Geneva."

"A disturbance?"

"Yessir, it seems that, apparently, tens of thousands of people are gathering at the airport in order to demonstrate against your arrival, and the crowd is growing exponentially."

"Well dang, how'd them Frogs even know that I was droppin' in for a private visit?"

"Sir, it has to do with what is known as the 'social media,' and the capacity of so many young techno-savvy individuals to share information.  The word has spread among the young, and they have organized all of this on their own."

"Well, why can't we just ignore them, and follow a police escort to the speaking engagement?  Damn, I spent 8 years ignoring people, it ain't hard."

"Well Sir, the problem seems to be that they have what seems to be a huge vat of Swiss chocolate on the tarmac, and that they are intent in throwing you into it."


"Yessir, according to the 'tweets' intercepted at Ground Control, they seem to think that if they wait for our plane to land and to come to a halt, they can rush the plane, throw you into the vat of chocolate, and that you will drown before you realize that yelling 'Chocolate!' as you come up for air won't be taken seriously and no one will come to your assistance."

"Swiss chocolate?"


Frodo expresses his regrets to the Smothers Brothers, and his appreciation to a bunch of kids in Egypt.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:56 PM EST
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Friday, February 4, 2011
Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Beechwood 4-5789"(6)

81570026, that is the number.

Puzzled?  Why should you be, thinks Frodo?  "Does a day go by that someone fails to submit a patent in order to trademark their own name?" 

"Silly people.  If you were a half-term Governor of "Seward's Folly," with no accomplishments, and fewer qualifications, don't you think that people would be lined up to live off your name?"

February 4th, 2011.  Now Frodo has seen everything.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:02 PM EST
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Nothing But a Fool's Game, Standing In The Cold Rain
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Vinson Can Gogh"(6)

Frodo has a theory, and it has to do with hair color.  "Have you ever noticed," said Frodo, "that really bad lawyers who happen to have a full-head of white hair tend to become judges?"  This observation applies to the southern reaches of Middle Earth we believe, since Justices Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Roberts fall outside the parameters therein.  The newest priaptic rise to fame in the judicial realm, the august Mr. Vinson, is Frodo's example for today.

Justice Vinson, noting his 78-page decision to strike down the healthcare legislation passed by the 111th Congress, deemed (in layman's terms) it  unconstitutional to require private citizens to purchase a commercial product.  It would be downright sinful, Frodo supposed, for a Hobbit to have to buy health insurance, and to suffer a penalty should he fail to so do.  Judge Vinson certainly supported the logic of those who feel that requiring the purchase of commercial insurance by those not covered by an employer plan falls beyond the scope of governmental authority.  Automobile insurance was not an acceptable trend-setting example for the judge in his consideration.  The judge did manage to mention that the action of certain parties in Boston Harbor a few centuries ago was a representative response to the indiscretions of British rule which the citizenry herein now note as the brew-kettle beverage political fandango.

The bad taste evident in such remarks left an additional opening for a precedent which, of course, this legal moron would never realize without adult assistance.  The USPS delivers the mail in every state.  The service is completed when the postal employee places the delivery in an approved container or egress to property.   Absent a "mail box," "delivery chute," or some other designated delivery drop-off, the postal employee does not deliver the mail.  Since the United States Government does not manufacture mail boxes, nor do they saw letter slots in front doors, it is a truism that unless a private citizen purchases such a device from a private company, then they do not receive any service.  Penalized, one might say, for not buying a little "postal insurance."

Judge Vinson was appointed to his life-term position by President Reagan.  It was not one of Ronnie's better days.  He should have tipped off the judge about the utility of hair-coloring.  People don't immediately recognize you as a dumb, old fart. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:24 PM EST
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Sunday, January 30, 2011
I Remember When Rock Was Young
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)

Inanimate objects rarely achieve friendship status in Frodo's world.  A motorcar or two might be an exception, and perhaps if one tried hard enough, inantimacy may be extended to certain books, movies, or recordings.  Beyond that, he doesn't favor much that can readily be replaced by something cheaper, prettier, or which can be painted.  Today however, Frodo has a new inantimate friend, and his name is Ben Gay.

The warmest day, so far, of 2011 is fast approaching its end.  Frodo hand-washed two motorcars, played ball with Mick, the Wonder Dog, raked several pounds of leaf detritus from walkways in the Shire, and freshened all of the birdbaths and feeders therein.  He is well aware of the fact that he doesn't have to do everything at once, but, well, he used to do so.  Perhaps he simply tries to see just what new limits there are, and he has to test them, periodically.  In any event, it is now somewhat difficult to rise up from his easy chair, and when he does it is just conceivable that he will resemble whatever witch it was that bent over double in pursuit of Dorothy and Toto.

Enter his new friend, Mr. Ben Gay.  Cognizant he is of places to be avoided by a careless hand in application, thus Frodo caresses his back, and the areas that contain shooting pains when Frodo moves at a speed exceeding the primordial crawl. 

Mick, the Wonder Dog, looks longingly at anything that proffers relief to older bones and tendons.  His dinner came up a little while ago, and now he contemplates whether begging for replacement is more valuable than merely laying at Frodo's feet, and dreaming about rabbits in open fields ahead.  Perhaps Frodo's gentle touch on neck and ear is an acceptable substitute to a canine Ben Gay. 

It is supposed to return to a cold rain on the morrow.  Frodo needs the rest.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EST
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Thursday, January 27, 2011
Michelle, My Belle
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Play the Frodo Game"(6)

"Newt and Eddie Cantor."


"Yeah, he's a almost as funny as Newt."

"How about Bush and Palin?"

"Jeb? Bristol?"

"Hah, of course."

"I really like the idea of Newt and Palin."

"I can imagine you would, Barack."

"Hey, it's gotta be Paul's kid and Quayle's kid."

"Oh my God, I think I'm gonna blow cookies."

"Huckleberry and Mitt, all the way."

"Ah man, it's Marco of the Mafia, and DeMint of the Jungle."

"How about Gomer the Homer and Pence?"

"Nah, Pence is gonna run for Governor."

"Let's go feminine, and go for the Maine Gals as a package job."

"You mean a 'Snow Job,' don't you?"

"Guys, gals, it has to be Michelle!."

"And Whom?"

"Hmm. . .a violation of the rules.  You need a Veep."

"Well, how about Pawlenty."

"That'd be little better than Rhoda and Carlton the Doorman."

"No, I'm serious about Michelle.  Why not pair her with Alan Keyes?"

"A woman and a black guy?"

"Well, maybe Keyes would accept Secretary of State?"

"That's been done before, sort of."

"Let's run her with Boehner."

"I think he'd say 'I had other commitments.'"

"Why not a sports guy or movie guy, say like Steve Largent or Chuck Norris?"

"Brett Favre?"

"Uh, I think not.  We've seen enough of him."

"Too bad Angle and O'Donnell lost."

"Isn't there somebody with a name like Turner or Overdrive?"

Anybody know Cheney's phone numbr?" 



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EST
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Sunday, January 23, 2011
Smile In Your Face, All The Time They Want To Take Your Place, The Back Stabbers
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Wynot"(6)

There is a town, in Wyoming of all places, named Wynot.  When queried, residents will respond "Why not?"  In the spirit thereof, Frodo speculates about something "newsy."

United States Senator Joseph Liebermann (D-CT), a three-time loser with no legislative accomplishments, has announced that he will not run for re-election.   In all likelihood, he would have received significant competition within the Democratic Party, and, once again, would not have received their endorsement. 

MSNBC Commentator Keith Olbermann pulled a surprise late Friday evening, and announced that by mutual accord his contract was being terminated.  Keith, who rose to broadcast prominence with ESPN (which is based in Connecticut), subsequently became and remained (until this announcement) the stalwart guiding liberal face of MSNBC.  Especially during the contentious debate and struggle over healthcare reform, quixotically while both of his parents confronted and lost end-of-life struggles, Olbermann seemed girded for war as opposed to entertainment.  On several occasions Olbermann actually wrote personal checks, on air, in order to contribute to organizations sponsoring free health clinics.

Frodo has noted many times, in conversation, that all organizations are comprised of dreamers as well as operators, and that while both are necessary, mutual survival is not permanent.  Perhaps Keith Olbermann, who left ESPN under similar circumstances, is a dreamer who simply grows bored as organizations mature.  By the same token, he may simply have been waiting for an opportunity, like Liebermann's announcement, in order to follow in the footsteps of Senator Al Franken (D-MN) or Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA), entertainers turning to another level of public notoriety.  Frodo has also noted that there seem to be greater tendencies to occupational influx into public life by those with money, e.g. look at all the moronic physicians recently replacing moronic attorneys in American political life.

In order to test his theory, Frodo participated in the YAHOO chatroom discussion about Olbermann's resignation, and he was dismayed by the vitriol aimed at Olbermann, MSNBC, and especially at Rachel Maddow.  Frodo could only conclude that the weather must have been terrible in the areas that house great numbers of Tea Bagnuts.  It convinced Frodo that anything manufactured by anyone with the name "Glock" thereon has got to be put away and locked up from these people.

All further prognostication aside, let Frodo simply say that "You heard it here first," and that Keith would certainly be better than anybody named Joe. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:43 AM EST
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Thursday, January 20, 2011
Try to Understand, He's a Magic Man
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Nevermore"(6)

When Frodo visited the University of Virginia, he was duly impressed by the architectural talents of Thomas Jefferson.  Standing on the Quad however, he found himself drawn to the row of student housing which first housed those in search of an education in Charlottesville.  Entering through an open door he noted the brick flooring and the central heat of an individual fireplace in each apartment.  Today, for the unknowing, these apartments are the prized educational residences of graduate students.  The competition to attain one for a single academic year is intense, and highly political. 

At first, Frodo thought that anyone wanting to spend a winter living in such spartan surroundings had to be suffering from the kind of delusions which today guide the Tea Party.  That is until he noted that the apartment in which he stood had been that which had sheltered former University of Virginia student Edgar Allen Poe.

Frodo was unable to find any indications of Raven poop on the floor, nor could he locate any portion of the walls which appeared to have been bricked over in order to imprison drinkers of Italian Wine.  He was however, totally taken with the moment.

This vignette follows the fact that for the second year in a row, Poe's grave was greeted on the morn of the anniversary of his birth without the customary three roses and a half-empty bottle of cognac which had adorned said monument annually for more than forty years.  The unknown person failed to appear on Wednesday past for the second year in a row, giving rise to speculation that the visitor may have joined Poe in a world truly dark and dreary.  Jeff Jerome, curator of the Poe Museum, felt it unlikely that the unknown visitor was nearly napping.

Is that the doorbell?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EST
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Sunday, January 16, 2011
Nobody Left in This World to Kiss Goodnight
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Kiribati Republic"(6)

Eventually, there will be a day when Frodo is no more.  He neither dwells upon nor contemplates such events, but he is often struck by the contrasts of life and death, for there are certainly a wealth of thoughtful stories whispered in cemeteries in all parts of Middle Earth.  One such story is presented here because Frodo has personal knowledge of the place, if not the time.  The place is a string of volcanic islands in the South Pacific known now as the Kiribati Republic, which were formerly known as the Gilbert Islands, in recognition of the British Sea Captain who "discovered" them a couple of centuries ago.  The capital of the Kiribati Republic is named Tarawa.

Frodo and Sam experienced a "Margaret Mead moment," when they took a cruise around the Hawaiian Islands (interestingly, first dubbed the "Cook Islands" for a reason similar to the original name of the Kiribati Republic) upon a foreign-flagged ship.    The law at the time required that any foreign-flagged carrier which commenced travel in a US port must visit a "foreign" port before again docking in a domestic port.  This would prevent, for example, British Airways from flying between New York and Los Angeles in direct competition with US Airliners.  The British Airways flight would have to land in, say, Winnipeg, before continuing on to either destination.  This "protectionist" restriction would give the US companies a competitive edge, for sure.  In Frodo's case, the cruise begain in Honululu, thereby requiring that the foreign-flagged ship had to land at the nearest foreign port before landing at Hilo.  It is 500 miles, and two days sailing at 25 knots-per-hour, to Fanning Island, which is part of the Kiribati Republic, and which served as the foreign port for Frodo's cruise.

Fanning Island sits in 17,000 feet of water, and is merely the lip of an extinct volcano which rises a massive 15 feet out of the ocean.  There are about 250 inhabitants, and they are entirely dependent on tourist commerce for their existence, and that ain't much.  Their future, if any, is entirely dictated by the concept of "global warming."

Tarawa is another island in the chain, and it was the scene of one of the most storied battles of World War II.  For the most part, it is relatively easy to research the ferocity of the battle in 1943, and to thereby contemplate the cost to the victorious allies.  What we all seem to overlook however, is the other guys.

Of the 4500 Japanese soldiers who dug in and "defended" Tarawa, only 17 survived.

USMC Sgt. "Ray" Totten survived the battle, and had time afterwards to do a little souvenir searching from the remains of the opposition.  He evidently found a handwritten letter, in Japanese, written by Petty Officer First Class Matashiga Koga of the Japanese Imperial Navy.  From the translation we now know that Koga had written "Today is the last day."  Totten, upon his death, willed the letter to his grand-nephew, Scott Addison, of suburban Atlanta.  Addison subsequently felt inspired to see if he couldn't deliver the letter to those for whom it was originally intended.  So far, he has had limited success, for it is not far afield from trying to find the relative of an American named "Smith" who may have passed away more than 60 years ago.

What strikes Frodo is that given the ferocity, the brutality, the very horrific nature of the conflict that separated the Americans from the Japanese, with the passage of time, it is the off-spring of the enemy who seek to honor participants in the struggle, on either side.  Frodo has no doubt that Scott Addison will eventually deliver that letter, in person, and he won't even charge the lost warrior's family for postage.   Our stories, it seems, cross lines of time-and-space, and even the cemetery is robbed of its secrets.  It is then that we are all equal, and hate withers into history.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:45 AM EST
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Friday, January 14, 2011
Some Guys Have All The Luck
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Captive Audience"(6)

71% of the land surface of the United States of America was covered by snow this past Wednesday.  All comments about "global warming" and "Al Gore" aside, true it is that nearly the entire nation found itself transfixed, by the magic that is television.  For some, they watched because there was nothing else to do.  For others, it isn't easy to explain.  It had happened before, most notably in Dallas, followed thereafter by New York.  It was as if we just needed to get together and have a good cry.

It did not take long to realize that something very important was happening.  Frodo noted the presidential reference to "Congress on the corner" as an update to "government of the people, and by the people, and for the people" as an indication of something truly significant in mind.  Minutes later, Frodo sensed the tone of an unwillingness to merely accept the sacrifice of the honored dead.  He caught the cachet of a refusal to place blame on each other, and a stated desire for discussion over disputation.  But was this merely Frodo's Lincolnesque bias at play, having heard only what he had hoped to hear?

There were tears in Sam's eyes, too.  They talked about who was there, and who was not.  They replayed the moments of greatest impact, and they listened as the first reviews came in from the land of talking heads.  It was then that Frodo turned to Sam and said "I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but I think we just heard a modernization of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.  The War is not over, but amid the horror, we have to prepare for the peace that is to come.  We must build that peace in honor of those who brought us to this point, at this time."

Sam listened, but was silent.

Tom Brokaw was there, on the screen.  "Did you hear what he said?", said Frodo.  "Tom Brokaw just said the same thing.  He said that the President had patterned a 21st centrury rendition of the Gettysburg Address."

Frodo was full of himself.  Tom Brokaw shared his thoughtful analysis and his impression of words spoken to a captive audience, most of whom were proud, and glad, that they had watched and listened, even though the words had not been written on the back of an envelope aboard a locomotive-driven train. 

May the words, "Gabby opened her eyes," last just as long.  They mean just as much.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:13 PM EST
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