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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley Have You Heard
Mood:  cool
Topic: "First Sentence" (8)

Dr. Ferrol Sams, MD, of Fayetteville, Georgia, passed away yesterday.  He was 90 years of age.  Dr. Sams had two careers, the first of which, the medical, commenced with his admission to Mercer University at the age of 16.  His second career festered embryonic after one of his professors urged him to seek a career as a writer.  His first book was published in 1982, and is entitled "Run With the Horsemen."  Dr. Sams continued his family practice until 2006, concurrent with career number two.

There are a few books whose opening sentence captures the appropriate location in the frontal lobe, and remains there for a lifetime.  "A Tale of Two Cities" and "Moby Dick" come immediately to mind among the handful which are known to all, seemingly.  Ferrol Sams added "In the beginning there was the land." 

In the final pages of the first book in what became a trilogy, Frodo backed off his assertion that he had been reading one of the greatest books of the twentieth century.  He added Sams however, to his identification of the ablest of the able, the Southern author.  Ferrol Sams was as passionate as he was honest.  He must have been one hell of a doctor.

Some years ago Frodo came to the acquaintance of an extremely intelligent and worldly young woman whose hometown was Fayetteville.  During the conversation, Frodo raised his admiration of Ferrol Sams as an author to the subjects of discussion.  He was greeted by a blank stare.  Only when the "Sams Center" was referenced did she ever question who or how the name for said facility come to be.  Frodo offers to others that becoming familiar with Ferrol Sams writing is a sound investment in personal wealth.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:17 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 29, 2013
After While Crocodile
Mood:  energetic

Frodo's father worked hard long hours for very little money, and he was never, ever, home.  He was a part of the "Greatest Generation,"  and he taught Frodo that a father was not what he wanted to be when the opportunity availed itself.  Every Hobbit, it seems, has memories such as these, and perhaps that is the only reason for the words upon this page.

He had a pickup truck long before pickup trucks became fashionable in the suburbs.  The rules were confusing in those days, and Frodo remembers once observing his father turn into a weigh station on a major thoroughfare in order to meet the requirements for trucks.  The state employee swatted them on with a wave of his hand, and a snicker.  He could not help noting the West Virginia plates on the pickup.  Frodo's friends thought the pickup was "cool," and did their collective best to get a ride in the bed of the pickup while Frodo rode on the passenger side en banc.

One Saturday, the Boy's Club Baseball Team for Hobbits under the age of 15 was to play a game in Alexandria, and Frodo's father had a rare day off.  Arrangements were made for all of Frodo's teammates to meet at the Shire, and to ride in the bed of the pickup together to the baseball game.  None imagined, nor have any likely forgotten that such a ride is immensely uncomfortable.  No matter to Frodo, because, for the first time, his father was going to be at a game to watch Frodo play.

Alexandria was right across the river from our Nation's Capitol, whatever that was, and considerably more metropolitan than Frodo's home.  Frodo could not help but notice that there were some dark-skinned people in the stands, which struck him as odd since there were no dark-skinned Hobbits on either of the teams about to engage each other that sunny afternoon.  No matter to Frodo, since his father stood behind first base serving as the First-base Coach.  All that mattered was that Frodo deliver and properly impress that man behind first base.

The game was very close, and when Frodo came to bat in the final inning, after completing all of his good luck mumbo-jumbo, he noted two Alexandria Hobbits standing arm-in-arm with a dark-skinned Hobbit, and he stared at them as if he had never seen anything so alien, and, in truth, he never had.  It did not take long for them to note the stares of Frodo, and they stared back.  They stayed there, smugly watching for Frodo to fail, like he probably should have.

When the opposing pitcher raised a fastball into the wheelhouse of the Hobbit, it was greeted by the product of a properly turned gluteus maximus and a 33 ounce Mickey Mantle bat.  Pulled with all of his right-handed might, the ball carried high and deep into left field and, as Frodo is proud to note, the fielder is probably still chasing that ball.  Frodo circled the bases, noting that the three Hobbits had turned away and were walking as if nothing significant had taken place.  Frodo had been so involved that he'd forgotten to look to his father as he passed by first base.

No matter, thought Frodo, we'll simply "high-five" at the end of the inning.  Frodo's father stared at him, not knowing for what reason Frodo held his palm up high.  Frodo asked what his father thought, only to here the admission that Frodo's father, too, had been watching the three Hobbits, and did not see the mighty blast of Frodo.

Frodo rode in the back of the pickup truck with his teammates, all of whom noted Frodo's contribution to the victory.  All of whom also talked about more than the three inter-racial spectators, but the number of "niggers" watching kids play baseball when they needed to be working for their welfare.

Frodo's father came to three or four games over the years to follow, but he never saw Frodo hit another home run.  He also never heard him use the word "nigger" ever again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:15 PM EST
Updated: Friday, February 1, 2013 10:31 AM EST
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Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Do The Ubangi Stomp Until I Die
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Forest Primeval"(8)

Vision is the slowest of the senses, for it always seems that one observes importance and then registers it on a scale of some sort only after digesting the echoes.  Thus were the moments that began with a flash of movement behind the Hobbit, and the scream of pain that followed.  One who entrusted his personal safety to the Hobbit was at risk, and in mortal pain.

Frodo's opinion of Pit Bulls has undergone a 180 degree change in recent months.  Since the population of the Animal Shelter servicing the Shire consists of more Pit Bulls than any other genetic assemblage, Frodo has found that nearly all of these creatures are sweet, safe, and incredibly gentle to those human and Hobbit who take a few moments in their presence.  They are challenged however by the Michael Vicks of the world, and the rental property landlords who seek to avoid any risk to their litigation free status in the general community.  That does not take away from the fact that the males are incredibly competitive, and that conflict between them is fearsome.

Today, Frodo was walking a young charge named Cain from his outdoor run into the comparative safety of an internal cage when he noted a flash and a savage guttural assault behind him.  Another Pit Bull, in an adjoining cage, took humbrage at what passed in front of him, and he hit the cage door full-speed.  Frodo heard the scream as the teeth and incredibly strong maw enveloped the victim at his side, and the battle reached herculean levels between creatures less than two years of age.  Frodo grabbed the two rear legs of his charge d'affaire as another Hobbit did the same to the creature at her command.  Soon there was a fully stretched envelope of blood and twisted bodies holding on to each other as if they were raptors from ancient times.  It was soon a stand-off, with neither participant even considering letting go in order to fight another day.

Frodo's fellow Hobbit took note of the stand-off, and mindlessly acted by probing a personal digit into the butt of the canine.  Startled, he let go of his opponent, and Frodo pulled Cain into a cage, and slammed the door between the mortal foes.  When queried by the "black shirts," Frodo had to admit that he could not say for sure exactly who or how the conflict was initiated.  All he knew was that Cain, lathered in blood, looked up to him, with wounded eyes, seeking help and comfort.

The other dog, whose name Frodo has forgotten, was "put down" this evening.  Cain will recover from his wounds, and he will remain among the population acceptable for adoption.  At least for now.

Frodo is unsure whether or not Cain was innocent, but he will not soon forget the look in those eyes.  The Hobbit will return in days to come, and he will set caution aside to discuss the future with Cain, aptly named.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:13 PM EST
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Friday, January 18, 2013
Have You Ever Been Lonely, Have You Ever Been Blue?
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "54 Pounds" (8)

Newest Friend was estimated at 8 months of age when adopted in August.  First birthday has most likely come and gone therefore, but Frodo and Sam decided to celebrate the occasion today, just to make sure.  Weighing 38 pounds when secured from the clutches of a "kill shelter," an increase of 16 pounds reflects the presence of what appears to be about 30% more dog than originally registered at the Shire.  Dandy does not appear to be an ounce overweight, and the newly-recruited veterinarian Dr. Audi (a change from Dr. Porsche), seems pleased with the scope of the "growing boy."

Dandy is beginning to register in his cranial cortex the location of every "dog park" in Middle Earth.  A low-pitched howl emanates from the throaty depths whenever he grows bored with the pace of life in the Shire, and he is able to recall the proximity of a mulch-covered municipal area in the general vicinity.  Labradors, Huskies, Rottweilers, Shepherds, Boxers, as well as totally indefinable genetic mixtures thereof magically assemble whenever the weather is nice, and work off excess energies not expended in chewing, digging, or chasing objects designed for other defined activities.  The result being an activities spread ranging from a circumferential race a la Hialeah or Churchill Downs to something resembling the WWF.  Dandy, Frodo reports, holds his own.

After a good amount of time, a slobber covered mountain dog magically catches the eye of his best friend, signalling him that he grows weary.  Frodo meanders to an unoccupied bench and whistles for newest friend.  In a dead sprint, with an indescribably long tongue flashing in the breeze, the winded warrior comes to his "master" and leans aside for support and a brief rest.  With a magical connection of collar-and-leash Frodo leads newest friend to the motorcar, and towel dries his magnificent young accomplice.

Dandy enjoys sitting in the rear seat, and smiling at those who remain behind as his "master" chauffers him back to the Shire, a healthful dinner, a special "chewie," and Sam, in whose arms he will snore in heavenly bliss.   Until the morrow, then, when sugar plums are replaced by squirrels and invisible trespassers in the grounds that now belong to newest friend. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:41 PM EST
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Sunday, January 13, 2013
Knock Knockin' On Heavens Door
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Quadrillions?"

"Yes Mr. Frodo, I see your hand raised.  Should I address you as Mr. Secretary, or are you my nominee for some other position sure to raise the rankles of the Teabaggettes?"

"Frodo is entirely sufficient, Mr. President."

"Well I usually devote these sessions to questions from the White House Press Corps, but since you are not officially a member of the White House staff either, I suppose answering a question from you is proper."

"Thank you Sir, but I'm not sure you're going to like my question."

"Proceed Mr. Frodo."

"Sir, more than 34,000 citizens have signed a position suggesting that your administration design and construct a 'Death Star' as part of our national security system.  As I understand the substance thereof, it would give us the opportunity to destroy any planet, anywhere, which may be an immediate or pending threat to the security of our small, blue planet."

"I am aware of the petition, and am also aware of the fact that the project would add thousands of jobs to our national economy.  It would also cost more than a quadrillion dollars."

"Well, my question is, how much is a quadrillion, and if we don't know precisely, then how can we be sure we can't afford it?"

"Are you serious?"

"Sir, I have no idea as to the value of a quadrillion, and given that there is also a proposal to mint a single coin valued at a mere trillion dollars, I'm not sure the Treasury Department knows either."

"What, Mr. Frodo, do you think is the intrinsic value of a 'Death Star' to our national defense?"

"Mr. President, I am more concerned about the aliens in our midst as opposed to the potential threat from galaxies far, far away."

"Illegal aliens you mean?"

"No Sir, I mean those who use terms like secession and a 'return to 1776' in their arguments with those of us who grow weary of their juvenile dialogue."

So you're saying we should construct a 'Death Star' and use it against the NRA?"

"Actually Sir, I hadn't thought of that.  I was suggesting that the State of Texas might be the point of initial concentration.  Can you imagine how much better life would be in our country if there were no Texas, no Texans, and no Dallas Cowboys?"

"Funny it is, isn't it Mr. Frodo, that just this evening, the "Texans" lost to the "Patriots?"

"Amen, Sir.  Now about that quadrillion dollars?" 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:39 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Sometimes I Think It's a Sin
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Colosseum"

Russell Crowe portrayed Maximus, general turned gladiator, and Robert Green III, is RG3.  Frodo sees similarities surpassing scores of generations and levels of recompense beyond definition.  It is however, much as once said by Frodo's friend Delano, a matter of my slaves, versus yours.

Maximus entertained those who paid admission in Rome.  RG3 does so in Washington.

Maximus performed in the grandest structure developed solely for pleasure.  RG3 does so in a corporate-named stadium seating 85,000 people, most of whom are the guests of the wealthiest of the wealthy.

Maximus lived each contest as a survival prelude to the next encounter with men and monsters seeking a night of pleasure and another day.  RG3 is showered with wealth, adulation and fame without ever drawing or losing blood. 

Maximus died in the Colosseum, while RG3 did little more than twist the supports for the knee that defines his art-form.  Although both contested fearsome opponents, neither contributes anything to the worlds in which they live, except, perhaps, for a generation of dreamers drawn by gold and greed.  Not much of a legacy, says he who climbs Mount Doom, in order to destroy the ring.

The ring is still there, and it sits on the fifty-yard line.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:38 PM EST
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Thursday, December 20, 2012
I Used To Love Her, But It's All Over Now
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Mary Lee & Genie"(8)

Sam is all atwitter about the upcoming holiday season.  After a short familial visit in Middle Earth through Christmas Day, the Hobbits turn toward the other hemisphere and beach music for New Years.  It is, evidently, part of Sam's "bucket list," and an opportunity to introduce Dandy to a world not known before.  Frodo would be happier if the southern objective were even moreso, but he yields to Sam's desire for something more "laid back and 50's ish".

Frodo amasses several reads for moments on the sand in the vicinity of an open bar.  He envisions restful moments watching the tides altering their status while he rests from the pages before him.  Likely it is that he will turn his eyes toward fins of piscine creatures escaping or pursuing each other in the winter surf.  It is that point however, which has given him some level of anxiety based on news reports off the Atlantic coast.

Two Great White Sharks, tagged at Cape Cod and named Mary Lee and Genie, are being tracked off South Carolina and Georgia.  At 16 feet in length, and weighing more than 3500 pounds, Mary Lee and the somewhat smaller Genie are looking for injured whales on which to feed.

Frodo hears a mental metallic percussion-like thumping attuned to the coastal panic of the 1970's when a movie star proclaimed that "We need a bigger boat."  It prompts Frodo to ask Sam about the wisdom of the timing of their soiree to the land of Clarence Carter and the Tams.  Sam assures Frodo that he has a better chance of being struck by lightning than of being attacked by a Great White Shark.  Frodo is not comforted.

Who is it, thinks Frodo, that goes out to sea in order to "tag" a Great White Shark?  Is it the same person who assures us that these creatures seek whales, not Hobbits?  Frodo doesn't recall Nate Silbert offering odds on the likelihood of a Great White Shark seeking political office, either.  

Perhaps the Hobbit allows his imagination to run amuck with greater ease these days.  With all the talk of "fiscal cliffs" and "automatic weapons banned" he notes that the inmates still appear to be in charge of the jail.  Maybe it is a good time to polish off a novel and a biography or two, then to place a well-tossed frisbee windward, toward the shore, ahead of a leaping Dandy.

Sharks suck.  Come and get me, if you can!   



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:20 AM EST
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Tuesday, December 18, 2012
If The Sky That We Look Upon Should Tumble And Fall
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Sandy Hook" (8)

Frodo is pretty sure the month was September, although the year remains fuzzy and complicated.  He does not remember if anyone walked him to school on his first day in the first grade at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  If anyone did, it was Bilbo.

The school did not have enough desks for each student, so Frodo shared a desk with another small Hobbit.  Frodo does not remember his name.

One day, during recess, Frodo and another small Hobbit were playing as a team in hide-and-go-seek and outsmarted everyone else by entering the blackberry brambles just outside the playground.  Just then the bell rang, signaling the end of recess, and calling Frodo's team back to class, immediately.  Frodo can still see the teacher's disapproving glare when the two Hobbits finally returned to their seats, some 10 or 15 minutes late.  Frodo does not remember her name, either.

He who was once Frodo's teammate in that blackberry bramble died not too long ago.  Frodo remembered his name only after someone, a higher authority to be sure, reminded Frodo of the event, and the name long forgotten.

Frodo's family moved to the Shire in the middle of that first school year, and Frodo never returned to the Sandy Hook Elementary School, even to visit.  Perhaps that is why Frodo remembers so little about the names and the faces that first shared in the adventures of a Hobbit fresh off the farm.  Frodo never looked back, for he had new worlds to conquer, and too much promise to keep.

Frodo is reminded of the nameless ones by the events of the past few days at the Sandy Hook Elementary School.  Despite the fact that it is not the same school, just a coincidence in nomenclature, and underscored by the fact that Frodo is not even sure in what state it stands, it makes for interesting thoughts and worthwhile prayers.

The Sandy Hook Elelmentary School that Frodo knew stands on a bluff overlooking the confluence of the Shenandoah and the Potomac.  It could be in one of three states that border each other on the banks of the great rivers.  Where it is, is not important.  What it means, is something else.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:24 PM EST
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Sunday, December 16, 2012
Lord, I Believe It's Rainin' All Over The World
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Our Town" (8)

Whether the weather or the wither, whatever.

The day never dawned at all, and Frodo had an opportunity to put serious thought together.  He found himself unable to separate from the grief that dominated, so his words were simply nothing new, or particularly profound.  Perhaps it was merely the weather, but more likely it was something else.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:09 PM EST
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Friday, December 7, 2012
If You Could Read My Mind Love, What a Tale My Thoughts Could Tell
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Oh the possibilities"(8)

"It's DeLightful, It's DeLovely. . ." so went the commercial familiar to those whose formative years were spent staring into the black-and-white.  Color brought "DePlane, DePlane" to the observer.   Now it seems proper to add the word "DeLighted" to the mix.

Frodo finds himself enjoying a scatological application to the Orc known as DeMint, who suddenly resigned after serving but two years in his second term as a United States Senator (R-SC).  Frodo's initial thought was to merely express the hope that "DeDoor" not hit him in "DeBut" on his way to "DeTroit" or whatever location sought to which Frodo has no interest in ever visiting.  In truth Frodo would really like to see the cretin "DePorted"(know anybody who's ever seen his birth certificate, do ya?).

Frodo was not surprised to hear Stephen Colbert declare his interest replacing Jim without "DeLay", after all, he would merely be following the political footsteps of Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Franken, and possibly precede those of Ashley Judd into "De Briar Patch." 

Let us hope that whoever may be named to fill the vacancy by the Governor not be overly familiar with "De Appalachian Trail."  Maybe the first Mrs. Sandford? 

Wasn't her name "DeDe"? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:11 PM EST
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