Topic: "Snazis" (2)
Frodo has always believed that the quickest way to cure what ails America is to physically reduce the number of attorneys by 65% before noon tomorrow. Frodo's prime example has been the political arena, where it seems that every failed practicing barrister is drawn to the public teat. For many years, Frodo believed that the composition of the representatives in government should better reflect the actual vocational make-up of the country. Let there be athletes in Congress, and businessmen, and teachers, and accountants, and even a cowboy or two. Frodo once felt that medical practitioners would also be welcome, but Bill Frist subsequently convinced him that we don't need any of those guys anywhere near authority.
Congressmen Tom Price and Phillip Gingrey, Republicans from adjoining districts in Georgia, have announced their support for Mitt Romney to be their Party's nominee for the Presidency in 2008. "Excuse me," said Frodo, "but isn't Romney a Mormon, and doesn't he have something or other to do with Massachusetts, the home of Teddy Kennedy?"
One might, indeed, wonder why two practicing surgeons, serving the people of the Northern counties of greater Atlanta would step forward to endorse the Mayor of Boston? What's wrong with Rudy Giuliani? What about John McCain? Why endorse a practitioner of a Faith which most Southerners consider bordering on Jim Jones and the Kool-Aid crew? Why pass over the guy who kept the nation's heart and soul in the palm of his hands during the 9-11 crisis? Why not give support to a military hero? Why Mitt Romney, of all people? Are these guys goofy?
Well yes, they are goofy. This is why Frodo has devised the term "Snazi," which roughly defines these "Surgical Nazis." These two purveyors of the mystical arts of obstetrics and tummy tucks are not brave enough to admit that they are merely covering their bald butts, for fear they might have to return to the non-political world of real work. Giuliani is pro-abortion rights, pro gay rights, he has been divorced twice, he is an adulterer who makes Newt Gingrich look like a choirboy, and he's probably related to somebody named Genovese or Corleone. Rudy will not get 37 Republican votes from the entire State of Georgia in the Presidential Election, even if his opponent was named Hillary.
McCain is old. McCain is older than Ronald Reagan, and Reagan had no recall of his last six years in office. McCain has also been out there kissing up to every Christian Coalition in the American South, to little advantage. Most of the "Kick 'em through the goalposts of Life, Baby Jesus" crowd believe that McCain doesn't really believe that he and Jerry Falwell are actually anything more than enemy soldiers sharing the same foxhole. Our voodoo Snazis also recognize that McCain has cast his credibility with the "surge" theory of George W. Armstrong Custer Bush, and that even these goofballs recognize the sheer stupidity of that position.
That leaves a Mormon Mayor of Boston. "Heck," says Gingrey, "let's just get him one of those flags I endorsed, and let him march around the Square in Marietta next Fourth of July."
"Suh," says Price, "how can you fail to endorse a Man who won't even soil his lips with caffeine? He practices good health. Good health means happy voters. That's the answer to 'Socialized Medicine.'"
"Aha," says Frodo, "Socialized Medicine."
Comes the light.