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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
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"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
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"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
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"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Op-Ed"
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Out Damned Spot (2)"
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"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Politics-PulleyTicks"(8)
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"PPSI?"
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
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"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Quadrillions?"
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Que?"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Revoltin'Development"(5)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"RNC--2036"(8)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
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"Rocket Man" (5)
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"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"RSVP"
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
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"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
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"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
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"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
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"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
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"Serge is Working?" (3)
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"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
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"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
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"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
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"Snow Tan"(11)
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"Social Security" (7)
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"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
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"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
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"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
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"Thar She Blows"
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"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
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"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
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"Wall of Libertad"
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"Water into Wine?"
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"Wayne Johnson"(4)
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"Well, Duh!"
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"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
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"What Mark Felt"
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"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
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"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
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"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
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"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Whopper"
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"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
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"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
MoveOn.org
The Return of the King
BarackObama.com
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
We Are Siamese If You Please
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
A very old Hobbit once told Frodo that he solved his worst problems by merely turning his rear-view mirror downward so that he would never see the problem again. Frodo notes merit in this approach, simply because some problems become so consuming, and opinions set so deeply, that reasoned discussion becomes little more than a shouting match. Frodo hesitates to wade into an issue that is so volatile that he finds himself straddling both sides, because he agrees with both of them. The result being that everyone thinks Frodo has a screw loose. Recognizing that as a possibility, Frodo therefore steps off into deep water.

Illegal immigration is Mexico's problem.

Frodo asks, dear reader, how one country can afford to lose millions of hard-working people and not suffer the consequences? How does a government retain power when it is unable to provide sustainable opportunity for its' citizens? How wide will the breach between very rich and very poor have to become before a re-distribution is thrust upon society? What kind of religious institution is it that fosters procreation knowing that starvation is the inevitable result? All of these are the problems of Mexico, and they are not being handled. The problems, if that's what you want to call human beings, simply disappear across the Rio Grande, and those left behind somehow seem to get along day-to-day.

There is nuance to the problem. Children borne in the US of A are, by stautory law, American citizens, and that is something which should not be changed, simply to deal with the problems Mexico is trying to toss into the American breadbasket. How then does the US of A deal with those who are illegal, who are the providers for American citizens?

There is complexity in the solution. It is unthinkable to separate families, as has happened in Africa (see Frodo's posting "Nkosi"). It is simplistic to suggest the deportation of millions of human beings without fomenting the collapse of civil behavior. It is a repeat of the Iraqi disaster for this nation, the "Citadel of Freedom," to even suggest imposing its' own values upon another sovereign state.

From the very beginning, Frodo suggests that this is Mexico's problem, and that, not unlike the "new Iraqi government," there must be consequences for inaction.

Were we to now depart from rational thought, Frodo could suggest that the United States effectively deal with the problems of border security and Mexican inaction by simply releasing 1 current resident of the Guantanamo facility into the province of Quintana Roo for every 100 Mexican citizens captured without proper documentation in the United States.

Frodo will however, leave the ridiculous to those making the decisions in Washington. They are making a big enough mistake by trying, once again, to solve somebody else's problems for them.

What happened to politicians who argued that we were not the world's policemen?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:42 PM EDT
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Monday, May 21, 2007
I've Got Dreams to Remember
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "The Silver Sow Award"(3)
Recently the very last "oldies" radio station in Greater Atlanta converted to Hispanic broadcasting. Frodo is quite upset, and it has absolutely nothing to do with Immigration Bills, illegal aliens, or Lou Dobbs. Frodo is upset because Venus Flytrap, Dr. Johnny Fever, Kasey Kasem, Dick Clark, Joey Reynolds, John R, Gary McKee, and the others are no more. There are not enough listeners to combat the talk radios, and the revitalized "Hambone" of the would-be gangsters who have stolen summer nights and the back seats of Chevy convertibles.

When Frodo was a halfling, he received a crystal radio set which he rigged up under his bed, so that he could crawl under the covers and listen to "Folk Music" being broadcast by WLS in Chicago. The name of Pete Seeger and flowers gone to graveyards every one became a part of what Frodo was to become.

A transistor radio followed and Frodo learned to move and do like this with Elvis and the incomparable Buddy Holly. Frodo could shuffle his feet and dance with anyone who passed him on the street, and how all kinds of people laughed, and danced with Frodo.

Frodo and the Fellowship would cram into motor cars, old and new, and sing love songs to girls who never knew that they existed. The Fleetwoods would call him Mr. Blue, but the Beach Boys gave him hope of beaches and waves. They would drive downtown, and look for some place that never closed.

Frodo had many long-range nights alone in his motor car, when only the magic of Nashville or New Orleans would guide him through the darkened landscape of Mississippi or Tennessee. WKBW, WLAC, WSB, WOWO, were sowewhere on the dial as he slipped from one 50,000 WATT'er to another while dreaming of one who waited on the other end of that voyage.

The demise of "WKRP in Cincinnati" on TV signaled the beginning of the end. Soon the morning shows on radio converted to easy listening, or country, or blather. Saturday nights were the last remaining outpost for the "Top 40" from the Summer of 1967, but now even they have fallen prey to the download to something vaguely resembling a tape recorder.

Johnny Fever said it best of all; "Booger."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 20, 2007
There's An Old Man Sitting Next To Me Making Love To His Tonic And Gin
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)

A couple of thousand years ago, a bunch of guys, some political, and some merely transient on life's stage, decided that the Man who would be King had to be stopped.  So they concocted to slay him.  They were convinced that the society was threatened by a constant state of war, and that their mighty armies were too thinly spread to meet the growing threat from the frontiers of civilization.  Always they talked of their admiration for Pompey, the great General who had brought true conquest and glory to Rome.

General Petraeus was not known to Frodo last year at this time.  Within the past year, he has become the point of reference for the revised "strategy" which emerged subsequent to the Iraq War Study Group.  Although a chagrined and chastened George W. Bush, flushed with electoral defeat, paid lip service to the bi-partisan recommendations, he has remained stubbornly steadfast with William Kristol, Richard Perle, and the remainder of the Academic Conspirators who refuse to admit their intellectual failure.  Petraeus, with the prominence of Pompey, has been thrust by the conspirators into the role of Brutus, the honorable one who will strike the fatal blow.

Cassius, Casca, Trebonius and Cinna are still present, and they delight in the appointment of a "Czar," who will coordinate "strategy" for Caesar.  In public they speak of "victory," while in private they blame Caesar for failing to implement the wisdom of the Senate.  Knowing that Caesar will turn to the "Czar" when all is lost, and seek to place the fault therein, they have sharpened their ambitious knives in preparation for the inevitable.  Afterwards, they will gather to bury Caesar, not to praise him.  They will point to Petraeus as the progenitor of Caesar's demise, and they will rally quickly to support Marc Antony.  Petraeus will retreat and soon, will be heard from no more.

The report is to come in September.  Frodo, dear reader, looks to the Ides of March, with concern, and a truly heavy heart.      


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 17, 2007
Beginnin' To Think That I'm Wastin' Time
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)

It was the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Pierce, who made it all the way through the Reagan Administrations; every other Cabinet Member fell by the wayside for one reason, or another.  Frodo has been considering the survivors through one-and-a-half terms of George W. Bush, and (soliciting help here dear reader) all he can come up with is Elaine Chao, Secretary of Labor (and, coincidentally, the spouse of the Senate Minority Leader).  Every other Cabinet player in the interminably long Administrations of George W. Bush with his finger on the nuclear button has turned over for one reason, or another.  This comes to mind for Frodo, of course, because of the apparent positional execution about to take place in the new (and improved) Justice Department.

The Attorney General of the United States, who just happens to be Hispanic, has been potential toast since at least Cinco de Mayo.  With the announced resignation of Paul Wolfowitz from his joke-filled tenure at the World Bank, the bookies in Las Vegas have been paying off on the 3-5 odds they were laying that "Bonzo Gonzo" would walk the plank first.  With no apparent haste to eliminate any other member of the Cabinet, the movie "Dead Man Walking" seems to have been produced to document the closing days of "Bonzogate."  Noted at this point is the fact that absent Brother Gates and Sister Rice (and, of course, Mrs. Mitchell), Frodo is unable to even identify any other Cabinet-level performer presently suited for action.  The lone exception would be that clown Nichoilson at the VA, or whatever they renamed it while re-arranging the deck chairs.

Frodo has long resented the "reverse discrimination" of legacy appointments to America's largest universities.  Despite all the racially-charged epithets about black people and "affirmative action," there never seems to be any complaints from the closet racists who think it is their cash-endowed obligation to see the George W. Bushes of the world take up classroom space that should've gone to some poor kid from Clarksdale, Mississippi.  For that reason, Frodo is sorry that the one Hispanic in the Bush Cabinet has turned out to be even more incompetent in the performance of his duties than even the norm established for this the most incompetent of incompetents assembled for staff meetings and briefings at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  It was probably a set-up.

Even Barney doesn't stand too close to Gonzales.  He's afraid that Cheney might be polishing his shotgun.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EDT
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Our Goose Is Cooked, Our Reputation Is Shot
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Talkin' Turkey" (3)

Frodo has indicated on numerous occasions that the entire premise of the Pre-Emptive War was based on poor analysis. Forsaking all reference to science, the theoreticians of the "New American Century" totally ignored the behavioral variables which negatively impacted on their desired course of action. Taking their flawed logic to a willing audience produced what many have referred to as the "greatest American Foreign Policy blunder." Frodo desires to spend a few moments this evening similarly projecting the outcome.

Sunni and Shiite Arabs have battled for nearly 1500 years over which interpretation of the Islamic progeniture is correct. The struggle has often been bitter and violent.  It has never ended, it has only experienced lulls. That is variable number one.

With the end of World War II, the Ottoman Empire suffered for its' support of the defeated Germans. The Empire found itself nestled into what we now know as Turkey, and the imperial outskirts became the newly-enfranchised Arab and Persian states, one of which was dubbed "Iraq."  There are no Iraqi peoples.   That is variable number two.

The British assumed responsibility for the implementation of this "New British Century," and promptly embarked upon a process of training the Arabs to defend and govern themselves, under a model designed by, and for the benefit of, the British Empire.  These stalwart scions of colonialism failed to assess the religious influences present in these newly-drawn and strangely shaped little countries.  Absent governmental institutions, it was religious and dictatorial influences which assumed eventual control throughout the region.  That is variable number three.

Taking these three variables, recognizing that they in no way represent all of the potential factors which will come into play in the days before us, it is logical to build a sentence or two just based on the facts.  Such a sentence may read thusly; "Religious institutional leadership will emerge over the governmental institutions and violence will continue as homogenous groups draw closer together."

Given the sentence just composed dear reader, let us summarize what will happen when the American military presence follows in the footsteps of the British, the Russians, and the Crusaders.  The Shiite militias will unite to bring down the "Iraqi Government," and the Sunni minority will be subjected to the next Holocaust.  Iran and Iraq, Persian and Arab, will bring pressure against Sunni-dominated states like Saudi Arabia and Egypt.  A balance-of-power will be achieved only by armed conflict and its' threat.  The result will assumedly produce economic disruption in all of the world's industrialized nations.

Frodo is certainly brash in this pronouncement, even if the logic is based on behavioral variables, which represents a little bit of science.    What is frightening is that there are those, equally brash, who base their pronouncements on the wind.  What makes anyone think that there will be no bloodbath if American troops stay in Iraq one more day, or forty more years?  The bloodbath is coming, and it will be religious, not political, and that is what makes all of the cost, all of the human waste, so very tragic.  It is waste. 

How does George W. Bush sleep at night?

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:34 PM EDT
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Monday, May 14, 2007
Watch Me Now, Work, Work
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Sperm Count" (3)
The following is a true story. It will make you laugh on even the darkest of days. Frodo's grief is shattered by the laughter of good times, and great friends.

Boromir and Galadriel wanted children. They were young, healthy, and very physical. Try as they might, they kept coming up with pleasure sans results. Boromir was, at the time, a US Navy pilot who taught younger pilots how to fly newer and more sophisticated jets. Boromir was the first warrior known to Frodo who actually landed jets on aircraft carriers (the one feat which Frodo never had any interest in even attempting). The assumption therefore, was that perhaps Galadriel had a problem that was preventing the desired pregnancy.

Galadriel saw her physician and arranged a battery of tests. The results showed that she was normal in every respect, and that there was no physical problem. The corollary was, therefore, that the problem must lie with the super-hero.

Boromir was directed to the local VA Hospital & Clinic for appropriate testing. For those of you who may never have seen such a facility, the waiting area, probably about the size of a basketball court, is where patients were registered then remained sitting until their names were called. What Boromir hadn't counted on was how the testing was to be administered. Wearing his "dress whites," Boromir sat patiently while patients were directed, in turn, for treatment by a rather large and imposing Nurse with a very dark complexion. She would stand up in the middle of the registration area, call the patients name, and the purpose of the visit, probably to ensure proper identification. For example, she might have called "Frodo, eye test."

Imagine the call "Boromir, sperm count." Every head in the place, and there must have been hundreds, turned to the middle of the floor to see who was going to have his bunny whacked. Again, the leviathan screamed "Boromir, sperm count," but still Frodo's friend sat motionless, perhaps playing hard-to-get. "Boromir, sperm count," again she screamed, "Come on now darlin'." By now, Boromir was in a classic re-enactment of de Tar Baby, as he thumbed apparently disinterested through a four-year-old copy of Newsweek. "Boromir, sperm count," she screamed even louder, if possible, drawing the attention of every person within the VA campus, as Boromir strolled inattentively through the door and out of the building.

That evening, Boromir pursued his husbandly duty with renewed determination. Nine months later, the Lady Eowyn was the product of that consummation. Glorfindel followed his sister less than two years later. Boromir explained over mead and ale on hundreds of occasions with Frodo and Sam that there was no better stimulant than the public humiliation avoided by his casual swagger going unidentified out that door. Galadriel always said that it was more like he knew he had to deliver or go back and face that Nurse behind a curtain on a basketball court with the stands jam-packed with cheering fans.

Frodo would've paid the price of admission, and handed out free tickets to ensure a sell-out.












Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:10 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 13, 2007
I'm Gonna Live Forever, I'm Gonna Cross That River
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "Just Another Day" (3)

Sometimes, reality deals Frodo a breath of loneliness.  A friend, an inspiring person, someone to be admired, a part of Frodo, is no more.  The loss of Galadriel is but the latest example, but doesn't it confuse you, dear reader, that Frodo felt better being alone than with those who could comfort his wound?  In fact, Frodo knew that only if he was alone could he properly tell his friend good-bye.  What follows in the morrow is that for which he has prepared.

Frodo went fishing, with Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog.  Sam stayed behind in the Shire.  Boromir and all of those directly connected to the light that was Galadriel prepare for the guests who come to pay their respects.  Frodo would only "be in the way," so he went fishing.

Frodo was trying a new lure, and it seemed to work well.  He landed several fish for inspection by his canine companions before they were released back to the depths from which they had been so unceremoniously plucked.  The lure has multiple sets of barbed hooks, thereby increasing the likelihood that the fish would not only have hooks in his mouth, but would be snagged on another part of his anatomy.  What has always bothered Frodo about such arrangements is that removal of several hooks may do permanent damage, necessitating the demise of the fish, and his subsequent consumption by the man who watches Frodo's place when Frodo is back in the Shire.  This time however, Frodo noted his own sensitivity and patient caution in the handling of his catch, as if he were treating each as an individual, with a soul, perhaps. 

The creatures are lovely, with necessary locomotive, digestive, protective, and respiratory functions camouflaged into a mixture of pale green and white designs handsomely wrought as if by Gauguin or Titian.  Great care had been placed in this product, and it was only appropriate that Frodo take a few extra minutes to ensure the smooth transfer from captivity to freedom.  Each time, the freed one would instantaneously revive and beat a hasty retreat, showing only a flash of tail to Frodo.  What did Frodo expect?  That the fish would turn and flash a smile of gratitude?  No, Frodo knew better, and this is perhaps why the time alone was appropriate. 

Frodo got to say good-bye to Galadriel, knowing that it is best to take one's time and send a captive soul to freedom with sensitivity and respect.   Frodo does not expect to see his friend turn and wave good-bye, but he will think of her often; when his heart is gay and the waves  on Lake Lovey are gentle in the breeze of Spring.  What follows on the morrow is for Boromir, and how one warrior stands by when another is unable to fight on.  This is, perhaps, just a bit of what friendship is, isn't it?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:32 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 10, 2007
Walk This Way
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Galadriel Is No More"(3)
Frodo has written of the love between Boromir and the Lady Galadriel. Boromir of the Fellowship is a noble warrior (he landed airplanes on aircraft carriers for all the rest of you wusses out there), and a gentleman farmer. From the alien land known as Ioway he brought the light of his life to the Shire, and her gentle integrity spread all around, drawing Frodo and Sam as if they were moths pursuing a flame. Soon their union produced two halflings, the iridescent Beth and the inveterate Matthew. Frodo and Sam were privileged to watch them as they grew.

Life is not always fair or just, for savage diseases, undefined and incurable, strike without regard to honour or faith. Malignant Myeloma is a scythe that reaps those whom it befalls, and the shining light of Galadriel was dealt a tremendous blow far too early in her days. Courage is not limited to warriors however, sometimes it is a Mother who dreams only of seeing her daughter dance on her Wedding Day. So the battle began.

For many years, experimental methods, with names which include Interferon and others unfamiliar to the non-clinical ear, were the weapons used by she who fought the fight. Long after her daughter danced she challenged the Grim One, and lived a life filled with the finest of words, and that is Grace. She became a regular associate of yours, dear reader, and commented often on Frodo's fractured humor while laughing an appreciative song. She saved the postings thaat identified her as Galadriel, and Frodo believes she became a student of Lord Tolkien when Frodo told her that he believed the words were a re-write of the Book.

Of that now, Frodo will never know.

Goodbye sweet Dorothy. Arlin loved you so. Frodo is proud that he identified you, forever, as a beacon of light in the darkness. Sam and Frodo will be there on Monday next when the noblest of us all, goes home.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:30 PM EDT
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Wednesday, May 9, 2007
I Don't Need Any Money, Fortune or Fame
Mood:  hungry
Topic: "Caramel or Carmel?"(3)

The old Reading Terminal in Philadelphia, now a center for commuter trains to the Pennsylvania suburbs, now includes a Farmer's Market. Amish, from the counties around Lancaster, bring produce, handmade items, and baked goods directly to the consumer. Frodo, in earlier days, would spent countless lunch hour diversions from Mount Doom looking, talking, listening, smelling, and tasting.  One day, while lusting after the baked goods, with a special emphasis on peanut butter cookies, he noted a familiar product; that which he had always known as a "Red Velvet Cake." Frodo entered into a discussion with a young lady half his age who convincingly argued that this was an Amish creation.  Frodo had never really thought about it, he always just assumed it was something Bilbo had discovered in a cookbook.

Frodo previously discussed "buttermilk drops," and his introduction to that delicacy in the City of Orleans.  His all-time favorite culinary creation however, is mentioned in his bio, and has been the subject of but a single query in these many postings.  Frodo's curiosity about a southern writer, who happens to have grandchildren, was piqued when she mentioned that she, too, loves "caramel cake."

Caramel cake was first presented to Frodo by his Father's last surviving sister, the grand Alma, who spread a sugary, ready-to-die-for caramel covering over a white cake in a pan.  The pan was probably a foot-and-a-half long,  about a foot wide, and maybe three inches deep.  She lived most of her life in West Virginia, and today exists in a facility designed for those without memory.  She always made a caramel cake for Frodo's birthday.

After Frodo moved far away, Bilbo took over the assignment of caramel cake for Frodo, and Frodo swears that it was almost as good as that created by the grand Alma.  Now Bilbo fixes things for Bilbo, and special treats for others occur only occasionally.  Sam has all the talent and creative skill of the grand Alma, and the caramel cake which sporadically appears is no doubt touched by the Hand of God.

Sigh.  Long time until the old birthday rolls around again.  Frodo wonders if that lady in Mississippi would maybe like to split a caramel cake with her new-found friend?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:35 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 8, 2007
So Ferry Cross The Mersey
Mood:  suave
Topic: "State Dinner" (3)

"Mr President, my name is Mr. Frodo, my title is Chancellor of the Exchequer, and I am here at the suggestion of Mrs. Bush."

"So, what am I doing with the guy who used to run a grocery store?'

"Sir?"

"Well, you said you were the ex-chancellor at the checkout."  The President snickers.

"No Sir, that means that I am assigned the task of ensuring propriety at State Affairs.  For the White House Dinner, it is my responsibility to assist you with your, how do I say it?  Your manners, Sir."

"Laura, what's this about my manners?  Where is that woman?"

"Sir, no one is impugning your behavior, it is just that there are certain requirements which mean a great deal to the British people, and to make you aware of them would prevent anything implied as discourtesy, if you will."

"Well, I owe 'The Poodle' a great deal for helpin' me out in Irack, so I certainly don't want to do anything that might cause him a problem."

"Very good Sir, that's the spirit.  Now let's begin with the tails on your tuxedo, shall we?"

"Okay, what's to know?"

"Sir, when seating yourself at the table, you should carefully place each tail to the side of your chair.  Sitting on the tails will wrinkle them, or make them stick out at funny angles."

"Well we couldn't have that, could we?"

"Ah Sir?"

"Yes, Mr. Frodo?"

"Don't wipe your mouth with  the tails, Sir.  Use your napkin.  It is so much more appropriate."

"Let me ask about all these forks and knives and spoons.  I never have been sure about what to do after the salad fork.  That is the one on the outside, isn't it?"

"Oh yes Sir, that's quite correct.  However Sir, I strongly suggest that you not pick your teeth with the tines of your fork."

"Listen here Mr. Frodo.  I'm from Texas, and we do understand manners.  What I know is that you don't use a toothpick at the table. . ."

"That is correct Sir.  Very good, but a gentleman will deftly use his napkin as opposed to a fork."

"The napkin again, huh?  Anything else you can use it for?"

"Uh Sir, I do not suggest that your blow your nose into your napkin.  The Queen would find that to be quite offensive."

"Well, now that we've covered the napkin, and the utensils, and I know the boys serving the dinner will do just fine, exactly how do I handle pushin' back from the table, and gracefully makin' my exit?"

"For God sake, do not fart at the table."

"Well you better let Rove and Cheney in on that one."

"Are you serious?"

"Listen here Mr. Frodo, I need to know if all you English boys got sissified by being in those boarding schools together?"

"Sir?"

"Well, we used to always say that the whole British Empire came crashin' down because the boys was all a bangin' other boys, if you know what I mean?"

"Sir!"

"Well, except for ole Churchill, of course.  Then there's Liz's boy Charles, shoot, givin' his story, he'd fit right in with ole Newt and Rudy.  I mean with Diana and everything."

"Sir, I strongly suggest that these are not proper items for discussion with Her Majesty during dinner."

"Shoot boy, I know that.  My Dad told me he thought the old girl was going to pass out when he asked her if she'd ever had a real man."

"He did what?"

"Well, don't worry.  I won't do anything worse than old Gerry Ford."

"I'm afraid to ask."

"He busted his zipper takin' a leak just before the Queen and Phil showed up. . . Hey, somebody get some water, this here Hobbit fella just fainted!"

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:45 PM EDT
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